20/06/09 – A letter from a lover

He sent me a letter, of the finest paper and the smoothest handwriting. It smelt like roses and tulips, my two favourite flowers. He wrote:

Bella,

It is hard to sleep at night without the knowledge that you love me but it is wrong to know that you do. I know I am being unreasonable but can you blame me? I'm a man, however for my crime; I do not think I can be classified as human anymore.

I am selfish but would you expect better of me, an idiot for every letting my heart lead me to you? I hope not. I am sorry for making you feel the need to cut of your feelings just to save your life from plummeting to the lowest level, my level. I see no harm in sending this to you; keep it as a reminder of the options for your life to veer to.

Isabella, your name is like a rolled up velvet rug being unravelled off my tongue, as of now every night I repeat a paragraph from, 'The Host' written by Stephenie Meyer: "I, a soul called Wanderer, love you, human Ian. And this will never change, no matter what I might become." I worded it carefully, so that there would be no lie in my voice, "If I were a Dolphin or a Bear or a Flower, it wouldn't matter. I would always love you, always remember you. You will be my only partner." This is how I feel for you, I want you to know that, whatever happens to us, good or bad, my love for you is the only thing that will be as strong as steel. It'll outweigh anything but inside, like me, it is soft and gooey. I could be even more of a starry-eyed unrealistic fool but there is so much paper in the world.

My heart belongs to you and no one else, always remember me,

Mr. Edward Cullen, your teacher and not-so-secret aficionado.

Has my teacher hit the floor that hard? My only answer was yes, yes he had. I sent him a message, I typed:

In reply to your heart racing letter: Don't say it like you're saying goodbye, please… I love you.

He didn't reply but I knew he always had his phone on and with him. He must be taken aback by my unguarded words, there was no lie I could muster from a text to my teacher. Was I making a mistake? Was I opening myself just enough to get hurt? Was I being stupid, was i…? I trailed off because just then my phone rang playing the lyrics to 'Comatose' by Skillet.

I hate feeling like this,

So tired of trying to fight this,

I'm asleep and all I dream of,

Is waking up to you.

I fished it out of my tote bag where I had placed it when I gave up waiting for Scott to reply. I didn't bother with looking at the caller-ID.

"Hello, Isabella here, who am I talking to?" I said with fake enthusiasm.

"I was wondering if you ordered a Mr. Edward Cullen with a medium garlic pizza?" replied a very high pitched voice.

"No, but I'll have it anyway."

Edward's voice announced through the speaker: "He's at your front door." He hung up and I rushed to the door, tripping in my scurry. I contained my composure as I opened the door. Yet there was nothing I could've done to save myself from the sight of my teacher, drenched in rain water carrying a dry box of pizza, how he managed that was a mystery to me.

"Come in," I gestured to the deserted hall, which was odd for a Saturday at my house, usually my parents were home making sure I didn't have any boys over by request of 'the nonni'.

"Thankyou, here's your pizza too." He handed me the toasty warm box of pizza. I opened the lid and written in lollies was the words, "As I love you." The words from his dream, the ones he dreamt I said.

"Your too swe-" his lips were on mine, though not as fierce as our first kiss, it was slow building, his hands cupped the side of my face and mine held his waist.

"Bella, I'm ho-" my mum's piercing screech filled the house. We broke apart and the saying "If looks could kill" flashed before my eyes, the look my mum was giving me right now could give that saying a run for its money. It scared me half to death, her eyes were red and her face was purple.

"I'll leave," Edward scampered out the door; an eerie silence fell between my mother and me.

"Finally!" she laughed. Wait she's laughing? "Bella, I was scared you were going to let that one hot teacher pass you by."

"Uh, mum may I remind you, he's a teacher and I'm I student plus what we're doing is illegal. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" who are you and what have you done with my mum?

"Lighten up, you're such an adult!" my jaw dropped, what?

"I'm doing something illegal and you're okay with it? What the fuck?" woops, maybe initiating an illicit relationship was "fine" with my mum but I don't exactly think swearing in front of her was wise either.

"You're just too cute for your own good." She pinched my cheek and left.

"So what did your mum say?" Edward enquired.

"She's okay with it…. No, that'd be too light of a term to describe her happiness."

"You're kidding me, she's okay with us and our relationship being… impossible?"

"Yeah I know, it's scary, she practically was sitting around waiting for it to happen."

"Whoa, I don't think my mum will be that understanding." I laughed, "I better let you sleep, goodnight beautiful girl."

"Night wonder man." He laughed then hung up. I lied on my back for a long time that night, trying to get to sleep. It wouldn't wash over me. I sighed and pulled out my Ipod, I replayed 'Yours to Hold' by Skillet over and over until my head hurt and I was quietly singing along. I closed my eyes to pleasurable dreams of Edward.