Chapter Seven: Christmas Eve
Or
Santa's… a Gangsta'?
Today was a very special day. Now, you might ask; what day is it?
Many of you may look at the side of your computers to see what day of the week it is. May it be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday, it is no importance.
Because, today, in Jump City, it twas the morning of Christmas Eve.
Everywhere, children could be found, on their best behavior, attempting to make up for any misdeeds done the previous year. This was no exception to the supers of the world- whether they be villains or heroes. Indeed, even a few villains could be found out and about attempting to do some 'good' before Santa came through their chimney this evening. Or perhaps, they were concocting a plan to capture Santa, or even a machine to change coal into presents. Either way, everyone in Jump City was preparing for the arrival of our dear Santa Claus.
And of course, the Teen Titans were no exception to this rule. After all, they were the super-est supers since just about ever.
Currently, Robin was peering over the edge of his newspaper, eagerly awaiting the arrival of Starfire. He wanted to be the one to reveal to her what today really was- and see her joyous face at said announcement.
In fact the moment Starfire walked into the Ops Room, all smiles, Robin put down his newspaper and (almost cockily) prepared to tell her the news.
"Hey Star," Robin said in form of greeting, "Do you know what today is?"
And like anyone else would have done in her place, Starfire nervously answered, "Erm… Wednesday, correct?"
Robin gave a bark of laughter, as Beast Boy (who was sitting on the couch, watching his regular early morning cartoons) corrected Starfire, "Star, it's Christmas. Duh!"
Starfire blushed slightly at Beast Boy's correction, but her blush faded quickly as anxiety replaced embarrassment, "Oh! But I have not even begun to prepare for Santa's arrival…"
Robin waved her concern away, letting his anger fade that Beast Boy had revealed what the day meant, "Don't worry about it Star, Beast Boy's got it covered."
Raven gave a snort (a rather lady-like one mind you) at the vast understatement, "Got it covered? He's been at the kitchen for days just making cookies for Santa. As if all the cookies in the world could get him off the Naughty list."
"The Naughty list?" Starfire asked, seeming only more worried by this announcement, "What is this? Is it perhaps some list that serves to kidnap children?"
"Don't worry about that Star. It's just, all the bad kids get put on Santa's Naughty List, and they don't get any presents- just coal. All the good kids get put on Santa's Nice List," Robin explained quickly, hoping that no ruckus would ensue from Starfire's discovery of the Naughty and Nice List.
"But what if I am on the Naughty List?" As soon as Starfire had nervously uttered the comment, Cyborg began to laugh loudly. However, seeing Robin's glare, Cyborg attempted, rather poorly, to turn his loud laugh into a cough. It convinced no one.
Beast Boy smiled up at her, and Robin was sure he had a hidden agenda, "Well you know Star, you can never be too sure. But there's this website you can check. That's how I know I'm on the Nice List. I can show it to you, come on."
Raven simply shook her head as the giggling pair ran off to the main computers, "Are you sure we shouldn't send someone to supervise… I mean, what if they set off a virus."
"Aw, they're fine Rae. Plus, it'll keep 'em quiet for a few minutes anyways, and that's worth blowing up the entire tower," Cyborg said with a shrug, and neither Raven nor Robin could argue with his logic.
---
Moments later, Starfire returned with a large grin plastered on her face, "I am indeed on the Nice list. Santa had informed me that I have indeed been nice most of the year, and successful at making others happy. He also said I am a listener of greatness and most polite!" Starfire joyously clapped her hands, but then, her face began to fall slightly, "Though… he said I could learn the art of sharing better…"
"Well Star, that's nothing big, all you have to do is-" Robin began as Beast Boy cut him off as he began to read of a printed piece of computer paper.
"Listen to this! Nice, but has naughty lapses. High marks in the good deeds department. Better than average manners. Hopefully, thoughtfulness will continue to be as good as last month. Neatness needs improvement! Ha Raven! I'm on the nice list!" Beast Boy said, quite cocky at this current moment, "But you want to know what Santa had to say about you?"
"Not really," Raven replied in a monotone, "Since it's all just vague descriptions that could apply to anyone, and therefore pointless. Especially since Santa does not exist. And if Santa doe not exist, his naughty or nice list therefore, could not."
Cyborg gasped, "Hold you tongue girl!"
Beast Boy continued as if he had not heard the pair, "Nice, with a few exceptions. Needs to be nice to everyone not just friends. Could try a little harder when things are tough. Good sense of humor. Made list last year. Needs to be good all December. Does that not prove this list is not real?"
Raven rolled her eyes, "Not really. If you had listened to me before-"
"Oh come on, 'needs to be nice to everyone not just friends'. Did you not send Dr. Light to an asylum? And are you not mean to people you don't trust? Terra?" Beast Boy interrogated, not willing to let Santa's name go undefended.
Raven rolled her eyes once again, after all, it was her preferred defense when talking to Beast Boy, "Oh come on Beast Boy, that's just pure luck. Santa's going to have some flukes."
"Well then, what about could try a little harder when things are tough? Whose the one always pessimistic, poking holes in our plans? Hm? Hm? Or what about Good sense of humor? Are you not always being sarcastic and clever and witty and junk? And Needs to be good all December? Who just brought around the end of the world this November? Hm?" Beast Boy asked, clearly getting all up in Raven's face. All in the name of Santa, of course, not for any personal reasons at all.
Raven resisted the urge to slam a hand to her forehead (or for that matter, Beast Boy's cheek), "Beast Boy, when you analyze everything, it's all relative."
"Then explain what they said about Cyborg?" Beast Boy said, crossing his arms.
"What did they say about me?" Cyborg asked, unable to hide his curiosity, much to the annoyance of Raven and Robin.
Beast Boy smiled proudly, glad he was pulling everyone into the excitement of the nice or naughty list, "Still very much on nice list, but must continue good behavior. Should eat more vegetables instead of junk food. Was very polite last Thursday! When doing chores needs to do them as well as possible. Often exhibits good behavior."
Cyborg turned to Raven, "Well Rae… that was pretty accurate… I mean, I do eat lots of candy… and I just went to visit my Granny and her bridge buddies last Thursday…"
"Oh shut up. It's not that hard, in fact, these nice/ naughty list excerpts, they're so short and vague it's not too hard to fit everyone. In fact, Cyborg's little blurb could even fit Robin…" Raven trailed off, at the crazed look on Beast Boy's face.
"No it couldn't! Because I have Robin's right here!" Beast Boy exclaimed loudly, feeling that he, for once, had the upper hand in their argument.
Robin rolled his eyes heavenwards, "Oh god…"
"Nice, but with a few naughty marks. Neatness needs improvement. Behavior has been good sometimes, not so good other times. Manners could still use some attention. Was very nice last Monday."
"Beast Boy, where did you get all of this?" Robin asked, his voice strained as he attempted to keep it clear of all frustration.
Beast Boy made the motion of zipping his lips, "I'm not telling, it's a secret for only us true Santa believers."
Robin rolled his eyes, but allowed Beast Boy to have his little fun- as if he couldn't look it up on the main computers history later, "Well Star, now that you've been fully educated about Santa's naughty or nice list," he drawled, sarcasm clear in his voice, "You might get to meet Santa."
Starfire, who up to this time, had been quietly watching the Titan's reactions to their standings on the list, gasped loudly at the announcement, "I may indeed get to meet this kind man?"
"Yep, if you here a 'ho, ho, ho' later you know it's going to be from-" Robin began, only to be cut off, once again, by Beast Boy.
"A pimp in the tower?" Beast Boy asked hopefully.
Robin shot him a glare, as Raven smacked Beast Boy over the head, and before Starfire could even ask what a pimp was, he continued hurriedly, "Don't ask Star. Anyways, when you hear a 'ho, ho, ho' you know it's got to be from Santa!"
"Oh!" Starfire exclaimed, looking properly excited, "I must begin to prepare for his arrival."
And fully energized with said announcement, Starfire flew out of the Ops Room and into the midst of Titan's Tower in order to prepare (in whichever way might please her) for Santa's arrival.
The moment Robin was sure she had left, he turned to Raven, and whispered, just in case Starfire came back within hearting range, "You get the Santa suit?"
Raven looked slightly nervous (a side of Raven that was not completely unfamiliar to Robin, but rather strange and unusual all the same), "Oh yeah, Robin about that… I did the best I could… but… apparently in order to get a decent Santa suit around here, you need to order eighteen months in advance. At least."
"But… but… we're superheroes!" Robin managed to splutter out, forgetting all qualms about the distance between him and Starfire.
"Yes, I know," Raven said gently, as if she was telling a child the tooth fairy was not real (something she had gently broken to Beast Boy only months previously), "But that doesn't mean we're magical Robin. We can't get everything. And personally, aren't you glad that our society doesn't favor the famous in distribution of Santa suits?"
"Not really," Robin muttered darkly, "We risk our lives for this city, and we can't get one little thing? A Santa suit?"
Cyborg shook his head, pitying the lovesick teen, "Relax Rob, we still got a suit… it's just… it's not… exactly… typical…"
Robin just cradled his head in his hands and moaned, "I don't even want to know."
Cyborg just smiled vindictively at his friend, rather pleased with the turnout himself, "Yeah, well, you'll see it at midnight."
Raven just continued to pat Robin on the back, in an attempt to console the poor teen.
---
"Oh… my… god…" Robin moaned for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night, "Even Starfire won't believe this."
"Don't worry man, I've got it all worked out," Cyborg said with a huge smile, very happy indeed with the way this situation and the way it had turned out in his favor.
Robin looked up at his partner in crime and deadpanned, "Your pillow is sticking out."
"Thanks man," Cyborg said with a large, appreciative smile as he tucked the offending pillow back in its proper place; underneath his large sweatshirt.
Robin groaned again, "If we weren't going to get coal from all of Beast Boy's pranks, or Raven, bringing the end of the world, we're going to get coal from an insult to Santa's character."
Cyborg scoffed at his leader's 'over exaggeration', "It's not that bad."
Robin gave Cyborg a dubious once over, "I'll let the evidence stand for itself, Cy."
Indeed, Cyborg was sporting a most unique Santa suit. Of course, he had the typical ensemble down; a red Santa hat, and a red suit emblazoned with cotton. But, that was only in the very, very, very vague sense of the term 'Santa suit', this Santa suit had a unusual take on the classical image. A very unusual take indeed.
The hat, instead of being a night cap, was more of a knit cap. It showed of Cyborg's perfectly round, and bald head, despite, the fact that he had glued fake white curls to the side of the red hat (one could see the dried up glue on the tender white curls), and a white cotton ball on top. It led to the appearance of a balding Santa. His unique concoction of a Santa hat was then pulled all the way over his left eye, to hide all of his good Cyborg-ness. That, along with the fake beard, hid all traces of robotic-ness on his face.
And instead of the normal velvet Santa suit, Cyborg was supporting a red- but still velvet, as Cyborg was keen to point out- sweat suit. Complete with hoodie, zippers and draw strings. There was also a large amount of cotton glued onto the sleeves, near the zipper (in a failed attempt to cover the zipper) and on the hood of the sweat jacket. A round pillow was stuffed up the jacket, in an attempt to make Cyborg look jolly and pleasantly plump, but in fact, it only made him look pregnant. Pregnant with a rectangular alien baby, Robin had pointed out. His pants, also ended in glorious cotton. All added with the help of Cyborg's trusty glue gun.
Cyborg has somehow managed to find a large, black, shiny black belt that looked like it better belonged on a hooker than a Santa Claus- which only helped out to Beast Boy's theory that a pimp- and not Santa- was visiting the tower tonight. A large, square, plastic (painted gold) buckle could also be found on the belt, only adding to its hooker-like quality. This belt was firmly placed around Cyborg's middle, as so to hide the draw strings of the Santa sweat suit pants.
His boots, in Robin's personal opinion, were the best part of Cyborg's ensemble. Apparently, the store was all out of black boots in Cyborg's size, so Cyborg had to go with some sparkly red ones. They were even on sale- and better yet, they matched. So Cyborg had decided to buy them, and cover them with little wads of cotton in attempt to hide the lovely shine his boots held.
All in all, Robin was most definitely sure Santa would see this as an insult and a mockery to his wonderful character.
"We're going to get coal," Robin repeated firmly, and added, "If we don't go to hell first."
Cyborg rolled his eyes at the dramaqueen of a man in front of him, "No we're not, this is full proof."
"But what if she… you know… questions about… your racial… difference?" Robin asked his carefully worded question with as much tact as he could manage ten minutes before midnight.
"Don't worry, I've got it all covered," Cyborg said, before letting out a hair raising, "HO! HO! HO!"
"Oh Santa, please forgive us…" Robin muttered quietly, in hopes to ease Santa's worries and the amount of coal he would distribute in the tower, "My intentions were pure…"
Within moments of Cyborg's (or "CyClaus's" as he liked to be referred to) call, Starfire appeared in the Ops Room.
"Santa is that you?" she questioned apprehensively, but fully excited.
Taking that as his cue, Robin nodded, "Yeah Star, look Santa came to pay you a visit!"
"Oh! Hello Santa! I hope you most enjoyed the cookies that we have left out for you! I hope they were most satisfactory," Starfire chirped happily, coming to stand beside Robin, still slightly wary of the Santa in front of her.
"HO! HO! HO!" CyClaus said, obviously enjoying his role as Santa, "Did I enjoy them? HO! HO! HO! I loved them. HO! HO! HO!"
"Well, Santa, that's very good. Now weren't you going to ask Star if there's anything she wanted this year?" Robin asked, obviously annoyed at Cyborg's amusement, and his loud calls of 'HO! HO! HO!".
"Robin! You must not talk to Santa as if he were… Cyborg," Starfire said, looking ashamed and angry with her team leader.
CyClaus was most definitely enjoying his part, and he was not going to let a little spiky haired weasel ruin his fun, he was Santa. He was all powerful! "HO! HO! HO! Why, ain't she a smart one? HO! HO! HO! But the little bird is right. HO! HO! HO! Is there anything you want for Christmas? HO! HO! HO!"
"Why…" Starfire blushed prettily, "Is that not a most private matter to discuss?"
"HO! HO! HO! Well, nothing's too private for Santa! HO! HO! HO! Why don't you just whisper it in my ear? HO! HO! HO!" CyClaus said, gleefully enjoying the advantages of playing Santa.
Of course, when a request came from Santa, Starfire was happy to oblige. Quickly whispering into his ear her wish for the year, Starfire withdraw, very red in the face, but nonetheless pleased.
"I thank you for your kindness Santa! It was of most joy to be able to receive your acquaintance!" Starfire said, shaking Cyborg's hand fiercely.
Robin rolled his eyes, Cyborg was milking this for all it was worth.
"HO! HO! HO! Are you sure you don't have anything else you'd like to ask me? HO! HO! HO! Like why I look different from the pictures? HO! HO! HO! It's because, when I come into your house, I take the race of one of the members in the house! HO! HO! HO!" CyClaus said, throwing a smirk at Robin, obviously thinking his leader should be impressed with such a valid explanation.
Starfire blinked, obviously surprised by the outburst, "Well… that is a most useful trick."
"Hey, Star, why don't you head back to bed?" Robin interrupted, shooting daggers at Cyborg.
Starfire cocked her head at Robin for a moment, and then, realization drew upon her features, "Oh, do you wish to tell Santa your wish for a Christmas present?"
"Uh… sure. Yeah that's it," Robin replied, relieved to have an excuse supplied for him.
"I wish you the most of luck!" And with that said, and one last giggle, Starfire flew off to her room, giggling all the way. Robin smiled, obviously, Starfire had enjoyed 'Santa's' little visit, and that was all that mattered to him.
Smile dissipating, Robin abruptly turned to the cackling Cyborg, Robin briskly asked, "What did she want?"
But, Cyborg was not quite finished with his role, obviously, he was still feeling the infinite power that came with the territory of being Santa, "Now, now Robin I can't tell you that. It's a secret between Santa and his clients."
"Cyborg, you have to tell me so I can go out and get it for her to make her Christmas the best one ever."
Cyborg smiled devilishly, "Oh no, I couldn't possibly do that to my client. Strict confidentiality, Rob."
Robin eyes flashed with anger and opened his mouth to argue with 'Santa' that he was not Santa, and thus, had no clients, nor any secrets when Beast Boy suddenly popped his head in the door.
"Hey, it's Christmas Day guys? Since it's past midnight," he added at Robin's confused look, "Can I open my presents? Huh? Huh?" Beast Boy then noticed the Santa-like figure standing in his tower, "Santa? Is that you? HA! And Raven said you didn't exist! I knew you did."
Cyborg, or CyClaus just let out a rousing, "HO! HO! HO!" in response.
