(sigh) Chapter 7... alright…
Chapter 7 - Flipping Gibdos
On their way to the top of the canyon, Adam and Joe came across a man running around in circles.
"Hello," said Adam. "I was wondering if you could tell us how we are supposed to get up there--"
"STOP BOTHERING ME!!" the man screamed. "I HATED THAT ICE-CREAM YOU GAVE ME LAST TIME!!"
"But we've never met you before," Joe protested, confused.
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!!" the man shrieked. "YOU MOTHER (bleep)ER!!"
"… whoa. I thought you said he was kinda like a hippy, or something," Joe said.
"Flip!!" Adam yelled. "Why is this game so retarded?!" The man stared at them for a moment before falling into the river below. Adam peered over the edge.
"Erm… okay…" he murmured. "That was somewhat… unnecessary…"
"And retarded," Joe added.
"Will you stop saying that?!" Adam shouted. "It's irritating enough just being in your somewhat-disturbing presence!!"
"Are you suggesting I'm a Garo?" Joe asked, shocked.
"Well, I don't know. Are you a Garo?"
"I might very well be…"
"Then stop complaining and let's go!"
"But…" Joe's comeback was interrupted when a dark veil of mysterious black light appeared.
"What the…?" Adam began. A shadowy figure emerged from the strange portal.
"Who are you?" Joe murmured. The figure was a teenage boy with brown hair and glasses.
"Theo?!" Adam spluttered. "What the hell are you doing here?!"
"… to be honest, I have no idea," Theo muttered. Strangely, we was wearing a red version of Link's costume (like a Goron Tunic).
"Who's your creator, then?" Joe asked.
"What?" said Theo, confused.
"Theo doesn't have an account on Fanfiction," said Spyromaster64, who had randomly-appeared next to Adam and Joe without warning. "Therefore he isn't a Fanfiction God."
"Oh," Joe murmured.
"Now then, what the hell am I doing here?" Theo asked himself.
"I just asked you that several lines up!!" Adam screamed, slapping himself on the forehead.
"You are here to join Adam and Joe," said Spyromaster64's voice. He himself had disappeared, but for some reason, his voice remained.
"Where did he go?" muttered Joe. Spyromaster64's voice sighed.
"Glitchquil," he murmured darkly.
"Who?" asked Joe.
"The Embodiment of Computer Problems."
"Come again?" Theo murmured.
"Look, he's just a retarded Cyndaquil with the power to badly glitch you up with the power of ultimate nut-hammohn-rusaring."
"Don't you dare unload the nut-whatnot crap on me again!!" Adam shook his fist at the sky angrily. "Last time the Chronicler said those words Joe got badly glitched up!! They are cursed!! They bring torment and pain to the uselessly idiotic inhabitants of this god-damned world!!"
"Oh yeah, I remember!" said Joe. "Being glitched felt good!"
"Joe, don't be so foul!!" Theo yelled, slugging Joe, causing him to fall off the cliff into the river below.
"Congratulations, Theo!" said Adam enthusiastically. "You've just killed one of the main characters!"
"Sorry," Theo whimpered.
"No, really. Congratulations." Adam smiled.
"So, what do we do now?" asked Theo.
"Look for Joe, I suppose," Adam answered, shrugging. "I guess he'll be down there."
"Be down where?" Joe's voice caused Adam and Joe to spin around and abruptly have heart attacks at exactly the same time. Joe was standing in front of them, with a look of total confusion on his face. Adam was writhing on the ground, clutching his chest in agony of the heart attack. With Theo, it looked more like he was being attacked by a ReDead or something.
"But…" Adam gasped. "I never even got to finish reading The Legend of Spyro: Age of Heroes Book III…"
"Finish?!" Joe shouted. "You're on Chapter 16!!"
"So?" Adam glared at his friend. "You should be proud of me! I read Book II from Chapter 1 to 70, if you include the prologue, and it only took me…" Adam began to hastily perform advanced maths calculations in his head. "… 16 hours!!" Joe's jaw dropped. "C'mon, it was 70 Chapters, remember. Still, amazing storyline, though. I'd recommend the series to every Spyro fan in the universe! It's as good as a real book!"
"How could you understand the story? You haven't even read Book I," Theo pointed out.
"Never mind! It was just so!" Adam spluttered as he struggled for words.
"Hey, this talk of Spartan-029's legendary fanfics has been really cool and all, but--"
"Do you remember Pokémon 7: The Final Battle?" Adam asked Theo.
"Aw, hell yeah! You mean that really cool one from FoxMcCloud7921?"
"Yeah, that's the one!"
"… guys? Hello?"
"Ooh, what about Pax the Dreamer's Truth or Dare: Fanfiction?"
"Oh my god, yeah! That one was good!"
"… am I getting through to anyone here…?"
"And what about all those Spyro Truth or Dare fanfics?"
"Yeah, they're cool and all, but I personally think there's too many of them now. There's, like, at least ten of the bloody things…"
"Hey!!"
"A bit irritating, but I guess there's nothing we can do about it, huh?"
"You've read me like an open book!"
"Yes, but you two don't seem to be reading ME like any book!!"
"Ah, Fanfiction… what would we ever do without it?"
"Writhe around on the floor, rolling around, frothing from our mouths with ultimate boredom?"
"… good point."
"… fine. I'll just imitate Navi. HEY!! LISTEN!! HEY!! WATCH OUT!! BLUE!!" Gigantic sound waves shot from Joe's mouth and knocked Adam and Theo off guard into the stream below. As they fell, they were still discussing about legendary fanfics written by their favorite authors that they just simply could not live without, as the storylines, OCs and such were so good. Joe sighed and turned to begin his journey back to clock town and face his funeral which no-one would attend, mainly because Adam was the one with the Ocarina for some unfair reason. The Cheat System didn't work because the cheats were for games made in the year 1999 and under. Majora's Mask was a 2001 game. The truth was the cheat system was up to date. At least, it WAS a few days ago, when he and Adam still had their asses stuck in Hyrule, getting chased by perverts with guns and a girl with horrifyingly large breasts. Joe started thinking of chicken breasts and realised how hungry he was. … maybe Adam and Theo were killed and didn't come back to life? Joe was certain they wouldn't mind if he took just a quick nibble on their arms, would they? Sure, it would be weird, but--
"OHMYGODIMINAFIRE" Joe screamed as a fireball shot down from the sky and incinerated hi,. As Spyromaster64 went to court to discuss copyright matters with .net, it was now clear that Adam and Theo were alive and quite well, seeing as they were now standing in front of Joe's sorry ashes.
"Ooh, ash!" Adam chirped happily. Suddenly, Ash Ketchum arose from the pile as if he was being elevated up through a hole in the ground, with the ash hiding the hole and somehow not falling through.
"Whoa…" he said in Captain Jack Sparrow's voice. "Where am I?" He ran off, gulping down rum strangely quickly while occupying his free hand with repeatedly punching the air as if he was victorious or something. His eyes grew wide as he swallowed more rum, to the point where he had to stop, as his eyes were now stretching off of his face. He reared his head back and staggered off.
"Shit, that was weird--" Adam began, but Joe quickly struck him across the cheek. "… ow."
"You watch too many 12-rated movies!!" Joe yelled.
"… so? I'm teenaged. And that's older than 12, pea-brain."
"Pee-pee!!" Theo screamed madly. Adam and Joe spun around and almost fainted with shock. There was a Cyndaquil in front of Theo. Theo was sprawled out all over the floor, and the Cyndaquil was standing before him, repeatedly kicking him in the nuts. With every kick, the Cyndaquil's graphics wavered freakily as he began to gain power.
"No!! Theo!!" Adam yelled as epic battle music played.
Music? Fine. Erm… go for the music that comes on in Ocarina of Time whenever you go near a normal enemy like a StalChild or Dinofol.
*The Cyndaquil grinned evilly.
"Come to play, have you?" he said softly, yet there was a slight venomous tinge in his voice.
"We'll stop you, Glitchquil!!" Joe yelled in a lamely-imitated superhero voice.
"Just try," Glitchquil laughed. Everyone bared their teeth at him for a moment. Glitchquil frowned. "No, I'm serious. Try."
"Oh," Adam murmured, realising. "In that case, GRAAAAAAAHH!!"
"Uh, yeah! Graaah!" Joe piped up. He let loose a wild battle cry that sounded more like someone choking and heroically charged at Glitchquil. The Pokémon smiled evilly and effortlessly slid out of the way.
"But--" Joe began, but Glitchquil screw-kicked him in his side, causing him to stagger back and almost fall off the cliff. Adam sighed and shook his head for a moment before shooting Glitchquil in the head with an arrow. Glitchquil paused for a moment before whirling around to Adam and engulfing him with flames. Adam protected himself with his Hylian shield before dashing over, still armed with his shield, and slashing Glitchquil's head off. Adam almost threw up at the gruesome sight but kept his bearings.
"Heh, nice one," the Glitchquil said somehow.
"Oh, damn. Are you and one the Deku Kingdom's entrance guards relatives by any chance? You're both small and cute, and you can talk with no heads." Adam felt the Glitchquil staring at him; if he could.
"… you're such a pervert, did you know that?"
"No, you sick-minded lunatic!!" Adam yelled. "When I said cute, I didn't mean it in that context!!"
"Oh." Adam saw Glitchquil's inner neck muscles move to get his head that wasn't there to bow shamefully. "I apologise."
"That's great, now can we just--" Adam narrowly dodged a swipe of Glitchquil's small leg which soared disturbing close under Adam's private area.
"I thought you'd never ask," Glitchquil replied with a tone of bloodthirsty pleasure.
"Liar!!" Adam yelled. "You knew I was gonna say that!!" Glitchquil paused again as he pondered the matter.
"Hm. Good point." He then let out a ferocious roar as he folded his arms and his legs performed the can-can, each leg rising pushing the risk of being badly glitched closer and closer to fate's attention. Adam staggered back against the edge of the small cliff and looked worriedly back to Glitchquil, who was closing in on his prey. He laughed evilly.
"Where to go, where to go…" he mocked. "Either face a future of torturous glitchiness or face a future of endlessly smashing against rocks and fighting for air in the many waterfalls beneath you!"
"What the hell are you talking about? There's no waterfalls down there and it's only a six feet drop."
"Damn it, why did Spyromaster64 make you so observant?"
"It's pretty obvious. And why did Spyromaster64 make you so gay?"
"That's not true." Glitchquil shuffled away slightly. "I have a girlfriend."
"Really? Who? Your mother?"
"No. Someone." Glitchquil re-focused his attention and began to build up Glitch Energy. It was obviously Glitch Energy, as everything near the surround light was distorted with badly-ordered pixels.
"Wait a minute. There's one think that causes more glitches than anything else in video games," Adam noted to himself quietly. Joe, who had been unconscious, lifted his head groggily.
"What? The people who make the game?"
"No, cheats! They mess everything up! They make the game freeze and everything gets glitchy! Once on your Pokémon Diamond, you showed me the walk-through-walls cheat. When you went to Solaceon Town, everything was completely black and you could only see the people's shadows. I bet Glitchquil is being re-enforced with your cheat system!"
"Wha…" Joe murmured drunkenly. Adam sighed.
"Your Action Replay, stupid," he muttered.
"Oh, yah!!" Joe yelled happily, rolling into Theo, causing both of them to roll off the edge of the cliff to their non-dooms. Adam sighed again and walked next to Glitchquil.
"Look. I'm tired. We'll talk later, okay?" Adam shoved a large amount of money into Glitchquil's hands.
"Uh… okay," he agreed as the Glitch Energy disappeared.
"Try and kill us when we're less tired, maybe. Talk to Spyromaster64 for details."
"Oh. Alright. Cheers." And with that, Glitchquil disintegrated into the air. Adam took a deep breath and exhaled smoothly.
"Hey!" Glitchquil's voice said. "Stop breathing me in!"
"Whoops, sorry," Adam apologised.
"… god, your lungs are ugly."
"Get out of it!!" Adam breathed out as hard as he could, hurting his throat.
"Yay, fresh air!!" Glitchquil's voice came.
"Later," Adam sighed, walking off to find Theo and Joe.
The three headed back to the Termina Fanfiction House, where it was explained to Theo about Adam and Joe's adventures--
"Wait a flipping minute!!" Theo yelled at Spyromaster64. "How was I cured? And you named the chapter 'Flipping Gibdos'. There were no flipping Gibdos in it!! In fact, there were no Gibdos at all!!" Spyromaster64 sipped his cola innocently.
"Where do we head to next?" Joe asked.
"Zora Hall," Spyromaster64 replied. "It's just off the coast of the Great Bay Sea."
"What's so great about the bay?" asked Adam.
"Nothing," Spyromaster64 replied. "The mafia just decided it would rake in more tourists than if they just called it 'Bay Sea'."
"A sea that resides by a beach," Theo murmured. "That sounds… odd."
"You should see the green things that come out of the sand there," Adam groaned. "I kept on losing my hearts because they wouldn't stop hitting me when I first got to that area."
"Yeah, but we weren't sucked into the game then," Joe pointed out.
"At any rate, I suggest you get there by dawn," Spyromaster64 suggested.
"Why?" Theo asked.
"Because dawn will mark the third and final day. And Adam knows what happens then." Joe and Theo turned to Adam eagerly, expecting an answer. Adam sighed before explaining about the moon crashing into Clock Town.
"How could the moon fall out of orbit?" Theo asked.
"Gravity being increased maybe," Spyromaster64 sighed. Behind them, a completely naked man stood on top of a huge pile of empty beer cans and quite badly imitated a swan-dive onto the floor. He fell faster than usual.
"But that has nothing to do with it," Adam protested.
"Oh, you nitwits!" Pikaquil98 sighed.
"… whoops. Glitchquil was here."
"How do you know?" asked Joe.
"There's been a typo in Pikaquil98's name every since you first met him. Author Powers! There. It's fixed now."
"Finally!" Pikaquil46 sighed. "I thought you had already noticed, but were ignoring me!"
"… no," admitted Spyromaster64. Pikaquil46 sighed yet again.
"Fine. Whatever. But anyway, as I was saying… you nitwits!"
"What? What's wrong?" Adam asked curiously.
"The reason the mall will fall is because of Skull Kid and Majora's Mask!"
"Oh," Theo muttered. He looked over to a nearby table and his jaw fell open. "OH MY GOD!! AUTHORS ARE GIVING OUT AUTOGRAPHS!!" Adam's eyes quickly widened as he spun his head around to gape at the sight. Authors like Spartan-029, Dreamnorn, FoxMcCloud7921, Furyfur, Pax the Dreamer and many more were giving out Autographs. As Adam and Theo quickly put on Superhero costumes and rose into the air before flying over the waiting line, Joe sighed and went over to the bar. There was an old hag at the counter.
"One cola, please."
"That'll be 4, 965 rupees." She held out her hand.
"Uh, back in a mo." Joe dashed through the waiting line and turned to Adam.
"I NEED CASH!!" Joe screamed.
"Uh, yeah, sure…" Adam murmured, handing Joe a billion rupees without turning away from the authors.
"Cheers," Joe thanked him, before he dashed back over to the counter. "Here." He gave the money to the hag.
"Sure, but no refunds. Enjoy your cola!"
"… where is it?"
"What?"
"My cola."
"What about it?"
"It's not here."
"What's not here?"
"My cola!"
"What's with your cola?"
"The cola isn't here!"
"Whose cola isn't here?"
"Mine!!"
"What's yours?" One of Joe's eyes began to twitch.
"I PAID LOADS OF MONEY FOR A COLA AND YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN ME ONE!!"
"Oh yes, did I mention? It's non-existent."
"Bitch!! Gimme back my cash!!"
"Where's my rupees gone?" Adam muttered in the background.
"No refunds! Besides, you knew what you were getting."
"No I didn't!"
"You said you wanted a cola!"
"A REAL ONE!!"
"A real what?" Joe screamed before jumping on the hag. Suddenly an army of teenage girls in nothing but bikinis burst through the door.
"Pervert!" one yelled as they all piled on top of Joe. Joe shrieked in agony as he quickly lost his hearts. Spyromaster64 and Pikaquil46 watched from their table in satisfaction, with Spyromaster64 sipping his cola, which god knows how he managed to buy in this place if he got it from here.
"What do you suggest we do?" asked Pikaquil46.
"Might as well make the most of it while we can," Spyromaster64 answered. He pondered for a moment. "Ah, doesn't matter, anyway. They'll probably just stalk him."
"God help that poor guy."
"God kill that poor guy." Pikaquil46 glared at Spyromaster64.
"There are gonna be a lot of religious people angry at you," he warned. Spyromaster64 stared at a window.
"I think they already are," he commented. Pikaquil46 looked out of the window as well. They was an angry mod of religious people, banging against the window, trying to smash it open.
"I don't know why they just don't use the front door," Pikaquil46 pondered aloud. "It's unlocked."
"They probably think it is. It's natural. Most sane people in here would lock the front door when they saw an angry mob coming."
"But we didn't see the angry mob coming."
"… good point."
"You should cut down on people saying 'good point'. It's been said several times in this chapter already."
"… good point."
"Shut up!"
"Okay." Adam and Theo walked back to the table, proudly holding laptops that said 'Fanfiction' on them. They were covered in many author's autographs.
"This is better than the day I finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," Theo sobbed happily. Adam was crying, too; until he noticed what Theo had said.
"You've actually read that book?" he asked, surprised.
"Yeah. What, don't you like it?"
"I do like it, I just didn't think you had a copy of it." Theo's eyes turned red. "… meep."
"Eeek!!" came Joe's voice from a large pile of girls in bikinis. Adam looked out of the window at a building over the road, from which girls in bikinis were spawning from. It said 'Asylum'. Then the sign fell down as Adam realised it was hiding the sign behind it that read 'Strip Club'. He was beginning to wish that the angry mob of religious people who Spyromaster64 had accidentally attracted would come back.
"Oh my god, this is weird!!" Adam yelled as more girls spilled into the room. Many authors had to scramble up onto tables to avoid being swept away. The old hag had already drowned under the weight of Joe and the girls.
Suddenly, the Star Fox theme tune started playing as an Arwing II, a Bullfrog, a Sky Claw and a Cloud Runner flew into the room. Each of the four ships opened to reveal their respective pilots; Fox McCloud, Slippy Toad, Falco Lombardi and Krystal whatz-er-name.
"Eat dis, bitches!!" Fox screamed before throwing a motion sensor bomb at the pile of girls. Seeing as they were all struggling and squirming about to try and suck Joe's blood like vampires, the motion sensor bomb went off a few milliseconds after Fox had thrown it. This meant that the bomb was only a few centimeters away from Fox's face. It exploded, blasting Fox's head off. The explosion wasn't particularly large, and the other Star Fox members weren't very interested at mourning for their dead leader. So they decided to go to some outer-space pub and get totally pissed and beating each other up before making out a few seconds later. Spyromaster64 shuddered at the strange thought.
"Author Powers!!" he yelled. Suddenly, Adam, Joe, Theo, Spyromaster64, Pikaquil46 and the rest of the authors were outside of the Termina Fanfiction House.
"… okay, that had the be the most strangest event in my life," Theo commented. Everyone seemed to be unharmed, except for Joe, who had squashed limbs, bite marks which leaked horribly high quantities of blood and was finding it hard to breathe, so he resorted to the ancient art of hyperventilating.
"Author Powers," Spyromaster64 sighed. Joe was instantly healed, but he was still breathing fast. As he slowed down to normal, Spyromaster64 and Pikaquil46 turned to Adam and Theo.
"The Great Bay Sea resides to the western region," Spyromaster64 informed them. It should be a five-minute walk from Clock Town.
"Wow, for a country, Termina sure is small," Theo pointed out.
"I agree," said Adam, "but that's not what we should be focusing on now. We've got to head over there."
"I think I'll stay in Clock Town," Joe wheezed, falling to the floor.
"Nope, you're coming with us," said Adam firmly.
"… damn it."
"Oh, stop complaining." Theo heaved Joe off the ground. "Could be worse."
"We can get there faster by horse riding," said Adam. He spotted Epona and two Epona Clones standing on top of the Clock Tower in Clock Town for some reason. "Shit, I forgot Epona's Song!"
"What?" Theo muttered, confused.
"Oh. I forgot you've never played Zelda games before except for the Online ones," Adam said thoughtfully.
"It's a song that summons your horse," Joe explained helpfully. "I think it goes… uh…"
"Just look in the menus," Pikaquil46 sighed, shaking his head at the three boy's idiocy. He looked at Spyromaster64 suddenly. "How come there's no main girl characters in this fic?" Spyromaster64 sighed.
"Because the real-life Joe and Theo are good friends of mine," he replied. "You should know. Pikaquil46. After all, you ARE the real-life Joe."
"Good point-- OH MY GOD!! I'VE STARTED SAYING IT NOW!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As Pikaquil46 was left for his head to start inflating for some reason, Adam, Joe and Theo began to make their way towards the Great Bay Sea.
Adam: … (yawn) Flip, I'm tired. This Chapter's getting rather long, isn't it?
Joe: Good-- (gets hit round the head with a giant sledgehammer)
Theo: (wielding a giant sledgehammer) Bad Joe!!
Joe: (sniffle)
Theo: REALLY bad Joe!! (holds up half-filled mug of coffee) I paid five hundred rupees for that terrible excuse for coffee!!
Spyromaster64: Shut up. We do have a Chapter to finish, you know.
Pikaquil46: So stop squalling or we'll send you over to Spyromaster64's T&D.
Adam, Joe and Theo: …
Spyromaster64: By the way, a quick note. The Adam in my T&D is ME. Not the Adam in this fic, who is based off me. Plus, shout-out to Spyro and Pokémon fans! For Spyro fanfic lovers, read Spartan-029's 'The Legend of Spyro: Age of Heroes' trilogy. I my PERSONAL opinion, Book II is best.
Pikaquil46: No, it isn't! Book III!
Spyromaster64: BOOK II!!
Pikaquil46: BOOK III!!
Spyromaster64: (sighs) Whatever. And for Pokémon fans, FoxMcCloud7921's fanfics, Pikachu and Me, Pokémon: At the Worlds End, Pokémon: War Returns Home, Pokémon 5: Evolution and Pokémon 7: The Final Battle. But still, don't forget that they're my own personal suggestions. Also, don't forget other authors like Dreamnorn, Pax the Dreamer, Nintendofan333 and all those other ones.
Pikaquil46: Mehe…
Spyromaster64: Well anyway, I hope you enjoyed that Chapter! Chapter 8 shall be up soon. AND SEND REVIEWS!! PLEEEEAAASE!!
Theo: … cheese!
