I looked at him, he was looking at the pavement. I moved towards the door when he called out softly, "Clary..." I looked at him, his golden eyes boring into mine, "my mother always said there is a fine line between love and hate." And then he walked away, his footsteps loud and fast... like my heart.

I sighed and swallowed thickly. What the fuck had just happened? I pulled down the heavy handle on the door and opened it on a very guilty looking Ben.

He looked shocked and quickly tried to smooth his face over, "Clare... so this is where you were?"

I looked at him, I know he'd heard something but how much? "Yeah, I wanted some air. Why?"

"You told me you were going to the bathroom, you never came back," He cleared his throat, "I was worried Clare."

"I'm fine," I snapped.

He nodded slowly, "Okay Clare. Who were you with?" he jutted his head behind me into the alley.

I stepped inside and who looked over his shoulder, "Oh just Jace," I shrugged trying to be casual, I even shrugged.

Ben stepped into my line of vision, "Oh... okay. Well, uhm... I love you."

I jerked my head up sharply, "Errr... okay." What was with the random love confession.

Ben rubbed his cheeks and then leant around me, putting his arms against the wall and trapping me between them.

"Ben what th-" I protested.

"That's the third time today," He whispered. His tone took my by surprise. It sounded so gutted, I truly didn't like seeing Ben like this.

I turned to look him in the eye, "What are you talking about?" I whispered. Even though we were in a crowded club, we were whispering, feeling the need for privacy.

He took a deep breath in and exhaled sharply, "You never say it back..."

I knew what he was talking about straight away. I hadn't said 'I love you' back. It hadn't felt right. Every time I was prepared to say it bubble of anxiety took over my chest and I had to take a few deep breaths to get my heart back to normal.

Ben's eye were moist and his eyes were alight with pain, "I just... I don't understand Clare. Did I do something? Should I have done something? Cause I'll do it Clare – I promise, oath I'll do it... you just-you just gotta let me know Clare. What do I have to do to make you... love me again." His voice broke with emotion on the last three words and he leaned forward to put lean his forehead on the wall behind me.

At his voice I let my tears fall over, trying to sob silently. I knew how selfish this looked, how hurtful I was being. I hadn't said three words back and it broke him... yet I was crying. I couldn't explain it.

It was – it was just wrong to say those words to Ben. I felt sick saying them, at one point I would have thrown them all over the place to a number of different people, but I couldn't describe it. Since the beginning of term, I felt different with Ben. It felt wrong.

I threw my head back against the wall. Stop crying! It shows weakness! I pushed my head further into the wall, using the pain as energy. I tensed up and I felt my fingers curl, trying to bury themselves into the wall.

Ben raised his head sharply, alarm thrown across his face. "Clary," He cupped my face between his palms and bought our foreheads together, "Don't cry, and sure as fuck don't hurt yourself."

I bit my lip trying to keep the sobs in, "I-I can't help it... I just, I don't know why. I just can't-I can't say it any more. I don't know what to do, but I just... I can't say it. And I love you Ben, but not like that. I just I don't – I just can't... I'm so sorry Ben... so sorry."

"Shhh..." He murmured while wiping away my tears, "I understand believe it or not. I can't force you Clare. But I love you, like that. For now and maybe forever. I'll always be there for you."

I shook my head violently, a could feel a hard bump at the back of my head. "I don't deserve this, you. You have to move on Ben." I saw Ben's face, he looked doubtful, but he couldn't waste his life for me.

I tried again, my voice harder, "You can't waste your life Ben, there are other girls, nicer girls, girls that deserve you. Girls that love you."

He shook his head, "I have a feeling I will always pine for you Clare..."

I bit my lip, "I won't come back to you Ben," I whispered. "You have to understand that."

He inhaled sharply, "I'm aware." He looked at me and managed a smile, "So is this it?" and he chuckled.

I looked up at him, how could he act like that, so happy so easily. I tried for a smile and got a grimace, "We are still going to be friends right, good friends?" I don't think I could just cut Ben out of my life. As pitiful and selfish as it sounds, I still needed him.

"Let;s start with friends Clare, I don't think I can take any more."

I nodded, Ben leant down and brushed his lips over mine. "You'll get a lift with Isabelle?"

I smiled up at him, 'Yeah."

He nodded and moved off, opened the door to the alley and walk out. I looked around, everything was normal still. The pulsating lights, the techno music, the couples making out. Only my life had changed.

And I felt... surprisingly good. My make-up was slightly messed so I headed to the bathroom, but I couldn't help but feeling happier. Lighter, not that Ben had been a burden. But pretending had.

I saw Isabelle as I exited the bathroom. She was giggling with some guy on the dance floor... he looked pretty cute. I walked over to Simon who was standing by the bar.

"Hey Clary," he nodded, smiling.

"Hey Sime," I smiled.

'What's got you smiling?"

"Uhm... nothing. Just feeling better I guess." It didn't feel right to tell Simon about the break up just yet. It had happened less that half an hour ago.

He smiled, "I'm glad, you need a break to just relax."

"Yeah," I sighed, "The Charity Drive committee has to meet on Sunday at lets say 3? But the soccer game is on Saturday right?"

Simon nodded, "Yip sounds good. Shall we head back?" he asked, looking at Isabelle skipped towards them.

"Guess what?" Iz sang out.

I giggled, "Okay I want name, school, year and you got digits?"

"Josh, St Benard's, year 12 and hell yes!" She sighed dramatically, "He's so cute and funny!"

Simon grumbled, "Okay let's just go home okay?"

I looked over at Isabelle, "What's got his knickers in a twist?"

She shrugged, "Shut up!" Simon called over his head.

Iz and giggled as we linked arms, heading for Simon's Mercedes.

I would tell my best friends about the break up tomorrow, I told myself, so I don't ruin a great evening for them. Although I did dread telling them, the school would be buzzing for days and Isabelle would give me the third degree.

Oh the joys tomorrow brings...

"Clary!"

I turned around quickly and stopped Ben jogging towards me.

"Uhm hey?" I asked awkwardly.

He smiled and I relaxed, "Don't we have to meet the Coach?"

"Oh fuck! I forgot!" I said quickly, "Where's Jace? He needs to be there too."

"I'll go get him, just go find the Coach and tell him we're on the way." Ben said authoritatively.

I nodded and went to Coach Clapp's office, quite pleased that the short exchange of words with Ben hadn't been too awkward.

Knocking on the Coach door, a gruff, 'Come in." I put on a smile and walked in.

"Hi Coach, the boys are on their way."

Coach smiled, "That's okay darlin', I actually needed to speak to about the Yellowstone trip. As you know we leave on Friday in two weeks and as you know you are coming with. So... I noticed you were the only girl coming, and I thought about it and I suggest you bring a friend with."

"Oh," I smiled, this had Luke all over it , "That would be brilliant Coach, I'll bring Isabelle."

Coach smiled, "Brilliant." There was a knock at the door, "Come in boys," The Coach called.

Ben opened the door and in walked the boys. Jace's hair was wet and he was wear a tight white tee on dark jeans. I smiled involuntary at his entrance and he's eyes flickered to me. I smiled wider. He's eyes narrowed and he nodded, quickly turning to Coach.

I swallowed thickly, and caught up with what the Coach was saying.

"So you guys will be the representatives for the Angel Academy. That means you three are in charge of everyone coming on time to practises until the championship. You will also be in charge of curfews, game times and pep talks. Clary you will be in charge of all the medical supplies of course. Ben you need to keep all the school balls and Jace I thought since the team voted you vice captain you could learn from Ben and help. Okay?"

"Wait Jace is vice? I thought Simon was," Ben asked.

"Yes the team voted after trials and I suppose you thought it would be Simon, but Jace won the votes," Coach explained.

Ben raised his eyebrows. I smiled, wow Jace made an impression on the team I guess.

The coach dismissed us and as we walked to breakfast. We were all silent. I was stuck between a boy who I couldn't love and a boy who I almost kissed. I slowed down next to Jace, trying to gauge the atmosphere between us.

"So, vice captain hey? Well done!" I said to Jace.

He looked at me, eyebrow raise, "Uhm... sure I guess." His tone was one of disinterest and he walked faster to speak to Ben about something. The two boys walked ahead speaking about game plans.

I couldn't believe Jace was being so cold... I mean after that extremely intimate moment in the alley I thought he would be nice... maybe even friendlier than before.

I walked into the crowed cafeteria and took my place next to Isabelle, smiling at everyone while I grabbed an apple.

"Clary..." Isabelle whispered, leaning forward.

"Hmmm Iz?" I said distracted.

"Did you and Ben break-up?" she asked, I whipped my head around so fast I swear I got whip lash.

"Who told you?" I asked quietly, knowing that I had told no-one and I was pretty sure Ben wouldn't have said anything yet.

Her eyes widened and then narrowed, " Then it's true and you didn't tell me Clary?" The hurt clear in her voice.

"Oh Iz! No I was going to tell you. I just..." I trailed off as she started shaking her head.

"No Clary... when did this happen?" She asked, her voice normal now.

I looked around the table, no-one was looking but we couldn't have this conversation her, "We can't talk about this right now, in here."

She widened her eyes again, "Oh really Clary," she rolled her eyes, her voice laced with anger, "Now isn't a good time for you hey? When is then? When and where are you going to tell you best friend that you broke-up with your boyfriend hey? I should say ex boyfriend I guess. Or were you just not going to tell me?" she scoffed at me as she pushed her chair back and stood up, "I just can't look at you right now!"

I stood up, shocked and ready to run after her when I realised the entire cafeteria had heard her. Everyone was silent and Simon stood up, "Okay guys... that's enough." Slowly everyone thawed and Simon walked over to me. I noticed that Ben and Sebastian were in a discussion, looking over to me. Jace was mute his eyes staring out the door Isabelle left through.

I started towards the door, Simon hot on my heels. "Clary!" Simon called.

"Sime I have to find her, she needs to understand I'm not shutting her out," I called over my shoulders as we exited the cafeteria and headed towards the dorm.

"But you are shutting her out."

I swivelled on my heel, meeting Sime chest to chest. "I have not!" I whispered harshly.

He smiled tightly and and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear, "The why didn't you tell us Clary?" he asked softly.

I felt my eyes prick with tears at he's concerned tone, taking I a shuddering breath I tried to explain, "I don't know Sime. It just happened in the alley and I was so confused and when I came out I saw you guys and just wanted to have a good time and I figured I would tell you today... But it seems like someone beat me to it."

Simon smiled again and hugged me, "I understand that Clary, I do, Aline heard Sebastian and Ben talking about it. I bet she told Isabelle. But what I really don't get it why you broke up with Ben? I thought you guys loved each other."

My tears fell at that point, "That' just it Sime. He loves me and I just can't, I couldn't say it back and after what had just happened I felt so lost..."

He pulled me to his chest smoothing my hair, "Shh... its okay Clary. What happened that made you feel so lost darlin'?"

"Jace," I mumbled.

Simon drew back, "I guess I shouldn't really be so surprised considering the way he looks at you."

"The way he looks at me? He practically hates me. You should have seen him this morning."

Simon gave me a knowing grin, "I'm pretty sure he's trying to protect himself from heart break, knowing you Clary I would think you stopped anything romantically physical from happening and he probably sees it as rejection."

I sighed, hugging Simon, "When did you get so clever hey?"

He chuckled, "I always was, you were just too thick to notice it," he teased.

I laughed along with him, "Are you angry that I didn't tell you."

He sighed, "Not really Clary, I know you and this is boy stuff so I'm pretty sure if you had told me I wouldn't have been the first person you would have gone to. You would have gone to Isabelle first and maybe that why she's so hurt."

"I know... I really must go find her, try make her understand and apologise."

"Once she understands she'll forgive you, she can't live without you. You are her best friend," he said.

I looked up at Simon, "So are you Si."

He grinned and kissed the top of my head, "I'm sure she's in her dorm room."

Simon left to finish breakfast and I walked to Izzy's dorm. I knocked on the door.

"What?" a congested voice called out. Shit! I had made her cry.

"Iz...it's me."

I heard a sigh and then some objects moving, the door opened and there was a red nosed, puffy eyed Isabelle, "Can I help you?"

I sighed, "Iz I want to talk to you, to apologise and explain."

She cocked a brow, "well you can do that right here? So start."

I shook my head slightly, Isabelle and her dramatics, "Okay so let me first say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for distancing myself from you and not telling you about my life and not sharing with you, like a best friend should. I want you to know that I love you Iz and I was going to tell you last night at the club, but seeing you guys after Ben and I had just broken up made me smile. I didn't want to ruin a perfectly fun night and I was going to tell you this morning, but I guess Aline caught you before I did."

She looked at me, searching me face for any lies, she sighed and moved aside letting me in. "Tell me everything, and I do mean everything. If it's juicy enough I'll forgive you," she said her voice lighter.

I smiled," Oh well you're in for a story."

I told Isabelle everything, from the time Jace and I shared the bench on the first day back. A mere two weeks since then to the cold front I had received from him this morning. Need I say I was defiantly forgiven.

"Okay Clary, we need to make a plan," she said smiling mischievously.

"About what Isabelle? I have seen that face and it's not a good thing."

"We need a plan to make Jace fall in love with you," she said as if it was the most normal thing ever.

I felt my eyes go wide, "But I don't love him, hell I barely even like him Iz!"

She just hummed and kept writing a list.

"Isabelle!" I protested.

"Yes yes you don't like him, whatever this will be fun."

I rolled my eyes as the bell rang. "Oh come on Iz... we've got class and I have to face the pity looks from everyone."

I saw Isabelle cringe, "Yeah... sorry about outing you in the Caf."

I shrugged," Meh it would have come out anyway..." Grabbing our totes we walked out chatting happily.

I got many side long glances the whole day, boys checking me out and girls smiling that I got Ben back on the market.

The rest of my group was pretty chilled, they talk to me like nothing was wrong, only clamming up when the subject of Ben came up. I had a feeling Simon spoke to them.

Luckily today I had a few hours free before soccer training. Walking down to the bench with my sketchbook I couldn't help but hope Jace was there. I know he was an absolute jerk to me today, but I still kinda wanted to see him... Something is wrong with me.

Humming softly I started drawing when I got there, disappointed that he wasn't there.

"Baby baby baby oooh... oh baby baby baby ah... I hope you'll always be mine, mine."

I heard a chuckle behind me, "Justin Bieber, really? I hoped you had better music choice."

I shrugged, my actions so much more calmer than my heart, "Guess not."

I felt him sit next to me on the bench, "Okay, so no Wildfire today."

I shrugged again, not looking up from my drawing of a war zone.

"So, what's the time, we have soccer practise soon right?" he asked, looking at my unresponsive face.

My heart beat faster at his stare and I gripped my pencil harder to try prevent a blush. I shrugged again.

"What the fuck Clary? Why aren't you talking to me again?" he voice was full of frustration.

I turned to him, taking in he's sweaty shirt and low jogging shorts, "Oh really Jace. I'm the one that's not talking. Well this morning you didn't feel like fucking talking either maybe I don't feel like talking now"

He's brow furrowed, and then cleared, "Listen Clary... about this morning, it was before the news about Ben."

I was confused now, "The news about Ben? How could that possibly affect you?" AS the words left my mouth I felt stupid.

He scoffed and leaned in close, his delicious aroma surrounding me, "It affects me because we were going to kiss last night and you backed out because of your boy friend. Ben basically cockblocked me, so understandably this morning I was considerably grumpy with you for having a fucking conscience. Although don't ever lose that trait. And so now I find out you guys broke up and I don't know if I should be slightly offended that you didn't kiss because you obviously don't like him that much or whether to be wondering if we are going to kiss any time soon."

I blinked... that was a lot to take in, "Uhm... Well firstly, I love Ben. Just not in that way he loves me and so no matter whether we were or are together we won't, no we can't kiss... because as much a your lips just scream kissable at me," I looked at his lips, "I just broke up with him yesterday," he leaned forward, "so it would be wrong... very wrong..." My voice trailed off as he came closer and closer.

So our noses were touching and his sweet breath invaded my senses. He leaned even closer, our lips barely touching but the slight buzz told me they were.

"We don't have to tell anyone," he said pressing his lips to mine, "until it becomes right."

And then he kissed me.

A/N: Reviews are better than kissing Jace.