Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination.
A/N: As always, thank you to everyone who left kind messages on the last chapter and on twitter, it means the world.
Adam shifted in bed, his head pounding hard in his skull. He groaned as he turned on his side, his body hurting from having slept half hanging off the bed. He sat up only for the pounding to intensify.
"Son of a bitch." He growled, rubbing his temple. He stood and padded down the hall, not even looking at the clock. The sky was grey outside. He made it to the kitchen and found a tall glass of orange juice with two ibuprofen and a note. He took a sip of the glass and took the note in his hand.
Hope your head is ok this morning. Take these, they'll help.
I'll see you in a little bit.
Kim
He took both pills and popped them in his mouth, downing the glass down and setting it in the sink. The shower was his next natural step. He stayed in longer than he should, the hot water getting through the haze his mind was still in. He ran his fingers through his still wet hair as he pulled a new shirt over his head. He expected for Kim to be mad at him after what happened the previous night and although the note didn't say all that much, it was obvious that she was avoiding him. He tried to keep his mind occupied but the silence inside the apartment was suffocating him. He left without bothering to leave a note and he grabbed his car keys before he walked out the door. He had no idea what to do or where to go but he started driving anyways. When his stopped his car first, it was at his place. He had thought some on his way there and knew what he had to do.
He ran up the stairs two at a time and quickly slipped his key in his lock, walking inside his apartment for the first time in the last couple of days. Pieces of glass were everywhere on the floor as well as a frame he kept on a shelf in the kitchen.
"Shit." He cursed under his breath, assessing the full extent of the damage. He knew he'd have to clean all of that at some point but that wasn't why he was here for now. He went into his closet and took his piece from the safe and holstered it to his left hip, slipping his star around his neck. He was pretty sure that he knew what Voight would tell him but he had to try it. It was a twenty minute drive to the district from his place and his mind kept moving at a mile a minute, trying to sort some things. He parked in his usual spot and drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, his nerves suddenly getting the best of him. He took a few deep breaths before he got out, heading for the front of the district. He kept his head down because he didn't want to have to talk to the least amount of people before he made it upstairs. The only one he knew he couldn't avoid was Platt at the front desk.
"Morning Sarge." He waved at her, praying she was busy enough to not pay attention to him.
"Not so fast boy wonder." She snapped her fingers at him. "How are you?"
"I'm good." She watched him as he turned on his heels and headed upstairs. She knew that he wasn't good and taking him all in, she knew what he was trying to do and she was sure that Voight would shut him down on the spot.
He made it up the stairs and the bullpen was mostly empty with the exception of Voight who was in his office with the door closed and Jay at his desk.
"Hey, I'm sorry about your old man." Jay stood and hugged Adam.
"Thanks man." He pulled out of the hug.
"Where is everyone?"
"Working their CI's" Jay said as he took in Adam's appearance.
"He in with someone?" He pointed towards the closed door.
"No." He started, looking from the closed door and then back to Adam. "But for the record, he'll never agree to take you back." Adam completely ignored Jay's comment and knocked on the closed door.
"Got a minute boss?" Voight finally looked up and took Adam's appearance in.
"Only if it's not the question I think you're going to ask me." Adam's gun and badge was the first thing he noticed when he looked up.
"Come on, I got to get out of my head boss." He tried arguing his point but Voight wouldn't have it.
"Adam, you're hurting and I know for a fact that you didn't start planning anything for the funeral and Kim told me you turned down our offer for help." He leaned against the arm of his chair.
"I yelled at Kim about it and I need to apologize to her."
"You should. She's doing everything she can to help you through this, don't shut her out."
"I won't Sarge but I need to do something. When I'm at home, my mind keeps going places."
"I know it's hard Ruzek but there's too much going on in your life and you need to take care of it before you come back to Intelligence.2
"I understand." He hung his head and turned to leave only for Voight to stop him.
"Not so fast." Adam turned around and knew as soon as their eyes met. "Your badge and your gun." He pointed to his desk.
"Come on Sarge, I won't do anything stupid. It'll be back in my safe in the next hour."
"Sorry." Adam slipped his star from around his neck and placed it on the desk before unclipping his gun out of his holster and placing it next to his badge. "Get your things in order and come see me after."
"Thanks Sarge." This time he left the office and was headed back out but he bumped into Kim as he walked down the stairs.
"Kim. What are you doing here?"
"I was giving them a hand. What are you doing here?"
"A long shot." He sighed. "Can we talk?" She nodded and he guided her into the empty office in front of Platt desk.
"Is something wrong?" She leaned against the desk, her arms crossed against her chest.
"I'm sorry for being such a dick and walking out on you yesterday."
"It's ok Adam."
"No it's not." He raised his hand to stop her. "The first time you told me about asking Platt for help in the hospital, I didn't register it and yesterday I just lost my shit. It's just so hard and you've been gracious enough to take me in, keep me from doing something stupid. I'm not making it easy for you and yet you're still there taking care of my sorry ass and everything else. I'd really like your help for my dad, and Platt's, I really don't know what I'm doing." His eyes were now misty with tears he willed wouldn't fall.
"You told me to talk to you or Kevin when it became too much for me but you need to listen to your own advice Adam. I told you I'd be there with you every step of the way and I meant it."
"I know darling, I promise I'll do better." He was leaning against the closed door.
"Good." She smiled at him and came closer. "How about I see what Platt came up with and we can talk it over when I come back later."
"Sounds good." She leaned up and gave him a peck on the lips. It was soft and it was quick but enough to makes his insides catch on fire. "I'll let you get back to it, be careful."
"Will do." She smiled at him as her heart beat wildly in her chest. She waited for him to leave to run up to Intelligence so she could give them what she had found and when she was done, she made it to Platt and they put their heads together, Trudy telling her what she had done so far.
Adam got in his car and drove back to his place. He knew that he had a lot of cleaning up to do and figured that he could at least calm the raging emotions that were going through him while he kept his body occupied.
He sighed when he walked into his place again. He grabbed a black garbage bag that he doubled up and started cleaning all the mess in the kitchen. It was mostly pieces of glass and dishes and when it was full, he set it by the door. He walked into the living room next and proceeded in putting the bookshelf back up and placing all of its content back inside and moving the table back in its rightful place. After a couple of hours, he was satisfied with his progress. He returned both pictures to the fridge and his eyes filled with tears again.
"I miss you so much pops." He furiously rubbed the tears from his eyes. He turned all the lights off and put all the trash bags outside before locking his door and heading out. He took a few deep breaths while he sat on his car, willing his heart to slow down and the pain to subside but it was useless. The pain he was feeling wasn't going away anytime soon. When he got his breathing under control, he started driving and ended up at his dad's place.
He didn't know if he was strong enough to go in but his feet had a will of their own and within minutes, he was standing in his dad's kitchen. The sink was full of dishes from that morning, his dad having probably run out quickly to get to work. He started cleaning out the dishes and putting order in the kitchen before he made his way in the room his father used as an office. He moved around the small room looking at souvenirs and he found himself in from of a magnetic board filled with paper clippings. All of them had his face staring back at him. His father had kept track of all of his exploits since joining the CPD and the emotion caught in his throat. He then realized that no matter how strained their relationship was because of him being in Voight's unit, he was still proud of him. He suddenly felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest and he couldn't breathe. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a single text before he fell to his knees, overcome with emotions.
A/N: I still have a few sadder chapters up ahead leading up to the funeral but I promise Adam will start feeling a weight off his shoulders. Please take a few seconds to review, I love to read your thoughts - Sarra
