I really hope you like this; I stayed up for ages typing this up for you guys (neglecting all my homework... ) and am so tired right now...
So sorry for any crapness or mistakes and please, remember to review.
I love my reviewers.
You absolutely make my day.
Seriously.
Siriusly. (The Padfoot in my head MADE me type that!!!)
Right, I should go, before I fall asleep at the computer.
Review?
Remus woke up to soft murmuring from beside him.
Rolling over, he rubbed his eyes, yawning and stretching. Really, what was Sirius doing up to early? Sirius never woke up earlier than he did… it was highly unnatural. The black haired boy was sitting next to him, still only in his boxers, with Remus' private notebook (he adamantly refused to call it a diary) laid out in front of him.
As soon as this strange sight registered in his sleepy mind, Remus shot up in bed, screaming.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!?"
Sirius' head whipped up from what he was writing (in Remus' notebook). Yelping in shock and terror, for Remus' expression at that moment was about as scary as his mother's when she found the muggle posters in his room, he fell off the bed with a loud thump, pulling the covers with him to the floor.
Remus was now also cold.
Chaos reigned.
"Why were you writing in my notebook? It's private! And now you made me cold! I don't like BEING COLD!" The werewolf shouted as he chased his lover around the room.
"Sorry! Please, Moony." Sirius stopped suddenly, causing Remus to crash into his back, tumbling them both over.
"I'm going to kill you." Remus breathed into the Animagus' neck. "But after you tell me what you were writing in my notebook."
Sirius, after regaining his composure, smirked, winding his arms around his lover's waist. "Do you really wanna know?" He whispered huskily, tucking a strand of hair behind Remus' ear.
"Yes." The werewolf said firmly, disentangling himself from Sirius and stalking over to the bed. Sirius followed at an abnormal speed, beating Remus to their destination and snatching up the book before the other one could even reach down to touch it.
"Give. It. To. Me."
"No!"
"It's my notebook!"
"No!"
Remus jumped on Sirius again, futilely trying to seize the book from the Animagus. Of course, Sirius was not going to give in that easily; Remus would go ballistic if he found out what he had written in his diary.
Throwing the werewolf off of him, he scrambled up and rushed out the dorms, still clad in nothing but boxers
Remus followed seconds later, but not before pulling on a discarded t-shirt.
"SIRIUS BLACK, GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"
All occupants of the common room turned around in shock to see Sirius Orion Black sprinting out of the dorms like there was a herd of rampaging Hippogriffs after him, which would most likely have been a more comfortable situation for the boy.
But, as they soon realised, it wasn't a herd of Hippogriffs. No, it was the usually calm and composed Remus Lupin chasing after the young Black, cheeks blotched a light red and hair tousled and messy.
Whispers flew around the common room like wildfire. Why were they only wearing boxers? What had Sirius done to Remus? Why was Remus acting like a maniac?
Then they noticed the book in Sirius' hands.
Ah.
Remus' diary.
Oh, sorry.
Private Notebook.
"Give it back now!" Sirius simply shook his head and dived underneath a desk. Remus followed, and sounds of a wild scuffle could be heard.
Fortunately, or unfortunately if you were Remus Lupin, James Potter stepped into the Gryffindor common room, an arm around his new girlfriend, Lily Evans.
"What is going on here?" She demanded, hands flying to her hips.
No one said a thing for a few seconds, until Lily raised an eyebrow and made a face that suggested imminent death if someone did not speak up. Finally, someone pointed shakily at the desk under which the wrestling match between the canines was taking place. Both Lily and James made their way to the aforementioned desk, James reaching under to pull both boys out. Sirius had his boxers riding dangerously low and Remus' shirt had a few buttons missing.
They were either really getting it on under there, or they were fighting.
"What are you doing?" The stag asked frowning, pushing his glasses up his thin nose.
"James," Sirius pouted, "Remus is trying to kill me."
James turned to Remus. "Moony, why are you trying to kill Padfoot?"
"He stole my notebook." Remus' eyes narrowed at Sirius and almost leapt on him again, but he managed to control himself. For now.
"Sirius, why did you steal Remus' notebook?" Lily asked sternly. Only she knew the full details of what was in there, and she was well aware that Remus would most definitely not appreciate it if Sirius had read it.
"Because I wanted to write a story." Sirius sulked, the book hanging limply in his hands. James, spotting the opportunity, reached over and snatched it out of his hand and, before Sirius or Remus could protest, started reading out loud.
'But possibly my favourite position of all is something called 'Doggy Style'. It is one of the most satisfying and enjoyable positions I have ever tried in my sexual career. I would explain this position in graphic detail to you, however it seems that my models (see picture below) have been able to perform it/show it admirably. Nevertheless, if you do use it, it is best to know its origins. Two humans saw a pair of dogs humping. And decided that it looked cool.
So they tried it.
And they liked it.
Take my word for it, you'll never find a more sexually experienced man than me. And if you do, please, do let me know.
And now, dearest readers, I leave you here, and I dearly hope, with all my heart, that you make use of this book. I know that you liked the diagrams, however I cannot claim any rights to the models, as one of them is a house elf who belongs to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the other is a teddy bear belonging to my roommate, Remus John Lupin.
Thank you all!
Ta-ra for now!'
James trailed off, trying desperately to stifle his laughter. The whole common was slack-jawed and still in disbelief and Lily, his dearest, dearest Lily, was ranting under her breath about cruelty to house elves.
Remus, however, was glaring deep, burning holes in Sirius' face and James swore that if looks really could kill, Padfoot would be nothing but a mere pile of dust.
"You wrote a book about sexual positions. IN MY NOTEBOOK?!" The werewolf ground out through gritted teeth. Sirius was shaking, letting out small squeaks of terror. Moony was angry. "And then you decided to get my TEDDY BEAR INVOLVED!?"
"And a house elf?!" Lily added quickly.
"S-s-sorry… Moony, it was just a joke!"
Remus, instead of replying, grabbed Sirius by his collar and dragged him bodily up to the dorms. He shut his eyes after they entered the dorm, letting go of Sirius and pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to calm down.
"Sirius," Remus said softly, "you didn't read anything in the notebook did you?"
Ah. So that's why he was so angry.
"So…" Sirius began cautiously, "you weren't really that angry about the teddy bear and the sex parts, were you?"
Remus shrugged, nose wrinkling. Sirius had to master the overwhelming urge to smooth out those wrinkles and then drop a kiss on his nose. "Well, I was… but it doesn't really matter."
"You went ballistic before…?"
"I was tired, Pads. I had woken up to you writing in my notebook. Remember I only found out about my teddy and the sex writing in the common room." Remus sighed.
"Why don't you want me to read it?" Sirius asked softly.
What could possibly be written in there that he couldn't read?
"It just has a few things in there that I'd rather not let you read…" The beautiful amber eyes locked with Sirius' stormy grey ones. "Like what happened in Sixth year… with the… Whomping Willow and Snape…" He finished in a quiet tone, staring pleadingly at his lover.
"Oh." Sirius just seemed to deflate.
"I'm sorry. But I needed to vent my feelings somewhere… and I was so scared that you'd read it all… I didn't want to hurt you with what I had written."
Sirius moved towards the werewolf, guilt clenching his heart in an iron fist; he hesitated for a few seconds before pulling Moony into his arms. "Well, you don't have to worry. I didn't read any of it. I know that it contained basically all your thoughts and I knew that I wouldn't have liked it if I had someone poking through my thoughts and memories. So I turned to a page with no writing and started there."
"Padfoot…"
Smiling at the 'Whatever Have I Done To Deserve You' expression on his Moony's face, he leant down to leave a gentle butterfly kiss on his forehead.
"Honestly. I can't believe you'd think that I have no respect for your privacy." He teased, pulling Remus towards the bed. He tried to forget what his lover had said about the event that had taken place in their sixth year; tried to ignore the curiosity that had welled up in him.
No.
He would not look. It was wrong. He nodded to himself as they collapsed on the bed together. Hey, you never know, maybe Moony would show him one day.
But right now, it didn't really matter all that much.
Because right now, he was looking forward to putting those sexual positions he had written about in Remus' dia... notebook to good use. Very good use.
Especially Doggy Style.
I hope you liked it.
Any mistakes or crapness, please don't kill me, I am SO tired right now.
I love you guys.
Your reviews make my day.
P.S Who thinks I should do all the things on the list as oneshots?
I've been asked a few times, but I don't know... what do you think?
-M x
