Tolkien's Flying Circus

DISCUSSIONS AT ISENGARD

Gandalf arrives at Isengard. He meets up with Saruman outside the tower of Isengard.

Saruman interrupts Gandalf before he really had a chance to say something: "Do you want to come upstairs?" Gandalf replied, 'I beg your pardon?'
"Do you want to come upstairs? Oh or have you come to discuss the fate of Middle-Earth and the One ring? (sigh)"
'Yes, what is all this about upstairs...?'
"Oh, nothing.I am indeed honoured, Mithrandir, that you have placed your trust in me. After years of absence for secret research, you are here to speak with me about your latest discovery about Sauron's evil works. Well Gandalf, old friend, let's hear it."
'It's...'
"Oh I'm sorry. You don't mind if I call you Gandalf, instead of Mithrandir?"
'No...'
"It saves a syllable..."
'Alright.'
"But I don't want to be disrespectful..."
'No problem...'
"Thank you. Sorry to have brought it up..."
'Just get on with it, we haven't got all day...'
"Right. Thank you. Sorry for the interruption. So, master Stormcrow..."
'What? Don't call me Stormcrow!'
"Did I call you master Stormcrow? I don't think I did."
'You did. Now get on with it!'
"Can I call you babydoll?"
'No!'
"Pumpkin?"
'Certainly not!'
"Elven drawers?"
'Right, that's it. I'm off.'
"Master Mithrandir, will you tell me about Sauron's plans?"
'Really? No more of this pumpkinny nonsense?'
"None whatsoever. You have my complete attention."
'Well, I'm afraid Frodo Baggins from the Shire is burdened with the One Ring.'
"Shut up already."
That's all the information I need."
'Saruman, the one ring has been found.'
"No it isn't."
'Yes it is.'
"No it isn't. 'Look, stop contradicting me!'
"I don't!"
'You did just then!'
"I never!"
'Oh this is futile. I came here for wise council.'
"No you didn't."
'Well council isn't just contradiction.'
"Yes it is."
'No it isn't. Council is using one's wisdom to try and solve problems in the world surrounding us, it's not just saying 'no it isn't.'
"Yes it is."
'No it isn't.


Note. This piece was originally written in tv/film script format. This is the reason why there is a lot of dialogue, but very little descriptive material. Please use your imagination to fill in the gaps - it is a parody anyway, so some images may already be there inside your head.