"Hey! Cas! Wait up for a second, would you?"
Castiel stopped, his ears burning for his name as he turned around. "Sam? Sam what are you doing out here?" He was instantly concerned, nearly dropping the food he'd been carrying home to begin with. "If Dean sees you-"
"I know." Sam smiled weakly, his thin limbs looking like they could barely hold him up let alone carry him all this way. "I just needed to see you."
"You should be at home, you're sick." Cas reached over with his free hand and touched the young man's clammy forehead. Sam swiped it away and shook his head.
"No, I mean I'll go back in a second. Can you just let me tell you something?" He was worked up and before Cas had the chance to calm him down he started coughing. Sam's body shook from the force of it; he ended up falling into Castiel's arms after the other man frantically dropped the woven bag of ingredients.
"Sam!" Cas held his ground, supporting his boyfriend's little brother until Sam managed to get back on his feet. "I told you-"
"I know," Sam wheezed and smiled a little, "Just hear me out. I know you and Dean were fighting-"
"You weren't supposed to hear that…" Cas muttered sadly.
"Dean loves you." Sam insisted, "He loves you and he needs you, Cas."
Cas curled his bottom lip in and bit down gently, wondering what he could say to him. "Sam, I know Dean and I have been together for a little while but sometimes it just doesn't work out."
"No. He's going to need you. He's just really stressed out, okay? Please don't go, he's just looking for a reason…" Sam all but begged him, his voice sounding strained like he was fighting to say each word. His breath started coming pained waves and Cas helped soothe them until the wound up resting on the sidewalk but breathing normally.
"A reason to what?" Castiel asked softly, running a hand over Sam's hair comfortingly.
"To kill himself when I die." Sam's voice was gentle but somehow it sounded like the strongest thing he'd said in ages.
"He… he wouldn't." Cas furrowed his brow; his heart feeling like it was about to stop all together.
"Not as long as he has you." Green eyes shifted up to stare at him, that awful look that got you to do anything even if you didn't want to do it. But it wasn't something Castiel would be forced to do, he wanted things to work out with Dean, it was just a stupid fight.
"Is that why you think he'll need me? Because you think you're going to die, Sam?"
"I know I am." Sam slowly pushed himself up, his arms shaking a little as sat upright, "The doctors told me last week, it's why Dean's been so uptight."
Cas knew Sam was trying to get him to be worried about his relationship with Dean, trying to get him to think about fixing everything and staying with his brother. But Castiel couldn't thinking of anything but Sam at that moment, he wrapped his arms around the boy's slender shoulders and pulled him into a hug. Tears stung his eyes and though he tried to fight it, he sobbed against the other. "I'm so sorry, Sam." His voice mumbled by Sam's now wet shirt. "You know I love you." He gasped, lifting his head and cupping Sam's face in his hands, "You deserved better than this."
It's what Cas said when they buried him, too. He stood at Dean's side, black the colour of their clothing, roses in his hands. "You deserved better than this."
"Watched it all go by. Was it really true?"
Primary World: Part 7
Dean sat against the wall of Sam's room, looking over at the slumbering form of his brother. Jet had stayed most of the day and when Dean asked him to sleep over he did so without question. Jet had been his best friend forever and Dean didn't know how to show his appreciation for the effort the other man put into this, into Sam. He wanted to ask for help, to find a way to save his brother.
"The closer it gets to waking the more aggressive the host will become."
Castiel's words from the week before.
"They'll be odd before that but it's hard to tell unless you know them personally."
Had Sam been odd? Not to Dean's knowledge, but had he been paying close attention to it? Castiel was around, the new face in their home and causing Sam to act differently regardless. Dean really had no way of recalling if Sam was odd because he always acted a little different depending on who else was around.
The nightmare was new.
"But the host won't survive."
"Sam…"
"I'm only capable of killing them."
That's why Sam wanted Castiel out when he told Dean, but that was weird. Dean realized it now, Sam would normally tell Castiel immediately. He'd demand that the monster be killed before it was dangerous, before it had a chance to run from his body and get into another person. That's what Sam was like, self sacrificing and stubborn, not scared and willing to keep this a secret. Dean rubbed his face tiredly and walked out of Sam's room, letting his brother sleep.
"I don't know what's up," Jet started talking from the broken down couch, laying in the living room that he'd helped put back together, mostly. "I don't know what Sam was talking about and I don't know why you guys didn't tell Cas, but I want to help."
"Dude, this is something… I don't think you'd believe me even if I told you."
"Try me."
So Dean did and there was no real way to describe the look on Jet's face as he attempted to understand the whole thing. "Alright," he said after running a hand through shaggy hair, "Let's go with; I'm behind you one hundred percent even if I don't get it."
"Sounds good." Dean smiled as they moved into a hug, a solid clap to the other's back as they stepped away again. "I don't really know what to do though, Cas… says to get rid of it he has to kill it."
"Okay, and the catch that I'm not getting here is…?"
"To kill it, he has to kill Sam." Dean's brow furrowed, he fought off the urge to throw a fit over it. "He doesn't know any other way."
"There are other ways," Castiel's voice startled Dean, he spun around to see the priest dressed in his own clothes, that dark jacket ending at his ankles and those tight pants that outlined his figure nicely. If Dean weren't terrified of the fact that Cas had heard him he'd be checking the man out.
"What ways?" Jet asked for him, his expression darkened now that there was the possibility this stranger would threaten Sam's life.
"There are other high priests that have been known to banish the monster without hurting the man, in fact the priests are supposed to be fighting these things in teams. Or so I've heard." Castiel looked at Sam's bedroom and sighed lightly, Dean noticed darker rings forming beneath his eyes.
"So where's yours?"
Dean wouldn't have asked, he was glad that Jet did for all of two seconds until he saw the pain in Castiel's face, like he'd just been stabbed in the heart.
"I don't know. I've been doing this alone for a long time."
"Meaning that even though there are other ways to save Sam you don't have any available? Fan-fucking-tastic. What was the point in sharing that?" Jet all but snapped at the priest, about to continue when Dean motioned for him to stop.
"I was told before I arrived that my partner would be here, but I haven't seen any signs of him." Castiel knew he was lying, the signs were all right there and even if they weren't he could draw the conclusion easily enough. Whenever a new high priest would come into their power, there was always tragedy. And not just at the time of their awakening, either, their lives were riddled with it, some more than others. And the fact that this awakening was so similar to his own, Castiel could only assume that it couldn't be anyone but his partner going through this.
Dean lowered his head and rubbed his temples tiredly, "I… I can't just let you do that. I won't let you kill him." He looked up determinedly, staring right into Castiel's eyes without hesitation.
"Then he'll kill you." Cas pointed out. And that was something Castiel wouldn't ever let happen again, not while he was still breathing.
"I'll figure it out, alright?" Dean clenched his fists and glared down to the floor.
"Right." Cas sighed and folded his arms over his chest, "In the meantime, the longer this thing sleeps the longer it alerts other void monsters to this world. We have the information we need, we know it's Sam. We should take care of it now." Cas couldn't say why he hadn't just done it already; fuck what they think, right? They didn't know what he knew; they had no idea what the details of this situation were. Why was he waiting for their approval?
Because it was Sam. He couldn't do that to Sam… But he couldn't watch Dean die again, and he knew that if this Sam was anything like his, he'd never want to be responsible for murdering his brother.
"It doesn't matter, stay away from my brother." Dean sounded predatory as he growled out the words.
"Fine." Castiel headed for the door, "I'll be waiting, call me when you've changed your mind."
"Fine!" Dean shouted after him, flinching when he heard the door slam.
"This is nuts." Jet frowned, "That guy's a maniac, he wants to kill Sam! You wanna just let him walk around like that?"
"It's fine, Jet. I'll figure this out." Dean insisted, drumming his fingers along his leg anxiously. "No one's killing anybody…"
"Gotcha." Jet crossed his arms and leaned against the opposite wall from Dean, "Meantime plan?" Dean's silence was drawn out until his best friend coughed loudly, startling him to look up again. "Well I got one."
"You do?"
"Yep, I'm going to grab grumpy over there and we're going to hunt his partner down." Jet unfolded his arms and headed for the door. "Be right back, man."
Dean smiled and nodded, "Thanks Jet."
It would be okay, Jet and Cas would find the partner that could fix Sam and it would all be okay, this nightmare would be over. Dean allowed himself to believe this moments too soon, the door to Sam's room opened slowly, the younger Winchester standing in the doorway.
"Sammy?" Dean looked up, moving over to his brother's side but stopping short when he noticed the way Sam swayed. "Sam? What's going on? Are you feeling okay?"
Sam looked up at him, a crooked little smile spreading over his lips. "Hi, Dean." He took a step forward, his voice shaking from an almost laugh to nearly crying. "Dean I'm scared, please-"
"Sam!?" Dean felt his heart leap to his throat, "What…?"
"Do you need me?" There was a chuckle that followed, it made Dean's stomach churn.
"Always, Sammy."
"Do you love me?"
"Forever." Dean's jaw trembled; he didn't know what was wrong. He knew what was wrong but he didn't know what it was doing to Sam. Was he hurting in there? He just said he was scared, what was happening?
Sam lifted his head properly now, though the strange way it tilted as he did was somewhat alarming. "Come here, Dean. I want to feel you." It was hardly Sam's usual tone and Dean knew it was something his brother would never say. Chills ran down his spine as he backed away, "I need you, Dean."
"Sammy, I'm gonna fix you, okay? Just hang in there." He tried to sound reassuring though he knew the fear was starting to show.
But the half sobbing voice didn't come back, instead Dean found himself running for the door with something far more terrifying following him behind.
"Is that what it was? Was that really you?"
Author's Note:
So another question had been asked and I felt it was good to clear it up: Castiel's dreams are flashbacks, those things actually happened to him. The Primary World Dean is not his reincarnated lover, he's a different person but there are parallels between them. Any other questions? I know it's a bit confusing, I'm still working on my story telling skills but I enjoy it.
