Chapter 7: Protecting

I've never liked Hueco Mundo. It's a cold, dead place inhabited by those bony and heartless nightmares we call hollows. Made from the souls of living people who have died with their emotions unresolved, these creeps devour anyone or anything that they can catch, even their own kind. The lower level hollows are just mindless savages…no use to do anything but put them to the sword, because they can't reason well enough to decide not to fight you. And being killed by a shinigami blade purifies the soul that was devoured…and sends the evil component into the realm the living folk refer to as 'hell.'

As the more brutish hollows devour more souls, they grow more powerful…and along with that, they begin to recover the ability to reason. These hollows may or may not fight, depending on how likely they think they are to win.

Well…that's how it was before the most powerful ones, the Espada, chose to follow our shinigami traitor, Sousuke Aizen. Aizen was once my captain. I was fresh out of the academy and I looked up to him at the time…thinking to myself how it was interesting…and a little frightening how he could look and act so gentle, yet exert such frightening amounts of power so suddenly…and without even seeming to think about it. Yeah, for all that he seemed gentle, I remember thinking that I didn't know why the hairs on the back of my neck rose when he was near me. I was glad when he had me transferred to the eleventh. Yeah, Captain Zaraki is fucking insane…caring for nothing but pure, powerful battle. I got roughed up more than a few times, but I also met Ikkaku Madarame, the guy who helped me to reach ban kai so that I could move forward in my pursuit of Captain Kuchiki.

I think back to what a cold, heartless bastard Captain Kuchiki seemed to me then. Of course, I was only looking at the surface like everyone else did. It wasn't until I was offered a place as his vice captain that I began to see the things I missed before…the things that most people will never know about him. It makes me sad to think I was so cold in moving closer and stalking…planning all along to strengthen myself to the point where I could defeat him. I did my job protecting him, of course. If he was killed before I was up to challenging him, I would never know the glory of taking him down. But right away, though he seemed to be just as cold and closed off as I heard, I started seeing signs of a vulnerable heart he was protecting.

I noticed first the way he looked at Rukia. Whenever she was around, he would go from speaking little to barely saying a word…and I'd see something heartbreaking in his eyes…like he wasn't holding back speaking to her, but he didn't seem to know what to say. Most people took it to mean he hardly noticed her…but that silence was an open admission of the pain he still felt from losing his wife. And having to look on someone like Rukia, who was so like her sister…yeah…I get it now…

Noticing that made me more aware, and as the days and weeks passed, I began to notice other things…how he liked everything in his life to be neat and orderly, how he liked his tea a certain way and how he slipped out on nights when we were working late to look up at the stars and moon. He ran the division with a firm hand. Rules were rules and if you screwed up, you paid…end of story. But even then, I noticed that while he was running everything and he seemed to register every facet of the squad, he set himself at a distance from everyone…carefully concealing anything that didn't fit the image of the powerful Kuchiki captain and clan leader. He was really good at it, too. Anyone not looking extra close would have missed it. But I was looking really closely. Still, I was looking with an eye to defeating him. I wasn't actually wanting to like him…much less to love him. But there were cracks in his armor…and I was given glimpses of who he really is.

If I had just wanted to take him down and didn't care how, I could have taken advantage of that, but I am pretty honest when it comes to what I want…and what I really wanted was the strength to defeat him in battle. But it affected my thinking…knowing he was like that inside, where he could hide it. Yeah, I tried hard to ignore it as my plans moved forward, but I was already falling very slowly into love.

Then came the whole thing with Aizen…

That fucker knew everything about me…about Rukia…and about Byakuya. He knew and he used it to manipulate us. He set Byakuya on the path to having to watch his sister get executed…and being bound by his promise of obedience to not interfere…as well as tormented by his failure to honor Hisana's final request for him to protect Rukia. And me? He knew I was hurt when I had to let go of Rukia…and that I carried that anger inside me…that it was strengthening me and motivating me to want to defeat Byakuya in a battle. Aizen teased me into questioning the execution order, then watched in amusement as it set me on the path to attacking my captain. It was all good sport for him, watching us fight each other, while he set us all up for his betrayal. But the very worst part of it was that in my rush to judge Byakuya for his coldness, and for not opposing Rukia's execution…in my hurry to face him in battle, I forgot for a moment that I was his vice captain…and I nearly ended up watching him die.

Sometimes I still have nightmares about it…about lying helpless on the ground, nearly cut in half by Aizen's blade…and watching him take that god-awful hit to save his sister. I can still remember the oddness of hearing Shinzou cut into him…how everything went so damned silent for a moment, then I saw the most awful thing a vice captain can see. You really feel your failure when it results in the fall of your captain…and when you realize in that very moment of failure that you were in love with him…it's a million times worse. That's why, as soon as I could move, I was out of bed and at my captain's side again. That's why I have made it my mission to be there…to watch his back carefully…and to make sure nothing touches him. I still ache to be strong enough to defeat him, but I want the power so I can better defend him…and my other loved ones.

That's what is in my mind as we flash step out of the precipice world and drop down onto the cold sands of Hueco Mundo. We are near Las Noches, so we are under Aizen's illusory sky. It's light here, but it's still damned cold. And everything the light touches, Aizen sees…

He sits and watches and controls from a distance…

We hear the screeches of large numbers of hollows and we see where they are attacking a small unit of squad two guys, whose job it was to infiltrate the area and spy on Aizen. They managed to get out of the fortress, but have been pinned down here in the desert nearby. They found some cover to put at their backs…and being very sharp fighters, they have been able to survive this long, but a few have fallen, and the hollows just keep growing in number.

I can just see that cocky son of a bitch, Aizen, sitting inside the fortress on his pretty white throne, watching as he moves us all in the directions he chooses…

After the crap he's pulled, I want to bust into that place and cut him to pieces. I know I'm not near strong enough to pull it off…and besides, he's got us distracted with the trapped fighters. I move forward with Captain and Zabimaru is out and blazing into ban kai form with little more than a thought. The wall of petals shields the relief forces as they open the path for retreat.

"All right!" yells our third seat, "We have you covered! Now, get those people out of here!"

Everyone grabs what injured and dead they can and they start running like hell. Captain holds the wall of petals around them, ensuring their retreat path, blinding the enemy to the approach of Zabimaru as he screams forward, erupting out of the swirl of pink and blasting red flame at everything in his path. I love hitting them with that…watching the red, pink and white light mix and sweep everything away.

I wonder if your plans included that, you traitorous scum…

I hope they didn't. I hope he's sitting there, biting his nails and furious because we aren't letting him have our spies. We're getting them out and there's not a damned thing he can do about it. I only hope they got some really useful information in exchange for those who gave their lives…

"Hurry! Get them out! More are coming in!"

I hear a rush of shikai releases and blasts of kido, working in support of our efforts and holding the enemy back. They'd best hurry. I feel another wave of attackers closing in…

All right! All right!" howls the third seat, "They're through! Fall back! Get out of there!"

The dead and injured have been evacuated and Captain and I continue to rip apart the enemy contingent as our squad holds the garganta open and begins to move towards it. They have their eyes on us as they move, because they know we are most vulnerable leaving the field. A sudden rush could cut between us and Captain and I would be pretty much screwed. They know that, though, so they are moving carefully. We intensify our fire and start to back off too. I'm just starting to feel relieved, when something changes…

There is a sudden quiver in the air…a shiver of movement. I can't see what it is, and I'm not sure how it got inside our guard, but whatever it is, is closing in on my captain…likely targeting him for capture. Hell, maybe that was in Aizen's plans all along. Or maybe he cooked it up just watching us work together to beat the shit out of his forces. I don't know. Whatever the reason, it's not happening. I angle myself towards the captain and flash step like hell. And just before I reach him, I see what it is.

I see it and I can't believe my damned eyes…

Aizen…

And he's just feet away…

Byakuya can't see him coming, but the bastard wanted me to see…

He wanted me to know what was about to happen…to sit there helpless and watch my captain be killed or captured. He wanted to hurt me. I wonder if it's because he's pissed he didn't kill me before. Well…that may have been a part of his tricky, underhanded, diabolical little plan…

But he miscalculated...

He underestimated me…

I don't even pause to think about what it all means. I am not the useless sack of shit I used to be. And no one, not the devil, himself, attacks my captain!

Zabimaru shoots in from the side, not aimed at Aizen, but at Byakuya. He looks up in shock, then back at me as I throw myself into Aizen's path and watch my captain get carried back to the safety of the senkaimon. The skeletal snake hits the ground just short, the head exploding and sending Byakuya and the last few others into the garganta. I have a momentary glimpse of them holding him tightly as it closes, then realize that segment by segment, Zabimaru is continuing to explode. Piece by piece, he erupts into shards of bone and red light until finally even the hilt blows apart, throwing me backwards and making the lights dim around me.

But it doesn't matter…

I did my job…

I protected my captain…

And when there was a choice to be made about who was to be saved, I made sure it was him. I'm not sorry…not a damned bit sorry. Not even as my head turns and I see through the streams of blood running into my eyes…

Aizen's feet…

…moving so slowly in my direction. And when I look up at the motherfucker's face, I want to kill him all over again. The son of a bitch doesn't look angry…not angry at all. He looks…amused. I couldn't move even if I wasn't cut up and bleeding out. That guy's reiatsu practically smothers me. But I'm not complaining. If it is my fate to trade my life for Byakuya's…if I die here…then that would be an honorable death…one worthy of a strong fighter.

"Renji Abarai," that soft, sinister voice purrs, "Why am I not surprised?"

He takes hold of the torn front of my bloody shihakushou and drags me onto my knees. It hurts so bad, I surrender a scream and grab at his hands, but he holds me there, staring down at me with those deceptively gentle looking brown eyes.

"What?" I manage to choke out, "Did I ruin your brilliant plan…to take Captain Kuchiki hostage? To hurt him? To kill him? Well…fuck you and your miserable plans! I'm not letting you have him!"

"I see that," he says, his face still maddeningly calm, "I see it quite clearly, Renji…"

I get a really creepy feeling when his lips curve into a smile.

"Yes…you have done what any good little vice captain would do. You sacrificed yourself to protect your captain. You did an excellent job of that…although…"

And suddenly, I can't breathe…

"You sort of miscalculated. But then…you don't possess the kind of multi-level strategic thinking that Byakuya does. Not many people do."

"H-how…?"

"How did you miscalculate?" he goes on, still smiling as Gin joins him, "Why Renji, that is simple. It is a function of your simpler mind to think in black and white terms…allies and enemies…rises and falls…hatred and love…"

That sends another chill through me. But…how would he know? No one knows, but me…right?

"Get to the point, you b-bastard!" I hiss, "How did I…?"

"You give yourself too little credit…far too little. You always were low on self-esteem. You miniaturize your importance, but you…you were becoming too strong…and you and Byakuya together…posed an unnecessarily strong threat."

"What?"

"Let me make this simple for you. I didn't believe for a moment that you would let your captain down again."

Fuck…that hurts…more than the bleeding wounds…bastard!

"Having already failed him, you were bound to fight to the death to save him…and when he was directly threatened, I knew you would throw yourself between us. I must compliment you on how well you did that. You have made yourself very strong…and that made you a target. I would have had to sacrifice too much taking him down…but you…you threw yourself into my arms. I am flattered."

"Screw you!"

He looks amused again…

"I assure you," he says, his voice getting softer and scarier, "The one who is screwed here is not me. It's you…Renji Abarai. Now…sleep for a bit. Don't worry. I have no intention of letting you die."

Everything goes hazy around me…

"I do have a use for you. But you need to be healed first…"

I get one more glimpse…just a quick glance down at my wrecked body. And as the darkness folds around me, I see it…

Zabimaru's markings no longer cover my body. My skin is pale and white beneath the blood…and I can't hear my zanpakutou's voice anymore…

Zabimaru…

Oh…kami, not like this!