"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy must have somebody to divide it with."
-Mark Twain
"I heard Miranda spent the night with you," Garrus stated looking at her; she could hear the smirk in his voice as she ate her breakfast. "Come on, remember when we used to swap stories about our conquests? It made for great elevator talk."
"We did discuss a lot of things in those elevators," Tali agreed, showing some interest in their conversation. "So you and Miranda?"
Mordin chose this moment to add "Sexual activity common for humans in such times. Understand it intellectually. Recommend caution when dealing with Cerberus. Watch for bugs. Could be planted anywhere. Can perform exam later if necessary. Will need probes. Biotic ability also gives benefits. Forwarding booklet to your quarters. Includes diagrams, exercises, inventive uses of mass effect fields. Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort. Gave EDI electronic relationship aid demonstration to use as necessary."
Mordin paused and looked at Jade who was choking on her food her face a bright shade of red, "Human squeamishness. Simple advice from trained medical professional! Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard. Will be in the lab, studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required." With that he left the table, causing most eyes to shift towards Jade both Alien and human.
"Is she really an ice queen?" Kasumi asked.
At this point in time Jade was cursing Miranda from commandeering her alcohol, it would have made this conversation slightly more tolerable. She was also a bit ticked off that Miranda, like usual, dined in her quarters like usual. "Nothing happened," it was the truth of course. It had been awkward; she was incapable of discussing her feelings. Any questions about her past were answered in the least amount of words as possible. She was terrible at it; she was used to asking about other people. No one ever really asked her about her past. Past decisions, yes but Miranda had strayed away from asking her to justify her decisions. Miranda simply wanted to know about her. And quite frankly it made her uneasy, she just didn't know if it was because Miranda was Cerberus or simply if the whole concept bothered her. But her mother was right she needed to talk to someone and Miranda did understand, if only a little bit what she was going through.
It hadn't bothered her when Liara had done it, which made the whole situation more complicated. Liara and Miranda were two different people, not even of the same species. But at the same time they were so similar, it really bothered her. She nibbled on her food, trying her hardest to follow the conversation in front of her, it still had to do with her sex life, or lack thereof.
"Come on Shepard regale us with one of your conquests," Garrus said, causing Jade's eyes to shift towards him.
Jade rolled her eyes, "When I was a teenager, yes tons of conquests, but in the Alliance where fraternization is a big deal, not so much. I was an XO, I had many offers. I just wanted to keep my job. Have I seduced my fair share of men and women," there was a wicked smirk on Jade's face, "Most definitely."
The talking continued, Garrus continued to tease her, Kasumi wanted to find out more about Miranda, Tali had questions about Earth culture. She could definitely feel a headache coming along as she excused herself, she still hadn't decided what their next course of action was.
Grunt had been more aggressive than usual, to the point where it was a problem ready to fight nearly everyone on the ship. Mordin had requested to go to Tuchanka and it would be a good to see Wrex again. The derelict reaper would still be there in a few weeks. Thane's mission seemed the easiest stop his son from becoming a killer. It was a worthy goal. "Joker plot a course for the Citadel," she announced before heading down to go talk to Miranda. They were in the home stretch a few more missions and they would hit the Omega 4 relay.
"You do realize that you will actually have to tell me about Torfan. And Kaidan Alenko." Miranda pointed out from where they were sitting in her office, Jade draped over the chair her eyes focused on Miranda.
"Kaidan was a friend, he was in love with me that I was aware of but I chose Liara, but he was a good friend. I trusted him with my life. I had to choose somebody. I chose Kaidan, it was a difficult decision to make, one which I didn't make lightly. People trust me to put their life in my hands. They put making the hard decisions, the decisions on who lives and who dies. These people are my friends. I want to protect them all. Kaidan or Ashley, Ashley said I should have saved Kaiden and left her to die. If Kaidan was still alive, he probably would have said the same thing. I had to make a decision, I was forced to make a decision if I could have saved both you know damn well I would have. Even with that decision, Kaiden still haunts me though. I can't even remember what my thought process was when I made the decision. Maybe I made the wrong decision, if I had sacrificed Ashley I could have justified it? Could I have saved him? I mean if I had bothered to go back, could I have saved him?"
Miranda watched Jade wrestling with this, "You didn't grieve did you?"
Jade let out a short laugh, "No I didn't, I made sure that my crew was alright, then it was back to saving the galaxy. It became a race against time, I needed to be focused. I pushed it aside. After the whole saving the Citadel bit, being the big hero, I never had a moment to think to remember. It was like he never existed, his sacrifice allowed us to succeed. And I forgot about him. He was one of my best friends and I forgot about him."
Miranda nodded, gently placing her hand on Jade's to comfort her. "You never forgot, you were simply busy, you had a mission and you needed to complete it. If you want to honour Kaidan's memory then we could go back to Virmire. You can give your respects."
Jade shook her head, "No, after the mission. Stop the collectors, grieve later."
"Pushing your problems aside is what got you into this mess into the first place, after we get the Reaper IFF before we go across the Omega 4 relay. If we don't make it then at least you got to say your goodbyes. It is probably a one way trip after all."
Jade opened her mouth to comment on Miranda's fatalistic attitude when Joker's voice informed them that they had arrived on the Citadel. "Suit up," she finally said as she left her office. Heading back to Virmire, she couldn't do it alone. She couldn't stand at the site where Kaidan died alone. She briefly wondered if Miranda would stand by her, if only for that moment. It was silly of course, Miranda wasn't a crutch. She could do it on her own.
"We went to the Citadel just so we could stop one boy from becoming a killer?" Miranda asked as Jade was putting her guns in the armoury.
"We saved your sister, we helped Jacob find his father, we helped Kasumi steal back a grey box, we hunted down the man who betrayed Garrus, I stopped Tali from being exiled in perhaps what is the biggest political feint in Quarian history, blew up a building for Jack. Nearly got myself killed helping Zaeed. Most importantly I gave them all a reason to follow me into a suicide mission. If we can't stop one boy from making a really really bad decision then we're not going to have much hope against the collectors."
"Tuchanka though?"
"According to you I'm basically sending all these people to their death if they have some last request then I will do everything in my power to make sure that it happens."
"Yes,I understand that, but Tuchanka that wasteland?"
"Your dislike for Tuchanka has been duly noted," Jade said with a small smile. "I'm beginning to understand that you don't settle for anything less than the best."
"But of course Shepard, I mean look at you. I do a very good job."
Jade smiled and leaned in to kiss Miranda, "If we do go to Virmire then will you stand beside me? I don't think I could go their alone. Not after everything that has happened, and I can't ask Joker to come with me or Chakwas, and I need somebody."
Miranda nodded taking her hand, "It would be an honour Commander."
Jade smile and went back to putting her guns away making sure that they were cleaned. "Are you spending the night with me again? Last nice it was nice, and I slept better than I have in awhile."
Miranda paused for a second, "If you tell me what you were thinking about this morning."
Jade focused on her guns, "I was just remembering the first time I woke up and seeing your face. You had that calming effect on me back then. Of course that could be the amount of sedatives that you pumped in me before I passed out but still. That small smile that you gave me just before I closed my eyes made me feel safe."
"Do you still feel safe with me?"
"I've always felt safe with you, I am quite aware that I shouldn't feel safe with you. I mean you work for Cerberus, you admitted to wanting to put a chip in my head to control me, but for some reason I do actually like you." Jade shrugged looking at Miranda half-expecting another kiss when Jacob walked into the Armoury and saluted them. "At ease Jacob," Jade said dismissively.
"I've got operational reports, to do. We'll catch up after, if you still want to..?"
"I do," Jade said going back to her guns hiding the smile on her face as Miranda left the room. Jade watched her from the corner of her eye a smile on her face.
