Today was one of those days that I wish I hadn't woken up. I wasn't ready for this but as life always does interesting things, it ensured that a curveball was thrown my way and my choices were swing or duck. I should have ducked. Instead I swung.

Now I waited, as time slowed down to a crawl, to see how far I sent that curveball flying and out of the galaxy wasn't an option.

Soundwave had left me in peace shortly after he told me where to look. I left that place for the tallest structure I could find. I needed to think, something I tended to do too much of. When I thought, things got bad. Maybe, I offered to myself, maybe I should just do for once and suffer the actions after. Hm... maybe not.

I sat perched on the pinnacle of the tallest building left of my surroundings. I hadn't paid enough attention to where I went to care or even know where I was. I dug my foot pads into the still miraculously smooth surface below me and leaned over, feeling the wind brush over my wings and stared into the deep purple and black sky.

I had sent a message to Arcee earlier explaining that I wouldn't be back and not to wait. When all was done, she would hear from me and if she didn't, find a way off of this self destructing lump in space.

I reached into my subspace and pulled out the key. I clutched it between the fingers on my hand and stared at the menacing little symbol on the front. The little bastard glowed back at me in the same red that my optics once glowed. I cursed it and wanted to throw it but I knew better.

My anger wouldn't stop at me. I knew where I stood and that was as a loose end. A neutral and yet I had ties everywhere. The Decepticons would seek out all of my contacts and allies, destroy them and leave only their shattered and energon splattered corpses as a message about what happens when you say, "No." I wish I could say that this was what weighed on my consciousness the most but that wasn't the case. It was the safety of Arcee and the Autobots with whom I had come to see as my new family. A new beginning. Oddly as it was now, they were the only allies I had and I couldn't subject them to what I had once suffered. I couldn't do that to Arcee. The pink femme's spark was in the right place even if her mind often went to darker places. It was that balance that made her the warrior and extremely adept fighter that she was as well as a loyal friend. Even to an undeserving wretch like me.

I allowed my mind to wander somewhere I shouldn't have and I shuddered at the memory of that last fateful night. The unbearable pain both physically and mentally paired with the pain of seeing how my actions reflected on the one mech that I had faith in, then watching him turn his back to let the torture continue. That hurt more than the pain that the others had inflicted on me.

I had prayed for the end. I prayed for death and when it came, I pushed it away. I reminded myself why I pushed it away, I did it because inside of me, no matter how I was made, taught or influenced, I wanted to do what was right. I felt the Decepticons had lost sight of their conquest and had been reducing themselves to nothing more than common, yet extremely violent, thugs. Thugs who were hell bent on creating a world of depravity in which they ruled with twisted scepters of pain. I couldn't bear to do that. Order had turned to chaos and I wanted to restore things to a balance.

Oh, I got balanced alright. I got balanced out into small pieces here and there. A broken body, a broken mind a broken spark mixed with guilt, hatred and the linger thrill of the kill.

I have deep issues that I need to work on but first, I need to clear the way for myself so that I can do that. Ha ha.

I was so deep in thought that I had all but shut out the outside world completely. It wasn't until I heard the sonic crack of Thundercracker overhead that I realized where I was. The sound of him whipping the polluted air around him into submission caused me to blink my optics with a fury that hurt. I startled and looked around. I couldn't help but shake my head in slight disgust when I noticed that I had chosen the tallest building in Kaon to be my temporary resting place. Old habits must really die hard in the incredibly stubborn.

So much for staying low. I'm sure I had gained plenty of negative attention just sitting here. I stood up and looked around me. There was no use in scanning the area. All I would get back is a sea of red, mottled and blending signatures. Basically, a big red blob that was purely Decepticon.

I was calm enough and decided that now was better than never. I transformed and flew off towards the fortress, careful not to be to obvious in my behaviour to an already curious Soundwave whom I was sure was somewhere close, watching me.

When I arrived at the main entrance, I didn't hesitate and look unsure of my actions. Transforming just before touching down, I swiftly moved from landing, to extracting the key, swiping to gain entry and walking in. Hopefully I was nothing more than a black blur. Speed in the air may not be my ally against my foes, but here on the ground, I have the advantage.

I walked into long dark passageway that I had entered so many times before as Heatseeker and now as Enigma and stared the imposing walls down in contempt. My hands felt bound. Again I was under Decepticon control. I felt an anger well up inside of me that I didn't exactly want to control.

At the end of the hall, Soundwave stood waiting. This time he exuded no authoritarian presence. Oddly enough, he casually leaned against the wall and only nodded at me as I approached. He held out his hand in a greeting that made my sensors crawl. Any sort of false nicety from him only made me more uncomfortable. Yet then again, I had never seen this side of him. I think that made my sensors all the more skittish.

"You are familiar with the layout of the fortress?" He asked, not moving.

I nodded in response. He tilted his head just enough to show his slight surprise.

"Including locations of crew quarters, work areas, and such?"

I nodded again.

"You've studied?"

"I'm very observant." I said staring straight ahead, not bothering to turn his direction.

"Then proceed." He raised his hand up and gestured in the direction that I was already headed. Officer quarters. Oh boy.

The hall curved around to the left and I knew the location of every camera, sensor and blind spot in this part of the structure. I checked along the way to ensure that nothing had changed or moved. Lucky for me, nothing had.

Just past Sound wave's view point and before the first door, I reached a blind spot. It was here that I activated my cloak. I had recharged extra long earlier and taken a small energon booster to enable me to use the cloak, that I had bartered Mirage and Wheeljack to make for me, to last for an extended period of time. I could only use the cloak in my regular mode which used less energy.

I stopped at the door I needed to enter. My old quarters. I had installed a bypass on this door very early on. It was tricky and hidden well enough that no one should have found it unless I wanted them to. I reached under the scan pad and allowed a small tool in my last finger to activate the bypass. I have to admit, I was surprised that it still worked. Part of me expected that to have been fixed by the only mech who knew about it. Being as it left no identity to whom entered, I guess it was nice to have around, should it be needed. It was nice when I had needed it.

I entered the room and immediately noticed that it had been stripped down the the bare necessities. Just the recharge bed remained, the table and chairs gone. All marks that someone had been here before removed. I looked out of the window for a split moment before opening the door to exit the same way I had to enter and left without a trace.

I walked back out into the hallway and headed towards my next stop. I was taking a gamble on this one but it was worth it. I stopped in front of the door and spent a moment mentally scanning the area inside. I sensed nothing. Feeling safe to enter I reached under the scan pad and opened this door just as I had the other only a moment before. I was surprised that it too still had its bypass. I hurriedly entered, allowing the door to close swiftly behind me.

When I turned towards the interior of the room, I inhaled long and unnecessarily from my intakes while I looked around. Nothing had changed except for a few items that had been added to include an all too familiar sword mounted on the wall of other war trophies. A single light shown down on them all. At the top was the sword. It was battered but obviously repaired by hand but not my hand as it had been repaired so many times before.

I didn't know what to think as I ran an invisible cloaked finger over the now darkened blade of one of the swords that I had carried on me for over 2 million mega-cycles. The hilt was still red but the paint was chipped from the last battle. Near the hilt were stains of my own energon. I knew this sword, it was the very one that Sunstorm had run me through with. Of all the damned things to keep...!

I calmed myself down and moved away from the wall to search the rest of the room. If anything was here, I would find it. I knew every hiding spot in here and exactly how the room's occupant thought. I checked the desk, running through the stack of data pads that cluttered it and found, nothing. Absolutely nothing. I felt my reservoir sink again. This wasn't going to be easy.

I sat back in the chair and tilted my head back against the top of it to stretch my neck lifters when I heard the scan pad beep outside. I shot up out of the chair and into the far corner like lightening across the sky. End game even if I was still cloaked. Time was running down and if I didn't get out soon and return and stop the cloak, I was going to be a very obvious, very vulnerable, black bounty hunter passed out on the floor.

I stood as still as possible as the door opened and for the first time in a long time, I was alone in a room and staring directly into the optics of Starscream.

Only my life could be this messed up.

––––––––––––––––––

If statues could feel, they would be jealous of how still I stood in the corner of his room. Thank Primus I don't need to breathe. Thank Primus that I had enough reserve energy to still be cloaked.

I wasn't scared. I was nervous yes, but I was mostly trying to figure out what the frag to do next.

I watched as the door closed behind him and he raised a hand to his head growling, "Primus, die already you old can of bolts."

I fought the urge to chuckle. Somethings never change, he's still trying to over throw Megatron only now he's become a little bit bitter about it. The moment of humour dissolved as jealousy overcame me. Here he still sat, alive and well even though Megatron was well aware of Starscream's treachery and lust his position yet here I sat hidden, the dark shadow of my former self, for being no better.

Part of me wanted to strangle him, pull the servos from his neck until the lack of power to his processor ended it. The other part couldn't even function. It didn't know what to do.

I remained as still as the ground below us as I watched him settle down.

He walked over to the desk where all of his data pads were and set down another that he had carried in with him. As he tapped away at the screen, he muttered random utterances of hatred towards Megatron and the occasional pledge to someday be the greatest leader that the Decepticons had ever seen.

I silently rolled my optics at this. It'll never happen. Megatron will hold onto life as long as necessary just to ensure that Starscream would never ascend to the throne. The son of a glitch would do it just to irritate him. The old cantankerous bastard will probably have his head removed and added to the mainframe when his end comes just to make sure that Starscream will always bow down before him.

Starscream put down the data pad and pushed it aside. He put his hands in his head and seemed to get lost in thought for a moment. It seemed like forever before he raised his head, wiping his face with his hands and staring off into nowhere in particular. He looked to the right and I followed his gaze as he stared at his trophy wall with the same empty, million klik gaze in his optics.

He stood up and walked over the wall which was directly across his recharge bed from where I was hiding. Curiosity got the best of me as I watched his every move with the utmost scrutiny.

He studied each item as if deciding which was the most interesting. It was when his optics came to rest on my sword that I focused sharply. He reached out and ran his finger along the blade, the look on his faceplates tightening for a moment. When he reached the hilt, he wrapped his hand around it and pulled up, removing it from it's stand. With two hands, one on the hilt and one on the blade, he gingerly held it in front of him. He sat down on the recharge bed still holding my sword.

I wish I could say what was going through my head at this moment but anything of merit was lost behind shock. I closed my own optics and silently reached out with my mind, feeling for what he was thinking.

Pain. Just pain. A flash of memories then pure, intense, anger. It was so strong, so fast, so severe that my optics snapped open and I gasped. I saw his head shoot up. He turned from one side to the other, his optics wide in surprise.

Frag, he heard that. I silently swore to myself but I hadn't expected such a surge. I had reached out a few times since I had been reborn and never had anything strike me that hard.

Perhaps something else had transpired as well for now Starscream stood up and faced the room, backing against the wall and still holding the sword close but in a defensive stance, he looked... well, he looked spooked. Spooked and ready to tear something apart if necessary.

I knew that all he saw was a room empty of anyone but himself so I reached out again and searched him. He had heard me before. Something told me that he had felt me each time I reached out as well. Although he wasn't a telepath, I believed he could but again, how was it possible? I watched as I searched him, mentally approaching him carefully, he blinked rapidly as I lightly touched his mind with my own. I pushed just a little more and then he gasped.

I pulled back a bit and remained just on the edge of his consciousness. This was weird yet interesting. The angry part of me was starting to enjoy itself. I gingerly moved closer with my mind and felt his thoughts until I felt what he was feeling. Anger, hurt, pain and something else. We were feeling the same thing. I saw my own face from ages ago staring back at me and then a flash of what he saw the last time I saw him.

Anger flowed like hot oil through my lines and I fought the urge to mentally berate him. To let all the anger of him walking away from me free. To hurt him the way he had hurt me. Then I saw more. Felt more. I had struck the first. Even though I didn't know it, I had hurt him first. I had dug my sword into him when he found out on those steps what I had done. How I had betrayed him. I watched the tip of the sword drop just a bit.

It was then that I had my epiphany. None of it mattered. It was over, in the past. There was nothing I could do to fix it. To get it back or not. I could only move on from here no matter what had lain in my past.

"Heatseeker..." he whispered in his mind. His optics were closed. Hearing my name pulled me back to reality. I started to pull back from his mind but not before forcing an image into it, that of him walking away. His optics popped open and he gripped the sword so tight that I heard the metal squeal in protest.

"Frag." he swore as he looked down at it and grimaced. He turned around and faced the trophy wall to put it back and I noticed that his right hand shook ever so slightly.

He sighed and walked to the door. I remained as still as the walls around me while he disappeared into the hall and the door closed behind him. I waited a klik to be sure that he wasn't coming back before I got up. When I searched with my mind to see if he was near and saw that he wasn't, I moved to his desk to search the data pad that he had brought in with him.

There were no plans or files on dimensional compression but I didn't find the location of his current lab. It seems that Megatron's pet is now using extra free time to tinker around with old ideas. I placed the pad back where I had found it and shut it down. I didn't want him thinking that anyone was actually in his quarters. I'd rather he be haunted by his own conscious.

I walked to the door and slipped through it like the ghost I wanted to be. Let the cameras catch it. Let him see the recordings and think his quarters were haunted. It would just make my job easier.

I had thinking to do and plans to make. Here would not be the best place for me to do so. I didn't know which way that Starscream had gone, I wanted to go the opposite direction of everyone. I didn't want to move too quickly. I knew that patience would pay off, now I had planning to do.

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When I began this story over a year and a half ago, I had just finished another about a character that I had loved writing. This volume has been difficult because I had written Heatseeker after I had created Enigma in the time of the movie verse. I have pages upon pages of a unpublished Enigma story written but I wanted to start off from her beginnings hence the creation of Heatseeker. The hardest part has been bridging the two and basically telling the story of how Enigma ended up how she did/will. This volume of the story is not my favourite but I don't want to rush it. I tried a different approach to my story telling by writing this volume from the first person perspective. I just wanted to convey the complex feelings that she has as best that I could.

Heatseeker was an absolute joy and to be honest with you, I really would like to write about her again so if any of you read my first story Enigma: Betrayal's Becoming and really enjoyed the dynamic between Starscream and Enigma, I may be tempted to do a version that takes place even earlier on than the last. ;-)

I will say this, if you enjoyed Heatseeker, then when I get to Enigma's story in our near future then please be patient. I've been writing her story for a year. She is also a reoccurring character in another story of mine Yep, That Mind is Lost.

In the mean time, I hope this story is enjoyable for you and all reviews are appreciated, ideas are even implemented. ;-) Cheers.