Chapter 7
The Third Step Is Understanding…
A/N: Here is another chapter, not really much to say but I was playing Mass Effect 2 earlier and an idea has popped into my head! So here we go!
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect
Shepard's POV
God, I shouldn't have just left Miranda like that, but then again I had no other choice! I cannot lose someone again! My heart twinges slightly as I think of Ashley, she was everything to me and I do not even want to remember the pain that I still feel from her loss. I had no choice then and I certainly would have no choice, she is Cerberus and even worse is the fact that she is the Illusive Man's right hand! But she is the only one who can fully help me; I am incapable to do what I want and what I want to remember! I never wanted to be brought back to life! The galaxy would be so much better off without me!
You know that's not true
Fine but I believe that they would be better off without me!
No the galaxy would have crumbled already without your help.
Agitation builds in my gut as I storm into the elevator, I hate feeling guilty and I know I shouldn't have just left like that, but I cannot allow myself to get attach ever again. I place my head in my hands as I lean against the wall inside the elevator as helplessness builds within me
"God, why can I not do anything for myself?!" I yell as I begin to pace the elevator. Jeesh why are the elevators so fucking slow?! I let out an irritated sigh as still pace around the elevator, I should be able to help my friends without this uncontrollable need to kill them and I certainly shouldn't need anybody's help to stop me from doing so! The doors pings as they open and I storm out and into the medbay, ignoring all others in the canteen, the doors open and Chakwas turns to face me, her blue eyes wide with surprise as my chest heaves as the anger inflates around me, if anything Chakwas should know what's wrong with me, right?
"Amiee? What wrong? What has happened?" Chakwas says as I walk over to a bed and I sit down and I place my head in my hands
"God, it was awful Karin, I have never felt so helpless before" I said in a small voice and she came over and I could see one of her blue eyes gazing at me softly with that motherly concern, that look never failed to make my heart wrench she was the closer thing I had to a mother, well considering I wouldn't let her that close, because I never let anyone that close; and then with Miranda… I do not want to feel this way but I just cannot help it. My fingers tightened around my head
"You have never been helpless Aimee, otherwise we would have given up a long time ago" she says as her fingers go under my chin and she gently lifts it so her eyes are gazing into mine, I take a deep breath and I swallow as the tears clog my throat as I push them down.
"You are not helpless" Chakwas says and I nod as my heart swells and she stands and sits next to me,
"Now are you going to tell me what has happened?" she says softly and I nod as open my mouth before closing it again, how do you explain something like that? I almost shot Tali and I have no idea why it happened?! My hands clench even tighter until it is almost painful, but it does nothing to end the ache of confusion in my head
"When we got on the Colony, we encountered little to no trouble until," I say as I try to stop my voice from trembling, but Chakwas sits there patiently as always and I carry on "until we came in contact with some Quarians and one of them was Tali" I say in a whisper and Chakwas' hand goes over my hunched shoulders
"Oh Aimee, I am sorry" She doesn't even know the full story yet
"That's not the worst of it, it was when she came to the front and I saw her… and, and I couldn't stop myself, I wasn't in control of my own body, or that's what it felt like. I couldn't even stop myself from almost… from almost," My throat clogs up and the tears pour out of my eyes and I pull my hands away from my face and I tear my gaze up to hers "I almost killed Tali, I almost shot her and I had no control of myself, it was like a bad dream. I had no control, I felt so helpless, so useless, no matter how hard I tried to stop myself I just couldn't" I let out a bitter laugh "what is the point of being the almighty Commander when I cannot even control my own actions?" I say and Chakwas just rubs my back and she pulls me so that I am leaning on her
"It wasn't your fault Aimee, you had no control" she coos into my ear and then the sadness is replaced but the tight, burning sensation in my gut as I can still see Tali's upheld hands in surrender and how Miranda had to stop me
"And then, Miranda had to stop me, Miranda! I shouldn't need to stopped, hell! I shouldn't be doing that anyway, and I have no idea how to feel about her! I want to let her in but I just… can't, I cannot let anyone that close again, I won't lose them not like I did with Ashley" I say as my yell gets lower and lower into a tired whisper and I slump over Chakwas desk as I take off my gauntlet and I rub my hand over my face,
"I am just so tired and confused, I have no idea how to act and think anymore, I am just not the same person, how could I be?! I cannot remember a thing about myself" I mutter and Chakwas, remains silent and I cannot help but carry on and rant as it boils up within me
"Just how am I supposed to feel? About Cerberus!? About Miranda?! Because it is driving me insane! I want to let myself love her but I am so afraid of what might happen in the future and Cerberus, well, I know it wasn't Miranda who did this to me, but someone did! I will find them and I will make them suffer as much as I have!" I shout and Chakwas stutters
"Aimee you should-"she begins
"Tell me how I am supposed to feel and act, just please" I whimper and I turn round to face her and Miranda is just stood there. Oh. Shit. Miranda's eyes are wide and they are piercing mine, I can feel the blush appearing on my face and I look down at the ground. How long has she been stood there? God, please tell me she didn't hear what I said
From her reaction I would say she did
"I think a brain scan would be best Aimee, then we can see what is happening inside your head, maybe it will give us some answers" Chakwas says and I nod, I don't think I can trust my own mouth right now, not after that, I look up at Miranda and she is still staring at me, I am about to look away when I see a blush working up on her face, I cannot help but watch as her cheeks go from white to a rosy red, and she shifts her weight from one foot to the other and I cannot help but take in everything about her, I mean how could I not? The suit clings to her voluptuous frame and my gaze drops to her long legs and goes up to her curvaceous hips then to her toned stomach, up to her large breasts and then finally her perfectly sculpted face which has the most brilliant blue eyes, safe to say my gut is rolling and tightening the more I look at her in that way. I know I shouldn't be but I just cannot help it, no matter how much I don't want to I cannot peel my eyes off her.
"Okay Doc, if you think that would be the best to see what is going on inside my head" I say and I begin to take my armour off piece by piece, and yet Miranda still hasn't said anything, I wish she would say something. In fact she is still starting at me,
"Miranda… I…" I start and her eyes lock onto mine and I try to plead through my eyes for her to say anything and she opens her mouth and frowns and restarts
"Shepard, I…I think it would be wise to come and see me after you are done here" I nod and she practically runs out of the medbay. As the door closes I groan, god the Doc couldn't have tried to tell me?
"That could have gone better" I mutter as I take off the last parts of my armour before lying down as she wheels me towards the brain scanner
"I did try and tell you Aimee" she says in a scolding tone and I frown
"Well obviously you didn't try hard enough then" I say as I cross my arms and she raises her eyebrows at me and I let out a huff, god, how come everything I say always explodes in my face?
"Well, I will tell you this, when you were taking your armour off she couldn't keep her eyes off you, especially when you were ranting" Chakwas says and I look at her as disbelief settles in, no, Miranda wouldn't, she isn't into women, well not that I am aware of and she has certainly never shown me any interest.
Oh she has
When? Because I cannot remember
Well, just think about all the times she has shown that soft side, the one that really cares. Have you ever seen her use that with anyone BUT you?
Before I have time to respond to Chakwas I am blinded by the bright lights of the scanner and I squint my eyes up as I the light comes closer to my face.
Miranda POV's
I don't believe I have just heard that.
Shepard cannot have said it, or maybe I was hearing wrong but, she said she wants to love me? My gut grows tight and a warm feeling goes through me. I didn't think she would ever feel that way about me, or maybe I have misinterpreted what she has said? I shake my head as I walk into my office and I sit down on my bed. The blush is still in full effect on my cheeks as I look out of the window into space.
Maybe I am just deluded, but I am hardly ever wrong but this is a completely new thing for me, I have never felt this way about anyone before, sure I have always had others wanting me but I have never wanted to be with anyone. Not until I met Shepard. I cannot help but smile as I think of her, god, when she started taking off her armour I thought I wasn't going to be able to take my eyes off her, my breathing gets heavier as I can just picture her toned body under my hands and I watched her muscles lightly flex as she took off her armour, lust drips into my core. I can see her dark brown hair frame her gorgeous face, the beautiful golden brown colour of her skin and the sharp hazel hues which take form in her eyes, her beautiful bone structure and petite form framed by toned muscles; I let out a sigh as I try to shake of the lusty feeling.
God, I cannot wait until she meets me in here, I want her so bad, but can wanting something so much be wrong?
A/N: Sorry that this is a really early chapter update (if you live in England anyway) but like normal, thank for reading so please read and review! - Bexaday
