If I Die Young And Cursed
Summary: This is the edited, revised and extended version to my FanFic Cursed. I felt like this needed to happen. Allen was a cursed child, abandoned by his birth parents because of his arm, cursed by his adoptive father and now he has to travel around with a maniacal man named Cross. But he knew all of it will be worth it in the end as he will be an exorcist. During his journeys with Cross he meets a boy a few years older than him and the two of them fall in love. Deep down he knows his happiness will be short lived. He just hopes to live to see old age. Poker Pair, One-sided Yullen, LxR, BxL, MexLB,
Kittenanimegirl13- Thank you so much for the review and things should be looking up a bit for Allen the next few chapters
Ryuakilover- Well Allen will be having a break from Kanda in the next few chapters so no worries.
*The Fic will SLIGHTLY follow the DgrayMan original storyline but only slightly so don't expect too much.
**Majority of the chapters are in Allen's POV when POV changes I will indicate who it is.
Chapter Theme: I want you here by Plumb
Chapter Six- To The Fullest
Tyki had fallen asleep with his arm wrapped around my waist soon after my mini freak out about having to face the very person who now controls my nightmares. Even with thoughts that I was going to be protected and would stay safe, I still had a fear. Something was going to go down and I wasn't sure if I was prepared for it or not. It was these thoughts that were keeping me up and if I didn't find some way to fall asleep I was going to go insane soon. Looking behind me I couldn't help but smile at how childlike Tyki looked. His skin was no longer ashen colored and because of sleeping his hair was once again in that unruly style and slightly in his face. I lifted my face up and left a feather like kiss on his cheek before somehow managing to maneuver myself out of his grip and slipped out of the private room. Maybe I could find some food and I'd be able to sleep. I just didn't know which way to take and I didn't really want to run into anyone in the car where the Millennium Earl was at.
"I knew you'd eventually venture out looking for food or something." I wasn't shocked to hear Cross behind me. He was for once not wearing his black and gold Jacket, instead he wore a pair of black leather pants with buckles running up them. He wore some sort of heavy duty boots. Judgment was holstered to his side and I was surprised to see him wearing a cream colored button up with a high collar. Both the collar and the ends of his long sleeves were a type of voluminous cuff, giving him a pirate like look. And let's not forget his black gloves, but that's not a surprise since I always wear my white ones. Also his hair wasn't down this time he had it lightly pulled back fully showing his white mask. It was pulled back like during the time when he was taking care of me after Mana died.
"I couldn't sleep and since I haven't eaten anything since before I was left with Kanda I'm kind of starved a little. I didn't want to disturb Tyki at all." I explained to my shishou and I watch him sigh before stepping away from the wall he was leaning on and walking over putting his arm around my shoulders loosely. It was rare to see Cross's softer side, but it wasn't non-existant.
"Also with what we found in your system, it's astonishing that your innocence is even in working condition. Though I doubt you can invoke right now and I don't advise you either for at least another few days to ensure that whatever he gave you is entirely out of your system and we get you properly fed. Just please don't eat the entire stock of food on the train." Cross joked at the end of his lecture, and here I was to assume he didn't know how to joke around when being serious.
"I didn't plan to Cross, just a plate or two and then I'll head back to the room Tyki and I are in to try and get some sleep. We all know I probably need it." I explained to him watching my feet as we walked along the train car in the opposite direction of the private car Tyki had taken me to. I didn't mind being around the other Noah's but the Earl himself intrigued me and I would just rather not be alone near him.
"You're not sleeping because you're scared Allen, and I haven't seen you this afraid since when you faced your official first Akuma back in India when your friend there became one. Maybe in this situation your fear is even worst, because this time you don't know how to face it. Sadly you can't just up and destroy what you fear. Not saying that you fear Kanda himself but you fear the fact of what he is capable of doing to you and that is not an easy fear to overcome." Every word Cross spoke hit me like a knife stabbing into my chest. I knew he was right, but I ignored the panic that wished to rise up into my chest. I didn't want to cry again.
"Cross I don't think now is the right time to bringing that up to him." The female voice behind us was unfamiliar, but I recognized her from inside the private car when Tyki took me to speak to Cross and the Earl. She wore a formal suit and had thin blonde hair pulled back into a low pony. She wore a simple black suit.
"Evening Lulu Bell." Cross greeted curtly, and the woman only smirked.
"I'll take him from here because knowing you, you'll only upset him more." Her smile was sweet but you could see the wickedness behind it very easily.
"Whatever you say, I will leave him with you. But tomorrow I do want to begin his training on how to locate Nea." Cross explained, his arm fell from my shoulders and I looked between him and Lulu Bell both. Lulu Bell seemed like she wanted to hurt Cross for some reason, but I wasn't going to ask why. Cross simply walked away back to the way we came and disappeared into a room.
"Now Mr. Walker, accompany me to the dining car?" She asked, her voice sweet as she walked towards me and held her hand out like she was reaching out to a child. I gave her a small smile back before shakily reaching out and taking her hand. The walk to the dining car was silent, but it was a comfortable peace. I got nothing but positive vibes from Ms. Lulu Bell. It was almost a familiar vibe but I didn't think too much on it. We arrived to the dining car and Lulu Bell led me to where they had a buffet table out and she handed me a plate. I made sure not to pile my food on too high just enough where I knew I'd be satisfied for the night then I followed Lulu Bell to an empty table.
"I'm sorry if everything seems so intimidating Allen. We didn't want you to meet us on these circumstances. We didn't wish for you to be thrown blindly into such a lifestyle. For that I deeply apologize." She said to me reaching across the small round table resting her hand onto my left wrist.
"It's not your fault Ms. Lulu Bell, things happen for a reason and it can't be helped. I'm just happy to have met Tyki and I am happy to know that one day soon I will be able to know my family." I replied looking down into my lap.
"Your mother and father love you very much Allen and can't wait to get to know you." She said before sitting back and beginning to eat her small salad. I couldn't help but look at her and see how peaceful her face looks at the moment.
"Do you know my mother?" I find myself asking eating my food here and there. I didn't wish to sit in complete silence. Especially if I didn't have to.
"I know her very well actually and she's very excited to see you again." She told me plopping a grape into her mouth.
"I'm excited to see her to actually...Um, Ms. Lulu Bell could I ask you something?" I ask, the dreaded question plaguing my mind.
"I cannot tell you who she is. And I cannot tell you who your father is either, though at this moment it is very obvious of who he is Allen. You were not given up because they didn't love you, but because they believed you'd be safer, but it only proved to be the other way around." She answered my questions before I could even ask them.
"H-how did you know I was going to ask those?" I asked my eyes widened slightly.
"Because I can see the hurt and confusion in your eyes. Also, those are the questions I've always wanted to ask the parents who abandoned me. I never got my answers, but I will make sure yours do get answered." She explained lifting her hand and pulled the dark shaded glasses from her face setting them onto the table. Like the other Noah's she too had amber colored eyes, but you could see a bit of silver in them.
"Ms. Lulu Bell..." I wasn't able to get the rest of the words out and she only gave me a smile.
"The only person who can really answer anything for you is Nea. He's been inside of you for a very long time." She said then sighed.
"My visit with you is over, if you ever wish to talk again just come find me. I'll be lurking by." She told me and got up grabbing her unfinished fruit salad. I was about to ask why she was leaving me alone but Sheril took the seat across from me two coffees in hand setting one by my plate.
"I wanted to see how you are before Tyki finds you. Road has him on a wild goose chase looking for you." Sherril smiled, I couldn't help but sigh.
"Teasing him isn't nice, but I'm fine just sorting out a lot of thoughts is all. Sheril, I trust my shishou and all but how would I go about finding Nea?" I asked and I watched him sigh.
"It's something you have to do on your own. I don't know how Cross is going to go about training you. That's why we were going to go get Wisely, if you can't figure it out yourself then Wisely can forcefully unlock him and then you can communicate with him and let him know the update." Sheril explained to me then began to smile sheepishly and I turned around to see a very flustered Tyki standing there huffing and puffing.
"So did Road give you the slip?" Sheril asked and Tyki only growled out before coming over and pulling me up into his arms hugging onto me. His face was buried into my neck his arms tightening their hold around me.
"I thought I lost you again when I couldn't find you." His voice was slightly muffled but I understood him still.
"You will never lose me Tyki. I'm right here." I whisper wrapping my arms around Tyki reassuring him that I was okay. "I was hoping you'd still be asleep when I got back, I was a bit hungry." I find myself giggling.
"Come brother have a seat I will go get you a cup of coffee." Sheril said getting up and walking back towards where they served coffee. I took my seat and Tyki took the one by me holding onto my left hand.
"I'm sorry if I scared you." I apologized before taking another bite of my food. Tyki had his head laid onto the table breathing heavily.
"It's fine just next time tell me where you're going." He said and I could only smile.
"I promise." I said giving his hand a light squeeze.
Eating didn't take long after that and Sheril was accompanying us back to the room we were staying at on the train. Both him and Tyki were discussing things in Portuguese and I walked behind them a bit to allow them some privacy. It was nice seeing them interact even though Sheril would take it too far from time to time. We were nearing the train car Tyki and I stayed in when I heard a faint voice. I had stopped and began looking around, the other two hadn't noticed I was falling behind.
Allen!
My head snapped around and I looked out the window. I couldn't help but jump back at the person I saw standing there next to my reflection, before I could even scream out the pull on my consciousness became strong and I found the world around me becoming black. I didn't even feel the impact as I collapsed. When my vision came back I was no longer on the train anymore but in a strange world with a crescent moon which looked to be falling to pieces. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked down the only path before me. I didn't know why I was brought here and I wish I could run into Tyki's arms. He must be worried after I collapsed and is probably panicking.
"Cross doesn't have to worry about training you on how to wake me up. I was never asleep to begin with." I froze at the voice and spun around to see a man standing there before me. He had black spikey hair, ashen gray skin and those amber colored eyes. He looked very similar to Tyki. He wore a white dress shirt covered by a black sleeveless vest and black slacks and on top of that was a beige colored trench coat.
"A-Are you Nea?" I find myself asking making sure to keep my distance from the person. Just from his skin I could tell he was part of the Noah family, but I had to be sure first.
"Yes I am Allen and I am not here to hurt you. I want to tell you that when you and Wisely accompany Cross to the Black Order that I will be there to help you through it. I will not allow that samurai to harm you in such a way again." Nea said walking towards me, I only stood there watching him. At this point I was no longer afraid as he approached me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders hugging me close to him.
"Nea is the innocence in my arm…is it actually yours?" I find myself asking resting the side of my head onto his chest. I felt his fingers brush through my hair.
"Yes it is and so long as you are my host you will have this arm to protect you." He spoke quietly. I closed my eyes hiding the disappointment in my eyes.
"When you wake I'll lose the innocence and be useless, won't I?" I asked, I wasn't able to hide my disappointment.
"Nonsense, you have your other innocence. It just hasn't woken up yet because I am in you." He spoke calmly. I could only nod my head. I felt safe in this mans arms, he felt like family. So did the other Noah's but him more so just like the Lord Millennium and Lulu Bell. I felt impatient waiting for us to get to his body so he could wake up.
"I trust you Nea, just like how I trust everyone else. I found the family I've been missing." I could feel the tears in my eyes. I didn't even try to stop them from falling.
"I promise when I am woken up again in my body, you'll never have to be alone ever again. I promised your father I'd keep watch over you, and I will see that to the end. Now I must send you back, Tyki must be freaking out right about now." He chuckled connecting the mindscape to the outside world. Sure enough you could hear Tyki's voice loudly yelling for me to wake up. In the background I could hear Road trying to console him and not shout too much. I could only smile.
I felt Nea's presence vanish and the mindscape landscape also faded away. Around me was nothing but blackness golden firefly balls of light floating up past me. All I could feel is nothing but warmth. I closed my eyes and reached my hand out until I felt soft flesh under my fingertips. When I opened my eyes again I was out of my mindscape and back on the train. My hand was gently caressing Tyki's cheek and I only smiled up at him.
"I thought I lost you, you weren't responding. *Eu te amo tanto." He whispered leaning his forehead onto mine. For some reason I could understand the words he spoke to me in Portuguese. It felt as if I had spoken it before.
"**Eu sempre voltarei para você." I whispered back to him tilting my head slightly and softly pressed my lips to his. I felt his arms tightly wrap around my waist pulling me close to him.
Cross POV
"So when do you plan to tell him the truth. No scratch that…when do you plan to tell Tyki and Allen both the truth?" I leaned my back against the car wall lighting up a cigarette. I watched and waited for Adam to answer me.
"The truth that about what really happened? On how everyone died and how Nea really lost his soul and ended up in Allen? I don't think that is wise Cross. It would change everything and we'd be facing the same horrors we did fifty years ago." Adam answered with a heavy sigh, his eyes were full of sadness and regret.
"Mana did us a favor watching over him while everyone began to reawake. Only ones with no memory are those two. Why don't you wish to tell them? It's not like Allen is working for the order again." I brought up exhaling the smoke from the cigarette.
"It's because The Ark will not allow the two of them to fully be with one another. When Nea returns Allen might vanish, we all did what he had to stop it from happening last time. This time is no different Cross. Allen is not real, and I have no plans to destroy that image in both his and Tyki's mind again. So I ask you please don't say anything." Adam spoke before turning away and heading back to the room he was staying.
I took another drag from what Allen calls my cancer stick and looked to the two. It was very obvious they loved one another, so I understood what Adam was saying. Seeing the smile on Allen's face I wander what Nea had told him. I know by now he knows his innocence Crown Clown is not his, but belongs to Nea, the first Noah to possess innocence. Then there is Allen, up until now had been a complete enigma. The boy wasn't even real and I began to wander if we would have to watch Lulu Bell break all over again.
Closing my eyes I turned as well and followed Adam. This wasn't the time to bring darkness upon everyone once more.
YAY! It's about time I got on with this once more. Sorry for such the giant delay. After my move I went through some really emotional things. I'm still getting over some of it but it's at a livable level now. But yea thanks for the patience!
*I love you so much
**I will always come back to you
