Warning: This chapter contains mentions of abuse, eating disorders, body dysphoria, etc.

Author's note: I'm not too sure what I think of this chapter...sorry if it sucks. Let me know your thoughts in the review section. Those are always appreciated and welcome, no matter what. They're also very motivating to me. Though, I understand if this story is too bad for words. Thanks to everyone who's reading, I hope it's enjoyable. Also, on another note, I want to be clear that this story is mainly about Lorna and Nicky. I don't write Piper for a reason so please (if that disappoints you, I'm sorry and understand if I get a lot less readers) take that into consideration before reviewing. Thank you.


Chapter Seven

The vibrations of thrashing and sobbing quickly wakens Nicky from her slumber. As soon as her brown eyes look out from their sockets, her heart shatters inside of her at what sight they see. Her arms immediately snake tenderly around Lorna's tremoring body, pulling her to lay right against her own—hoping the soothing touch will somehow lure her out of such a distressful state. The tips of her fingers brush tenderly through her untamed brown waves.

"Lorna, you're okay—you're just having some kinda nightmare," her voice not much louder than a whisper right above the other's ear. Slowly, the thrashing fades and a sense of relief comes over Nicky. She rubs a hand soothingly up and down the brunette's back, trying to keep from frightening her. "It's okay, kid; you're safe. Take a deep breath."

Eyes very timidly opening, Lorna bewilderedly stares up at who holds her. The fact that the person who's caused her such indescribable pain is back in society makes her nauseated and horrified. She knows it won't be long before he convinces her to come crawling back. And that alone sends a shiver down her spine—she hates how naïve she is and wishes she wouldn't give in so easily.

Nicky peers softly down at her, cupping one of her hands around a teary cheek. "You okay, kid? Ya wanna talk about what happened? I think it might help you. I know it's not your favorite thing to discuss the pain but you need to start learning how to," she gently informs, caressing her cheek with a comforting thumb.

"I'm sorry," she mutters once she calms down enough to form coherent sentences.

Shaking her head insistently, Nicky pulls her in for a tight embrace. "Don't apologize for what you can't control, Lorna. You don't choose what you dream about," the words sternly spill out of the older woman's mouth. Her eyes, warm with compassion, gaze softly down at the brunette—the distress they see makes her heart ache. She wishes there was a way to quickly rid the pain but knows how completely unrealistic that is.

"I woke you," Lorna mumbles, looking blankly across the room. The darkness that emanates makes her realize she's been asleep long enough for night to settle in. She turns her head back and allows her eyes to glance up at the other woman. "What, what time is it?"

Stroking a hand soothingly through her hair, the redhead only gives a sad smile. "It's no big deal, kid. I rather be awake with you than for you to suffer silently," she softly assures while placing a tender kiss atop her head. Slowly her eyes avert towards the alarm clock on the night-stand, peaking at the small sliver of light it gives off. "It's ten minutes after eleven."

"Oh."

"Do ya wanna go back to sleep?"

The brunette rapidly shakes her head. "Is it too late to make coffee? I rather not risk another nightmare tonight."

Nicky can't help but smile softly down at her. She strokes a hand comfortingly through her hair before sitting up with her and helping her to stand. "Coffee sounds perfect, actually. I'll have one with ya," she agrees, leading her out of the room and out to the kitchen.

The sound of their footsteps awakens both Poussey and Alex—whom both lay soundly on the living room couch. Their heads pop up and eyes stare over—merely squinting from the brightness the lights give off—to find the people who own such sounds. "Damn, is it morning already?" The dark-skinned woman yawns through her question.

"Not quite," Nicky answers, her eyebrows arched curiously as she gives an attentive stare towards her roommates. "What were ya two lovebirds up to, huh? Fall asleep from a sex marathon or somethin', yeah?"

Playfully rolling her eyes, Alex pushes herself into a sitting position and turns to stare at the redhead. "That's not our entire relationship, Nicky. And, no, that's not what we did—we fell asleep watching some boring ass movie Poussey picked up on her way home from work," she takes her girlfriend's hand, a smirk on her face.

"That's not my fault—the cover was misleading! I'll have to sue whoever made that shit movie," the other woman lets out a sigh.

Taking her face into her hands, the taller woman strokes her lips affectionately over her lips while letting the tips of her fingers brush delicately along her cheeks. "Oh, come on, P, ya know I'm just messing with ya. It was pretty bland though," her voice hot and breathy against her girlfriend's lips.

"All right, you two kids either tone it down or get a room—Lorna and I are just about to have some coffee. Don't need any entertainment to accompany," Nicky waves a hand at the two women, who seem too engrossed with themselves. With a chuckle, she shakes her head and pulls the brunette along into the kitchen.

The brunette stands anxiously against the counter, not exactly sure what she should do. It's not like she knows where anything is. She's used to doing everything herself. But here, in an apartment she still isn't accustomed to, she feels less confident—less independent. Her brown eyes observe closely where Nicky takes a bag of coffee from, placing it on the counter beside the pot and taking out several table-spoons of the ground-up beans.

After clicking the nob up so the coffee can begin to brew, Nicky turns to Lorna with a concerning gaze. "Why ya so quiet? You okay, kid?" She wonders, rummaging through a cabinet above where she stands for a package of coffee sweetener.

"Just thinking is all."

"About what? Ya look a bit withdrawn…what's on your mind?" Nicky cautiously walks over to the shorter woman, staring intently down into her eyes—trying desperately to find what's bothering her. She notices the faint bags that sit underneath her eyes and slightly yellow tint that sits within the corner of her pupils. "Go sit down, kid. I'll get your coffee for ya. Like cream and sugar, yeah?"

Lorna timidly nods, submissively doing what's asked of her.

With the coffee dripping the last drop into the pot, Nicky gathers two mugs from the cupboard and carries them over. She pours the dark liquid into both cups, mixing in the cream and sugar, and then very carefully brings them over to the table where Lorna sits. Placing one in front of the brunette, she lets her eyes linger on her for a few moments.

"What's going on, Lorna? You don't look too good. Are ya feelin' okay?"

Framing her hands possessively around her steaming mug, the brunette nods curtly. She sips furiously on her coffee.

Nicky's worry only continues to grow stronger. She places a soothing hand over Lorna's, trying to coax her to look back at her. "Something's not right. You're acting strange, Lorna. What's the problem? Is it the nightmare ya had? Do ya wanna talk about it?"

"Coffee's good, thanks."

Sighing, the older woman holds her gaze. "You're not gonna get any better by ignoring the problem. Why won't ya even try to address it?"

Lorna tilts her head down, gazing blankly into her cup of coffee. The words are honest and right, she knows, but no matter how bad she wants to get past this she can't seem to let herself. "It-it hurts to talk about," she says not much louder than a whisper.

"I know, kid, and I'm sorry it does," Nicky softly starts off, squeezing the hand she holds comfortingly. "But I promise the sooner you start sharing what's happened the sooner you'll start to feel better."


Two months into her freshman year, Lorna found herself on the verge of having her first boyfriend. She took his words to heart and immediately began cutting down her intake of food. Breakfast was easily skipped in the morning and if anyone asked, she'd just say she slept too long. Lunch was a bit more difficult as her best friend slowly became much more concerned. She couldn't fool her. To counteract such issue, she made the decision to start working out a few days a week.

Her drastic measures slowly began to show, she realized. The majority of her outfits hung off her body. And, most importantly, Vincent gradually started to take notice of her. Every time she walked down the aisle to her desk, she felt his brown eyes lingering on her—which only made her continue her new regimen. It wouldn't be long before he asked her out, she just knew it.


Just past five on a Monday morning, Lorna rapidly awoke at the brutal ring of the alarm clock that sat on her bedside table. Quickly, she sprung up from her bed and rummaged through her drawers for a pair of exercise apparel. It took a few minutes until she finally stumbled across what she deemed as "work-out approved". Once dressed, she placed an exercise tape into her VCR and began her new routine.

The sound of her door opening went unnoticed as she followed along with the instructor on her bulky television screen. She didn't notice another presence until a voice spoke up and caused a small jump out of her.

"What the hell are ya doin' at this ungodly hour?"

Lorna turned her head instantly to catch sight of her older brother. A sheepish smile spread across her cheeks. "I'm getting my exercise; what's it look like?"

Rolling his eyes, Mikey made his way further into the younger person's room. Plopping himself down on the edge of her bed, he watched intently as she continued with the movements being demonstrated. He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why do ya have do it so damn early? And why are ya even doing this? You're already the thinnest person in the house—what more do ya want?"

"I ain't got time after school," she breathlessly answered, nearly winded from the ever-increasing intensity of her work-out. "Vincent likes fit girls and I like him. Soon he'll ask me out, I sense it."

Another eye roll Mikey let out. The dream-like smile on his sister's face brought a worrying sensation over him. "You're doing all this shit to impress some dumbass freshman? Lorna, stop this nonsense. Why the hell ya wanna date some guy who doesn't like ya the way ya are, huh? I'm warning ya right now—I'll kill the guy if he does anything to hurt ya. That's a promise."


The minute they pulled and parked outside the school building, Lorna hurriedly scurried off into it. Her brown curls—that usually spilled down along her shoulders—bounced in its side-ponytail, a new trend she wouldn't dare to shy away from. She frisked down the hall to her locker to gather what she'd need for her morning classes when she felt a light tap on her shoulder.

Instantly, her head tilted to see who the culprit was and all but smiled when her eyes landed on Vincent. "Oh, uh, hello. Somethin' I can help ya with?" She innocently inquired, her eyes fluttering up at him with a longing lust faintly showing through.

"What do ya say to going out with me on Friday?"

Lorna tried her best to hold in the utter excitement such question ignited within her. The smile on her face grew as she enthusiastically nodded her head. "Are ya being serious?" As much as she longed to go on a date with the man of her dreams, she also had to be clear that he wasn't just trying to play some cruel joke on her.

The brunette teenager gave a slow nod, letting his brown orbs look hungrily over her body. He liked that she chose to take his criticism and change herself for the better. She was certainly his type of girl. A smile crept on his face as he let one of his hands touch feathery along her back, "Someone as hot as you deserves a nice night out with me. Do ya want to or not?"

"Yes, yes I would love tah!" Lorna squealed ecstatically, her eyes big with astonishment.

Giving a small wink, Vincent brushed his fingers lightly down her arm and nodded his head in a lustful manner. "Good. I'll meet ya down at the coffee shop in the city—how about round' seven?"

The sheer thrill those words gave Lorna couldn't break her from grinning. Her hair bounced as she bobbed up her head enthusiastically, gazing up at him with dreamy orbs. "Sounds real nice—can't wait," she murmured softly, continuing to hold the stare. His eyes made her insides melt. She knew he would fall for her once she slimmed down some.

"Make sure to keep your figure…wouldn't wanna lose that attractive body, right?" Her nod made a smirk form. He quickly released his hand from the brunette's arm and turned the other way.


Friday sluggishly arrived and Lorna couldn't be happier. She sat in her room, at the vanity as she perfected her make-up, while her best friend watched silently from the bed. Her eyes lingered on her reflection, once she finished, and tried to find any flaws that may have needed fixing. It made her smile to see that she couldn't find anything wrong; she turned to face the black-haired teen who seemed to be preoccupied with one of her many wedding magazines. Such sight only added to her euphoria.

"The dresses are so pretty, aren't they?" The fourteen-year-old chirped quizzically.

Alex rather quickly shut the magazine, tossing it aside, and focused her light eyes on her best friend. She mustered up a smile, nodding her head—even though she knew that wasn't the real reason she was engrossed in it. "Yeah, very," her husky voice agreed while she took in her friend's appearance. "Ya look great, Lorn. How nervous are ya for your first date?"

With a smile, the brunette only shrugged a slight bit. This date was something she'd been wanting since last year and, yes, it ate her nerves thinking about it but it also filled her with an ignition of exhilaration. Finally, the boy of her dreams was becoming a reality. Lorna was beyond ready for this. "I just want it to be perfect. Vincent is everything I've always wanted, Al; and I hope he feels the same way. He has to, right? We're soulmates, after all!"

"Lorna, ya gotta get to know him before you can tell if he's really the one. Please don't rush into things with him…or mention soulmate stuff to him; he might not be as enthusiastic as you. Guys can be real assholes, kid, and the last thing I want is for my best friend to get hurt," Alex gently worded her concern, taking the smaller teen into her arms for a soothing embrace.

Her bottom lip folded into a small frown, Lorna stared up at her with dark eyes. "You don't think he likes me, do ya? You think he's too good for someone like me, huh?"

Quirking her eyebrows puzzlingly, the black-haired teen instantly shook her head and pulled her friend back into her arms. Her eyes peered heavily down into the other's. "No, no, that's not what I'm sayin' at all! If anything, you're the one who's too good for him, kid. I just—I want ya to be careful and take things slow. Ya needa be sure he's someone ya actually like, okay?" Her lips softly brush atop Lorna's head of brown hair.

"Don't worry, Al—I'm positive that he's the guy I'm destined to be with. But I'll keep my mouth shut for now if it makes ya feel better."


A year passed since her date with Vincent and now the two were in a serious relationship—or as serious one can be for two sophomores in high school. The first few months were a dream for Lorna; he seemed to shower her with compliments and affection, she almost couldn't believe it to be true. However, the more time that past, the shorter-lived such warmth. His affection towards her gradually turned into a relentless control. She wasn't allowed to hang out with her friend as much, wasn't able to eat the foods she liked—"that shit will make ya fat, Lorna"—and had to revolve her schedule around what he wanted.

Walking past her bedroom mirror was a dreaded event. The figure it showed revolted her. Every word Vincent told her was true—she had to stop eating so much, it only added to her weight and she loathed the idea of being fat (or what her boyfriend considered fat, which was anything over a merely bone-thin figure). Such realization only aided in her journey to skipping almost every meal and forcing herself to work-out as much as she possibly could. There's no way she would lose his love.


It was a late Saturday afternoon when Lorna was interrupted from her exercise session by the sound of the doorbell's ringing. A small sigh escaped as she shut off the tape and slowly made the way down the long case of stairs. Secretly, she prayed it wouldn't be Vincent—she just needed a day to herself for once. Unfortunately, when she opened the door, her prayer went without answer. Her eyes immediately were met with his. Rapidly, a lump began to form in her stomach.

"Hey, Vinny," she greeted, trying to sound cheerful and optimistic. A smile plastered on her face, one that didn't make it to her eyes but—fortunately—he hadn't seemed to notice (or care). "I didn't know ya were coming over today…thought ya had some family thing?"

The Italian teen gruffly allowed himself in, shutting the door harshly behind him. His eyes gazed into her eyes with a slight annoyance. "You've ignored my calls all morning—why? What the hell's more important than me, huh?" The questions spilled bitterly out his mouth as he pinned her down to her living room couch.

Terror consumed Lorna's brown orbs. She tried to squirm her way out from underneath him but vastly realized how strong he was compared to her. "I was doing my work-out and homework for school. Please get off me—it's startin' to hurt!"

Rolling his eyes, he dug his nails harshly into her shoulders before finally releasing the hold. "Ya better be tellin' the truth and not whoring around with other guys!" He shook his head irritatingly, looking her body over disapprovingly. "Like any other guy would want ya anyway—looks like you're getting thick, better work out harder, Lorna. Your clothes are too tight and it's disgusting."

"Please just fucking leave, Vinny. I'm really not in the mood to be insulted today," Lorna tiredly yelled back, pushing him away from her. Her actions were instantly regretted when she noticed the rage bubbling in his orbs.

No one pushed him, he bitterly thought. He glared darkly into his girlfriend's eyes, yanking her harshly by the neck and pulling her a mere inches away from his face. "Fucking talk like that to me again, bitch, and see what happens. I'm the one in charge, not you. I'm the man in this relationship, aren't I?" The fear that emanated from her made him unimaginably satisfied.

She felt a batch of tears start to come to her eyes. How could the man she lusted after turn into this? How did it happen? It made no sense to her. He was a dream the first few months, the most romantic guy she could ever meet. And now, all she felt when she saw or heard him was complete and utter horror.

The sound of footsteps running down the stairs immediately brought hope to Lorna. She weakly averted her eyes in their direction and was instantly washed over in relief to see her older brother come barreling towards them.

Mikey roughly grabbed the teen off of his sister and decked him right in the face. Fury tore through him to stare at such a person—someone who would cause harm to his little sister, the most generous girl anyone could ever come across. "The fuck do ya think you're doing with your hands around her neck, huh? What the hell's your problem, Vinny? You're the reason my baby sister's been starving herself these last years?"

"My problem? I'm just tryna help ya sister lose some weight…what's wrong with wantin' her to be healthy? Look at her, she's fucking fat as hell."

Shaking his head in anger, Mikey swung another fist into his face and gestured his hand in direction of the door. "Get your ass outta here—you're a piece of shit! Lorna deserves someone better than you. You're fucking killing her! You look at her and tell me where this "fat" is because all I see are the outlines of my sister's damn bones! You're done with her; you ever come near her again, I'll do more than punch your face. That's a promise," he growled, pushing him out of the house and slamming the door in his face.


Lorna stands in the bathroom, tears streaming along her cheeks, while she gaze angrily at her reflection in the mirror above the sink. Talking to Nicky about all the raw events in her life isn't something she liked—it brought back the pain and constant self-loathing that she tried so hard to keep hidden away. She doesn't like that someone is trying to bring it all to the surface. It's not something she's ready for, she thinks.

Knocking gently on the door, Nicky waits uneasily with deep concern and worry. They are this close to getting to the point of discussing her past but yet, every time, Lorna seems to go into panic mode and shuts down. It tears at her heart to watch her go through this same cycle each time; she wishes there was an easier way to help her but knows all she can do is coax her to open up.

"Kid, please open the door," she softly pleads when she notices it's locked.

The shorter woman timidly creaks the door open a sliver, just enough to glimpse out at her roommate with puffy eyes. "I can't-can't do this. It hurts too much, Nicky. You, you don't understand!"

Nicky pries the door completely open and sighs at the distress that sits on the younger woman's face. She wants nothing more than to take her into her arms and love away all of the pain she feels. "Help me understand, talk to me about what's making ya hurt so bad. Please, Lorna, I want to help ya through this. Talk to me. I'm your therapist, kid, it's my job to listen to you."

"Oh…so that's why ya wanna know? Because it's just your job—I get it. Ya only wanna help because ya have to, right? I mean if ya weren't getting paid, you wouldn't even give me a second glance. Don't try to fool me. I know. I'm just a worthless patient ya probably secretly want dead, mhmm?" The brunette frantically yells out her questions, tears spilling out of her eyes. She rummages through the drawers and cabinets for something sharp.

Startled by her sudden outburst, Nicky stares down at her with wide eyes. It takes a moment to notice what's happening but when she does, she quickly yanks the scissors from Lorna's hands and envelops her in a tight hug. She crouches down on the floor, laying the hysterical brunette against her as she runs a hand softly through her dark hair.

"No, Lorna, stop it—stop this nonsense," Nicky desperately pleads, cupping the brunette's face tenderly in her hands. She leans their foreheads lightly together, gazing compassionately into her brown orbs. "You are not worthless, and I would never say that about ya. Secretly want ya dead? Lorna, are ya fucking serious? Why the hell would ya even think that? I swear on God's green earth that I care about you—I want to help you because you're important. Fuck my job—I'd help ya no matter if I was a therapist or not. Why don't ya fucking believe me? What's the problem, kid?"

Lorna shakes her head with a distressing rage. She stares heavily into the other's eyes. "The problem? The fucking problem is me! Isn't it obvious?! It's always fucking me—I'm never good enough for no one and I'm so, so fucking tired of it, Nicky. I don't belong here," she screams out in agony, trying to break free from the redhead's firm grasp.

The other's attempts to move away only cause Nicky to pull her closer, tucking Lorna's head in the crook of her neck. She presses a warm kiss atop her head and softly rocks her. "Where don't ya belong, baby? Where's here? You're good enough for Alex—you'll always be her best friend. You're good enough for me. Who put all this bullshit in your head? Was it Vinny? Did he make ya think this?" Compassion seeps through both her voice and eyes.

"Here in this apartment…I've intruded on all your lives and it's not fair. Why should any of ya have to put up with someone like me?"

Stroking a hand through her waves of hair, the redhead shakes her head while peering warmly down at her. "We wanted you to come live with us, Lorna. We want you to have a safe place to live that's full of people who care about ya. Put up with you? You're not even a problem, sweet girl. You're an absolute pleasure to live with. Ya wanna know what's not fair? The way you've been treated for god-only-knows how long. That's not fair, kid."

Lorna stares down at the tile floor. "Don't lie, Nicky. I know I'm not easy to live with. I'm fucked up and no one can fix that. It's just the truth. The only reason you and Alex's girlfriend aren't bothered with me because is cause ya pity me or somethin'. Or you're faking that ya care. I sense it."

"Yeah? Well, your senses are wrong. My caring is never fake. Why do ya constantly think that? Please, kid, please tell me what happened to you. What happened to make ya so skeptical and fearful of people? It has to be more than what's recently happened, yeah?"

Shaking her head, Lorna refuses to look the other in the eyes. She knows she promised to open up but the minute the memories hit her brain, she can't bring herself to discuss any of them. It's still too soon. The pain's too raw.

Delicately running a thumb along the other's forehead, Nicky's eyes pour softly into hers. "Ya think I'm gonna hurt ya, don't ya? Be honest with me. You can't control your feelings. It's okay to feel whatever way ya feel. But it's not okay to keep them inside. Refusing to let out your emotions is only gonna escalate the issue and you're gonna keep feeling like suicide is the only answer…You need to stop this cycle; it's so unhealthy. You have to start opening up to me. I can't keep letting ya do this to yourself."

"How do I know you're not?"

"How do ya know I'm not gonna what?" Nicky inquiries, brushing a hand lovingly through her hair.

Lorna tilts her head quizzically. "That-that you're not gonna hurt me?"

Such question brings a flush of empathy over the redhead. A pang sits in her heart to realize that Lorna thinks this is all just some cruel joke—something that couldn't be further from reality. "Because," her voice tender against the brunette's lips, "I have a soft spot for sweet people like you. I also know your dear best friend would break my neck if I were to ever do something so cruel to ya. Which, of course, I would never even dream to do, kid. I swear to you. Any asshole who would inflict pain on a sweet thing like you deserves to have their neck broken."

The brunette only sighs, not entirely sure if she can believe the other's words. She wants to—they seem sincere but she also knows that Vinny use to say nice things to her only to turn around and drain the life right out of her. The last thing she wants is a repeat. "How, how can I be sure? Vinny—he, he used to tell me how much he loves me and then he'd tell me how fat I am and need to stop eating."

Nicky pulls her closer and tightens her arms. She places a very light—almost feathery—kiss onto Lorna's lips, resting her forehead softly over hers. The tips of her fingers brush delicately up and down her cheeks. "I'm Nicky, not Vinny. I don't hurt the people I love and care about," she warmly starts, her breath soft against the brunette's mouth. "You're a beautiful, sweet, and precious girl. I wanna slice Vinny's head off for the hurt he's caused ya. What reason does he have to bully you like that? I swear to God he better not come anywhere near ya. That dick comes within five miles of you I'll ruin him for good. You shouldn't be feeling this way, Lorna. Ya shouldn't feel unworthy of affection or love and that's all his fault. He did this to you! He controlled you and brainwashed ya into believing you're worthless and unlovable, yeah?" The sensation of Lorna's head violently bobbing up and down against her chest both breaks her heart and fuels a rage. She knows if she ever sees Vinny's face again she might just kill him. With a sigh, she pulls herself together and gazes back into Lorna's tear-filled orbs. Her lips stroke once more over the other's, "You're not. You're not worthless or unlovable. Far from both, Lorna. You're a delicate young woman with a beauty so bright it could blind the universe. Anyone who ever tries to make ya feel unworthy, ya bring em' to me, ya hear? I'm not gonna let ya believe that anymore. You're a beautiful human being who deserves every good thing this planet has to offer. I'm deeming myself your protector from now on; ya need someone to take care of you, baby, and I want to be that person. I love you; I sincerely do."