MEMOIRS OF

MAJOR GENERAL JACK O'NEILL

(Re-activated)

La Haia

Chapter Seven

By Arrietty

Kanan awakened to hear voices. The young boy he inhabited was still unconscious and was afraid for both their lives. The injuries sustained were fatal. He managed to find enough strength to call out for help.

Soon he was free. The man who had so viciously gripped his ear before, gently lifted his body over to a makeshift bed.

"I've found another one; I don't think he's going to make it." Kanan saw the man bend down and look closely at him. "Can you hear me?" Kanan opened the boy's mouth, left him and entered the man. No one saw it happen.

Avoiding Jaffa and Baal, Kanan managed to go undetected for several days. After a near miss, Kanan decided to leave. When hearing that Jack and Shallan had escaped during the attack, he had no reason to stay.

Kanan got as far as the Chaapa'ai before he was caught by a Jaffa patrol. It didn't take them long to realise that he wasn't human and they took him back to the fortress.

Too late, Kanan found out that Baal was packing his bags and leaving taking his forces with him. The fortress having been compromised by Yu's attack.

Kanan was filled with despair. Jack and Shallan were gone. He had revealed himself when he needn't have. Baal took only minutes to work out who Kanan really was. It took two weeks before Kanan managed to finally escape. Only to be pursued relentlessly for years. Kanan couldn't find the Tok'ra so he hid out in unsuspecting humans on different planets only managing to avoid the Kull warriors by the skin of his teeth.

"And this is meant to make me feel, what?" I demanded tiredly.

"I don't know, Jack. Kanan only asked me to tell you his story. What you do with it is totally up to you."

"How much did Kanan tell you of my time in 'The Grid Room,'" I hooked my index fingers depicting quotation marks as I said the name of that horrific room.

"A lot more than I repeated." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. If his butt was anywhere near like mine, it would be numb by now. "I didn't think you wanted that part of the story repeated." I nodded in agreement and shifted myself to let the blood begin to flow again.

"So, Jack. Can you forgive him?"

"Why should I?" I asked, my voice still sounding as tired as I felt.

"For your sake, Jack."

"You want me to forgive a snake that deserted me when I could have really done with his help; a snake that left the 'love of his life' behind; a snake that entered people WITHOUT their permission; a snake that " my voice softened, "caused a young boy to die." I closed my eyes again and rested my head against the same spot on the wall.

I heard movement as Alexander stood up. "Think on it, Jack."

Just as he left the room, I murmured, "All he had to do was ask."

"What?" He turned back to look at me.

I sat still watching him. "I'd have gone with him, all he had to do was ask." I shut my eyes again, as I said the last word. Alex left the room and quietly shut the door.

'I was held down by an invisible force. The fear I felt was palpable as I watched Baal lift a knife and hold it over my body. As he released the dagger, I felt myself falling. A whining noise whisked past my ears, a different fear filled my being. I watched as the terror consumed villagers ran for shelter from the unseen foe. I couldn't work out who they were running from. Baal? No, he wasn't a threat here, something else, something far worse. A strange pointed ship whined overhead. Going so fast I couldn't catch any details. But I knew, deep down inside this was pure terror.

A tractor beam shot down and began gathering the screaming villagers. Fear galvanised my legs into action and I ran into some caves nearby. Sam was there. Standing terrified as an alien, tall, white with long hair. Talons outstretched towards Sam. "Sam!"'

"Sam!" I awakened, lying on the floor where I'd rolled off the couch. The dream was still fresh in my mind. It was more of a memory than a dream. I shook my head to dispel the horrifying memory.

I quickly rolled up onto my feet, the aftermath of the dream still making my heart beat rapidly. I had to find Sam, make sure she was okay. No, I needed to assure myself that she was okay.

I found her still in the kitchen with both of the Mariam's. It looked like they had been baking. Naleena was dozing on a hard wooden chair in the corner by the fire, I wondered if she would like a rocking chair. Little Mariam had flour everywhere, on her clothes, her hair and there was a tell tale circle of flour surrounding her chair on the floor. La Haia was up to her elbows in flour and a small smudge decorated her nose. Littered over the large table, were some egg shells, a stick of butter, some half chopped what looked like almonds and a small flagon, of what I knew contained Alexander's best brandy.

La Haia looked up and smiled at me, just as she placed another crescent of dough to go with the others on a tray. "We've been making Kourabiethes," she announced with pride. "There are some cooked ones over there." She pointed with a floury hand over to a small table. Sitting on a plate were some golden crescent shaped cookies.

"Take one, Jack," Mariam said softly. "La Haia has worked hard on those."

I complied, I couldn't remember when I last had a cookie, and I'm sure I've never had one made by Sam . . . La Haia, I corrected myself in my mind. With a small inaudible sigh, I reached over for a cookie. They were delicious and I told La Haia and both Mariam's so.

Two weeks later, I walked into one of the sitting rooms. Mariam and La Haia were quietly talking between themselves. La Haia was settling in quite comfortably here. Apart from some very unusual instances of La Haia's behaviour, there had been no sign of Sam whatsoever. I was beginning to wonder if we should return to the SGC after all. Maybe the familiar surroundings would remind her of who she really was. La Haia turned and smiled at me, my heart began to thump loudly. I couldn't take her back to the SGC, what if she didn't remember? Not being in the Air Force anymore, I wouldn't have any clout with the head honchos and I could lose her to the NID goons. The conflicting emotions that were bouncing around inside me caused me to hesitate at the doorway.

"Hello, Jack." Mariam smiled. "Come and sit down and join us, Beatrice is bringing in some refreshments soon."

I wanted to talk to La Haia on my own, but it would have to wait. I nodded and continued into the room and sat down on the low couch beside La Haia.

"Tzak, Mariam wants to take me on one of her ships." La Haia was excited, but also appeared to be nervous at the news.

My head shot around to Mariam. "For how long?" I asked.

"Two months," she replied. "It was just an idea." She shrugged her shoulders and looked at the floor.

I turned back to La Haia, her face fell at my expression. "I'm sorry, La Haia. I was hoping that we could start on our journey through the Stargate soon." It looked like we were going to have this discussion anyway. La Haia's disappointment changed drastically at my words.

"Really?" Her eyes were bright and hopeful as she looked into mine. Once again, my heart began to thump loudly. I just hoped that the ladies couldn't hear it.

"Yeah," I told her and I hoped I looked more nonchalant than I felt. "In about seven day's time. If you are happy with this?

She nodded her head, "Yes Jack, I'd love to come."

I glanced over to Mariam, to make sure she wasn't offended by the change of plans, but she was smiling broadly, so I needn't have worried.

Just then, Beatrice came in with a tray of food and set it down on one of the tables. Not surprisingly, there were three goblets for us; this woman was amazing she knew what was happening in the house at all times. I smiled my thanks to Beatrice before she swept out of the room.

Relaxed, I watched Mariam pour some wine into the goblets. I was going to miss this family, but I knew at any time, we could return and feel welcome.

"I don't want to leave him," La Haia wasn't happy as I explained that we couldn't take Meadow with us.

"He's too much of a handful, he'll be safe here."

"No!" she shouted at me and then shock and fear came over her face.

La Haia started to back away from me. "It's okay, La Haia. You're allowed to disagree with me ya know." She shook her head; tears began to fill her eyes and I felt a tightness around my heart. "I'm sorry, La Haia, we can't take him with us." I tried to keep my face soft and kind, but it didn't work. La Haia tore off towards the stables.

I rubbed my hand across my face and followed her to Meadow's stable. I found La Haia vigorously brushing Meadow's coat. It glistened in the lamplight with a sheen that any groom would be proud of. Meadow's coat wasn't the only thing glistening; tears were tracking down La Haia's cheeks. She stopped in mid brush and turned and looked at me, fear still etched in her face. After all this time, she still was afraid of me, of what I might do.

"Do you want to stay here with Meadow," I asked.

Her expression of fear turned into amazement.

"And not go with you?" she asked.

"If that is what you want," I replied, my heart sinking. There was no way I would leave her on her own, even here where I knew she was safe.

She turned and looked at Meadow, stroking his nose softly. "I want to go with you, Tzak," she turned around and faced me, "but I don't want to leave Meadow behind."

"I promise," I moved closer, she didn't shrink from me this time, "We'll come back and visit anytime you want." By now I was standing just in front of her, tears were still rolling down her cheeks, but she didn't fear me anymore. Without a thought I enveloped her into a hug, she buried her face into my neck and sobbed.

'Sam, where are you?'

That night, I awoke with a start. Something had woken me, but I didn't know what it was. I climbed out of my bed and looked out into the hallway. Nothing seemed amiss there, so I returned to my room, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was up. I pulled on some pants and my jacket and slipped on my boots, without socks, not very comfortable, but quicker. I quietly walked down the hallway towards La Haia's room. She was definitely the source of my uneasiness. And I was right, she wasn't in her bed; in fact, her bed didn't look like it had been slept in. Then I noticed that some of her clothes were gone. 'Meadow.'

I shot out of her room, down the hallway towards the back door. The locks were undone, just as I thought; she was leaving - leaving with Meadow. Fear gripped my soul as I ran across the stone cobbled courtyard towards the stables.

The warmth from the stable blasted into my face as I opened the door. I quickly counted the horse's heads and was both relieved and surprised to see Meadow's nose poking around the post of the doorway. His halter ropes stopping him from walking straight through the gap. He nickered softly as I approached. His skin was soft and velvety as I stroked his nose.

La Haia was there, bundled up in lots of blankets amongst the straw on the stable floor. A blond mop of hair stuck up out of the top of the blankets and beside her was a pile of her clothes. She seemed distressed, twitching and whimpering in her sleep.

I stepped around Meadow and moved over to La Haia and bent down beside her. I touched her shoulder and gently shook it.

"La Haia." Her body stilled for a second then began to thrash violently around. Arms and legs flailing, one foot caught me off guard and whacked me in the ankle. I fell to one knee and I grabbed her shoulders trying to keep her still.

"La Haia, wake up!" I whispered loudly in her ear. It didn't work.

"Arrrrgh!" She screamed.

Meadow stomped around his stall, hooves flying in all directions. I ducked out of the way and pulled La Haia out into the main part of the stable, away from Meadow's killer hooves.

La Haia hit me with her fists, connecting several times before I caught hold of them and held them fast. "La Haia!" Her eyes opened without warning.

"Sir?" Surprised, she looked directly into my eyes.

"Carter?" Now my heart really started to thump loudly.

Carter's eyes rolled back into her head and she went limp in my hands. I lifted her up into my arms and carried her back into the house, calling for Alexander as I went. I hoped he wasn't out visiting one of his patients. Fortunately, he was at home.

I carried her into her room and placed her on the bed. She was still out cold.

"What happened, Jack?" Alexander bent down and listened to her breathing, before checking her pulse.

"I . . . I don't know, she was asleep. Having a bad dream I think and then she flipped out. I tried to restrain her and she woke up and . . . wham! She was Sam . . . Carter, she was Carter." I repeated. "Then she just passed out."

"What did she do before passing out?"

"She looked at me, called me sir. Then her eyes rolled back into her head."

Alexander glanced up at me. "You all right?" he asked.

"Yeah." I gave him what I thought, was a firm look. Physically, I was fine, but emotionally, I was definitely not all right.

Sam was back. I was excited and nervous. If I was really honest with myself, I was afraid, very afraid that Sam would want to go back to the SGC, go back to Pete. I let out an audible sigh, earning another penetrating glance from Alexander. I quirked a smile at him, but I don't think he was fooled by it.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know, Jack. I don't know what is wrong with her."

Just then, she started to come around.

"Major Carter." Alexander called loudly to Sam.

She frowned and then opened her eyes. One look into her eyes, I knew.

"Hi, La Haia." I spoke softly, so as to not frighten her.

"Tzak? What happened?"

Alexander moved out of the way and I sat down beside her on the bed. "You had a bad dream and then you fainted. You okay now?"

"Yes, but my head hurts." She screwed up her face with the pain.

"I'll get something for you, La Haia." Alexander looked at me before going to get her some pain relief.

"I don't remember the entire dream, but I do remember you. You were in a box, a small metal cage and you were unconscious and you were dying. Something about bright pain – I don't remember anymore." She gave a small involuntary shiver.

"La Haia, I know you don't like me talking about you being someone else, but this is a memory. It really happened." I had been afraid she would dismiss my words like she had before, but this time; she didn't as she listened intently to what I was saying. "We were all on a planet, Daniel, Teal'c, me, and you. We were captured by some people who didn't believe who we really were and they decided to torture us. It was a very scary time. Do you remember anymore of it?"

"I remember fear, I don't like the feeling. But it was a dream, not real."

"It is real, La Haia, please believe me. You are Colonel Samantha Carter and you have lost your memory." She shook her head at me. "It's true, you've been dreaming things from your past, scary things – this is what happened last night." I paused for a second before continuing. "And La Haia, just now, before you passed out you remembered who you really were." I waited to see if it sunk in.

"Tzak, if it is that scary, I don't want to remember." Her voice was small and matter of fact. She'd hit the nail on the head, until she wanted to remember she never would. Sadness pervaded my being at the thought.

She needed time to heal, time to get over whatever had been done to her. To get over whatever happened that made her forget her true inner self.

"Okay, La Haia. When you're ready and not before, I won't push you, but you're going to have to cope with me calling you Carter every so often, because it is really hard to remember not to call you that."

She nodded in reply.

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