Olivia Benson is just a rookie. She's been at SVU a year and is in a steady yet secret relationship with her hot partner. Her whole world is turned upside down when news on her one year anniversary shakes her up. Does she accept it or does she fight it and what does she do when she realises she's getting everything she ever prayed for?
AU EO
DISCLAIMER: I don't own. I also do not own any rights to the story Charlotte's web which appears in this story!
After a night of tossing and turning and sleeping very little Olivia finally climbed out of her bed at four am. She looked around the room that Don had created for her when she was just a child, a child he then didn't know had any biological tendencies towards her. She realised then he had loved her all along. Whether or not the results of the paternity test came back with him as her father he would have told her about his relationship with Serena eventually and he would have then tried to get some form of relationship with her. Not that she minded. Growing up, before she knew her apparent father had raped her Mom she wanted nothing more than to be whisked away by some hero that was her real father and now, when she needed him the most, he had done just that.
She played with the keys he had given her. She'd added the key for the small room in the basement to the chain so now five keys dangled and she saw them as keys to a life she'd never expected to have. With the boredom consuming her she grabbed the pink cuddly toy that she'd grown so fond of knowing he'd bought it for her the day she was born and made her way quietly down the stairs.
The house felt big and for some reason that Olivia couldn't possibly explained she felt like a child again, lost in a strange place that had some form of familiarity to it. As she walked down the rickety steps of the basement she looked at the pool. As obvious as it was that it hadn't been used in some time Don cleaned it weekly.
She walked around to the side door and found the small silver key that unlocked the door. The room again had an air of familiarity to it, she felt a sense of freedom and belonging that she'd never experienced before, it felt like a place she could let her guard down and be free to be herself which she never could do anywhere else.
Automatically she drifted to the book shelf. As a child she had been an avid reader using the characters as a means of escaping what was the world she lived in. Seeing on of her favourite books from her childhood she took it off the shelf and blew on the dust cover sending the tiny particles flying in all direction causing her to cough quietly.
Seeing a small pink beanbag in the corner of the room she made her way over and sat down. The small pink bear which she imagined would have been around the same size as her when she was born perched on her lap as she opened the first page of the book.
"To Olivia, Happy ninth birthday, lots of love, Daddy." She read with a smile on her face.
She felt at peace now, of some sort at least and as she turned the page to begin reading she didn't find herself consumed with hurtful images of a childhood she'd rather forget, instead she found joy in every word and love in every line.
" 'Where's Papa going with that axe?' Said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast. 'Out to the hoghouse' replied Mrs. Arable. 'Some pigs were born last night'…" Olivia read aloud to the room her voice changing to meet the characters just as they had in her head when she was young.
She remembered this story almost word for word anyway, she'd loved it and she'd read it repeatedly over the years but she'd never owned her own copy, her mother banished her from having children's books in the house, said they stopped her mind from developing proper language and literature skills meaning the only time Olivia could only enjoy the pages of stories suited for her was when she borrowed them from the school or the library and kept them hidden underneath her mattress till Serena passed out in a drunken stupor.
When Don Cragen woke up the first thing he did was go downstairs to the kitchen. He suspected Olivia was still asleep knowing she was going to have a tough day she knew it best to leave her sleep as long as she could. He made them both a hot cup of coffee before heading for the stairs but that was when he noticed the slight opening of the basement door and it brought a smile to his face.
He slowly made his way down the creaking steps and once he reached the bottom he could just about make out the sound of her naturally melodic voice carrying from the open door of the side room. He crept quietly around the pool and to the door, listening as her voice intensified in volume the closer he got to the door.
" 'Its name is Wilbur,' she whispered to herself. She was still thinking about the pig when the teacher said: 'Fern, what is the capital of Pennsylvania?' 'Wilbur' said Fern, dreamily. The pupils giggled. Fern blushed."
Just as Olivia went to turn the page Don shifted and slightly knocked the door. She jumped, startled but then laughed softly when she saw her father stood behind the door.
"I bought you coffee." He smiled coming into the room.
"Thanks." She said feeling a little bit uncomfortable being caught in the sideroom reading a children's book out loud.
"So what were you reading?" He asked as she clutched the book in her hand with the bear under her arm.
"Charlotte's Web." She smiled.
"Ah ninth birthday?" He asked and Olivia nodded with a playful smile on her face. "What?" He asked laughing nervously.
"By my ninth birthday I knew this book word for word." She said with a smile as her thumb softly stroked the cover. "I first read it just after I turned seven, I was already quite an avid reader but because of my Mom I had very advanced reading skills, so while everyone else was still struggling through the little engine that could I was bored and particularly disruptive during quiet reading time, so my teacher at the time Miss Thomas asked a TA to cover one afternoon and took me down to the school library. We spent a long time looking at the books for eight to ten year olds, she filled me in on some of her favourites from her childhood and she'd pass me a book and I'd read the back out loud and see if I'd enjoy it. There wasn't a Charlotte's Web there but then the following Friday during quiet reading time Miss Thomas called me to the front while everyone else took their books out of their bags and she borrowed me her own copy. When the bell rang at to mark the end of the day I didn't want to move, I was captivated and she had to promise me that I could read it during recess on Monday before I finally and reluctantly left. After that she had the school order a copy in and I got to take it out along with four other books every week. I had to return Charlotte's web every other week in case someone else wanted to borrow it but the librarian knew I was reading it because I'd sit in the library during recess with it just re-reading and re-reading it." Olivia had a soft smile on her face the whole time she told the story and it warmed Don's heart to see her look so carefree even if it wasn't to last much longer. "This would have made my ninth birthday." She said looking at the cover and the unblemished spine, the book only been open twice in its lifetime, once for Don to write the birthday message and now when Olivia read it.
"Well it's yours Olivia, maybe fifteen years late but it's yours, your very own copy." He smiled as hers slipped off her face.
"Yeah." She said putting the book down. "I'm going to shower, we need to be at the funeral home in a couple of hours." She said before hurrying out of the room leaving Don to lock it up and take the keys up for her.
Olivia stood beside her mother's casket looking at the framed photograph her mother had chosen. It hurt to see a photo of her looking so carefree knowing that wasn't the woman she knew inside. Don stood just behind her and as she held her pink bear in one hand, reluctant to put it down and using it as some form of safety net, she had Don's hand firm in the other, partly because it stopped anyone from being able to shake her hand.
They stood together hiding a lot of emotion while friends, co-workers and students came over with their apologies. They shared stories with Olivia about this woman who loved and valued her life and with each one came more heartache for Olivia who didn't know the woman they were talking about, she'd only ever seen a glimpse of the Serena Benson they all knew.
The most surprising thing for Olivia was hearing stories her Mother had shared to them about her. She'd used her as examples in her class, her friends and co-workers retold stories Serena had passed on to them, some Olivia barely remembered others she remembered her mother being particularly wasted and wondered how on earth her mother had remembered.
"I feel like a fraud." Olivia told her father as she stood there in her black dress trying to keep it all together when inside she felt like she was dying.
"It's not your fault." He reassured her.
"Who was she Don?" Olivia asked stepping up to the picture of her mother perched on top of the Steal box.
"Liv don't do this to yourself." He said giving her hand a soft squeeze.
"Everyone here knew this beautiful, talented, loving woman… where was she for me?" Olivia asked tears slowly spilling down her cheeks faster than she could blink them back.
"Olivia." Don sighed softly, he didn't know what to say to her.
Monique Jeffries stood with her friends and old co-workers Fin, Munch and Elliot who was holding hands with his seven year old. They were watching Don and Olivia completely confused, except for Elliot, at what they were acting like. His hand was in hers firmly. Every now and again he'd rub her shoulder, kiss her cheek, brush a strand of her hair behind her ear and it was confusing to the Detectives.
"Daddy why is Livia holding Uncle Don's hand?" Maureen asked innocently as she rubbed the toes of her red shoes together.
"Yeah Daddy, why is Livia holding Uncle Don's hand?" Fin whispered causing Elliot to roll his eyes and sigh heavily.
"They'll tell you when they're ready to." He said with a shrug of his shoulders.
"They're not together are they because that would be some weird shit." Fin mumbled.
"No man, eww, I'm going to forget you even said that." Elliot said with a roll of his eyes.
Olivia stared at the woman holding a glass of Gin and talking. Don followed her gaze expecting her to say something but when she didn't he knew he had to ask her.
"Who's that?" He asked softly.
"My Mom's drinking buddy and oldest friend, they've been friends since grad school." Olivia explained. "Excuse me." She said passing her bear to Don before walking up to the woman and Don could only stand and watch.
"Olivia." Margot sighed hugging the younger woman it was obvious to anyone watching that Olivia was uncomfortable.
"I read the letter." Olivia snapped.
"What letter?" Margot asked looking particularly confused.
"Was it a joke?" Olivia hissed. "Was it something the two of you just cooked up one day after enjoying a bottle of scotch?"
"Olivia." Margot sighed.
"Did you know about him?" Olivia asked.
"Who?"
"My father." Olivia said her voice slightly raised drawing some eyes towards them but Olivia wasn't going to let this go, she was hurting too much.
"Did you know?"
"Olivia stop this." She was pleading with her eyes. "Please, all I know is your mother loved you…"
Big mistake. Olivia's hand flew up in an open handed slap straight across her face. She then grabbed the woman's arms pulling her outside while everyone else looked on in horror.
"Now you tell me if you knew who my father was all these years?" Olivia hissed still holding on to the woman's biceps.
"There wasn't a day she didn't suffer over this, why do you think she drank?"
"You went to grad school with her, you would know, if anyone, you would."
"Donald Cragen, he was a Detective, your mother loved him but when he went to rehab she lost it and couldn't handle it and she didn't want him back in her life."
Olivia wanted to scream and shout and be angry that they had hidden it from her for so many years but instead she looked at the woman with one final glare before she rushed back into the main room and wrapped herself up in Don's arms.
"You're ok Liv." He whispered as he looked over her shoulder, his eyes connecting with Margot's and that's when she realised Olivia had found him and knew him.
While Monique held Maureen Elliot made his way over to Don and Olivia. He could hear her heart-wrenching sobs from the other side of the room and he couldn't stay away from her any longer. He stroked her back and felt her relaxing a little underneath the splay of his hand on her back, she recognised his touch without him saying a word.
"What time is it?" She asked wiping her tears and pulling away from Don.
"Ten thirty." Don said.
"We bury her at eleven." Olivia sighed looking at the casket.
"Olivia don't blame yourself for any of this." Don reassured her.
"I don't." Olivia shrugged. "I blame her, she lied to me, she lied to herself, she lied to you, she denied you your paternity, she denied me a chance to know you and have some sense of knowing you growing up… I can't forgive her for that yet." Olivia said shaking her head softly. "I don't know if I ever will."
