Domino Dancing

I am back inside my apartment, wearing the same clothes.

I have blood on my face.

I have blood in my hair.

I am staring at my bloody hands.

And I'm trying not to shake.

No, I am not frightened or scared.

I know I am dreaming.

I know I have just killed a man.

And still I have no remorse and no regret.

"Cupcake." The dead man smiles up at me and croaks, his eyes two pools of blood, his mouth a gaping toothless hole.

I killed him because he thought I was easy.

"Cupcake." He tries to get up but can't. Through his unbeating heart my silvery cake knife pins him to the floor like a butterfly.

I killed him because he made me feel so cheap.

"Cupcake." His chest hair and the hot pink condom glisten in the light. My eyes catch the little knobs.

He knew all along what was going on between me and Ranger.

Still he came to me for balls-to-the-wall wild animal sex like nothing had happened.

Realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

He loved me in his own way, too.

His love came with nothing but a condom, too.

He didn't do stupid things like marriage and babies, either.

He was a calculating mercenary and a manipulating opportunist, too.

But Ranger never ever lies to me.

Never.

But Ranger is always there to catch me when I stumble, trip over my feet and fall.

Always.

And I kept choosing the wrong man.

Sorrow, shame and self-disgust clouded my vision.

Something deep down inside me snapped.

My rage erupted.

I grabbed my cake knife.

I stabbed Morelli many many times.

I took him by surprise.

He didn't have time to react.

He didn't have time to yell.

Just like that he fell back and died.

I blink and laugh.

Or maybe I am crying like a child...

I wake up in Ranger's arms, his husky voice whispering comforting words in my ear.

I'm shaking and bathed in tears.

I may be traumatized but I know the truth has to come out.

"I love you." So I keep telling Ranger over and over again. "I love you."

And I will always love him even if his love won't come with a ring.