Disclaimer: I do not own the intellectual properties depicted herein. I do not own the characters portrayed. I make no claim to own any part of 'Avatar: The Last Airbender'. All intellectual properties depicted herein belong to the creators of 'Avatar: The Last Airbender.' and Nickelodeon.


Humans are, for the most part, methodically clean creatures. Yes, there are the few, those filthy few, who see no point or pomp in personal grooming. Even Hog-Monkeys pick Flea-Mites out of each others rear ends. Is it so hard to get a hair cut?

"I said: NO!"

"Toph, be reasonable! It's too thick! I swear Momo could crawl in there and get lost…and DIE!"

Further down river, Aang sighed at Katara's outburst and at Toph's stubbornness. Oh he adored the earthbender, but it would be nice to cuddle without breathing in hair. Filing that last bit in the 'Do not ever mention to Toph under pain of death' section of his mind, the Avatar turned his attention back to the shimmering water mirror he'd bent from the stream.

"Hmm." Muttered Aang running his hand over the short layer of fuzz on his scalp that had sprouted over the few weeks since their last stop at Ty Lee's circus. He'd been behind on his weekly shavings.

For one thing not having a reflective surface hindered the matter somewhat, it's never fun having to shave blind with a sharp rock. Plus Toph did say she missed him having hair and technically, he was a nation of one, he could rewrite the Air Nomads' policy on frivolous haircuts.

Being somewhat engrossed on his follicle follies, Aang was startled when Sokka dropped his shaving supplies right next to him. Supplies consisting only of some shaving soap and a large machete. Without a word, Aang lengthened the water mirror to accommodate his Water Tribe friend.

"Thanks Aang." Sokka turned his head from side to side to assess the amount of chin carpet he'd need to shear off,

"Man, it grows fast." He said, lathering his lower jaw in soap, bringing the large blade up to his exposed neck. Aang cocked his head in query,

"I thought it was fashionable for Water Tribe men to have beards."

"It is. Sign of manhood you know."

"Riiiiight." Drawled Aang, "So why are you chopping it off? And with a machete? Isn't that dangerous?"

"Suki says it irritates her when we…" Sokka quickly changed the subject, "Anyway she doesn't like it."

"And the pig killer?" Aang gestured to the oversized razorblade the Water Tribe Warrior had dangerously close to his jugular. Sokka flashed a grin underneath all the soap,

"It's manly."

Aang snorted, "I shave with a sharp rock. That's manly. What you're doing? That's suicide waiting to happen."

"Please, you just shave the top of your head. Real men grow beards. And so far you haven't grown anything on your face other than that brief bout of acne last year. I'm only shaving because I want to…and not because Suki made me."

Aang was quick to note that Sokka blurted out that last bit a little too hastily. Nevertheless, he pressed the issue at hand,

"I. Shave. With. A. Rock." He repeated, emphasizing word for word. Sokka snorted, "I have a deadly weapon at my neck. That's manly. Rubbing a pebble on my head is not."

Aang growled not wanting to lose this argument. Both he and Toph had been picking up each others habits and characteristics lately. For him it was her unflinching stubbornness. For her, it wasn't so much a trait of his rather than the increased tolerance to his less than tolerable traits. One can only go so long with having an airball riding bubble head for a boyfriend before going completely bonkers, but Toph endures. Oh she endures.

Just then Zuko, complete with scraggily stubble and moustache, hove into view. Giving the other two a cursory nod, he sat quietly on Aang's right as the Avatar extended the mirror for the Prince.

"Hey Zuko. I shave with a rock. That's manlier than shaving with an oversized kitchen knife right?"

"Size matters Aang. The bigger, the better."

A moment of silence washed over the men when Suki's perfectly timed and very patronizing laugh carried over from the womens' end.

Both Prince and Avatar turned to the red face Warrior with brows arched in silent question.

"…Whatever. I still say my way is more macho."

"Sharp rock!"

Zuko sighed, his day had barely started and already he could feel the migraine coming on, so he let the other two argue whilst he quietly applied a flame to his face, burning off his stubble with practiced precision.


World Tour

Unnatural


Thankfully, even though they hadn't seen a town, village or even a ramshackle Foggy Swamp Tribe outhouse, Katara had managed their food stocks remarkably well. Always remembering to restock whenever they entered a town as well as staving off her ever hungry brother with the odd ice spear or two. As such, breakfast was its usual culinary delight.

Salted vegetable soup.

Mostly to accommodate Aang's vegetarian ways. No one else minded. Sokka had to go find his own meat as usual. They always stocked up on dried meat, but you know how much a growing young man eats. Suki wonders when he'll ever stop growing.

Of course Sokka would always share whatever he caught and those who wanted something more substantial than flavored boiled water to chew would always get a share.

That is until they realized what Sokka actually brought back.

Toph was sick for days after ingesting what she called, 'The Worst Thing to Happen since the Hundred Year War and the Great Pox.'

For us modern folks, we know 'Great Pox' better as syphilis

And that was what she called the Skunk-Badger casserole. She had a much more colorful term for the Dingo-Hornet pie Sokka made. Apparently he'd forgotten to remove the stinger and venom sacs.

Zuko found the stinger and he promptly relocated it to an area of Sokka's personage which, while it brought many a laugh that dinner night, did not amuse Sokka one bit.

And now back to the situation at hand. Setting down his soup bowl, Zuko made a little announcement,

"I motion we relieve Sokka of his duties as navigator. This is the third time we've failed to reach our destination. Of course I also want to throw him off Appa at five hundred feet but we can't have everything can we?"

Sokka defended, "I'm an excellent navigator. I led us all around the world, keeping away from you all those years ago."

"Yes. And yet I always seemed to find you." Zuko thought about the Crystal Catacombs for a moment, "Even when I didn't want to."

"It's the map YOUR ex-girlfriend gave us. It's inaccurate!" Cried Sokka, waving the worn out parchment in the Prince's face. "Look! There's a big empty space in the middle!"

Calmly, Zuko replied, "You were sitting too near the campfire one night and burnt a hole in it."

"Ah ha! See? Fire! That's your department isn't it?"

"Oh it's not just the map, Sokka." Zuko steepled his fingers, "Had you paid more attention to where we were headed rather than the general direction of your tongue towards Suki's tonsils, we'd all be relaxing in warming soothing hot springs by now."

"This is a holiday." Sokka stressed, "A time to get away from the rigors of our daily jobs and mind numbingly boring work. Who cares where we end up?"

"I'll have you know that running a country is important work." Retorted Zuko. Katara made an effort NOT to cover up her dismissive cough.

"Alright," Relented the firebender, "Co-running a country."

Katara's coughing fit seemed to get worse.

"Fine. Fine. But I'd hardly call being in charge of home affairs mind numbing." Retorted Zuko pointing a finger at Sokka.

Katara looked and sounded as if she was going to cough up a lung.


"Oh Zuko. Wouldn't these curtains just look darling in your room?"

"Mother. I'm in the middle of some important state business."

"Oh, I'm sure the plans for the extensions to the palace latrines can wait. Now do you like the fire red with gold or the ocean blue with white? Personally I think the blue suits Katara…I mean you better."


"Yes. Real important." Choked Katara, not even hiding her oh so evil smirk, "That reminds me, the left wing's clogged up again."

"Those old coots in the ministry are at it again are they?" Drawled Zuko.

"If by that, you mean did they stuff up the plumbing with their elderly incontinence? Then yes." The waterbender smiled, sipping her soup calmly.

Sighing Zuko leaned back on his haunches, bemoaning his fate, "Help win a century long war, wipe the smear of dishonor from my family name, reunite a fractured family and instead of accolades and medals being thrown at my feet as Zuko, Prince of Fire, Zuko the Redeemer and Zuko the Modest. I am now Zuko the Pricne of Plumbers. Lord of the Commode."

"You forgot Zuko, Chew Toy of Fate."

"Yes, thank you Aang. I always forget that one. I am truly blessed to have a friend such as you to remind me of my sad, feeble lot in life."

Toph piped up, "Ahem. I believe we were talking about Meathead's inability to follow a straight line?"

"Hey. Sokka can follow a straight line." Suki steadfastly defended her husband-to-be, "He does it very well."

"In your case, Suki, "Sighed Zuko, "That line heads right into your armor." He immediately retracted that obviously crass statement at razor sharp fan point.

"Retracted. Retracted." He said holding his hands up, "Please do the same with the razor sharp implement of death."

"So…we're hopelessly lost, our map's no good and our navigator's been navigating the Straits of Kyoshi more than most seamen." A groan filled the air as Toph listed off the last point.

"Toph!"

"What? What did I say?"

Aang turned to Katara and said in all honesty, "Is this Zing Zuko or Sully Sokka Day?"

To which she replied, in all honesty, "I don't know. The two of them are so much alike, they tend to blur together after a while. Of course Sokka is my brother and I have no problems with him strutting around shirtless, unlike the shameless exhibitionist who shall remain nameless."

"Oh, you mean Zuko? Yeah, he does like to take off his shirt a lot doesn't he?" Aang mused, "I'd do the same but Toph's blind."

"Plus I'm not horribly shallow…unlike some others who shall remain nameless." Added the earthbender.

"I take offense to that." Said Suki, picking bits of leek out of her soup, by the Spirits she hated those. Leek. Such a disgusting sounding word.

"I was referring to Sugar Queen. I've made my peace with you and Meathead a long time ago. It was a girlish crush and I'm not ashamed to admit it. But please do me a favor. Next time you two want to be…oh…'fun loving'. Please do it up a tree and spare me the vibrations. Spirits, I had to use Twinkles as a buffer every time."

"Not that I mind." Said Aang grinning like a complete fool who'd just discovered he'd inherited an entire nation's worth of riches. Of course in his case, his holdings were, as currently, four rundown temples, one sky bison, one winged lemur, one glider and the love of an earthbender.

The last one made it all better.

"Of course you don't Aang. The two of you are so sickeningly sweet that Toph should stop calling me Sugar Queen and keep the name for her self."

"And what would that make me?" Asked Aang excitedly.

"Avatar Aang the Destroyer of Kidneys and for the record I am not shallow. I prefer men with brains not brawn. Which rules you out…Burn Boy."

"Oh. I was not aware I was in the running for the position of your Whipping Boy."

Suki chuckled, "You've already got the job down perfect. Never seen anyone take a water whip like you. Tell me; is it easier to take from behind?"

"Aren't our meal time conversations fun?" grinned Toph as she playfully nudged Aang.


After breakfast, wash up and a brief tussle between Prince and Warrior, the mobile natural disaster zone known as the Avatar's Wrecking Crew, was well and comfortably on their way.

To where…no one rightly knows.

Zuko scanned the tattered map in his hands, trying his best to keep a good grip on the parchment as Appa glided through the skies,

"Right. According to this scrap of toilet paper…"

"Which YOUR girlfriend gave us." Sokka reminded rather vocally from the back of the saddle.

"EX-girlfriend." Hissed Zuko, before leaning over the saddle's edge to direct Aang, "According to this, this is the Si Wong Desert."

"Gee, what tipped you off? Was it the sand dunes as far as the eye can see?" Mocked Sokka.

A collective groan erupted from the back of the saddle sans Suki, who asked,

"I know a desert isn't very appealing but what's wrong?"

Toph sighed as she fed Momo a few scraps from breakfast, "Bad memories."

"Oh. Well, maybe we can just fly over it without stopping."

Katara looked up from checking the food stocks, "I don't think so." She held up a half empty waterskin,

"We're running a little low on water and there's only one place in this La forsaken sandbox with it."

Curious, the Kyoshi Captain probed further, "Which is?" And once again Sokka proved to be the fount of knowledge and wisdom,

"Misty Palms Oasis. No greater hive of scum and villainy in the universe…oh wait, I forgot about Zuko's home. Second greatest hive of scum and villainy then."

Drumming his fingers against the saddle Zuko made his usual witty comeback,

"Yes. Then I'm sure you've received boundless praise and awards for having a mind like my sister's compassion towards small animals."

Smug and smirking, Sokka puffed his chest, "Like a steel trap eh?"

"No. It doesn't exist." Zuko deadpanned, "Turn here Aang."

On his part, Aang did try to steer Appa in the right direction but the six legged fur ball simply refused. Groaning and rumbling the mighty beast shook his head in adamant refusal.

"I'm sorry buddy. I know you don't like it here. I promise I won't let the shifty sand people get you again."

Grudgingly Appa swayed slightly towards their intended destination. Toph released Momo into the air before crawling towards the front,

"Twinkles. I still can't 'see' very well on sand."

"Don't worry Toph." Said Zuko, "Sand benders are easily spooked by loud noises and old mystic men dressed in hooded cloaks."

"Zuko," Said Katara, "These are powerful benders with an entire desert at their command, not the kindergarteners at Fire Elementary Day Care. I doubt they're going to wet their pants in front of you."

"Who said I'm afraid of some ratty Sand Benders? I just don't like the sand!" Toph cried, "It's shifty, loose and gets in many uncomfortable places."

"Hmm. Like Azula's pet Rat-Iguana Mister Burns. Keep finding the slimy little bastard in my underwear drawer." Snarled Katara pulling whatever drops of water she could from the dry desert air.

Zuko took the opportunity to stick his foot in his mouth…again, "Can't imagine what possessed him to do that. If you've seen one pair of under things you've seen them all. You should go shopping with my mother more often. Add more variety to your wardrobe."

Sokka pursed his lips, watching his sister turn the freshly pulled drops of water into tiny needles all aimed at the Prince's royal jewels. "Zuko? Do you find life too long and unfulfilling or are you just suicidal?"


The rest of the trip and subsequent landing in the oasis was blessedly silent. Most probably due to Katara threatening to sew Zuko's lips shut with a blunt iron rod and some dirty twine.

For the most part, the dingy scum hole of Misty Palms hadn't one bit in the past four years. Malcontents of all sorts still milled around the gates and streets; traitor princes, renegade earthbenders, deadly water benders, prison escapees and two village idiots…oh yes and there were some really bad guys too, bounty hunters and bandits, that sort of folk.

"Okay. Aang, you and Toph stay with Appa."

"Never intended to leave him at all Sokka."

Sokka nodded in agreement before continuing, "Suki and I'll go find some supplies. Umm…Katara you go find some water."

"Of course. Send the water bender to go find water. Brilliant."

"Why yes…it is isn't it?"

"No." Katara rolled her eyes, "This is what's really going to happen. Aang and Toph are going to get bored just standing around. They'll take Appa and wander around most likely causing property damage and most probably get a bounty on all our heads. You and Suki'll whisk away to some grotty little one way street and tongue wrestle, while Zuko….wait…where is the fire snorting lunkhead?"


"You know. I've never been respected. No respect. I get no respect."

Zuko sighed, slamming his iced coconut and pineapple smoothie on the bar top, "Not my sister, not my friends….not even from the winged rat that voids its bladder every time it gets spooked."

"What?" Slurred another patron.

"He pissed on me."

"Lad." Started the bartender, "You do realize your drink's non alcoholic right?"

"Yes yes, I know. No one's stupid enough to introduce flammable liquids and gases to a firebender….except that one time…."


"The plumbers are having some trouble my Prince."

Zuko's head dropped and his shoulders slumped upon hearing the messenger's less then grand and monumental announcement. Uncle got news of state and foreign affairs. Mother handled internal state affairs such as education and culture. Even Azula got the sensational job in the form of the occasional beheading of traitors. But not him. Oh no. He got the glory of receiving world shattering news about Hamster-Mice clogging up crappers and the occasional destruction of outhouses caused by people in the same weight class as the Unagi.

"Oh joy. Well, let's go see what pleasant surprise our city's advanced state of the art sewer system has for us today. What do you think? Gator-Fish?"

"Surely you jest my prince. Gator-Fish in our sewers? That's just an urban legend."

"Yes quite. Now what seems to be the problem here my good man?" Zuko addressed the sewer worker, who, despite being from another time and place than our own, followed the real world tradition for maintenance workers to wear their pants low enough to expose their butt cracks.

At that moment Zuko wanted to die. But refrained from sending a bolt of lighting through his brain, for it would have been an ignoble end.

Death from accidental exposure to excessive butt crack. A far sight from dying in battle or in the arms of a lover.

"Ummm…right. What was I saying? Good Agni the moon's full tonight." Zuko cringed at his own slip of the tongue.

"But it's still daylight my prince." Said the worker. "Not for me it isn't." said Zuko rubbing his eyes, "I think I've gone blind. Now what's the problem?"

"Something's blocked up the main drainage pipe my prince."

"From what I know, the main drainage pipe is thirteen feet wide and unfinished. The blockage as you call it is the bank of the east river. You've been working on the wrong pipe!"

"You sure my Prince?" The worker, being also a firebender, lit up a fist and turned back down into the pipe. Zuko immediately hit the dirt, placing his hands over his head,

"I mean, this pipe's obviously being used, I can smell the waste gas…."


"There was an earth shattering Ka-Boom. Two dozen manhole covers went flying into the sky. One of them decapitated a kitten on the way down. A fortune in repairs and the stench of post digested human waste for a week. The only saving grace was that apparently my sister was in the loo at the time."

The old man Zuko had been dumping his waste management woes on smiled wryly,

"Are you familiar with the White Lotus Society?"

Something about the old coot didn't sit right. Zuko chose his next words carefully,

"Yes. Uncle brought me to one of your little club houses here. It's been four flipping years and you still won't let me in."

"We're a revolutionary group."

"True." Zuko nodded, finishing off his tropical delight, "But now you've got nothing to revolt against."

"Correct. We're just waiting for someone to foul up and then we'll revolt against them. Like the time with the Great Carrot Army of Waffle."

Zuko regarded the elderly coot with a scrutinizing gaze, "You're just a crazy old bat aren't you? It's the heat isn't it?"

"The White Lotus sees all. The White Lotus knows all."

"The White Lotus is a few petals short of a full bloom." Zuko raised his hand to call the bartender, "Barkeep! Another round of Coconut-Apples…with lemon…and put it in a dirty coconut!"


"When I get my hands on Zuko I'll…"

Toph held up her hands, "Ugh. Sugar Queen…please. I just told Meathead and Iron Fan to spare me the details. I don't want to know what you and Cinderblock do when we're not looking."

"You're just jealous Toph." Sokka poked the earthbender in the arm, "What? Aang not man enough to put the moves on you?"

"I'm standing right here you know." Said Aang, tad miffed at his masculinity being called into question. Toph relaxed him, entwining her arms around his,

"Relax Twinkles. I think you're a gentleman."

"Thanks."

Then she shoved him sharply, "But it wouldn't hurt for you to act your age and gender every once in a while."

"What?"

"Like a horny teenage boy. You know, like Meathead."

"But…isn't that bad?"

Toph turned away, "It is. Unless I say it isn't."

"Is this one of those times?" Asked Aang meekly.

"Spirits Twinkles. Grow a backbone. You're making me think I'm not attractive. All the boys my parents introduce stare at my chest all the time. Just because I'm blind they think they have an excuse to not look me in the eyes."

"They're pigs! And I do stare at your chest! And your butt!"

"Oh Sweet Yue," Sokka rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Aang…give up. Just…stop talking."

"What did I say?" Aang was genuinely confused…for a scant few seconds before it hit him and I'm not just referring to Toph's fist,

"Oh…crap."

Sokka looked to Katara and Suki, both elder girls barely concealing their mirth, "You women are evil." Sokka accused, pointing a very stern finger at them.

Suki pulled on his cheek and said, "Took you this long to figure it out huh? I hope our children won't be getting your brains."

Toph slapped Aang on the back, "Soooo…my butt interests you eh?"

Apologizing profusely, Aang spoke out, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just shout it out like that. It's just so…"

Katara cut him off, "Okay. Conversation closed. Let's just restock, find Zuko, beat the living daylights out of him and get out of here."

"Oooh." Teased Toph, "Jealous?"

Katara calmly stated, "No. I don't need someone to ogle my butt to know that I'm attractive." Aang jerked his thumb to a leering sandbender leaning against the side of a mudhut,

"He thinks you're pretty."

The hairs on the back of Katara's neck tingled, in a very bad way, and she shuddered when the saw toothed sand lout blew her a kiss.


Given the relatively small size of the oasis, it wasn't long until they found the Fire Prince. He was in the bar, biggest building there. Also located smack dab in front of the pitiful excuse of an iceberg in the middle of the town. How the rest of the crew had missed it was beyond comprehension.

Though admittedly, they were distracted by their own concerns. Toph needling Aang about being a very naughty Avatar. Sokka and Suki getting into a debate on the evils of women and the utter uselessness of men. Katara was just hoping the Spirits would strike her down in order to escape the madness she called life.

"And another thing about women. Is it so bad that you write them a break up letter? I mean, I was busy at the time, what with confronting my tyrannical father and all. I just couldn't find the time to squeeze 'Break up with Mai' into the schedule. I had only four freakin' minutes and you know some women are just going to get weepy and waste more time…"

"Oh Tui, he's ranting again." Katara shook her head, making her way to the bar, shoving men twice her size out of the way, "Excuse me…Pardon…One side…MOVE!"

The rest of the gang just stood outside the door and poked their heads over the door frames, simply enjoying the show entitled, 'Zuko's Impending Doom.' Much to their dismay Katara merely grabbed Zuko by the collar and dragged him out into the street.

"We are leaving!"

Zuko looked up from his prone position and complained, "Why'd you do that? I like that place. Everyone knows my name."

The bar patrons took the chance to raise up their drinks in a toast to the departing prince,

"Cheers!"


Unceremoniously dumping the prince on his back, Katara snarled in his face,

"Sit!"

"Now look…" Zuko barely started to protest before having an angry waterbender in his face…again,

"Stay!"

"I am not some pet you can….!"

Katara snapped sharply, "Sokka, make sure His Highness doesn't leave this spot." Sokka sighed at his sister's bossy demand before speaking to Zuko,

"Okay Princey. Katara's laid down the law. You know how hard she can make things for you."

Zuko was so tempted to make a lewd comeback to Sokka's statement, but kept his peace in the presence of women. Toph, being a woman and not caring about the limits of acceptable double entendres, did not.

"Augh! Ewww! Snoozles! Please, there are ladies present! And she's your sister!"

Katara face palmed, dragging her fingers down her face slowly. Suki whispered conspiratorially to Aang,

"Twenty coppers say she blows her top before we leave this place."

Aang declined, "Are you kidding? I'm not taking that bet. Ever since she moved into the Fire Palace, her fuse has gotten shorter every day."

"Yeah. Can you imagine if Sugar Queen was actually a queen? I pity the fools under her rule."

Katara whirled on her 'sisters' who were supposed to be on her side. Three guys, three girls. The borders were clearly defined. Well…two guys and one Avatar. Aang was too nice to pick a side…thought Toph's gradual influence was changing that

"Hello?! I'm right here! I can hear you."

Toph grinned, "We know."

"Okay, okay. Break it up." Sokka pulled Katara back gently. Once again, it was up to Sokka of the Water Tribe to be the voice of reason and sanity, which for their little group, was a very big deal.

"Toph," he said sternly, "Stop egging Katara."

"Aw. And you're supposed to be the fun one." moped Toph punching the dark skinned young man in the arm.

"Ow." Sokka rubbed his arm, "That is going to bruise…Katara, stop victimizing Zuko. I know he deserves it…"

"Oi!"

Sokka ignored Zuko's displeasure at his words and continued, "…But as a fellow guy, I have to take his side. He was just having a drink."

"He skulked off on his own! He could have told us and at the very least he could have gotten me one of those pineapple drinks with the paper umbrella in it."

Suki took note of Katara's words, "You?" She said with a raised eye brow, "Just you? What about us? I'd like a fruit drink too." The Kyoshi Captain smiled evilly, "Or is Zuko and his services for your own enjoyment?"

"Services?!" Shrieked Katara, "That sounds so wrong!"

"What?" Suki picked a grain of sand out of her fingernail, "I was just saying if Zuko was going to get drinks, he should get drinks for all of us. Not just you."

"Yeah, Sweetness," Toph added, "You have a dirty mind. You know that? You dirty, dirty girl you."

Suki nodded, "Actually that explains a lot Toph. All the water whipping and talk about being tied up…"

"It was only once and I did not like it!" Yelled Katara, blurting out a long hidden shame from yesteryear. Everyone went silent and had their eyes grow to the size of plates….everyone except Zuko who was preparing himself for the inevitable…

"You?! My sister!? I'll kill you!"

Zuko made a mental note of Sokka's latest death threat, filing it away as number six sixty two. "Hey! Hey!" Zuko deftly sidestepped Sokka's raged induced lunge, "It's not what you think."

"Oh really?" Smirked Toph, "Meathead's got a very active mind…I've lost sleep over his 'ideas' with Suki. Go ahead Cinderblock, dazzle us with your…imagination." She waved her hands miming an arch.

Zuko just glared at the blind earthbender, as if trying to kill her with his eyes alone. He cocked his head to avoid Sokka's punch and snarled at Toph, "I'll deal with you later."

The young heiress just smiled in cheeky satisfaction.


"Cheer up Snoozles." Toph patted Sokka on the head, "For what it's worth, you…almost…managed to kill the air around Zuko by flailing like a headless Chicken-Pig."

Sokka and Zuko's ten round knockout fight was interrupted due to outside interference. More specifically, Zuko had his hands and feet frozen together, resulting in him falling face first into the sand. Aang reluctantly had to sink Sokka up to his shoulders in the sand before getting coerced by Katara into helping her secure supplies along with Suki. As such both men were glaring at each other from their current sorry states and positions with Toph being appointed their officially keeper.

"I hate you." Growled Zuko, he'd melt the ice…if Katara hadn't given Toph the rights to earthbend him into the center of the earth. Sokka sneered back, "Keep your hands off my sister then."

"I did not touch her!"

"She said she didn't like it! You must have done something vile to her!"

"Oh? So if I had made her feel good about it? Then what?"

Sokka was speechless with barely contained fury but he could still manage a word or two,

"You (Censored) (Dubious insinuation of parentage) (Sailors would go red at this) (This from a kids show?) (Somewhere a nun just fainted) And the ostrich-horse you rode in on!"

Nonplussed, Zuko retorted,

"Yeah, (Censored) you too."

Toph chuckled, sitting on Zuko's back, "Ah. You can't beat the classics." Her sensitive hearing picked up the unmistakable sound of money and loud gambling.

"Or can you?" She mused.

Now, since they had royalty on their team, money wasn't an issue. Iroh had given Zuko enough gold to buy an armada of moderately priced canoes. However, the Firelord had also handed Katara free reign on how best to spend it. Suki joked that Zuko was the long suffering working husband while Katara was the wife who kept the purse strings. Her analogy was not well received by the two in question.

In any case, what it boiled down to was Little Miss Frugal not allowing them any 'fun' money. Sokka caught Toph's smirk,

"Tooooph?" He stretched her name out, knowing she was up to something, "What are you thinking? I swear if you pour honey on my head and set the Tiger-Ants on me I'll…"

"I'd pay to see that." Quipped Zuko. Toph hushed both of them with knuckle raps on each of their heads,

"Silence minions."

"Minions?" Asked Zuko, trying to turn his head to face Toph. An impossible task, seeing as she was sitting on his back.

"Yes. And your queen demands your absolute obedience."

Zuko turned back to Sokka, "Okay we need to get her out of the sun." Toph snorted and shifted her weight and feet popping Sokka out of the sand like sliced bread out of a modern day toaster.

"Snoozles."

Sokka eyed Toph cautiously as he dusted himself off, "Yeeeah?"

"You're a smart guy right? You know I let you out for a reason right?"

"What about me?" Asked Zuko, "I'm getting sand up my nose."

"Silence dreg." Toph playfully poked him in the ribs with her heel. Zuko dropped his cheek against the warm sand, grumbling,

"If I wanted to be treated like this I'd have stayed at home with Azula."


"So, Aang…I hope Toph's still a maiden."

Now that's something you don't hear while buying cabbages.

"What? No! I mean…yes!" Aang spluttered, crushing the head of cabbage in his hands, much to the dismay of the cabbage seller. "I mean…" Suki rolled her eyes, deciding to pull the young Avatar out of the icy cold fire of humiliation,

"Oh lay off him Katara." Suki dropped a few pieces of silver in the Cabbage Man's hand to cover what they bought and what Aang just turned into coleslaw. Katara sniffed, "I'm just looking out for the both of them."

"Yes, 'Mother'." Sighed Suki. Katara bristled, "I am not being 'motherly'. I have their best interests at heart."

"They're together now. What's better than that?" Suki exclaimed gesturing to Aang.

"Umm…I'm right here." Aang lifted a finger to make his point. He was conveniently ignored.

"Seriously Katara, should Sokka and I bump up the wedding date so that you can have a few nieces and nephews to spoil?"

"I don't intend to be your midwife during this trip you know."

"Oh I was hoping to let nature take its course. But you know your brother, he plans everything." Suki said, "He told me about having a boy in spring and a girl in winter." Suki snorted and motioned to her abdomen, "Yeah, like I have any control over that."

"Actually," said Aang, "I think there's a spirit who's in charge of that…."

Suki smiled but turned down his unspoken offer, "No," She laughed, "Its okay Aang. I was just joking. Sokka knows he can't plan EVERYTHING but you know how excited he gets."

"Yeah. I was really surprised he kept the wedding preparations so simple too…" Katara gasped and covered her mouth, "Umm…you did not hear that from me."

"Oh yes I did." The Kyoshi Captain advanced on her sister-in-law to be, "Spill. He won't let me handle any of the preparations." She said, "And I threatened to withhold certain privileges from him. In fact I did and he still didn't talk."

Aang plugged his ears at the mention of 'privileges'. He was a big boy, he knew how things worked but it is never fun to hear such things about your close friends….unless in the form of merciless teasing.

"I'll just…go over there now."

Suki cocked her head in bemusement, "You sure Aang's had 'The Talk'?"

Desperate to steer the topic away from Sokka's surprise wedding plans, Katara hastily added, "Well, if he hasn't I'm sure Sokka or Zuko'll botch it up trying to tell him."

"But not before Toph educates him herself." Laughed Suki. Katara did not share her sentiment.

"That's not funny, Suki."


"This is a bad idea…"

"Shush Snoozles. It's no different than before. We go in, I play the blind little girl routine, we take those fools for all their worth."

A throaty groan rumbled from Sokka, "That worked in the Fire Nation because no one's dealt with earthbenders there. There're bound to be one or two sandbenders…maybe even earthbenders there. They'll know when you cheat. Plus, you can't 'see' on sand!"

"I can 'see' just fine…just not very clearly." Toph retorted.

"All the more reason to…"

Toph shoved him, signaling him to shut it as she felt muffled footsteps leave the gathering of gamblers and approach,

" 'Ere. What do you want, Skinny?"

Toph felt most insulted that the sleazy voiced man took notice of Sokka instead of her but only for a moment, before reminding herself to keep 'in character'.

"Nothing." Sokka backed away from the big sandbender, "We were just…"

"Just wondering what you were playing. Can we join?" Toph played the hell out of her best 'I'm just an innocent blind girl' voice. That always made them take the bait.

So imagine her surprise when the big man said,

"No."

Toph took a step forward, sand blowing up as she put her foot down,

"Why not? We've got money." She held out a handful of gold coins Zuko had given her…willingly and without coercion of course.


"When I get out of here that little midget is going to…"

Appa snorted and licked Zuko's hair, spiking it up in various styles.

"And now I'm going to smell like sun baked bison drool. Joy."


"So why can't we play?" Toph repeated, a little more forcefully, "Can't a BLIND girl join?" She was banking on her being blind to entice them.

"Girlie." Said the sandbender, "I don't care if you're the Avatar's wife." Sokka, unable to help himself, snickered. As Toph continued to argue and insist on playing, Sokka sidled next to a gambler and tapped him on the shoulder,

"What's the game?"

The man, part of the Earth Kingdom Army or at least he looked like a soldier, just pointed into the large sand pit, Toph had failed to detect during their approach. Sokka might have rolled his eyes at Toph's massive 'oversight' of not noticing a big hole in the sand, but he was more shocked at what was going on in the pit.

Saber-Dog Fights.

Sokka watched with sick fascination as the two sinewy mongrels tore into each other with mindless ferocity and bloodlust. A small of him lamented the waste of good meat as Saber-Dogs were edible, while the larger part of him which included the basic human trait of compassion was less than impressed by the men circling the pit, shouting, cheering and otherwise not caring about anything but the victor and the spoils.

A loud chorus of cheers came from the winners as the larger saber toothed canine sank its namesakes into the others neck. Each dog's respective handler bent them out of the pit with the winner being muzzled roughly as it snapped wildly at everything even it's own master.

For the loser…Sokka watched with wide shocked eyes as the owner ungracefully dump the still breathing animal aside next to a pile of previous losers to simply cook in the sun. Sokka felt bile rise in his throat when the losing owner began to weasel out a deal with a match organizer about getting a better dog.

Kill an animal and eat it, yes. That's okay. It's right to feed yourself. But to make them fight for sport and money? His thoughts were broken by Toph's sigh,

"Can you believe that guy? He said we couldn't play because we didn't have 'it'. I don't even know what 'It' is!"

"He means a Saber-Dog."

Toph blinked, "Saber-Dog? Weren't they playing dice?"

"You couldn't tell could you?"

Toph huffed, "I told you I can see on sand, just not very clearly but it's more than enough for a game of dice…"

"They're holding Saber-Dog fights, Toph. They're betting on two animals ripping each other to shreds. Your earthbending wasn't going to help win anything."

Toph could only reply with a whispered, "Oh." She quickly regained her composure, "But it's not illegal or anything."

"What?"

"It's not illegal in the Earth Kingdom." Toph continued to explain, "Yeah sure it's not a family sport but there aren't any laws against it."

Sokka couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Toph, this is just cruelty…"

"I don't like it either!" She snapped, "We better hope Twinkles doesn't see this."

"He should." Sokka stated firmly, "In fact I think I'll go tell him right now." Toph stopped him by grabbing his arm,

"No."

"What? Are you nuts? We should…"

Toph smiled, "Yes. We should." Sokka raised a brow, "What are you thinking?"

"No sense getting Twinkles worked up over this. We can handle it ourselves." She grinned and rubbed her hands with glee, "Just get them close together and I'll trap them all in one shot."

"The benders'll just break out." Sokka shook his head, "I have a better idea."


"We've got the veggies for Aang and Appa." Suki ticked off a list with her fingers, "Nuts and berries for snacks, provided we can keep Momo from them, rat tails for Hawky."

Katara shuddered at the last item,

"Who in their right minds sells rat tails?"

Suki looked back at the shoddy vendor roasting sand voles on a spit, "Apparently rat gourmets. We're just lucky we didn't run out of dried meat or we'd be eating rat meatballs for dinner later. Might even find a few whiskers off their little twitchy noses."

The waterbender went green, "Are you trying to make me lose my lunch?"

"Is it working?" Suki beamed, "Saw a guy eat a rat once. Back in prison." She mused thoughtfully, "Have to say it did seem better than the slop they called food. Imagine swill…with spices."

"We aim to please." Spat a voice from their feet, "In fact we're having a feedback program for all our prisons. We're letting the inmates tell us how we can accommodate them better. Do they want a privy in every cell or do they want a shared crap house for that feeling of camaraderie?"

Stepping past the trapped prince, Katara loaded the stores while Suki brought out their trench shovel, for use when Toph or Aang weren't in charge of digging out their trash pits.

"Keep still." Warned Suki jabbing the shovel's blade awfully close to the prince's head, "Unless you feel that having ears is going out of style." Katara looked about, "Where's Toph? And Sokka? Or is the word 'Trouble' going to be an overstatement?"

Zuko titled his head, despite Suki's warnings about losing his head, "Oh they went over there…somewhere. I'm not their keeper."

Katara sighed, "No. Toph was supposed to be yours." She tossed her waterskin from hand to hand, "Now I wonder…should I use the last of our water to heal them from their, most likely, incident or should I let them suffer as a lesson?"

Suki beaned Zuko on the side of the head with the shovel handle, "Told you to stop moving." She turned to Katara, "That would be mean of you."

"No meaner than me being stuck in the sand while you accost me with a shovel, woman!" Raged Zuko, still trying to wriggle out of his predicament. Suki narrowed her eyes and smacked him on the head with the flat of the blade,

"Honestly Katara, I thought you trained him better."


"This is not a better idea." Whined Toph, letting Sokka drag her by the hand AWAY from the Dog Fights, "This is wussing out and telling Twinkles."

Sokka bristled at being called a wuss but kept his cool, "As much as I like a good opportunity for some exercise, I can't take on that many guys at once and you practically need them right next to you before you even know they're there."

That was the final straw for Toph. Her abilities had been called into question ever since they hit this forsaken sandbox. Fine, she admitted that her 'sight' wasn't up to scratch on sand but she'd had it with being babied for it.

"No!" She snapped, shaking off Sokka's grip, "I'm going back there and I'm going to set those Saber-Dogs free. With or without help. Hell, I don't even need your help."

Sokka closed his eyes, silently groaning. This all seemed so familiar. Ah yes, four years ago. When Toph first joined up. What a fun few days that was.


Aang mused as he walked about the oasis. The place had gotten bigger on the whole. A few more vendors here, a few more bounty offices over there. In fact there was one hunter on his way to claim his reward, much to the prisoner's chagrin.

"Nothing stops progress." He said to no one in particular, though he wondered if progress could be applied to the Air Nomads.

On one hand, he was the last Air Bender and last true Air Nomad, on the other, couldn't Teo, his father and the rest of the people at the Northern Air Temple be considered honorary Air Nomads? Sure they couldn't bend air but they had the mindset of Air Nomads. Freedom and peace.

But that still left the problem of new air benders…Aang reddened at the thought, "Well…if I ever have kids, I'm sure they'll be Air Benders…but that wouldn't be enough…"

Aang wondered if he could speak with the spirits in this regard. Let a few more Air Nomads be born from non Air Benders. It seemed logical, but as he pondered some more he realized such an idea would have one or two minor hiccups.

How awkward would it be for a Firebending couple to have an air bending child? Fidelity issues would be raised. With a lot of angry questions from angry husbands being directed at him for being the last MALE Air Bender.

Aang made a face and hissed, filing away the idea of speaking with the spirits in charge of births as a bad one. His thoughts were interrupted as Toph stomped past up the street in front of him.

"Toph?" He muttered, watching a concerned Sokka run after her. He couldn't hear what the warrior was shouting but he did feel a slight jolt of…what was it? Anger? Jealousy? In any case he did not feel right when Sokka grabbed Toph by the arm and pulled her back towards him.

Aang quickly quashed such feelings, chuckling, "No. No. Come on Aang," He told himself, "Think. Toph's over him. And he's in love with Suki. They're going to be married. You were going to ask Yue to make an appearance at their wedding. Probably just the two of them clowning around like always. You aren't some shortsighted twelve year old anymore."

Still there was the lingering nagging thought at the back of his head. Didn't matter that he sorted it out, the fact of the matter was that he had such feelings in the first place and that was disturbing.


"Toph! Wait! If we're going to do this, we need a plan!"

"Well hurry up Plan Man!"

"What plan?"

Both earthbender and water warrior fixed their attentions on the breezy voice behind them.

"Aang! Great timing!" Exclaimed Sokka, "I was just looking for you." Toph nodded, "Yeah Twinkles. We're going to bust up some animal haters. Wanna join?"

Sokka waved his hands in the negative, "No. No. We're going to try a non violent approach first." Toph looked at Sokka as if he'd grown another head.

" 'Fists firsts' isn't going to stop them Toph." Sokka explained, "You said it yourself, it's technically not against the law."

"It isn't?" Aang growled, "It should be." He relented, "But Sokka's right. Si Wong Desert is a no man's land. Even if it were illegal there wouldn't be anyone around to enforce it."

"So we can't just beat the crap out of them…they'd just set up again…" Finished Toph, getting the gist of what the other two were trying to explain.

"Exactly." Sokka gestured to Aang, "But the mighty Avatar here could talk them out of it. And by talk I mean go all glowy and deep voice and stuff."

"I'm not the law, Sokka. Much as I want to break this fight club up. I can't do so under any measure of the law."

Toph snorted, "Then we don't! We just go in there set the dogs free and deal with whatever comes. You said it yourself Twinkles, this is no man's land. Who cares what we do?"

"I do." Said Aang firmly, "I would care if I used my powers like that again. I don't want to hurt anyone. Even if they are mistreating animals." He carefully chose the next words, "I've got a responsibility. But I'll try to convince them first."

Toph stood there in silence, taking in Aang's firm tone and unflinching posture. A moment passed before she spoke,

"And you won't change your mind? For me?"

Aang stood his ground,

"No. I'm sorry." Aang's eyes fell as if expecting Toph's disappointment and possible outburst.

"Okay." She said, taking his hand in hers, "We'll do it your way…this time."

"Toph?"

She sighed, "Can't say I'm not disappointed though. Suki said I should be the one in control of our relationship…then again all she's got to deal with is meatball for brains. I've got to handle the most powerful bender in the world."

"Oi! I have a genius of a brain!"

"Whatever Meatball Brain."


The pile of carcasses had grown by three when Sokka led Aang back towards the fight pit. Despite what he just preached to Toph, he couldn't help but let a few malevolent thoughts wander. Who knows, today a few dogs, tomorrow human death matches?

But if Zuko and Iroh could convince the Fire Nation court of ministers that the tradition of the Agni Kai should be abolished, he should have no trouble convincing a bunch of sand rats to stop killing their pets.

After all these bozos are nothing compared to the old vampires in the Courts of Flames.

However, there was a stifling atmosphere about the place…despite it being open air. Something wasn't quite right here.

"If you don't have a dog, you can't enter in the competition. You can still place bets."

Aang waved the big man off, "I'm not here to bet."

"Yeah? You don't have a mutt with you. So clear off Tiny." Sneered the sandbender. Undaunted Aang stared back,

"I'd like to speak with your boss."

"Don't have one."

"So who set all this up?" Asked Sokka, his grip on the hilt of his swords tightening. The big man grinned proudly,

"Today? Me."

"Today?" This time it was Toph, "This happens how long?"

"Not that it's any of your business Girlie, but we hold fights whenever we get enough guys with enough dogs. Today I made the pit and made the open challenge because I got the biggest damn dog. A pack leader. Yesiree. Biggest fangs I ever did see. He's killed four mongrels today alone and he's still going strong."

Aang could hardly hold back the venom in his voice, "You left your friend in there the whole day?"

"Whoa there. What friend?" Laughed the sandbender, "Alls I see is a dumb mutt that's good at what he does and what he does isn't pretty. And that's the way I like it. He's made me a bundle today."

"He'll die in there." Snarled Aang grinding his teeth, his staff rising slowly into attack position.

"So? I'll just go out and wrangle me another one. Maybe this time I'll get me a bitch and a male. Breed my own killers. The local packs are getting kinda dry, what with all the hunts and everything."

The sandbender trailed off into his thoughts. Aang stepped forward,

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to stop."

"Yeah? Who're you to say so? The law doesn't mean anything here and last I heard dog fighting's no crime."

The sandbender eyed Aang nervously. The serene smile on the boy's lips was creeping him out.

"Consider me…a concerned animal lover then." The sandbender had no time to retort as all the air was driven out of his lungs by a crushing staff blow right into the solar plexus.

"Damn Aang. I thought you wanted to convince him." Breathed Sokka watching in a mixture of shock and awe as Aang nonchalantly lifted the big man with his staff and dumped him aside,

"I did. I tried. I failed. Plus I hate animal abusers. A lot."

Even Toph whistled at the new harsh infliction in Aang's voice, "Okay. Is anyone else finding the new Aang incredibly hot right now?"

"Sorry Toph. Don't get used to it." Aang prodded the fallen bender with the tip of his staff, "Now I'm not a violent man. In fact Air Benders aren't famous for our tempers."

"A…Air Benders?"

Sokka laughed, "What? Didn't the arrow give it away?"

Aang nodded and continued, "We're more famous for our fruit pies and death defying glider stunts."

"You're all supposed to be dead."

"Right. There is that too" Aang knelt down to speak, "Have you been living under a rock? I'm the Avatar."

"Can't be. Died."

"Now who told you that lie?" Asked Toph.

"The man who gave me my dog."

Sokka blew the sandbender's words off as pure rubbish, "Yeah. Like some mangy Saber-Dog poacher knows the Avatar. Seriously, you believed him?"

"We're closing you down." Said Toph stepping over the man and addressing the gathered gamblers, "Alright boys. Clear out. Fight club is closed. Take the leashes off your dogs and go."

"Why should we listen to you Girlie?"

"I am sick and tired of being called that!" Toph's sandblast was easily blocked and countered by the two sandbenders in the group. The rest of the den, slowly and cautiously took out their weapons, ranging from swords to halberds.

"Hey hey!" Called Sokka, "We don't want a fight." Aang added on to his words, "We just want you to leave quietly. No more fights today…or ever."

"You and what army?" Yelled a swordsman. Toph grinned widely as a pair of massive sand arms formed behind her. Each sandy limb mirroring her own movements,

"These."

A few weapons were either sheathed or dropped.

"Okay. This is crazy. I just wanted to win a little cash. Not get into a tussle."

"Nuts to this. That girl looks like she's my little sister's age. I'm not fighting her."

Aang had to hold Toph's hand to restrain her from taking the above speaker's head off, "Just let them go, Toph."

"Yeah I was losing a bundle anyway." Said another, putting his daggers away, "No way one dog could kill five and not even break a sweat."

Sokka peered over the edge of the pit to view the champion killer in question,

"Umm…guys? Is it normal for Saber-Dogs' eyes to glow red?"

Toph's sand arms collapsed back into the dunes she'd formed them from as she let Aang take her hand and lead her to Sokka. "What do you mean red?" Sokka pointed at the drooling beast trying to claw its way up the side of the pit but failing due to the shifting sands.

"There is something wrong with that dog." Said a gambler.

Sokka rolled his eyes, "Oh really? What tipped you off? The red eyes? The frothing drool?"

"Well, actually it was the fact that it chewed my dog in half in two bites. Poor Mopsie."

"Oh poor Mopsie indeed."

Aang froze at the sound of the very familiar and much hated voice. One that sounded like death and despair, disease and decay.

'It can't be. What is HE doing here?'

"Toph….Sokka…cover your faces with your hands. Now."


It was quite alarming really. Not everyday a skittish winged lemur, a sharp eyed firehawk and a ten ton flying bison start bellowing in their respective calls.

"What's gotten into them?" said Zuko gritting his teeth as he tried to keep hold of Hawky, even though the bird kept slashing with a razor sharp beak and a matching set of talons.

Suki had her hands full with Momo and narrowly pulled her hand away from the lemur's mouth before he took a finger off. Katara tried to sooth Appa by running a cool stream of water back and forth the sides of his head.

"They're in pain." She hissed, "I'm actually healing Appa's ears. They must be hearing something we can't."


"Koh?"

Aang looked around for his spiritual nemesis, "Where are you, you disgusting maggot?" he barked at the gamblers, "Don't show any emotion!"

"My my. Quite the hero aren't we?" A snigger whistled through the air, "I just bet your little earth blossom must be so proud of her big strong Avatar right now."

"Where are you?" Repeated Aang, trying to keep a straight face, "What are you doing here? I won't let you take a face while I'm here."

"Not everything is about you...BOY." The voice sighed, "I figured you learn by now where arrogance leads."

"You should practice what you preach." Aang shot back, "Show yourself." Aang turned his sight towards a rustling behind him. The big sandbender from before was shambling to his feet. His movements now like that of a puppet. A marionette. It was…unnatural.

Even more so when the full faced headdress and bandages came off to reveal a smooth featureless face.

"Down here boy."

Aang snapped back towards the pit. The Saber-Dog inside was staring at him, it's lips curled and teeth gleaming as if in a mocking grin.

"That's right. I'm the Dog."

"What do you want?" Said Toph, she'd kept silent long enough, she wasn't going to hide from an enemy not even HIM.

"Oh little earth blossom. It's so nice to hear your beautiful voice again."

"Stay away from her." Snarled Aang. Koh ignored the threat and addressed the trembling gamblers,

"I've had my fun with you for the day. Thank you for the waves of greed you've been putting out. Now run along. Hurry…before I change my mind."

"You are not…"

"Taking a face. Yes. Yes. I heard you the first time."

Sokka screamed as the marionette pushed past him. The Saber-Dog snickered. It was a whistling, wheezing sound.

"Quite the manly warrior isn't he? Relax Sokka of the South Seas. I don't want your face. Ever."

"I don't know if I should be relieved or insulted." Mumbled Sokka behind his hands. The puppet plucked its canine master out of the pit and set it in front of Aang.

"Meet one of my Faceless Ones. I know the name isn't very creative but it fits." The dog looked almost pondering, "I forget which one this was…the sandbending Avatar or the fool who sold his soul to kill the sandbending Avatar?"

"Why are you here, Koh? You're not supposed to be here."

"Ha. Oh but I am here. I'm always here. You just interrupted my mid day snack, if you will."

"You feed on emotions, so you hold dog fights to feed of gamblers?" Questioned Aang. He would never understand Koh. Not that he wanted too anyway.

"Greed is best served simmering in a sauce of envy and garnished with lust. Half of those men coveted this lump of meat I use as a host. They saw me as a meal ticket. The other half haven't seen a woman in weeks out in the desert. Little earth blossom is so lucky to have you protecting her."

"Twinkles?" Said Toph, "Why didn't you crush the bug the first time round?"

"Because he can't. He couldn't then and he can't now." The dog grunted and as its eyes dimmed,

"I grow tried of this. It was fun while it lasted. I'll be seeing you soon."

With that the faceless puppet dissolved into sand while Koh's Saber-Dog host just keeled over dead.


The relief that washed over Appa, Momo and Hawky was instantaneous. Appa stopped in mid stomp, while Hawky ceased screeching. Momo nervously let go of Suki's hair and darted into Appa's saddle.

Zuko blinked past some nasty scratches and said,

"Okay was anyone else creeped out by that?"


"Is it safe to look now?" Mumbled Sokka. Aang breathed out, "Yes. It's safe. It's safe to look at Koh, it's just not safe for him to look at you."

"Seriously." Said Toph, "He came all the way out here just to feed off some grimey gamblers?"

"Maybe." Aang grimaced, "Maybe not. I don't know. I know he hates me but if he wanted to get me, he'd have done it a long time ago. He's just looking for an excuse."

"So what? We got real unlucky and bumped into him here?"

Aang confirmed Sokka's theory, "Basically, yeah."

"Whoo. Man, spirits are weird."

Aang chuckled, despite the very recent ordeal, "I wouldn't let Yue hear that."

If Toph could see, she would have gotten a real kick out of Sokka's 'Oh crap' face. As it stood, she'd just have to take Aang's word for it.


Jaws dropped around the bar table as Sokka recounted the tale. Katara was speechless. Suki listened with bated breath. Zuko was incredulous that Koh didn't take Sokka's face. He did have a good laugh knowing that even the Face Stealer had standards and that Sokka didn't meet them.

Katara rubbed her arm as a shiver ran up her spine,

"Its stuff like this that makes me feel like someone's always watching us." She made a face and screwed her eyes shut, "Always watching what we do. Like we're some sort of show or just entertainment to them."

"Well Yue watches over us." Reminded Aang, "And she's our friend. Roku and the other Avatars do too."

"Oh great. Great Grand Father Roku's watching me."

Aang smacked Zuko across the back of the head prompting the prince to exclaim, "What was that for?"

"The entire time you've known us. At least that's what Roku said."

"He did not."

"Yes he did." Aang did his best Roku voice, "Give my great grand son a good whack across the head.' I asked him what for and he said, 'Just because'."

"Remind me to hurt you. A lot." Pointed Zuko slurping his coconut juice. He dropped a few gold coins on the table and counted them out. Katara spoke up,

"Hey Money Bags. Stop advertising us to every low life in here."

Zuko scoffed, "It's nothing we can't handle. Anyway this money is for our water."

"What water? There isn't any. I asked the bartender if I could take some of the ice from the iceberg outside. He said not even for all the gold in the Earth Kingdom."

"I'm not going to buy the iceberg." He replied tapping his nose in an 'I know something you don't' manner. It irked Katara to no end.


Toph had taken Aang aside...well more like dragged him out of his chair towards the bar. Where she promptly ordered an iced mango slurry before trotting out of the establishment and over to Appa who was still recovering from the high frequency shrill Koh had put out. The sun was setting, alleviating the scorching temperatures of the day and letting the cool dusk air waft over the dunes.

"Toph? What's up?" Said Aang sipping his own coconut. She didn't bother to face him, what was the point?

"Just wanted to talk…you know. Away from the guys. I know they know about us but it still feels weird talking about 'feelings' in front of them."

"About Koh?"

Toph waved her hand, "A little. Have to admit, first time really meeting the creep…turns out to be a dog. Not very scary."

Aang chuckled, "Yeah. I guess so. Usually he's a lot slimier. Oh and he looks like a monkey…or rather one of his faces is a monkey." He plopped down next to Appa's head and bent the remaining fruit juice into his buddy's waiting mouth.

Toph did the same and offered the rest of her icy slush to Momo. Hawky took no interest in fruits and was pecking around the bags in search of the pouch of rat tails Suki had brought back earlier.

"So." She started reaching out to ruffle his short hair, "Someone's not keeping to the Air Nomad's code." He teased her back, running his hands through her unbound hair, "Someone didn't take her hair cut."

Toph huffed, "I'll cut it when I feel like it…or when I start sweeping the ground with it…which ever comes first."

Opening banter aside, Aang decided to talk about what happened earlier,

"Toph I have a confession to make."

"We already did that, Twinkles."

"Different one."

"Okay. Hit me with it."

"Well…when I saw you and Sokka just now…"

Toph finished it for him, "You freaked didn't you?"

"Only for a little bit. Did…did you feel it?" He asked, wondering if she'd felt his vibrations through the sand.

"No. Fine, I admit it. I still can't see on sand. But you freaked huh?"

Aang sighed, "Yeah. I mean I should be over this sort of thing. I mean…Katara and all that. I should be in better control." He held out an open palm as he rested his other arm on his bent knees.

"What stopped you from freaking out completely?" She asked hugging her knees to her chest, resting her cheek on them as she turned to face him.

"I reminded myself that you were over him. That he and Suki are happy together. That I would be the world's biggest fool if I doubted you."

"You got that last part right. And the second…and the first."

"You're right, Toph. You're right."

"Yeah yeah." She beamed, "Stop patronizing me. If I was right and we just rushed into the fighting pit just now…well, I don't know what would have happened. I mean, the Face Stealer was there! By the way, I like Bad Boy Aang." Aang blushed when she kissed him chastely on the cheek before pulling it teasingly.

"You do?"

"Yeah. But I like regular Aang better. There's only room for one renegade in this relationship."

Aang snickered, "You? A bad girl?"

"Hey! I'm walking proof of a bad girl! I brawl, I runaway from home, I gamble…cheat really but its still gambling...But I digress."

"Why?"

"Because I've got a little something to share too."

"Oh? What?"

"It's something that happened back when you were still drooling over Sugar Queen and I had Snoozles on the brain."

"Oh…" Aang was at a loss for words, "Did you and Sokka…?" He let the sentence trail off as even he didn't know what he was trying to imply. Toph pouted, "No. We were never together….even though I wanted it so badly."

"Oh." Fair was fair. He had his obsession with Katara. She had hers with Sokka. The least he could do now was hear her out.

"Then Suki came back. And big surprise, I didn't like that. And you know me, I'm stubborn and I'll admit it sometimes a little spoilt."

"You're not spoilt." Aang reassured her by giving her a hug around the shoulders. Toph relaxed and let her head rest in the nook of his shoulder,

"Trust me I was back then. I didn't show it much, but I was so furious. Why did she have to come back? Why was she taking Sokka away? I was his girl. Me. I saved his life many times. Me. Me. Me. Me."

"What changed?"

"Me." Toph giggled at her lame joke, "Suki was so nice to me. She tried to be like a big sister. Not like Sugar Queen who just mothers you to death." Aang sheepishly looked away,

"Oh yeah."

Toph carried on, "She was the 'fun' sister. You know, we were like a family back then. Katara was the nagging 'mom'. Zuko was the suffering 'dad'. Suki was the fun 'big sister' and Sokka was like the weird cousin no one talks about."

"What about me?" Probed Aang, interested at how she viewed him back when they were younger.

"You?" She laughed, "You were the dumb kid who lived across the street." Aang frowned, but he didn't mean it, "Gee….thanks."

"Let me finish." She chided, "Who was also my best friend." She hugged him tightly, "Thanks for being my friend Twinkles. It helped me deal with Suki."

"How so?"

"Well when Zuko showed up. We, as in Teo, haru and I, thought you'd feel jealous. Cinderblock was a boy around Sugar Queen's age…and height." She patted the top of his head, "And from what I've heard he's got quite the body on him."

"A fact Katara never seems to stop complaining about these days." Mused Aang, "How odd."

"Anyway, you didn't get jealous."

"That's because she hated him and wanted to rip his intestines out and hang him with them."

"And you treated him like a friend."

"Of course. He's a good friend." Proclaimed the Avatar, feeling justified in his defense of Zuko four years ago.

"I felt so small and petty." Toph leaned in closer, "Cinderblock hunted you for a year and you treated him with kindness and friendship. I treated Suki like crap and I barely knew her."

"She doesn't hold it against you."

"That's what made me feel so petty. Despite all the things I did and said, she still treated me like a sister." Toph's ears perked up at the faint sound of arguing coming from the bar but she brushed it aside, it wasn't important right now, "Later, I realized, it wasn't Sokka that I liked. It was the idea of Sokka…of someone older, more mature." She laughed a little, "Sugar Queen said it was normal for me to think like that. That's what made me stop crushing over him…that and I caught them being very…'friendly' one night."

Aang whispered into Toph's ear, "Wanna know something? I really was jealous of Zuko. Even though Katara hated him, she was spending most of her time hating him."

"That…makes no sense Twinkles."

"I was having a Me, Me, Me thing just like you. I wanted Katara to focus on Me. Me. Me."

"And what made you realize that Katara wasn't the one? Oh wait…"

Aang nodded against her hair, "Yup. The Terrible Thing of Thousand Faces. He hates me, he wanted to take your face and still he helped me realize that Katara wasn't everything. That there were other people in the world besides her."

"Should I thank him the next time we see him?" She joked, "Would he like a fist pie to the face…s?"

"You know. If he had legs I think he might be kicking himself right now."


"My, what a lovely bunch of coconuts you've got Zuko. There they are all standing in a row. Look there's a big one and small one…"

"Mock me if you will…actually no, stop mocking me water wench. I've just about had it up to here with you. I've just solved our water crisis and still I get no thanks?"

Katara relented and acknowledge Zuko's accomplishment, "Fine. Fine. There's water in coconuts. Hurray, you've saved us all from a dry death. What do you want? A medal?"

"We can eat the flesh too." Added Suki scooping out the white flesh with a spoon, "Hmmm…sweet."

Sokka, however, wasn't as enthusiastic, holding up a scrap of coconut flesh, "It's a coconut. How can it have flesh? It's not natural! Not natural I tell you!"

A husk bounced off his head with a large crack. Toph shouted from up front atop Appa's noggin,

"Hey! Nature boy! Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep here!"

She smiled, satisfied when she heard Sokka grumble something about pushy earthbenders and their Avatar boyfriends. She may not love him in that manner but she still loved being his 'little sister' or a cousin that doesn't talk about him much.


End 'Unnatural'