A/N: Chapter 7... This one is not a very good chapter for Kenny. Sigh, my friend was going through some trouble and it made me depressed and that's why it's harsh on Kenny at the end. Sorry Kenneth! :'( Review and tell me what you think. Next chapter Kenny does his... plan. :)
Ike turned and ran from the room, slamming his door shut across the hall. I flinched as Kyle tumbled awake, disoriented from sleep. "Whaz goin ooon?" He muttered sleepily, blinking up at me from the bed. I grabbed a blanket on the floor and covered him while whispering, "Just go back to bed, I can handle it.
Truthfully, I was close to a full-out melt down. It wasn't so much the fact that Ike had caught me petting Kyle, but the fact why I was doing it. Sure, having Ike catch me was bad too, but at least he stopped me from doing whatever could have happened if my strange daze had continued. Now I needed to pick up the pieces, and fix everything before it really crashed all around me. I had to shut Ike up, before he ratted me out to his brother.
Closing Kyle's bedroom door shut quietly, I crossed the hall onto Ike's territory. I stood outside the door, taking a deep shuddering breath, before knocking softly. "Ike, can I come in? I need to talk to you..."
There was a long silence on the other side, before I heard steps and the door swung open allowing me access inside. I gazed longingly back, wishing I could just go to sleep and forget about all of this, but stepped into the room instead. I blinked wildly trying to adjust to the dimness of the room, until Ike's demanding cough brought my attention to him.
His eyes had a slight reddish tint to them, even noticeable in the darkness, that indicated that he had been crying. He rubbed at them fast, trying to cover that up. My heart tugged sadly at the pitiful sight, and I glanced down at the floor to save him from more misery.
He coughed again while nervously rubbing a hand through his raven black hair. "So..." His voice croaked out mildly, "Say what you need to, and do it quickly before I decide to tell Kyle what I saw."
That sentence strummed a string of panic in me, and I channeled it into a blind range. "There was nothing to see!" I snapped at him while glaring the whole while. "Nothing happened, Ike. So there is nothing to tell." I stared into his eyes panting, daring him to say something back.
I was surprised when instead of backing down like I was used to him doing, he stood up tall and looked me right back in the eyes. A fire I couldn't name was dancing in his eyes, but it wasn't anger or excitement. In truth he was almost looking at me in a pitying kind of way, and it only grated at me more.
Shaking his head with a sigh, Ike began talking faintly to me. "That's what I thought to Kenny, back when I started liking you. I said it was nothing, that it was all fine, nothing weird was happening. But you know, after a while, you can't lie to yourself anymore." Another wave of panic/rage over came me and my body trembled with the urge to pop up and smack him in the face. In my highest peaks of anger my true red-neck heredity would come out, and it was either fight or yell. No flight for a McCormick, just punch or talk your way out of the situations.
"Are you implying..." I growled out, "that I am gay... for your brother!" Ike's eyes widened and he took a step back at the sound of my voice. "Jeez, calm down Kenny! It's not like it's the end of the world, or something!" His eyes softened and he whispered knowingly, "Believe me, I know..." My anger disappeared as quickly as it came, and I started to wonder how much Ike really had gone through.
He looked up at me again and continued talking, "Listen, I'm not saying that you do love Kyle, you are the only one that can decide that. But... I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, ok?" A small sad smile broke out over his face, as he directed me towards the door. He wished me a good night before closing the door on me.
I found it funny how I came to talk and calm him down, but in the end, he was the one trying to calm me down. But his words only rose up more confusion in me. I liked girls...right? Nice curvy girls, with squishy breasts and long tan legs. Long eyelashes that covered eyes so pretty that glazed over when in lust. Ya, I loved girls with their annoying high pitched voices that bitch on and on about shit, and how they never wanted to do anything fun.
Tiredly, I stumbled back into Kyle's room and crashed onto the small coach he had set up in front of his TV. Tomorrow I would deal with whatever was going on in my head and make sense of it all. But not now...
Sunlight escaping from the curtains of the window woke me out of my sleep, and I watched them sparkle content for a while, ignoring a nagging at the back of my mind. Something needed to be remembered, but I didn't want to. I was so happy and peaceful right now, something rare for me.
I glanced at the clock and smiled brightly when I saw it was eleven in the morning. I loved being able to sleep in, so thank God for the weekends. I hummed silently while getting up and grabbing my pair of clothes from yesterday off the floor. I brought them to my nose and sniffed, decided that they didn't smell to rank and pulled them on quickly. Just to make sure, I grabbed a bottle of febreze off of Kyle's dresser and sprayed it on me. Aw, all better.
Kyle must have woken up earlier than me, because he wasn't in the room. Something tugged again at the back of my mind, and suddenly a huge fucking hangover came crashing down.
"HOLY JESUS CHRIST BANANAS!" I screamed clutching my head in agony, tears streaming down my face. It felt like my brain was being torn apart in the inside, and the whole world turned into a blurry black splotched picture.
At the point of passing out, the headache reduced down into an annoying throb, but at least I could ignore that. I let out a shaky breath as I collapsed at the foot of the bed. Rubbing the tears off my face, I vowed to never drink ever again.
The pounding of feet in the hallway reached my ears, and I stood up quickly grabbing onto a dresser to keep myself from falling over. Kyle slammed open the door and jumped a bit when he came face to face with me. "Are you okay!" He gushed out hurriedly. I smiled weakly and nodded. "I'm fine."
He looked skeptic and glanced at my whole body before replying. "I heard you screaming." I started to shrug and he sent me a pointed look. "It's nothing, I just got up a little to fast and all those beers from yesterday caught up to me. I'm really ok now, I swear." I trembled slightly as he looked me over again before deciding that I was indeed fine. "Well, sorry about last night how I feel asleep so fast. I really was tired..."
Last night... Memories practically slapped me in the face, and I felt a little sick to the stomach. I choked it down and tilted my face away from Kyle's stare. How could I just ignore my thoughts last night? Now things were just going to be worse. "It's ok." I managed to croak out.
He smiled and grabbed my hand pulling me out of the room. My heart was twisting in my chest and I wanted for him to stop touching me, but at the same time I didn't want him to stop. A moment later he let go and started talking. "I made pancakes for breakfast, so I hope that's ok."
I shook off the weird feeling erupting out of me and tried to act normal. "Ok! it's fucking great!"
There's no place like home. No where else in the world that you can sit and try to not think at all, while your parents screamed in the background. No place else to be pushed around and abused, then treated nicely until my dad's anger towards mum reached it's peak and he would take it out on me. But it's from all this that I learned a very important lesson. No matter how much you hurt, no matter how confused and broken you are, never scream out. Never let anyone see the darker part of you or the weaker side, and never, EVER, rely on someone else even if you are the best of friends. It can only lead to pain.
I relied on my mum once, and she only stood and watched as my dad cut me open with a beer bottle. She let me hobble by myself up to the bathroom, let me clean the wounds alone and cry silently with no one else around to see.
I trusted my brother Kevin to keep our little sister safe when I wasn't around, so that dad couldn't get to her when he was drunk and in a fit of range. But Kevin left her alone, and she 'fell' down the stairs and broke her arm.
So, I couldn't trust anyone, I could only rely on myself to do things right. That's how I grew up. But this has all made me a stronger person, someone who can go through anything, and be fine. Nothing could get to me, I was a McCormick.
But... Has anyone ever asked to stop and really wonder how I am? Because, even if I a McCormick, I still hurt. All those times I don't scream out, I'm dying a little bit more inside each time. I want to be heard, I want someone to stop and help me, and I want to trust someone. I want out, I Want Out, I WANT Out, I WANT OUT I WANT OUT I WANT-
"KENNY, GET THE FUCK UP, OR YOU ARE GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!" A man's voice roared from downstairs. I moaned wearily before getting up sourly. It was going to be one of those days, I just knew it.
The weekend had gone fast, with nothing more then pure bliss of thought. There was things I needed to do, but I told myself that it could all wait until Monday. Well here's an ass-kicker. It's Monday.
I slowly put on some clothes and ruffled my hair before walking out of my room, deep in thought. Today was the day I was going to test my straightness. I mean, I've had sex with guys before, but that doesn't mean I'm gay, right? It just means I'm a dirty whore who's desperate for money. My test was going to be simple and once I proved that there was no gay feelings I had, it would be over and the world would be right again.
So lost in these thoughts, I didn't notice when me shoe caught on one of the wood splinters that stick out of the stairs, and I went tumbling down the stairs head first. For a split second I felt extremely calm until it shattered and pain filled it's place. Every step I bounced off of sent splinters of wood into my back, arms, and legs. At the bottom I crashed into the wall with a bang, bruising my poor back even more then it had been. Gritting my teeth, I strained against the wall pulling myself to do a damage report.
I had a large chunk of wood stabbed into my leg, making it impossible to stand on it right, blood flowing freely from the wound. My jeans were stained dark red form there and from much smaller pieces, but other then that all I had was bruises that were going to be pretty festively colored.
Biting into my hoody, I wrapped my hands around the block of wood and pulled as hard as I could. Tears streamed out of my eyes as I tried hard not to pass out. It came out with a sickening ripping sound as it was freed from my leg. I tossed it across the room, wiping the water from my eyes.
I stumbled upstairs to the bathroom, wrapping my wounds carefully and changing into another pair of jeans. Walking down the mother fucking stairs again, slowly this time, I wondered into the kitchen looking for my mum.
Finding her by the stove, I tapped her shoulder and she turned around the scowl wiped off her face as she saw my shitty state, even though I tried hard to hide it. A sigh passed her lips and she rubbed her temples. "I'm guessing you want a ride to school right?" I nodded and she did the same back, sending me off to get my backpack as she got her keys.
It was silent in the car as she took me to school, filled with a disappointed air from her. "Listen Kenny," she started, pulling out a cigarette, "this whole dying shit isn't going to start again, is it? Because you know, we can't afford it." A agitated glare was sent my way and I only shook my head and leaned against the window wishing I was there already. That's the one thing that I can't stand the most about my mum, she blamed the fact that I died all the time on me. Because it was SOOO my fault that a plane came out of no where and smashed me flat.
The moment we pulled up, I jumped out of the car glad to get away, and my shoe caught on the rim of the car door, making me fall straight on my face. My mother only sighed again and pushed me out of the car before driving away, not even bothering to ask me if I was ok.
I glanced at the sky as it started to rain, feeling absolutely miserable.
It was just one of those days.
