YO, WASSUP PEEPZZ?

Haha, thought it would be funny if I started off talking like that. Was it funny? Did you laugh?

No?

You thought it was dumb and/or juvenile?

Yay...-_-

Anyways, here's the new chapter. In case you were wondering just how annoying and horrible Petunia is, here's your chance to find out!

We also get to meet...you guessed it, Vernon "The Walrus" Dursley!

(cue unenthusiastic applause)

Well, enjoy! And remember to review! Review and I'll love you forever!

Disclaimer:

Me: Harry, do you belong to me?

Harry: Where am I? Why can't I apparate home?

Me: You're in Muggle America. Now shut up, just tell the folks if you belong to me and you can return to Ginny.

Harry: Errrrr...well, no, I don't belong to you.

Me: Rats! Well, you can go home now! And quick,

Harry: Okay...

Me: So there you have it! All rights to anything you can find in the books go to JK Rowling, not me!

And one more thing. Here, in this chapter, we finally slow things down. Not a whole lot, but we won't be speeding through the years anymore.


Lily's POV:

Sitting at the dinner table at my mum's house should've been a fun occasion. And it would've been if it weren't for my obnoxious sister.

And her new boyfriend.

Vernon Dursley was an extremely rude boy. He, like my sister, considered himself above everybody else. Sure, he acted humble and modest in front of my parents, but as soon as they left to go on their anniversary dinner, his puny eyes narrowed at me.

"Petunia told me you're a freak and a know-it-all."

I stared at him. It made no sense. What kind of person would meet their's girlfriend's sister and start off by insulting them? Even James would give them a chance!

I shook my head. It was bad enough having to be here, no need to make it worse by thinking of Potter.

"Why, hello to you too," I told Vernon. "It's nice to meet you, too."

Petunia rolled her eyes. "Don't mind her," she confided to Vernon. "She doesn't care about normal, respectable people. She's too busy doing her own odd things."

"I understand," he responded, still glaring at me.

I growled. "In case you were wondering, no, you're not making a brilliant first impression on me, either. Better step up your game or I'll hex you."*

For a moment, I'd forgotten I was in the Muggle world, and "hexing" isn't a common form of attack.

Vernon stared at me like I was a disgusting blob of ooze. Petunia just sputtered. Then they both spoke at once.

"You're talking nonsense, I see."

"You wouldn't dare!"

Vernon turned to Petunia in surprise. "How can she possibly hex us?"

I giggled. "Tuney, I'm surprised. You haven't told your precious boyfriend that your dear little sister is a witch?"

I figured I was probably breaking some sort of rule by saying that, but I was too angry to care. I wanted to shock Vernon.

And at any rate, how could it hurt?

Now it was Vernon's turn to sputter. "A witch? Petunia, your sister seems to have lost her marbles, hasn't she?"

I giggled again as Petunia swallowed nervously, before answering. "Umm...Vernon, darling, she wasn't lying."

Vernon's eyes grew wide. I smirked for a moment* at Vernon's surprise.

But he quickly recomposed himself. He straightened up his jacket, and gave me a look of loathing. "Well, I suppose that would explain the scraggy hair."

I stared at him, before standing up abruptly, shaking the table. "Excuse me? Excuse me?! You've got some nerve coming into my home and insulting me like there's no tomorrow! I did absolutely nothing to you!"

"You threatened to hex me!"

"And you didn't even bother saying 'Hullo, how are you, my name's Vernon', you just insult me right off the bat!"

"You're a freak!"

I glared at him, then turned to Petunia. "Lovely job picking a boyfriend, Tuney."

She gritted her teeth. "Don't. Call. Me. Tuney."

I rolled my eyes. "You'll always be Tuney to me, no matter how horrid a sister you are."

She glared at me. "You're the one—"

"On the bright side, I can see you two are perfect for each other." I gave a bitter laugh. "The Horse and the Walrus. Should you two have kids, they's all be pigs!"*

Petunia stared at me, and I stared right back at her. Then she turned to her boyfriend. "Come on, Vernon, it was a mistake bringing you to my home. Not while she lives here.

And just like that, they walked off.

I went to bed overweighed with guilt. What had I done? I had just insulted and threatened my only sister and her boyfriend!

What had happened to me?

Tomorrow, I'd be leaving for my fourth year at Hogwarts. I'd apologize to her in the morning.

Sure enough, in the morning, my parents took me to King's Cross and forced Petunia to come with us. But when I turned to my sister and apologized, she said the three most hurtful words of all.

"I hate you."


So what did you think? Spare me a moment to review? Pretty please?

1) From my logic, Muggleborns are allowed to use a limited amount of magic at home, to show their parents what they've learned. It makes sense. After all, Petunia once said Lily would come home "turning frogs into teacups" or something like that. This would prove that Lily can do magic. It explains why Petunia didn't realize Harry couldn't use magic at home, and it provides an understandable excuse for Lily to threaten Vernon. After all, Petunia wouldn't know that Lily isn't allowed to use it offensively, would she?

2) This was supposed to be a subtle addition, and my adding a footnote about this probably ruined the subtlety, but I wanted to explain. Anyways, I tried to make it so Lily was acting a little bit like James, to show that they're not complete polar opposites after all.

3) Did I go overboard with the references? But honestly, it makes sense. Horse+Walrus=Pig. Cuz, like, the barnyard components of a horse plus the fat and weird skin of a walrus?...never mind.

I'm not gonna update unless I get at least three reviews. KEEP THIS IN MIND