The glow of the computer screen is the only light in her office as Riley scrolls through fertility sites. She's delivered hundreds of babies and seen more than her fair share, but she can't help staring at each of the pictures. The advertisements all make promises for her own bundle of joy and she finds herself trying to picture a baby on her hip. It's not the first time she's allowed the daydreams to flutter through her mind, but it's the first time in a long time that it feels like a real possibility.

The problem is that she's not sure if she wants a baby or to move on to the next phase of life. Graduation is coming up at the high school and as she watches Hailey finish up applications and talk about going away to college, Riley feels old. Listening to Hailey talk reminds her of her own senior year and the memories aren't as pleasant as she hopes that Hailey's are.

She finds herself suffocating and the walls are slowly closing in around her. By the end of her junior year she can feel the illusion she has wrapped around herself starting to fade and her smile feels like an unnatural expression on her face. It's mirrored by the look of guilt that glistens in Maya's eyes every time they speak because Riley can see exactly how Maya has started looking at Lucas. Riley had thought that the love triangle was over, but something about Lucas defending Maya has changed things and Riley doesn't know what to do.

Maya goes to art camp for the summer and Lucas returns to Texas. It's like suddenly being able to breath after being trapped underwater for an extended period of time. She lets her pretenses drop and for the first time really mourns everything she has lost with the onset of high school. She spends the summer going to Broadway shows with Farkle and planning their lives from her roof top.

Naturally, she still has no idea what she wants to do, but she tells him stories of how she'll become a famous actress or a professional magician's assistant and they pretend that she's serious. Farkle tells her about the pressure that he's feeling to go to business school and they plan detailed and well-thought out ways to escape the city. (If her parents care that she's pricing out tickets to Siberia on the family computer, they don't say anything.)

When Maya gets back things are different. Riley can tell that something has happened and Maya is more on edge than Riley has ever seen her. For the first time, nothing Riley does seems to get through to her and she starts avoiding Riley at every turn. Once, Riley would have tracked Maya down and forced her to talk, but she's trying so hard to be her own person that she lets it slide, figuring that Maya will come back to her when she's ready.

Riley and Lucas can barely stand to be in the same room together. They haven't talked much since their messy break up and Riley doesn't know what role she plays in his life anymore. Thankfully, it's football season and Lucas wants a state title, so he momentarily disappears from their friend circle. Riley decides to join the debate team and Farkle is incredibly patient in helping her get up to speed. She never wins anything, but she doesn't really expect to, starting out her senior year.

Things settle into a kind of rhythm and the days start passing unnoticed. Unfortunately, fate picks up on it and decides to throw her a new challenge.

She's not even in bed, yet, though it's dark outside and she's enjoying a night in with Auggie. For the first time in a long time she can see that she's actually content with her life and that she really does believe that things are going to work out.

That's why she's not overly worried when her phone starts to vibrate against the coffee table. She picks it up and frowns as she looks at the number, "Hello?"

"Riley, something's happened," Farkle says carefully and a feeling of dread settles into the pit of her stomach.

"Okay?" Riley says, bracing herself against the armrest.

"Maya's been arrested for possession of drugs," Farkle sighs, and she can hear the sound of sirens in the background.

"What? She can't be," Riley pauses, her eyes falling on Auggie, before she moves to the other room, "Doing drugs. We would know."

"She's saying that she's been hanging onto them for a friend," Farkle offers, but she can tell that he doesn't believe it.

"What kind of drugs?" Riley asks, pacing her bedroom.

"Prescription pain pills," Farkle says matter-of-factly and Riley tries to go over any signs of what he's talking about in her head. Maya hasn't been around often enough for Riley to think of anything.

"No, that's not Maya, she wouldn't," Riley insists, trailing off as she runs out of arguments.

"It'll be okay, Riles. I've called in the family lawyer and he thinks that we can get her off on rehab and community service, since it's her first charge," Farkle assures her, "We're just waiting for a judge to set bail."

"I should be there, I'm coming down there," Riley insists, grabbing a jacket from her closet.

"She doesn't want you here, Riley. She specifically asked that you not be here," Farkle says and Riley finds herself collapsing on her bed.

"Why?" Riley asks, blankly.

"It was hard enough for Lucas to convince her that I could help. I just don't think that she wants anyone to know about it," Farkle says.

"Lucas is there?" Riley asks, beginning to feel nauseated.

"I'll call you when I know more. Don't worry about it, Riles, we can handle this one."

Riley blinks and returns to her office, shutting off the computer and grabbing her bag for the night. Just as she's about to leave, she turns around and grabs the unopened letter from her drawer; Shoving it in the pocket of her jacket. Digging out all the past memories for the last few weeks is an oddly cleansing process and she finds that the sting is slowly coming out of them.

Talking to Lucas had made her feel lighter somehow and she has this strange and uncertain feeling that something good is coming her way. She places a hand on her stomach, trying to imagine it extended before her or filled with another living being and a smile spreads across her face.

There's a flyer taped to the door of the practice and Riley pauses as she takes in the picture of Roy, the candidate to die for. Oddly enough the high school seems to have been taken with it and Farkle is now pressuring Roy to ride in a parade float through town dressed as the Grim Reaper. She doesn't have the heart to mention to Roy that she's also seen Farkle pricing out hearses. The founder's day parade is several weeks away and Riley's surprised to find that she's looking forward to it.

"You seem chipper," Farkle greets her as she enters the carriage house.

He's made dinner, with the help of Zay, via webchat and Riley's mouth starts watering at the smells coming from her kitchen.

"You're not a bad roommate," Riley smiled at him, tossing her jacket on the bed and untucking her blouse from her skirt, "Let me go get changed and we can eat."

"I've been asked to speak at graduation," Farkle informed her, when she left the bathroom dressed in her pajamas.

They've just hit February and graduation is already all anyone will talk about. That, and how they managed to avoid a winter with only minimal snow. She knows that they're probably going to be complaining when they're in the middle of a drought that summer, but she's never been good at driving in the snow and is glad she hasn't had to brave that obstacle, yet.

"You haven't had enough of graduation speeches?" Riley asked, sinking down at the kitchen table and smiling as Farkle took off her pink apron. He makes a pretty good housewife.

"Smackle wasn't considered for this one," Farkle smirked, handing her a fork and sitting down across from her.

"I wonder why," Riley laughed, taking a bite of the corn bread and groaning as the taste registered.

"I should have been Valedictorian, Riley, it was all clearly rigged," Farkle said, digging into his own food.

"Salutatorian is nothing to laugh at with a class our size," Riley assured him.

"That didn't stop, Maya," Farkle pointed out.

Maya spends six weeks in a rehab facility and refuses to let anyone see her. Riley sends letters and mostly feels guilty that she didn't see what was going on. If Riley had bothered to tell someone about the partying, maybe someone would have stopped Maya before she got to this point. Once upon a time, it had been Riley's job to stop Maya before she got in too deep and she can't believe how she's let everything become so messed up.

Her uncle Shawn spends the entire six weeks there and has flowers sent to Maya every day. Katy and him have been playing around with the idea of being something for years; but both of them have plenty of commitment issues. Riley think that this might be their turning point.

Maya comes back more like her old self, though the way she keeps looking at Lucas, stirs up feelings of frustration and jealousy in Riley. She may love Maya like a sister, but she's still holding out hope that she and Lucas will find their way back to each other.

"Can we talk?" Maya asks, hesitating just outside of the bay window. Riley's doing her homework on the bed and for a second she wants to deny Maya's request.

"Of course," Riley agrees, moving over to join her.

"I owe you an explanation," she admitted, watching her lap intently, "You know I've always had a tendency to take things too far."

"This was a little bit more than too far, Maya," Riley pointed out, trying to read the expressions crossing her best friend's face.

"I know, it started with the drinking and the parties. You had Lucas and Farkle had debate and for the first time I felt like I was on my own," Maya explained.

"I went with you to those parties," Riley reminded her.

"You went for Lucas. He was your everything and I spent a really long time hating him for that," Maya paused as she seemed to get back on track, "After what happened with that guy, who tried to force himself on me, I couldn't sleep, I kept having these nightmares that would keep me up at night. Someone at my art camp suggested these pills that could help me sleep."

"Maya," Riley sighed, reaching across the distance between them to take her hand.

"They worked and for a while I needed that, but I don't think I'm addicted to them. My therapist has been working with me on dealing with my issues and I'm sleeping better," Maya admitted, squeezing Riley's hand.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Riley asked, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

"I knew that you didn't want him at that party, but I dragged him along anyway. It was my fault that he got in that fight," Maya admitted, wiping away several tears of her own.

"That wasn't your fault," Riley assured her.

"I know that, now. Lucas and I talked about it and he helped me to see that we both made our own mistakes," Maya said, forcing a smile.

"That's good that you worked things out," Riley said mechanically.

"I know that you're probably upset that I didn't call you when I got arrested, but I just couldn't have you see how badly I had messed up this time," Maya added, looking relieved to be resolving things.

"But you called Lucas," Riley pointed out.

"There's this darkness inside of me, Riles, and it scares me. Lucas gets it because he has his own darkness to fight," Maya attempted to explain.

"And I couldn't possibly understand?" Riley asked, her voice going cold.

"You sleep with a bunny nightlight and have Cory and Topanga for parents. So, no I think this is one thing that you can't understand," Maya said, reacting to Riley's tone.

"So, have I buttered you up enough for a serious discussion?" Farkle asked, leaning back in his seat and watching her intently.

"I don't know that I have the energy for it," Riley admitted, placing her chin in one hand.

"I've been her for awhile now and we're not getting anywhere," Farkle sighed.

"I'll make you a deal; I ask a question and you have to answer honestly and you can ask a question and I have to answer honestly," Riley suggested.

"Okay, but I get to go first," Farkle insisted.

"Fine," Riley agreed, gesturing for him to go ahead.

"What are you thinking about?" Farkle asked and Riley almost smiled that he had picked that specific question. She might have told him anyway if he'd asked, then again maybe not.

"There's this letter in my pocket," Riley said, staring intently at the knots of wood on the table, "It came in a wedding announcement."

"Are you going to open it?" Farkle asked, leaning back in his seat.

"I haven't decided, yet," Riley admitted, deciding to let the second one slide, "Did you know when Maya started using again?"

"No, she was pretty good at hiding it from all of us," Farkle replied, his face going grim, "And do you really think we would have let things spiral so far out of control if we had known?"

"What's going on?" Riley asked as her father pulled her out of class and started walking towards the entrance to the school.

"Something's happened, Riley. We need to get to the hospital," her father said, using the tone of voice he only used when things were really serious.

She doesn't ask him questions as they go to Mount Sinai because she's not entirely sure that she's ready for the answers. A thousand scenarios are playing in her head; all involving her mother or Auggie, worst case both.

Her father leads her in the main entrance and Katy is sobbing hysterically in the lobby, still dressed in her waitress uniform. Her mother's in a business suit, with both of her arms wrapped tightly around the sobbing woman and a look of pure and complete fear on her own face.

"What happened?" Riley turned to her father, unspeakable terror settling in her gut.

"Maya didn't wake up this morning," Cory whispered and Riley's world started to spin.

It was Riley's second out-of-body experience, but things were happening so quickly that Riley could barely process them anyway. They sat waiting for a long time and then they were being told that Maya's kidneys were failing and that she needed a transplant and Riley was getting to tested to see if she was a match, along with the rest of her family.

As they waited for results, what was happening finally hit Riley, and she found herself bolting to the bathroom, where she lost most of what she had eaten that day and sat gasping for air on the bathroom floor. She's not sure how long she sat there, before she pulled herself together and stopped to wash her face outside the stall.

"Hi," a voice greeted her as she stepped out of the bathroom.

"Lucas," Riley hesitated, unsure if this situation constituted a truce, "I meant to text you, how did you find out?"

"I was already here, I ran into your Mom in the cafeteria," he admitted, hesitantly reaching out a hand to steady her. She hadn't even realized she was swaying.

"What were you doing here?" Riley asked, blankly.

"I was visiting my brother," he admitted and Riley looked up in surprise.

"Is he okay?" Riley asked, the distraction enough to pull her out of her current situation.

"He has leukemia," Lucas admitted, "Going on three years."

"You never told me," Riley said, moving to collapse in a chair that was positioned in the hallway.

"Talking about it, made it real," Lucas repeated her words and she dropped her head into her hands.

"Everything is such a mess," Riley groaned. She felt like crying, but there was such a weariness in her that she couldn't manage to even find the tears.

"It doesn't feel real," Lucas admitted.

"Riley, they have the results," Topanga broke into their conversation, gently laying a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

Riley was pulled into a room with just her parents and the doctor and somehow she knew exactly what was going to be said before the doctor even opened his mouth.

"I'm a match," Riley whispered.

There are some people in your life who just know you'll give a kidney to, or half your liver, or whatever else they need to make them whole. Riley's spent her entire life trying to make Maya whole and so it's not really a decision that she has to think through.

"There are some changes that you'll have to adjust to after donating a kidney," the doctor informs them. Riley barely listens to most of them, though she can tell from her parents faces that they aren't overly pleasant. It's the last one that really catches her attention, "We don't recommend pregnancy after donating an organ. I know you aren't thinking about it right now, but having a baby puts a significant strain on your body and without the extra kidney, any pregnancy that you would have would be very high risk."

"I'll never be a mother," Riley spoke the words, trying to see how they felt in her mouth.

"There are other options," the doctor offered and she could see her parents looking over her face.

It would be so easy to say that Maya put herself in this situation because she always did and all Riley wanted to do was be mad at her. However, at the end of the day, it was her best friend's life and she always knew what she would do.

"I want to do it," Riley turned to her parents, seeing the conflicted looks on their faces.

As her parents started filling out paperwork, Riley sunk into a chair next to Lucas. Farkle was on his way, after Lucas had texted him and Riley figured that he would probably be annoyed that Riley hadn't said anything to him herself. She momentarily thought about telling him that she had this one handled herself.

"Have you ever noticed that you don't know how much you want something until you can't have it?" Riley asked him, one hand resting on her lower stomach.

"Yeah, I've noticed," he grabbed her other hand, threading his fingers with hers.

"We found another match," Katy said, hurrying into the waiting room, "Kermit was tested and he's a match, he's on his way right now."

"Maya wouldn't want his kidney," Riley pointed out, feeling the need to speak for her friend when she couldn't.

"She'd rather deal with having her father's kidney, then take Rileys'," Lucas cut her off.

"After everything that he's done, this is the least that he can do," Katy added.

"I made an appointment with a fertility specialist," Riley revealed, unable to continue on the current track of conversation.

"When?" Farkle asked, resigned to taking whatever Riley was willing to give him and not pushing when he knew she couldn't handle it.

"Next week, I'll fly out to LA on Sunday, go in for an appointment on Monday, and if everything looks good, they'll inseminate me on Thursday," Riley informed him.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Farkle asked.

"I think this is something that I have to do on my own," Riley replied, smiling at him as she took their dishes to the sink.

"Having a baby isn't something you do on your own," Farkle snorted.

"I'm not having a baby next week, I'm just trying to get pregnant," Riley laughed, turning on the water to run over the dirty dishes.

"You're sure you aren't just doing this in reaction to Lucas and Maya?" Farkle questioned.

"Do you remember Nick's funeral?" Riley asked, referencing Lucas's younger brother.

"I try not to," Farkle replied, coming beside her to dry the dishes.

"He didn't turn to me when his brother died, Farkle, he turned to Maya. The two of them healed from everything that had happened together. Maya had a physical problem that he could support her through and see actual progress and she had plenty of experience with dealing with grief. I knew after that, that whatever they felt together was real."

"Just because it's real, doesn't mean that what he had with you isn't," Farkle pointed out, "And you don't even know what kind of relationship that forged."

"We just never got the timing right and whenever we did one of us did something to mess it up," Riley sighed, "But having a baby, this is something that I can do and I'm not going to miss out on any more chances to do it."

"He's making a mistake, Riley. We both know it because we know that nothing between Maya and Lucas has ever lasted long-term. They burn and then they die out. I know that you're hurting and that there's a lot of history there, but it's not too late to do something," Farkle insisted, his hands resting on her shoulders as he tried to get her to understand.

"It is too late, Farkle," Riley snapped, pulling out of his grasp and locking herself in the bathroom.

The day of the funeral is sunny and bright. Riley only met Nick once or twice over all of the years that she's known Lucas and she can't help feeling like she's failed Lucas somehow. She's not sure how she missed all of the tension in his home life or the shadows under Lucas's eyes. She feels like she's spent most of her high school years completely absorbed in herself and she's missed everything that was happening around her.

Riley's parents fly out with her to help bury Nick at home. She's both happy and sad to see that things have changed so little since she was last in Texas. You can still see dozens of constellations in the sky at night and the memorial is held around a campfire the night before they lay Nick to rest. She listens as everyone tells stories of him; but Riley, Farkle, and Maya have nothing to share. She feels out of place the entire time that she's there and yet she knows that she never would have forgiven herself if she wasn't.

Maya gets a brief release from rehab to go and Riley can tell that Maya's thinking about what her own funeral would have been like. She's been different since she almost died and Riley can see that something is changing. Maya holds Lucas's hand through the memorial and again through the graveside the next day and Riley feels at a loss of how to comfort him.

Things don't change much when they get home. Maya spends three months in rehab and Riley takes Maya her homework every day after school. They sit and talk and Riley always leaves before the time that Lucas stops by to see Maya. She knows that they're becoming closer and even though it shouldn't bother her, it does.

She gets acceptance letters to Columbia and New York University, but after Maya gets her acceptance to NYU, there's no real choice in where she's going. Farkle gets accepted into more universities then she can count, but in a twist that she didn't see coming decides to go to Harvard, despite never mentioning an interest before. Lucas applies to lots of out-of-state colleges, but Farkle later informs her that he's not going anywhere. His mother refuses to return to Texas after burying one of her sons there and Lucas refuses to leave her.

Riley hosts a party the weekend before graduation. She already has plans to spend her graduation day with her family and figures that she's had more than enough partying to last her a lifetime, but they need something to commemorate how far they've come. The party is strikingly similar to a New Year's party she had years ago, but Riley's ready to leave the past behind and embrace a future filled with possibilities and opportunities.

She helps her mother clean up after and is somewhat relieved that nothing dramatic happened the entire party. She's pretty sure that it must be some kind of record. She takes a trash bag upstairs to clean up the roof, but pauses as she sees that it's already occupied.

There are some places that are sacred to Riley. Her bay window, her favorite booth at Topanga's, and her roof top, which had become her refuge through the difficult high school years. She lets the door slowly close and ignores the chill that begins to set in her bones from catching Maya and Lucas kissing on her roof top. The view seems to degenerate overnight and the sparkling city lights stop calling to her.

I don't even know what to do with this chapter. It's the hardest one I've had to write so far, probably because it's so Maya and Lucas centric. I also, really hated trying to fit Lucas's brother in. His death was planned before I even wrote the first chapter, but it felt kind of thrown in there and it's a huge part of some of the decisions that Lucas made. I promise that we are done with the high school years and I'm not going to make Riley suffer through Maya and Lucas being together for the next few chapters of flashbacks. The angst isn't quite over yet, but things are going to start lightening up. The next chapter will be Riley going to her doctor's appointment; while remembering the things that made her want to be an OB/GYN and the obstacles to getting there(How she found herself). Then, the chapter after that is the one we've all been waiting for. Riley's going to be headed to New York, while remembering the events leading up to her decision to leave.

Thanks to everyone who continues to read and review!