Dreamers
They never learn
They never learn
Beyond the point
Of no return
Of no return

And it's too late
The damage is done
The damage is done

"Daydreaming" Radiohead, "A Moon Shaped Pool" (2016)

Georg couldn't be certain how it all happened. He'd been staring at Elsa. Or was he glaring at her? God, he hoped not. Perhaps he was. He'd been daring her to challenge him, right there on the terrace in front of his children's governess. Daring her to insist that Maria return to the Abbey.

But he could hardly blame Elsa that the tension on the terrace escalated. He'd been trying to apologise to Maria when Elsa had appeared. She seemed to sneak up on them out of nowhere. But to be fair, Georg had been completely distracted. Maria seemed to have that effect on him these days.

Elsa's appearance on the terrace had been awkward. The air around them had been strained. He could feel her growing resentment, her defiance. It was more than matched by his determination not to allow Maria to return to the Abbey. Unbelievably, for a stray moment, he'd found his mind drifting back weeks ago to his encounter with Maria in almost the same spot. But back then, the air hadn't only been heavy with anger, there had been a heady mixture of desire and hunger…

It was then he'd heard it.

It was a strangled cry. Maria had barely managed to get his name out. He'd barely recognised her voice. Something was wrong. Immediately, he was turning to her. Then, as he watched in horror, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. He couldn't move. He was frozen to the spot, horrified, trying to make sense of what was happening. Maria was starting to crumple to the ground in front of him. Her legs were folding under her, her eyes were fluttering, confusion and fear written across her face. He finally realised that she was fainting. He knew her panicked look would haunt him for days and weeks to come. Dear God, why was this happening?

Finally, after what seemed like an age, he was reaching out to grab her. Trying to catch her. Desperate to break her fall. Somehow, he'd managed to grab hold of one of her arms, then he grasped her waist with his other hand. Pulling her roughly to him, he leaned back and bent his knees as they both tumbled down to the hard pavers. Despite his knees hitting the hard surface, he was thankful that he'd managed to protect her from a heavy landing. It had been undignified. It had been far from graceful. But at least he'd somehow broken her fall.

He wasn't certain how, but most of Maria had somehow ended up cradled safely in his arms. Looking down, in one hand she was clutching a fistful of his jacket, the other still had a tight grip on the bunch of daisies. Although, they looked a little worse for wear, a little crushed. Her legs were sprawled out beside her, but thankfully with her skirts covering most of her, her modesty was intact.

"Oh, my God…Fraulein…can you hear me?" he stumbled over his words, his face inches from hers, desperately looking for any sign that she was alright. He cupped her cheek, as her head rested in the crook of his arm. God, this wasn't supposed to happen.

Despite his panic, Georg had time to stop and think how strange that while he was so frantic, she looked so peaceful, her lashes resting gently on the top of her flushed cheeks. "Fraulein, please… wake up. I'm here. I have you now. Please wake up…" he whispered, feeling his heart clench and his throat tighten. God, it was hard to breathe. "Please, Fraulein…" he pleaded desperately as he pulled her limp body closer to his chest and rocked her in his arms, running an unsteady hand through her hair. What in the hell had he done?

Despite the blood pounding in his ears, somewhere in the distance he was vaguely aware of screams and yelling. The children.

Georg snapped his head up in Elsa's direction. She was frozen to the spot, incapable of reacting. Seemingly unaware of everything else, she was just looking down at him and Maria in horror and disbelief. It was probably the first time he'd seen Elsa wearing such an unguarded expression. It was finally something real, something raw. But there wasn't time to think about that now.

"Elsa!" Georg yelled, trying to get her attention, trying to break her out of the trance she was in. "Elsa! The children! Make sure the children are alright!" His sharp words seemed to snap her back to the reality around them. "Find Frau Schmidt. Tell her to call for the doctor. Get the doctor here immediately."

"Yes…Georg…of course," Elsa mumbled as she pulled herself away from the scene at her feet and turned towards the villa.

"Tell her to send Franz if she needs to," Georg yelled after her.

Taking a few unsteady steps, Elsa still wasn't sure what had just happened. It had all happened so fast. She'd just opened her mouth, but before she could get a word out, the girl was fainting in Georg's arms. She'd just been about to demand that the girl return to the Abbey. It wasn't like her to challenge Georg. In fact, she couldn't remember a time when she had. But she'd been more than patient. He'd gone too far this time.

For weeks now, she'd turned a blind eye to this thing he had for the girl. But when she'd seen Georg kneeling in front of Maria, his hand on her while she held a bunch of flowers, it had been the final straw. She wasn't blind. She could see that there was a familiarity between them. She'd obviously interrupted their moment of intimacy. Damn that girl for returning. And damn Georg for being so caught up in her.

Squaring her shoulders, Elsa was walking a little faster than she normally would. She wasn't sure if the sting of tears was from anger or from feeling so hurt. She couldn't believe that Georg had been barking orders at her. It was like he was back in the navy and she was no more than one of his crew. Of course, she'd seen that side to him before. She'd even seen him use it on the little nun when they'd first arrived from Vienna. But for once, his sharp tone had been directed at her. It hadn't been necessary. It had been upsetting.

But as she made her way up the steps, Elsa knew that wasn't what troubled her the most. It was the image of Georg holding that damn girl in his arms. It had been confronting last night, watching him dancing with her. Seducing her. Losing himself in her. But watching him on the ground holding her in his arms just now, had been devastating. It had been impossible to look away, despite it being the last thing she wanted to see. Georg touching her so gently, so tenderly, as he pulled her closer. Holding onto the girl's limp body so desperately.

She couldn't remember Georg's hand ever touching her so lovingly. The way he spoke to the girl with such tenderness. His lips inches from her. Begging her. Coaxing her. Had he ever spoken to her with such affection? If he had, she couldn't remember. His voice, as he leaned over the girl, had been so unfamiliar. Who knew the man harboured such feeling and emotion? No, it would be some time before she could forget that image. Forget his desperate words, his tender touch. What was it about this girl that had Georg so caught up in her spell, she wondered. There wasn't anything special about her. Nothing appealing.

But somewhere beneath her anger and hurt, Elsa did feel a tinge of guilt. Clearly, the girl was unwell. With her words, she'd not only been responsible for the girl leaving the villa last night, she'd done nothing to stop her. And she hadn't told anyone. Her secret wouldn't be such a burden if the silly girl hadn't been so hopeless. She couldn't even manage to catch a bus.

Glancing up at Elsa on the steps, Georg quickly turned his attention back to Maria. Cupping her cheek, he ran his thumb gently along her jawline. "Fraulein, can you hear me…" he whispered, trying to control the panic. But it was growing. He could feel himself becoming more desperate.

"Maria, please…" he begged her, as he felt tears starting to sting. God, why didn't she answer him?

Just as he was wondering whether he should pick her up and carry her inside, her eyelids fluttered. Ever so slightly. But it was something. It was enough! Holding his breath, he could feel the flood of relief. "Maria, it's the Captain. I'm here, I have hold of you. Please, open your eyes…" He couldn't breathe, he could barely think, as he silently begged her to wake up. His heart was breaking seeing her so vulnerable. So helpless. She was always the strong one. Oh God, not again…

Maria could hear the Captain's familiar baritone in the distance. But she couldn't make out what he was saying. Where was he? Where was she? She could feel something cold and hard underneath her. Trying to force her eyes open, she could feel an arm around her. Who had hold of her? Why was she lying down? Struggling to focus, she was determined to open her eyes. But it was so bright. She blinked, trying desperately to keep her eyes open.

Finally, starting to focus on what was around her, she looked up. Gasping, she saw the Captain. He was inches away, looking down at her. He seemed concerned. Or was it relief? Oh my, she was in his arms! He was running his fingers gently through her hair! Surely this was one of her dreams. But it wasn't. Realising she had hold of his jacket, she quickly let go and pressed her palm against his chest, trying to push him away. What had happened, she wondered, trying to open her mouth to speak.

"Ssshhh…Fraulein, please don't move," Georg murmured soothingly. He could see Maria was confused. He could see uncertainty in her face, the bewilderment in her eyes. He could hardly blame her. He covered the hand that was against his chest with one of his. Taking hold, he squeezed it reassuringly. He could feel his heart sink, knowing that she'd tried to push him away. He hoped it was her confusion. Perhaps the awkwardness of the situation. He couldn't face the possibility that it was anything else. Not right now.

"Ehrm…Fraulein, please…let me explain. You fainted," he stumbled on his words. What was it about this woman that so often reduced him to a stuttering mess? "Somehow, I managed to catch you. Well, kind of…" he grinned awkwardly, cocking his head to one side.

"Oh…" she finally found her voice. She'd fainted? The last thing she remembered was sitting on the bench with the Captain and the Baroness. She looked down and wondered why she was holding onto a bunch of daisies. She tried to think what had happened. What were they doing here? Where was the Baroness?

And then it came flooding back to her! She'd been trying to leave. Trying to escape. There had been tension building between the Captain and the Baroness. It was because of her. The Baroness had been glaring at her…

"The Baroness…" she whispered looking up at the Captain, eyes wide, as she tried to turn her head.

"Ssshhh…" Georg tried to calm her, as he smiled down at her, trying to reassure her. But he was curious. He looked up and watched Elsa making her way up the last of the steps. Why did Maria seem so fearful of Elsa?

As she made her way across the upper terrace to the back doorway, Elsa realised that she couldn't hear the children anymore. Their cries and screams had been most unpleasant. The last thing she needed right now was to be confronted by their distress. Thankfully, she wouldn't have to comfort them. She wasn't sure if she could think of anything nice to say about their beloved governess.

Just before reaching the door, her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps running across the foyer. As she came to a stop, Friedrich raced past her. She turned and watched him taking the steps two at a time as he made his way to the lower terrace. Beyond Friedrich, she could see that Georg was still holding the girl in his arms. Unable to look any longer, she turned back, making her way inside. Her attention turning to the orders Georg had fired at her, she wondered where on earth she was going to find the housekeeper.

"Fraulein, does anything hurt?" Georg asked gently, turning his attention back to Maria, who was looking up at him.

"No, Captain, I think I should be okay," she looked down, fixing her eyes on the top button of his jacket. "Thank you," she added quietly, glancing up to meet his eyes, unable to stop herself.

"Please, there's no need to thank me," Georg said softly, unable to stop himself from running his thumb down her jawline.

Distracted by movement in the corner of his eye, Georg looked towards the villa to see Friedrich running down the steps.

"Father! What happened? Is Fraulein Maria alright?" Friedrich dropped to his knees, placing a hand on his father's shoulder. "What do you need me to do?" he asked.

Georg looked at his son with pride and smiled. Maria had been right. Friedrich was growing into a fine young man. "It seems Fraulein Maria fainted," he looked back down at Maria, squeezing her arm affectionately. "Fraulein, do you feel well enough to sit up?" he asked tenderly.

Maria nodded.

"Friedrich, can you look after the flowers," Georg asked, prompting Maria to hand the daisies to Friedrich. "Now let's take this slowly."

The Captain held onto her arms to steady her while she pushed herself to a sitting position. A little breathless, she smiled at a concerned Captain and a wide eyed Friedrich, wanting to remove the lines of worry from their faces. She still felt a little giddy, but could feel it passing as she closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm so sorry for causing all this fuss," she said quietly, opening her eyes and looking down at her hands in her lap.

Georg reached out and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, her eyes immediately flew up to his. "Fraulein, please don't apologise. You're hardly to blame if you're unwell." Couldn't she see that this was entirely his fault? He could feel the guilt gripping him as he thought back to last night. "Frau Schmidt is calling for the doctor, he should be here shortly. In the meantime, Friedrich and I will help you to your room," he turned to his son, who nodded in agreement.

"Oh, Captain! I don't think a doctor is necessary," Maria protested.

"Fraulein, I will not let you return to the Abbey if you're ill," he told her. He couldn't miss the look of resignation that flashed across her face. But there was something else. Was it disappointment? Or perhaps fear? What the hell had happened to Maria last night to strip her of her confidence and spirit? What had she been running from? Had he done this to her? Please, God, forgive him.

"I'm sure it's nothing serious," Maria protested.

"Fraulein, you won't be going anywhere until you've seen the doctor." God this woman could be so damn stubborn sometimes! "What on earth would the Reverend Mother think of me if I sent you back now!" he added, trying to make light of the situation, more for his own benefit than anyone else's. He couldn't cope with thoughts of her leaving. Even if she was well enough to return to the Abbey, he wasn't ready to let her go. Not yet. He couldn't face that right now. No more than he could face knowing that he'd been responsible for this. Despising himself for being responsible, he knew he had to make amends. Or at least try to.

Standing up, Georg held out a hand towards Maria. As she reached up and cautiously made her way to her feet, he bent down to place a strong hand on her waist to steady her. Friedrich stood behind, ready to catch Maria in case she lost her balance. But that was unlikely now that Georg had both hands on her waist, holding her steady.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice full of concern as he studied her closely for any sign of dizziness. Her cheeks were no longer flushed, instead she was unusually pale. "Are you ready to try a few small steps?"

Georg watched Maria smile, then glanced at Friedrich, who nodded back to confirm that he was ready. Standing beside her, Georg placed his arm around her waist. "Ready?"

Blushing, she really wasn't sure where to put her arm. Last night when they'd been dancing, being this close to him, had been easier. At least she had dance steps to follow. Steps that told her where to put her hands and when. Giving up, she decided to just let her arm hang loosely by her side.

"Ehrm…forgive me, Fraulein, but it might be easier if you put your arm around my waist," Georg could sense her awkwardness, as he tried to hide his own. Unsuccessfully.

Blushing as she turned away, she tentatively put her arm around his waist and grabbed a handful of his jacket. Despite feeling horribly embarrassed, Maria smiled to herself, thinking that it would be impossible to fall again with the Captain's strong arm around her waist.

"What's so amusing, Fraulein?" Georg whispered. Seeing her ghost of a smile, he'd felt his heart skip a beat. It was impossible to ignore. He thought back to her hand pressed against his chest. Maybe she wasn't frightened of him after all. At least she didn't seem repulsed by him.

"Nothing…" she turned to the Captain, blushing. She'd just fainted in his arms and now she was getting distracted. It was impossible not to. His arm felt so nice around her. His warm breath was tickling the side of her face and being enveloped in his musky scent brought back memories of last night. Memories of being held in his arms. Of being pressed so tightly against him that she'd felt the imprint of his body against hers. The good memories, wonderful memories, from last night. Before everything turned into a horrible mess.

He shot her an awkward grin in reply, cocking his head to the side. He was relieved to feel her relaxing a little against him.

The first steps were small and tentative. It was slow going, but Georg didn't dare rush Maria. He could feel most of her weight against him, and sensed that she was still unsteady on her feet. By the time they eventually reached the steps, Max appeared at the doorway, his face unusually serious.

"Georg, I heard all the commotion and helped Liesl take the children upstairs. Dear God, Elsa's just filled me in," he called out as he made his way across the terrace to the top of the steps. "Do you need a hand?" he smiled to himself as it seemed that Georg already had the situation in hand, so to speak.

"All under control, thanks Max," Georg stopped and replied from the bottom of the steps. "Can you make sure the doctor's been called?"

Watching Max turn and disappear back into the villa, Georg turned to Maria. The short walk seemed to have taken its toll, with her breathing a little laboured. "Are you alright, Fraulein?" he asked, unable to hide his concern.

"I'm so sorry, Captain, do you mind if we stop for a minute while I catch my breath?" she asked.

"Of course not. We can take as long as you like, there's no need to hurry," he smiled at Maria then nodded across to Friedrich, trying to ignore his growing unease.

ooooXXXXoooo

Georg sat in the upstairs school room, surrounded by the children. He was sitting in the chair that Maria would normally sit in when the children took their morning lessons. The leaden atmosphere in the room was in stark contrast to the children's colourful pictures pasted haphazardly around the walls.

Before he left for Vienna, he'd rarely stepped inside this room. Not in the past four years, anyway. Back then, he remembered it being stark and serious. Uninviting. But that was before Maria arrived. Now it was colourful and chaotic. Such disorder should enrage him. In the past, it would have. But everything had changed after Maria arrived. He'd changed.

Since returning from Vienna, he'd been in this room many times. Mostly, because he'd found it difficult to stay away. He would linger in the doorway, watching Maria. Eventually, one of the children would notice him. Sometimes, Maria would ask him to take part in the lessons, especially if the older children were studying history. In the beginning, he needed her encouragement, her reassurance. But in recent weeks, her eyes would find his, and that would be enough of an invitation.

Georg wasn't sure if it was a good idea to wait with the children here. After all, there were so many reminders of Maria. Perhaps that's why they'd all been drawn there. Somehow, they felt closer to her in this room. But each reminder made them miss her more. She wasn't there with them, and it felt strange without her. Empty.

Looking down, he smiled at Gretl as she slept in his arms, one hand holding tightly onto the lapel of his jacket. He gently brushed a stray hair from her face. She looked so peaceful now. It was difficult to imagine the tears and hysteria from earlier. As much as Liesl and Louisa had tried, their younger sisters had been inconsolable. Gretl had finally settled in Georg's arms. Exhaustion eventually won.

Brigitta sat on the floor leaning against him, one arm wrapped around his leg. Marta had dragged a chair as close as possible beside his. He had an arm around her, pulling her close, as she rested her head on his leg. Occasionally, he would stroke her hair absentmindedly.

The only sound that broke the heavy silence was the ticking of the clock sitting on the side table. He looked across to it. Again. Three minutes had passed since he'd last looked at it. What in God's name was taking the doctor so long, he wondered. The doctor hadn't arrived until after midday. After they'd finally got Maria safely to her room, the wait had been interminable. But now that the doctor was here, the waiting wasn't any easier.

Looking across to Liesl, he gave her a reassuring smile. He'd give anything to wipe the worry from her eyes. More than any of the children, her memories of sitting around, waiting for doctors was most vivid. When Agathe took ill, Liesl had taken on so much. Too much for a twelve year old. He could see that now. God, would he ever be free of this guilt? He doubted it.

At least with concern for Maria weighing on his mind, he was able to ignore everything else. It was impossible to dwell on the argument he'd had with Elsa before she left for her lunch date. Thankfully, Max had played the peacemaker and went along with her, despite his heavy head. He still couldn't believe that Elsa had expected him to join her. How could he leave the children in the state they were in to go off and have lunch with people he barely knew? How could Elsa not understand that?

Elsa had also questioned why he needed to stay to speak to the doctor after he'd examined Maria. He sighed, perhaps Elsa had seen enough to realise. After all, over the past weeks it had become more difficult to rein in his feelings for Maria. Perhaps she'd seen his teasing and banter as something more. Seen it for what it really was. Maybe he hadn't managed to hide all the stray looks. Had she realised that it was becoming harder for him to stay away from Maria? That his fascination and feelings were growing. Hiding them had become exhausting. It had been getting harder. Denying them now was impossible.

In the end, it probably didn't matter. Elsa would have seen enough last night. He'd been completely lost in Maria, brought entirely undone, while dancing with her in the courtyard last night. It was time to face reality. It was time he realised that his attraction to Maria was no longer his own guilty secret.

Knowing that he deserved her sharp words, Georg realised that he needed to speak to Elsa this afternoon when she returned. But the most important thing now was to be here for the children. He hadn't been there when they needed him in the past four years. Although, he wondered whether he ever really had been? That had always been left to Agathe. She'd been so much better at this than him. Trying to shut those thoughts from his mind, he knew that once he spoke to the doctor, things would become clearer.

But regardless, he needed to end things with Elsa. He was being entirely unfair to her. He'd been unfair for the past two years. He'd let her convince him that it didn't matter that he wasn't in love with her. How had he let that happen?

Just as he was deciding on how to end his relationship with Elsa, Frau Schmidt appeared in the doorway.

"Excuse me, Captain," her soft voice pierced the silence. "The doctor's ready to see you."

Reluctantly, Brigitta moved away from her father's leg and Marta sat up straight in her chair, as she felt the strong arm of her father loosen its grip. Georg looked down at her and smiled, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. How he wished he could erase the sadness from her eyes.

Standing up with a stirring Gretl still in his arms, he walked over to Liesl and lent down to settle his youngest daughter in her lap. Before standing, he kissed the top of Liesl's head, hoping to somehow reassure her that everything would be alright. But would it?

"Do you want me to stay with the children, Captain?" Frau Schmidt asked as the Captain came towards her.

Georg turned to Liesl, who smiled thinly and nodded at him. "Children, I'll be back shortly," he tried to sound calm, in control, despite his chest tightening from the fear. "Please come with me, Frau Schmidt," he stood aside for her to walk out onto the upper landing ahead of him. He closed the door behind him, not wanting the children to overhear anything that might cause them alarm.

"How is Fraulein Maria?" Georg asked the housekeeper as they made their way along the landing towards the stairs.

"She's resting as best she can," Frau Schmidt tried to reassure the Captain. She could see how fearful he was. She knew that this was like reliving their worst nightmare. For all of them. It was strange how the young governess had made such an impression on them all. She might not be part of the family, but she'd certainly brought the family back together.

Georg nodded grimly. Looking down to the foyer below, he could see Dr Schultz waiting to deliver his news. Bracing himself as they descended the stairs, he hoped it wasn't what he feared.

"Ah, Captain!" the doctor turned as he heard the footsteps coming down the stairs towards him.

Thank you once again for all your reviews, special thanks to the guest reviewers.

Please check out "Daydreaming" by Radiohead on YouTube. Although a Radiohead song typically has a multitude of meanings, which often change tack midstream, I love the first verse of this song. For me, it's the daydreamer reprimanding himself for letting his dreams take over his reality, and now, as a result, everything has spiralled out of control and there's no turning back. That probably sums up where Georg is right about now!

I don't own TSOM, but still having a lend.

"Immerse your soul in love"