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"Shit! Prospect!" Lilith yelled, as the box fell on to her foot. "Be more careful" she warned, as she inspected her foot. "I'm sorry" Ryan the new prospect croaked. "Move out of the way" Rat said , as he walked down the stairs to Lilith's basement. Rat, Ryan and Brody, another new prospect, were helping Lilith clear her basement out, clean it, then re-organize all the boxes they had just taken out. Lilith had received, almost a box a week, for the last two months, it seemed that her parents really had given up on her ever coming home, and were sending anything she had ever owned , to the house she had inherited from her mother. It was the only address they knew. Lilith hadn't called them once since she left home, the option of contact never even crossed her mind.
Juice was sitting on the porch outside, smoking. He was on his third cigarette, even though they had only been there for twenty minutes. He had offered to help, out of general decency. And after all the shit that had gone down,with the clubhouse blowing up, and Clay meeting Mister Mayhem, they all needed some downtime. They also didn't have anywhere to hang out. They had the ice cream parlor, but that just seemed like a joke to Juice. He didn't feel comfortable going inside, him and Lilith had had too many memories in there. They had really tried to make it work, but they just seemed to make each other miserable after a while. They had gone through an almost endless cycle, of getting back together, bliss , jealousy, fighting, and becoming distant. They had called it quits a few months ago, which was too bad really. She was gigging for a few months with her band in Nevada, when he overdosed on Oxy. He had woken up that morning, with her sitting at his bedside, Gemma had called her, and she had driven straight back for him. Even though they had their differences, he knew she still loved him. He was almost sure that she wasn't in love with him anymore, but she still felt love for him. The night after he had told her about his attempt at hanging himself, she'd cried. She usually only cried if she was happy, her sadness usually managed to manifest itself as anger and frustration. Which causes her to react to situations like it in a very different way.
She had hugged him, told him she was sorry for being away for so long, he could practically fell her guilt transfer to himself. The night he overdosed, he had asked for "Someone nice" , he recalled. But he already had someone nice, she was just away because she needed to work and he had hated her for it. He thought that she had cried mainly because she remembered her own suicide attempts as a girl, once he had remembered her telling him about them, he had cried with her. Although she would never know he had, as she never saw it when he was hugging her tight against his chest. They were both very familiar with depression, they had both suffered from it in their teens, and just as all permanent diseases, it had sprang up in their lives periodically. Always coming back. Always pulling them back in. Despite it Lilith was a very positive person, she was positive about the direction her life was going in, she was positive about her new found family. She was okay when she was with the club, when she had that support system around her. Juice missed having her around bitterly, and even though they weren't together' they tried their best to be civil around each other. At least for the sake of the others. Jax had agreed to turn a blind eye to their relationship, as all he wanted was for his cousin to be happy. She was happy for a while when they were together, but once their fights got more frequent, and started affecting the dynamic of the club, Jax gave Lilith an ultimatum. Either they broke up, or no more fights. Juice and Lilith had promised that they would try and control the fighting, but for some reason it got worse. That's when Lilith thought it would be, a brilliant idea to start gigging all across Nevada with her band.
Juice took a long drag of his cigarette, he could hear some bikes approaching. He stood up, and nodded hello, to Jax and Tig as they pulled in to the next lot. "How's the spring cleaning going?" Jax asked as he walked over to Juice, with Tig close on his tail. "Okay, I guess." Juice shrugged. "Hey Jackson!" Lilith called from behind him. "Tiggy" she added she made her way outside. "You good kid?" Tig asked her and she nodded in response leading them inside.
It was late afternoon , and the sun had just began to set. Happy had walked over from Erin's house, once he noticed the bikes parked outside. The two prospects had been sent home, and Lilith and Rat had finished re-organizing the boxes. There was still one in the living room though, it was one of the more recent ones Lilith had brought with her when she had moved to Charming. It was full of pictures Lilith had taken, in the last few moths before she had moved. Juice and Jax were lazying around in the back garden, after raiding the fridge for beer, when Lilith wasn't looking. Rat was looking through the pictures with Lilith, as she searched for ones she may have considered framing, as Tig flipped through a few comic books he had found on the book shelf.
"God Lil!"Rat exclaimed as he held one of the pictures up. Lilith turned her head towards him , mumbling a "what?". "You look so skinny here." Rat sighed, as he picked up a few more photos from the same pile. "Where?" Lilith questioned, looking over his shoulder. "Ohh" she breathed, as she realized when the photo was taken, "That was taken only a few months after I stopped doing coke" she explained, not thinking much about her answer.
Tig's head almost snapped, as he turned it to look at Lilith "You did what!?" he exclaimed, getting up from the kitchen table. "Cocaine, I did cocaine." Lilith breathed, as she looked away from him. "Why the fuck, would you do cocaine Lil!" he shouted at her, as she got up. "Why the hell would you ever give a fuck?" she said, as she tried to calm herself. "You never even cared enough to bring me up." her words were like poison arrows, as they hit his ears. "How dare you say that to me!"he yelled, as his arm rose in to the air."I tried my best to make sure, they gave you to a good family, one that would rear better than I could." Lilith sighed "Okay, okay, sorry."she mumbled as she looked down at her shoes.
Tig shook his head "I just don't understand why you, why you would do anything so fucking stupid." Lilith's head shot up, so that she could look Tig in the eyes. Her face had started to go red, and her body had began to shake."You wanna know why?" she shouted, as she crossed her arms. "Because I fucking have post traumatic stress disorder, that's fucking why!"she spat. "Wanna know why I have it?" she taunted, " Because I was sexually assaulted, raped that is, when I was ten years old!." Tig stared at his daughter, he was at a loss for words. "I got over it though" Lilith continued "It took a few years of therapy, but then I got involved with a dealer, he got me into coke, it became something of a hobby to me. I stopped after a while though, I didn't like what it was doing to me. But, he used to beat the shit out of me, then on top of that, he let his own brother have his way with me. Now when I think about it, he probably raped me himself a few times too, but I was too weak willed to resist him, or even understand it was rape. But his brother definitely raped me." Lilith breathed the last sentence, she was out of breath now. Tig was staring at her "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked in a pained voice. Lilith shrugged, and started inspecting the ends of her hair. Tig leaned in to hug her, but she stepped away, her body had started to shake violently. She started to walk towards the front door, "Wait!" Tig yelled , as she began to make a run for it. She slammed the door behind herself, and Tig heard her start her bike.
He was staring at the door in shock,when he heard the glass sliding doors to the back yard open. "The hells going on?" Juice asked as his eyes searched the room for Lilith. Tig reached into his jacket for a pack of cigarettes."She had a fit"he said, as he lit one. "And you just let her go?" Juice asked, shocked. Tig shrugged in response. "Fuck" Juice breathed as he rushed outside, getting on his bike.
Lilith always rode to calm herself down, but this time it wasn't working. Tears were streaming from her eyes, and her breathing had become ragged. She just wanted to have never even existed,to have never had bothered anyone by being alive. The sky had gone dark, and the forest surrounding the road was making it look even darker. She was going far too fast she thought, but then at the same time she didn't care. The rush from the speed gave her a release, a release which she was now missing dearly. That was when she saw him. Steve was standing in the middle of the road, right in-front of her , she swerved not to hit him but lost her grip. Then everything went dark.
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