Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 7

Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Still don't own them.

Author's Note: Again, thanks for the great reviews. After the crummy day I've had, it heals the soul.

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Dawn stole sideways glances at Spike on the way home from the dinner at her sister's house. Funny that she thought of it as Buffy's and not hers. Kind of like Spike. She could see the muscle twitching in his jaw and his cheekbones were even more defined as he clenched his jaw. God, Buffy was an idiot. She sighed and looked away.

Whatever was going on with them, she didn't want to know. If they had been together then it must be over. And it must have been bad for Spike to completely cut her out of his life. And knowing her sister, it was probably her fault. She wondered how Spike dealt with the anger now. Before the chip he would have gone out and killed a bunch of people to make him feel better, but now? She knew he hadn't killed anyone since he found out the chip didn't work anymore. Well, except for that guy whom she refused to think about at any time.

Buffy didn't realize how strong Spike's character really was. He went against his very nature to take care of her and to love the Slayer. He had to war with the demon constantly to avoid chaos and bloodshed. It must be a terrible way to have to live, that thing clawing around inside of him all the time whispering to him to kill, kill, kill.

She reached over hesitantly and loosened one of his hands from the steering wheel. She placed a quick kiss on the back of it and held it tightly in her own smaller one. She refused to look up at him. She didn't want to see the pain reflected there or the wish that she was her sister sitting here instead of his Little Bit. He didn't pull away and held her hand all the way to the apartment.

She followed him up the steps and into the apartment. He didn't cut any lights on and went straight for the alcohol. She fell back against the door shutting it and just leaning there for a moment. He came back into the living room and flopped down on the couch. He was hurting so badly and she didn't know what to do for him. She was only fifteen and she'd never been in love. She'd never experienced passion and she didn't know what if felt like to have your heart shattered into a million pieces. But his pain was hers and she wanted to stop it.

She moved away from the door and went to sit beside him on the couch. He hadn't taken the first sip yet. He just sat there starring blankly at the dark screen of the television.

"Spike?" He looked up as if startled to find her there.

"Yeah, pigeon?" She wondered sometimes why he never used her real name.

"Spike, I don't know what's going on with you and Buffy. I mean I can sort of guess what happened and I'm sure she screwed it up royally. Spike, no matter what she ever says to you, don't believe the bad stuff. You are.you are wonderful." She blushed a little and turned her eyes to the floor. It would be easier to get this out if she didn't have to see those sad, blue eyes.

"You love her so much and do so much that she doesn't even see. You take care of me and even the Scoobies that you hate. You turned your world upside down to make her happy, I'm sure of it and she just keeps..." she was so angry she couldn't even think of what to say. Tears were welling up slowly but she fought for control. She swallowed hard and chanced looking him in the eye.

"You're a good man, Spike. Better than any she's ever known. Well except maybe Giles." Spike gave a short bark of laughter. He pulled her into a tight hug. So tight that she could barely breathe.

"Oh, Dawn, you are.you are sun that doesn't burn me, sweet. You are the only light in my life that I need." He choked on the words and just held onto her. He couldn't help but wish it were Buffy saying these healing words to him. How was it that Dawn knew him so well and loved and trusted him so much and Buffy wouldn't give him a drop of water if he were on fire?

He knew how hard it had been for her to say these things to him. She was a fifteen-year-old girl with a big crush on him but she had stepped over that to tell him what was in her heart. Her maturity had to stem from Joyce. That or technically being like a thousand years old.

He let her go and she shuffled away from him quickly.

"Well, I guess I better get to bed. School tomorrow and all. Are you gonna drive me again?"

"Yeah, bit. I'll take you every day till you graduate if you ask me." She smiled softly and got up to get ready for bed. There was no phone call from Buffy and the alcohol remained untouched.

The next week passed quickly. Buffy called to let Dawn know she got the job at the bank. She was being very distant to Spike because of what had almost happened in the kitchen. He was at the point of not caring. She was set to start the following Monday. She didn't force Dawn to come home but she did visit and she called every day.

Spike and Dawn painted her room and she even dragged him to Bed, Bath and Beyond on Friday night to buy stuff to decorate. She made him wear 'normal' clothes so he would blend in. Three girls hit on him. He was extremely uncomfortable but Dawn of course thought it was hilarious. After she had everything she needed they headed to a quick supper and a movie. Dawn was having the time of her life.

She'd never had so many jealous glares directed at her in her whole life. It made her feel so special to be on the arm of such a good-looking guy who saw no one but her. The movie was horrible but they had a blast critiquing it to the point that they were finally 'shushed' by several people.

They got home late and there was a message from Buffy that she wanted to spend Saturday with Dawn. Amidst a lot of whining and groaning, Spike convinced her it was a good idea. He promised her that when she got home they could finish up the room.

Saturday morning Spike was in the bed when Buffy arrived to get Dawn. A timid knock on the door woke him up. At his grunt, Dawn peeked her head inside the door.

"Hey, we're leaving now. I'll be home around eight or so. It's gonna be a long day from the itinerary she just read me. She has to get nice stuff for work." He waved bye half-heartedly and then the house fell blessedly quiet.

And he could not sleep. He'd gotten so used to Dawn being there and the familiar noises she made that he couldn't sleep without hearing them. Ugh. He flung the covers off and checked the time. It was only 9:00 a.m. What the hell was he supposed to do all day till his bit got home? He was stuck in this blasted apartment till the sun set. He could try to make it to the tunnel access but going to a bar this early was too much even for him. Maybe he'd go check on Clem. He hadn't seen him since the fated birthday party.

And of course, the wrinkly demon was sleeping. Spike didn't even bother to wake him up. Man, was he bored. Well, there was only one thing left to do. He'd go to the mall and stalk the Summer's sisters.

The tunnel access came out at the service entrance to the hardware store in the mall. He raced to the door and made it safely inside. Maybe while he was here he could nick some new music. Dawn wasn't there for him to be a bad influence on and he didn't want to lose his touch.

He was flipping through CDs when he heard the familiar high-pitched squeal. He was hit from the side by a hyper teenager.

"Spike! What are you doing here? I thought you were sleeping!" She was so excited he thought she would burst. He looked over Dawn's head, which he wasn't going to be able to do for much longer if she kept growing, and saw the dark look on Buffy's face.

"Just browsing, sweet bit. Couldn't sleep. It was too quiet." She smiled up at him and suddenly it didn't matter that Buffy was angry with him for showing up.

"So, whatcha gettin?" She looked down at the CD he had clutched in his hand. It was by some band she'd never heard of but she feigned interest just to piss her sister off.

"Look, Dawn, I'm not here to interrupt sister bonding time. I couldn't sleep so I went to see Clem but lucky for him he 'can' sleep so I came here. You guys just continue on as if I weren't here." He heard the unladylike snort from Buffy. Dawn rolled her eyes at her sister.

"You could come with us?" He saw Buffy's mouth open to immediately deny that request but he beat her to it.

"No, that's okay. I'm not up on the latest business fashion, platelet." Dawn face fell instantly. God, he spoiled her.

"How bout I meet up with you guys for lunch around 1:00 at the food court, okay?" That brightened her up. She agreed, as did Buffy begrudgingly. He followed them out of the music store and at a distance. They talked every now and then but it wasn't like it used to be. At least Dawn used to get on Buffy's nerves. That was something. This was just sad. He had to call Giles again tonight.

He met up with them at one as promised and Dawn launched into an explanation of their entire day. She looked relieved to have him there. She had relaxed visibly when he sat down at their table. Buffy stared morosely at her hamburger and refused to look at him. He ignored her.

After forty-five minutes of the two of them going on like they hadn't seen each other in years, Buffy interrupted.

"Come on, Dawnie. I need to hit a few more places before we see the movie." They looked up as if they had completely forgotten she was there.

"Oh, right, okay." Dawn cleaned up her mess as Buffy got her bags. That left her and Spike alone for a few moments. They shuffled nervously around each other not knowing what to say. Spike finally felt foolish and said something.

"I'm sorry I ruined your day, pet. I really didn't mean for her to see me." Buffy sighed and let herself relax. She was being ridiculous.

"It's okay. She saw you from like a mile away and made a beeline. I had hoped today might...help, you know?" He smiled sympathetically. He didn't really know how she felt because he and Dawn had never had a problem relating to each other.

Again they fell silent. Buffy huffed and finally brought up what they had both been avoiding.

"I'm sorry about the.um.kitchen..thing." She blushed and looked down at her feet.

"Buffy.."

"No, it was my fault. I said it was over but when you get so close.." Again with the blushing. Dawn chose that moment to come bounding back over to them.

"Hey, I'm ready." She could feel the tension. And the little tick in Spike's jaw was back. She looked back and forth between the two of them and watched them do their best to avoid the other one's eyes. God, they were such children sometimes.

"Come on, Buffy. The movie starts in like ten minutes." Buffy looked as if she could have hugged her for saving her from the awkwardness of the moment. They grabbed their bags and after Dawn's brief good-bye to Spike they left him standing there.

Spike forgot all about nicking new music and headed for the bar.

TBC