7. "Forever"

The Great Fairy's purpose is not to mother the warriors; it is to be a guardian for the fairies. The warriors constantly dirty the fairy fountains with their shoes (not literally; even the warriors without feet are causing trouble), making asinine requests. This wastes the Great Fairy's time. As of late, she has been paddling the bottoms of warriors who ask for things despite being perfectly capable of it themselves, or who are causing the fairies trouble in any way. No warrior is exempt from spankings as long as the Great Fairy deems they need to learn a lesson.

Yet lessons are never learned, and no matter how badly their rears sting, they always heal and come back. The Great Fairy is disgusted that she even has to stoop to this level. Something needs to be done.

A particularly nasty skirmish at Hyrule Castle occurs during a week where the Great Fairy is feeling particularly moody.

As much as Zelda knows this is a risk, she decides to send Tingle to see the Great Fairy. As one of the only warriors that rarely, if ever, visit the Great Fairy, he should be ok. In theory, this should be the case. Worst case scenario is the Great Fairy sends him away shocked and he has no idea what he said to deserve her wrath. After careful consideration, Zelda determined that the benefits of succeeding outweigh the consequences for trying and failing. This is a risk worth taking.

Tingle takes the easy route and uses his balloon to avoid confrontation with monsters on the way there. The aspiring fairy-man takes a deep breath of fairy fountain air, excited just to be there. It's even more beautiful than he imagined. A hotheaded fire element fairy sends word to the Great Fairy that someone is in her fairy fountain again.

The doors shut tight with Tingle on the inside. The Great Fairy doesn't laugh this time when appearing in one of her many fountains. She has worked herself up to the point where she could rhyme just about anything. The Great Fairy writes personal, expressive raps in her free time. She doesn't notice Tingle freaking out like a stereotypical fangirl. The fairies that gathered around him in curiosity step back after he claims them to be his people.

With not even a "hello", the Great Fairy starts talking. Mostly she grumbles to herself, effectively grabbing everyone's attention.

"What's the trouble?" asks Tingle with concern. "Is it Tingle? It can't be Tingle, can it?"

The Great Fairy laughs, but she is not amused. "Is it Tingle? Is it Tingle?! Well, that's a start, I guess!" Wait, so was that a yes or a no? Everyone is rather confused.

Before Tingle can ask again what the problem is, the Great Fairy starts rhyming; "Another day inside my keep. I get no rest! I get no sleep! Because when I start to count my sheep, you come around!"

A celebrity amongst companion fairies, Lofti, warns, "Uh-oh, she's expressing herself with rhymes again. She only does that in private." She turns to Tingle. "I'd get out of here if I were you."

Unsure of what to do, and frankly a little frightened, Tingle starts to walk towards the door. He says, "I'll just come back a little later then, ok?" He gets a bad feeling that he's in trouble when the Great Fairy picks him up like someone plucks a cherry stem from a cherry and turns him to face her, setting him back down.

She continues, "I dole out spankings, and they're rough. But somehow that still isn't enough. You're all stubborn cookies, stale and tough. And you keep coming around!"

Ok, Tingle is getting out of here! He runs right into the door, forgetting it was closed. The Great Fairy laughs.

The light fairies move to let the man go, but the Great Fairy stops them. She crosses her arms: "You know what? You came, so you're going to stay."

The fairies are alarmed. Len approaches their leader to ask, "What? You're not going to let him leave?"

"Not this time."

The darkness element fairies are suddenly overwhelmed by the ominous tone in the room. Deker, a fire element fairy, wasn't exactly planning on having a long-term visitor. "So exactly how long is he staying?"

The Great Fairy's voice dips low as she bellows, "Forever!"

Tingle is semi-flattered. The thought of living with fairies forever isn't a bad one. It's being a prisoner of the Great Fairy forever that puts a damper on the situation. Tingle musters a weak smile and says, "Yeah, I wish I could stay, but forever sounds like a long time!" He stresses that last part.

"I've made my decision," the Great Fairy announces. "You're never leaving; the unlucky warrior to be the last in, but not the last one out."

"But… what if Tingle is needed elsewhere?" he questions, but she doesn't listen.

The Great Fairy instructs a darkness fairy to act as a scribe and recording her funky flow. Like a professional rapper, she spews "Another fight, another request that's just as ridiculous as all the rest. Don't I already have enough weight on my chest? But you keep coming around!"

Madge the timid Lightning fairy mutters, "I-I don't mean to correct you, ma'am, but the saying is 'weight on my shoulders', not 'weight on my chest'."

The Great Fairy rolls her eyes. He turns to Tingle and asks, "You understood the meaning, right?" He is looking at the Great Fairy's chest, inadvertently nodding in response. "Good," and with that, the Great Fairy continues.

"'Oh no, Link, the princess is in danger!' 'Let's summon the Great Fairy. She's a game-changer!' I need a vacation; for a savior I hunger! Yet, one never comes around!" Her fairies, starting to like this rhyming thing, echo her last word.

"So…?" Tingle shrugs.

"So you're going to stay forever!"

The mini fairies surround Tingle as if he was the sacrifice. He worriedly cries, "But I thought you were always happy to assist. You fight alongside Link regularly, no?"

"Ha!" She guffaws. "Tell me, boy, since when has that been my job? I'm not your mama!" The fairies all agree. The Great Fairy continues, "I'm not a resource to control; not a circus animal or a llama."

Oh joy… thanks for putting that image in Tingle's head.

The water fairies attempt to offer sympathy to their leader. This act pulls at the Great Fairy's heartstrings. Tingle notices the tears forming in her eyes.

She weakly sings, "It's too much strain on my beauty. And no one even, ever thanks me."

Tingle and the fairies gasp when a tear falls from her right eye. The last thing Tingle wanted to do today was make a grown woman cry. He once made Linkle cry, and that left him with a terrible feeling.

"You made the Great Fairy cry!" shrieks a concerned fairy.

"You're gonna die!" bellows a different quick-tempered fire fairy.

Before the fairies all pick a one-sided fight with Tingle, he screams, "Wait!" This effectively gets the Great Fairy's attention.

"Now first of all," he begins. "I'm not like the others. I'm a fairy, too, so I understand."

How can the Great Fairy cry when she's so confused that her face shrivels up?

Tingle continues, "And secondly, all of that last part you said isn't true. You know why?" He smiles. "Thank you, Ms. Great Fairy. A million times thank you for everything." He looks at the population and says, "C'mon girls. Show some love."

The Great Fairy is bombarded with hugs from her many winged subjects.

"I speak for all of my allies when I say that we'd be in trouble if it wasn't for you. So a million times thank you," the 35-year-old warrior says over the sound of many grateful fairies.

The commotion in the fountain gradually ceases. The Great Fairy is still weeping, but they are tears of joy. And more importantly, Tingle did something helpful today. "Tingle feels so good now! He must spread this joy with everyone else." In the same fashion as someone who regularly jogs would, he pivots one-hundred and eighty degrees on his left foot and strides for the doors.

A soft chuckle emits from the Great Fairy herself, slowing Tingle to a stop. He looks at her over his shoulder. "What's up with you?" he inquires, "You've been tickled?"

She begins to mumble to nobody in particular; mostly to herself. "I've been complaining, but he thanked me." Her cheeks flush. "I spoke up for myself, and he thanked me."

"UM… Can you open the door?" the Great Fairy's captive asks. None of the fairies heard him, as they are all super excited for some reason. They all appear as if they are about to explode like a party popper, the confetti and all.

The Great Fairy laughs with overwhelming joy. Her voice is as strong as ever when she says, "No one ever thanks me!" And this is followed with her signature laugh.

Tingle feels like he has just entered the fountain; the Great Fairy smiling and the fairies dancing around her as twinkles of light.

"So!" The Great Fairy announces loud and proud. "You're gonna stay!"

Tingle flinches. "What?"

"You heard me! You're gonna stay forever!"

The fairy man falls to his knees in despair. "Why am I still a prisoner?!" he cries.

The Great Fairy nods to her subjects. "I'm going to make him one of us. And he's going to stay with us!"

Lofti sighs with a disheartened, "Let me guess- forever?" The Great Fairy picks up Tingle like a rupee.

"And you'll appreciate me."

From this moment on, Tingle has been, is, and forever will be the Hermes of the fairy kingdom.

Author's Notes- First things first and a DISCLAIMER, this story is actually a parody of Shrek the Musical's song of the same title. The Broadway version has a different song in this song's place, but I personally prefer "Forever". This parody was born when my brain decided that this song would fit in the Zelda universe. I tweaked it to match this situation, but some of the dialogue in this story is taken directly from the original "Forever", so that's the disclaimer. This was something unique I wanted to try.
I'm overwhelmed with joy for two reasons. The first reason is that there have been several great suggestions recently. My creativity has been challenged, and I adore that! That's exactly why I've asked questions like "what two or more warriors should interact"; it forces me to get crafty. And with that said, no suggestion is too funky or detailed, so don't hold back, please. Secondly and finally, Zelda has decided that Story 15 will not be a story, but the meeting, where they will play Would you Rather. Would you Rather questions will be taken up until the meeting itself happens, (which doesn't have a set date, so the deadline is simultaneously so far away and so close). And that is all for now.