Good Bye!

Sorry kinda forget about it and so here it is

I don't own at all!

Great tragedy struck at me personally and as well this household, pet cat named Missy Junior also go by June-June, Boon-bug and Boon-Boon passed away at old age. She is the last cat from my childhood.

May her spirit remember and never forgotten.

1997-2015

This is for June-June

This is it, the moment you have all been waiting for.

"Millions have died, but the troops have advanced no further than an snail. Now at last the final big push looms . . . ."

As usual I some changes from so called railway wars to WW1 stuff

1914-2014

Lest we forgot

Starring

James the Red Engine as Captain James Redadder; Boer War Veteran

Thomas the Tank Engine as Lieutenant Thomas St. Machan Billington; eager officer

Percy the Small Engine as Private Percy Smallwest; poor boy

Henry the Green Engine as General Henry "Insanity" Stanier; good-for-nothing yahoo

Oliver the Second Great Western Engine as Captain Oliver Western; lous penpusher

Guest Starring:

Sir Richard Robert Norramby, the Earl of Sodor as Field Marshal Sir Douglas "Butcher" Haig

Billy the Orange Tank Engine as Sergeant Major William "Billy" Orange

SCENE ONE: The trenches

(It is raining. James, Thomas and Percy are outside their dugout. Thomas gets out a cigarette case)

Thomas: Care for a smoke sir?

James: Er . . . no thank you

Thomas: Private?

Percy: Oh, thank you, sir.

(Percy takes the cigarette and starts eating it. Thomas gets emotional)

Thomas: Blast all this hanging about sir. I am as bored as a pacifist's pistol. When are we going to see some action?

James: Well Lt. I know that your wait is nearly at an end. Surely you have noticed something in the air?

Thomas: Well . . . yes sir but I thought that was Private Percy

James: I think that soon we will be making the final big push. That one we have all been looking forward for

Thomas: Well tip-top hole sir and about time, eh?

(Field telephone rings within Percy's backpack. James picks it up)

James: Hello, the Wellsworth public baths! No running, shouting or piddling in the shallow end . . . Ah Captain Oliver . . . tomorrow at dawn, Oh excellent . . . sees you later then . . . bye!

(Hangs up)

James: Gentlemen, our wait is at an end. Tomorrow Gen. Henry 'Insanity' Stanier invites us to a mass slaughter . . . We are going over the top.

Thomas: Well, Huzza and hurrah! God saves the King! Rule Britannia and death to Perverted Hun!

James: Or to put it more correctly, you are going over the top . . . and I am getting out of here!

(Hurries into dug out. Thomas follows)

SCENE 2: The dugout

Thomas: Oh come on cap! It has been tough for the past couple of years, but it was certainly worth it Guv'nor!

(James takes off his coat)

James: How could it possibly be worth it? We have been sitting here since winter 1914 in which millions of our trusted friends and families have died and we have advanced less than an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping! We have shot off a million artillery shells and what the result? One with a sore throat and a another with a slight limp! The time has come to get out of this madness once and for all.

Thomas: What madness is that sir?

James: Oh Thomas! How long have you been in the army?

Thomas: Me sir? I joined up straight away. August 1914 what a day that was! Me and the lads march down to the Ffarquhar recruiting office and then, playing ball kicking in the Que. We hammered Arlesburgh's ball kickers only the day before and there we were off to handle the Boche. A superb bunch of chaps. Fine, clean limbed, even their acne had a strange nobility about it

James: And how are the boys now?

Thomas: Well, Jack and Bertie bought it at Second Battle of Ypres. Quite a shock that. I remember Salty's lighthouse master sending me a telegram saying that Hank had been out for a duck and Fergus had snooped a parcel sausage end and gone goose over loop frog side

James: Meaning?

Thomas: I do not know sir. However, I'm reading the Times that they've both been killed!

James: And Salty himself?

Thomas: Copped a packet at Galipoli with the Aussies. So did Bradley Dock, Toby Holden, Porter York and 'Mighty' Murdoch. Harold Skedolksy and Jeremy Jetberg were shot down during Bloody April I remember hearing on the first morning of the Somme when Donald, Douglas and Jinty got gassed back home.

James: Which leaves?

Thomas: Why yes. I must be the only one Ffarquhar tiddlers still alive

(Thomas sits on his bunk)

James: My point exactly

(Thomas suddenly perks up)

Thomas: In fact, I get a bit missed. If it were not for the fact of going over the top tomorrow . . .

(Thomas leaps up)

Thomas: Right sir! Permission to get weaving

James: Permission granted

(Heads out of the dugout)

James: Percy . . .

(Percy appears)

Percy: Cap'n James!

James: This is a crisis, a large crisis. In fact if you have got a moment . . . It has a 12-storey crisis, carpeted throughout and with a large sign on the roof saying 'This is a large crisis' and a large crisis needs a large plan. Get me two pencils and a pair of underpants . . .

SCENE THREE: The dug out

(James is sitting on his bunk with the pencils up his nose and the underpants on his head)

James: Right Percy, this is old trick I picked up in India. You are to send a runner to tell general Henry that your captain has gone insane and I will be invalided back to Suddery before you can say . . . WIBBLE! Another poor, gormless idiot

Percy: But I am a poor gormless idiot, sir, and I have never been invalided backs to Suddery

James: Yes Percy but then you have never said . . . WIBBLE! Now, ask me some simple questions'

Percy: Right. What is your name?

James: WIBBLE!

Percy: What is too plus too?

James: Oh . . . WIBBLE, WIBBLE

Percy: Where do you live?

James: Maron

Percy: Eh?

James: A small building on Jupiter just outside the capital city . . . WIBBLE!

(Thomas enters)

Thomas: All the men present and correct sir, ready to be off

James: I am afraid not Lt. I am just off to Machan Lake to buy some exploding bibles

Thomas: Come again sir? Have you gone stark raving mad?

James: Yes Thomas I have. Cluck, cluck, jibber, jibber, my old dad's a mushroom, etc. Now go send a runner to tell Gen. Henry Stainbag that your captain has gone insane and must return to Suddery at once

Thomas: Why sir how utterly ghastly for you! You will miss the rest of the war

James: Yes incredibly bad luck. BEEP!

Thomas: Right . . .

James: BEEP!

Thomas: Percy, I will be when I can . . .

James: (to Percy) Pap paaa!

Thomas: Whatever you do don't excite him.

(Exit Thomas. James takes off some of his mad gear)

James: Fat chance! Now all we have to do is wait. Percy, make us. Some coffee will you? Try to make taste a lot less than water crap this time

Percy: Not easy, I am afraid, Captain.

James: Why is this?

Percy: 'Cause it is water crap. We ran out of coffee thirteen months ago.

James: So, every time I have drunk your coffee since, I have in fact been drinking hot water crap

Percy: With sugar

James: Which of course would make all the difference

Percy: Well, it would do if we had any sugar, but, unfortunately, we ran out New Year's Eve 1915, since when I have been using sugar substitutes.

James: Which is?

Percy: Wood dust. Still, I could add some milk this time - well, piss. . .

James: No thank you Percy. Call me Mr. Picky but I will think I will give it a miss this once

Percy: That is probably 'cause you are mad, sir!

James: Well . . . Quite!

(Enter Thomas. James quickly puts the pencils up his nose)

Thomas: Didn't go down to well I am afraid sir. Captain Oliver said they will be down directly. You better be pretty doo-lally

James: Don't worry I am . . . (makes sudden movements with elbows) Okay, okay. When they get here, I will show them what totally and utterly bonkerooney means . . . Whampf! Until then, We have got nothing more to do than sit and wait

Thomas: Oh do not know sir. We could play a jolly good game of charades.

Percy: Oh, yes!

Thomas: And a sing along of musical hits like, "Orry the Great" and "Greeting Norman pigs! You are standing in my pass!"

James: Yes, but I think doing nothing would be rather more fun

(Hours later)

Percy: Permission to ask a question, sir . . .

James: Permission granted Percy. Just if it is not the one about how cats reproduce

Percy: No, the thing is: The ways I see it, these days there is a war on, right? Ages ago, there was not a war on, right? So, there must have been a moment when there not being a war on went away, right? There being a war on came along. So, what I want to know is: How did we get from the one case of affairs to the other case of affairs?

(James looks blank)

James: Do you mean how did the war start?

Percy: Yes

(Thomas takes up narrative posture)

Thomas: The war started because of the vile Germans and his villainous empire building

James: Thomas, the British Empire now covers nearly a third of the globe. Where the German Empire just consists of a small factory outside Berlin. Nevertheless, I do not think we can be totally be cleared from blame on the imperialistic front

Thomas: Oh no sir! Absolutely not (To Percy) Mad as a bicycle!

Percy: Here, I heard it all started when a bloke called Duke shot an ostrich bird cause he was hungry

James: You mean it all started when the Archduke Ferdinand of Austro-Hungary got shot

Percy: Nay sir, there was an ostrich bird involved

James: Well possibly! Nevertheless, the real reason was it was too much trouble not to have a war. You see, to maintain military deadlock in the world two super blocks developed: Us the British Empire, French Republic and Russian Empire on one side and the German, the Austro-Hungary Empire and Kingdom of Italy on the other. The idea was to have two vast opposing armies, each acting as the others deterrents. That way, there could never be a war.

Percy: Still, this is a sort of war, is not it, sir?

James: Yes Percy there was a massive flaw in the plan.

Thomas: What was that, sir?

James: It was a complete foul up. Fact is that France want revenge for losing Alsace Lorraine to the Germans, Russia lost a war against Japan which now focus in Europe, Great Britain fear that Germany may challenge them. Germany want huge piece of the world, Austro-Hungary want the Balkans and Italy only to seek to defend and that a lake. Now look what happen; Arch-duke had been assassinated which put the blame on Serbia, Russia allied Servia mobilized to defend, Germany follow and same with France. When Germany didn't complied to withdraw troops from Belgium which mark 4th of August our entry to the war as for Italy well when Germany attack Belgium they declare neutral until sided the allies for some land. Ottoman and later Bulgaria joins the Central Powers for land and power. Japan and Portugal joined the allies due to the treaty with Great Britain, Greece enter with a pro-allied king, after strings of ship sinking by unrestricted submarine warfare United States of America enter even though I think they are ineffective but Russia left for they had internal problems. It seem to me is that Canada and Australia are far better fighting and winning with notably Aussies charge at Galipoli and Canadian took seemly invincible strong point fortress in the Western Front which we and the French try to take in three years and three times while the Canadian Storm-troopers took in three days.

Percy: So the poor old ostrich died for nothing.

(They hear a call from outside)

Oliver: Ten-shun!

Thomas: Right, they are here. Percy you keep the captain warm and I will go and prepare the ground

Scene 4: The trench

(Enter Thomas, Oliver and Gen. Henry. Thomas salutes)

Thomas: Sir . . .

Henry: Thomas, how's the patient?

Thomas: Well, I cannot count for his behaviour sir. However, he has gone mad, you see. Stir-fry, crazy

Henry: I see. Is he genuinely mad?

Thomas: Oh certainly sir!

Henry: Or has he just simply put his underpants on his head and stuffed a couple of pencils up his nose?

Thomas: Er . . .

Henry: That is what they all used to do in India. I remember I had to shoot a whole platoon for trying that! Right, better look at him

Scene 5: the dugout

Henry: Ten-shun!

(James gets off his bunk and pretends he talking to Percy)

James: And the other thing they used to do in India was to get dressed up like this and pretend to be mad. Still, do not let me catch you doing that or I will have you shot. Right? Dismissed

(Turns around and sees Henry)

Oh hellos sir. I did not hear you come in!

Henry: Now then James, they have been telling me you have gone mad

James: Me sir? Oh no sir! Must've been as breakdown in communications. Someone must have heard that I was mad with excitement waiting to be off

(Henry turns to Oliver)

Henry: There you are Oliver I told there was a perfectly logical explanation

Oliver: But sir, the message we received was quite clear (reading) "Captain James had gone totally tonto. Stop. Bring a straight jacket for immediate return to Sodor. Stop"

Henry: Don't be ridiculous Oliver! The hero of The Bowl mad? You have only got to look at him and see he is as sane as I am

(Henry exits' dugout with Thomas)

Oliver: Would that be the Battle of the Bowl where we massacred the Boers and stole all their diamonds?

James: No, a totally different Battle of the Bowl

(Moments' pause)

Cup of coffee Oliver?

Oliver: Oh yes pleased!

James: Percy, do the honours

Percy: Sir, sugar sir?

Oliver: Three lumps!

James: Think you can manage three lumps Percy?

Percy: I will rummage around, see what I can find, sir. (Turns back to the kitchen)

Oliver: and make it a milky one

Scene 6: The trench

(Thomas and Henry stand outside the dugout entrance. They can hear Percy's straining in the background)

Henry: Well Thomas you have, must have been as giddy as a school boy when you heard about the big push?

Thomas: That is right sir. Our chance to show the Germans it will take more than a brass helmet and bad breath to defeat the armies of the British Empire

Henry: That is the spirit!

Scene seven: The dug out

(Percy spits and enters with Oliver's coffee)

Percy: Here you are, sir.

Oliver: Ah, cappuccino! I do not suppose that you have got any of that brown stuff you sprinkle on the top

Percy: Well I am . . .

James: No, no!

Oliver: Ten-shun!

(Enter Henry and Thomas)

Henry: Ah, fine body of men you have got out there Captain

James: Yes sir only to become fine bodies of men

Henry: Oh nonsense! You will pull through. I remember we had to go up against the old Man' three leggers back in '09 they said that we had never get through to their front line but we ducked, bobbed and wove. We darn well won that game 5-4

James: Yes sir, but they did not arm the Manx full back with a heavy machine gun

Henry: That is an interesting thought. Note that Oliver. Recommendation for the Man, heavy machine guns for full backs. Good idea James. (To Percy) Now then soldier, are you looking forward to giving those Frenchie a good licking?

Oliver: No sir, it is the Germans we will be licking sir

Henry: Don't be so disgusting revolting Oliver! I would not lick a Germans even if fellow Germans glazed him in honey, sugar and chocolate! Now then soldier, Do you love your empire?

Percy: Certainly do, sir.

Henry: And do you love your King?

Percy: Certainly do not, sir.

Henry: And why not?

Percy: My mother told me never to trust men with mustaches, sir.

Henry: Excellent Tommy wit (He punches Percy)

Right sorry I cannot stay any longer but I suppose there is no room at the front for a tough gristly soldier with a dickie heart and a wooden bladder. Oh by the way Thomas, if you would like to come back to HQ and see the results as they come in tomorrow I can guarantee a place in the car

Thomas: Oh no thank you sir! I would not miss this for anything. I am as excited as a house cleaner with a very special reason to be excited sir!

Henry: Right then Toodle pips all! See you in Berlin for coffee and cake

(Oliver takes a sip of coffee and spits it out)

What is the matter with you today Oliver?!

(Exit Oliver and Henry)

Thomas: I am glad you are not barking any more sir

James: Well thank you Thomas, but you certainly were! You were on your way out and you did not take it

Thomas: Absolutely not sir! I cannot wait to get stuck into the Germans

James: You will not have time to get stuck into the Germans! Machine gun fire cuts you down before you can yell 'Charge'

Thomas: So, what do we do now?

Percy: Can I do my war poem?

James: How hurt would you are If I gave you the real answer that was . . . No, I'd rather French kisses a cat

Thomas: Come on, it might help pass the time,

James: All right, fire away Percy

Percy: "Hear the words I sing / War's a horrid thing / So I sing sing sing / ding-a-ling-a-ling."

(Thomas gives applause)

Thomas: Bravo! Yes!

James: Yes, well, it started badly, it trailed off in the middle and less said about the end the better but apart from that . . . excellent!

Percy: Oh, shall I do another one, then, sir?

James: No, we would not want to exhaust you

Percy: No, do not worry; I could go on all night..

James: Not with a bayonet through your neck you couldn't!

Percy: I call this 'The German's guns'

Thomas: Spiffing! Let us hear that

Percy: 'Boom, boom, boom, boom,/Boom, boom, boom,/Boom, boom, boom, boom,

(James finishes)

James: Boom, boom, boom?

Percy: How did you guess, sir?

Thomas: I say, that is spooky eh,

James: I am sorry, I have just got to get out of here!

Percy: Well, I have a cunning plan, sir.

James: All right for old time's sake

Percy: You contact big bloke Haig and you ask him and you ask him to get you out of here.

James: Percy by your standards it is pathetic! I only met Field Marshal Douglas "Butcher" Haig once, it was twelve years ago and . . . my God! You have got it Percy! You have got it!

(James kisses him)

Percy: Well, if I have got it, you have got it too, now, sir.

James: I cannot believe I have been this stupid. One phone call should do it. One phone call and I will be free. Let us see it is . . . twenty-five past four now . . . so I will call around quarter to six! Excellent! If you excuse me, I have got some packing to do

Thomas: You know, I will not half miss you chaps after the war is over

Percy: Don't worry, Lieutenant; I will come visit you.

Thomas: You will really? Oh, bravo. Jump in the old jallopi and come for staying in my burrow near Ffarquhar we can relive the old times

James: What? Dig a big hole along field, fill it with water and get your friends to shoot at us all day?

Thomas: That is the one thing I have noticed about you cap'n. I mean you come from a noble bloodline heritage of soldiers and sometimes you seem as if you bally well have not enjoyed soldiering at all

James: You see Thomas I did like it, when the pre-repisit of a campaign was that the enemy should on account carry potshot guns. Even spears made us think twice. The types of people we would like to fight were 6 feet tall and armed with musket.

Thomas: Oh c'mon sir, what about Battle of the Bowl heaven's sake?

James: Yes, that was a bit of a nasty one! Eight thousand Boers armed to the teeth with Mauser rifles, Pom-Pom and Long Tom cannons with orders to push us out, destroy the supply line/depot, communication centre and with impending rumors destroy the British-loyal village. While we only made up of five thousand armed with new Lee-Enfield rifles and "Potato Digger" machine guns dug in holes like defence. We fought for eight days and nights fight with such unparalleled determination some cases hand to hand combat. After the battle instead of taking prisoners we simply had a huge massive burial while suffer twenty five hundred casualties. I have had nine months of training, perfecting the art of sharp shooting, survival and saying. God save the Earl' in old Sudairn. No, when I joined up I never imagined anything as horribly as this war, it was a shock I can tell you!

(Percy polishes boots as he speaks)

Percy: I thought it was going to be such fun, too. We all did - joining the local battalion and everything: 'Forth Battalion of the Sodor Regiment' It was great. I will never forget it. It was the first time I ever felt really popular. Everyone was cheering, throwing flowers. I loved the training; all we had to do was bayonet sack full of straw and shoot cans and bottles. Even I could do that. I remember saying to my mum, "These sacks, cans, and bottles will be easy to outwit in a battle situation." Then, shortly after, we all met up, did we not? Just before Christmas, 1914.

Thomas: That is right! I had just arrived and . . . we had that wonderful Christmas truce, do you remember sir? We could hear 'Silent Night' drifting across the still, crisp air of no-men's-land. An then they came, the Germans approaching out of the freezing night mist calling to us. We clambered over the top and went to meet them

James: Both sides advanced more during one Christmas truce then they did during the next two and a half year of war

Percy: Do you remember the football match?

James: Remember it? How could I forget it? I was NEVER offside! I could not believe that bloody good-for-nothing referee!

Percy: And since then, we been stuck 'ere for flipping three years, we never moved. All my mates are dead. Arthur, Alfie, Stanley almost everyone except Neville

James: I am afraid Neville died as well Percy. I'm sorry

Percy: No! If it were not for this god awful terrible war, Neville and the boys would still be here. Why can't we just stop, sir? Why can't we just say, "No more killing; let us all go home?" Why would it'd be stupid just too pack it in sir? Why?

Thomas: Now you stop that conchy talk right now Private! It's absurd and it would not work anyway

Percy: Why?

Thomas: Why not? You mean why not, why wouldn't it work? It would not work Private because, it would not work because . . . now you just get on with polishing those boots, and let us have less of your lip! I think I managed to crush the mutiny there sir. Just to think in a few hours off which we will be, the fate of our lives. Although I would not miss all this, we have had some good times, we have had some good laughs.

James: Yes I cannot think of any specific ones actually

Percy: (Chuckling) What about the time when we set that silver asshole Spencer of Boxford clothes on fire and then he fell down in a hole after calling Hiro rude racial things

Thomas: Oh yes that incident! It kinda pity he was executed for cowardice last October. Then again it quite amusing when seeing ol' Diesel and his friends having tank loving time inhaling it fumes. Thats too a tragedy when they're buried alive.

Scene seven: Henry's office

(Oliver is asleep at his desk. Enter Henry in his dressing gown)

Henry: Oliver

(Oliver salutes sharply)

Oliver: SIR!

Henry: Oh, sit, sit, sit, sit. Can't sleep either, eh?

Oliver: No sir. Kept on thinking about the push sir. Hoping that the Fritz will forget to set their alarm clocks and still be in their pyjamas when our boys turn up

Henry: Yes, yes. I have been thinking too, Oliver

Oliver: Sir?

Henry: Over the past couple of years I have come to look upon you as a sort of son. Not a favorite son of course! Oh God no! A type of illegitimate backstairs sort of sprig a sort of spotty squid that no one really liked!

Oliver: Thank you sir

Henry: And I want to do what is best for you Oliver. So, I have given it a great deal of thought and I want you to have this

(Hands Oliver a slip of paper)

Oliver: A order for a car from Roll-Royce

Henry: Oh sorry. That is my old friend son's wedding present

(Hands Oliver another slip of paper)

Oliver: Oh, no sir. This is a commission for the front line

Henry: Yes! I have been extremely selfish Oliver! Keeping you back here instead of letting you join in the fun 'n' games. This will let you get to the front line immediately!

Oliver: But sir I do not want to . . .

Henry: To leave me? I know Oliver but dash it, I am just going to have to enter Berlin without someone to carry my feathery hat

Oliver: No sir, I do not want to go into battle . . .

Henry: Without me? I appreciate that. Still, I am old Oliver. I am just going to have to sit this one out on the touch line with the half-time oranges and the fat weasy boys with a note from matrons. While you young blood links arm for the glorious final scrum-down

Oliver: No sir! (Oliver gets down on his knees) You're not listening sir. Please, for all the times I have helped you with your dickie bows and your dickie bladder, please . . . do not . . . makes . . . me . . .

Henry: Go through the debagging ceremony in the mess! No I have spared you that too you touchingly sedimental young boobie! No fuss, the driver is already here

(Light floods the room with a driver casting a shadow on Oliver)

No, not a word Oliver, I know what you want to say . . . I know. Goodbye Captain Oliver Western (Salutes)

Oliver: Goodbye sir (Both shake hands)

Scene 8: The dugout

(James is all set to go. Thomas is sitting at the table reading a bible. Enter Percy carrying Lee-Enfield Rifle.)

Percy: It is stopped raining at last, sir, - looks like we might have a pleasant day for it.

Thomas: Yes it is nearly morning

James: So it is. Right, time to make my call (Pick's up the receiver on a field telephone and cranks the handle) Hello . . . yes, Field Marshal Sir Douglas Haig please . . . Yes it is urgent

Scene 9: Haig's HQ

(The phone rings, Haig picks up and is looking over a model of the battlefield answers it)

Haig: Haig. . .

James: Hello Sir Douglas!

Haig: Who is this?

James: Captain James sir. Former of the 8th Yorkshire battalion

Haig: Good Lord Jimmy! I have not seen you since . . .

James: '01 Sir, South Africa

Haig: Oh yes, We certainly gave those Boers a good ass kicking!

James: Yes sir, and do you remember . . .

Haig: Yes, you saved my life that day Jimmy! If it were not for you that Dutchman with the rifle could have seriously . . .

James: Yes sir. Do you remember that you said if ever I was in trouble I was to call you and you would do everything in your power to help me?

Haig: Yes, yes I do and I stick by it. You know me not a man to change my mind

James: Yes, we have noticed that

Haig: Anyway, what do you want? Spit it out man!

James: Well sir, it is the big push today and I am not really that keen to go over the top

Haig: Oh . . . I see . . . well . . .

James: It was a well aim sharpshooter was not it sir?

Haig: This is most irregular but . . . erm . . . All right! If I do fix this for you . . . I do never want to hear from you again is that clear?

James: Suits me . . . Douggie!

Haig: Very well, I will not repeat this so listen carefully . . . put your underpants on your head and stuff a couple of pencils up your nose. They will think you are crazy and send you home. Right favour returned! (Hangs up)

Scene 10: The dug out

(James hangs up)

James: I think the term rhymes with 'Clucking bell'

Percy: Does that mean you'll going over the top, now, sir?

(The phone rings again. James leaps on it)

James: FIELD MARSHAL!

Henry: Well . . . not quite James. Or rather, not yet. I am just calling to let you know I have sent a little surprise over

(Enter Oliver in battle gear)

Thomas: Sir!

(James hangs up)

James: Captain Oliver

Oliver: Captain James

James: Here to join us for the last waltz?

Oliver: yes . . . got fed with folding the general's pyjamas

Thomas: Well, this is brave comradely news! Together we will fight for King and Empire and be devouring sausages in Berlin by teatime!

(James gets out the private purchase FN Model 1910)

James: Yes well I hop their cafes are well stocked. Everyone is determined to eat out the moment we arrive

Thomas: This is brave, splendid and noble . . . Sir?

James: Yes Thomas

Thomas: I am afraid sir

Percy: I am afraid too, sir.

Thomas: I mean, I am the last of the Ffarquhar tiddlers from the golden summer of 1914. I do not want to die, and I am not all keen on dying at all sir

Percy: I'm the last of the ol' 1914 Third battalion, which is the same of I am not all willing to die at all as well sir

James: How are you feeling Oliver?

Oliver: Not all too well James . . . thought I had got through the whole show. Go back to work in 'The Tidmouth, Knapford and Elsbridge Light Railway', keep wickets for the Tidmouth gentlemen marry Isabel. I made a note in my diary on the way here . . . simply says . . . 'DAMNATION!'

James: Well . . . quite

(they hear an order; Sergeant Major Billy: Stans to! Fix bayonets!)

James: Right let us move. Don't forget your pistol Lt.

Thomas: Right oh sir! Wouldn't want to face a machine gunner without this.

Scene eleven: the trench

(The artillery guns suddenly go silent)

Oliver: Listen . . . Our guns have stopped

Thomas: You do not think . . .

Percy: Maybe the war's over. Maybe it is peace!

(James load the pistol)

Thomas: Well hurrah! The big knobs have turned the tables and yanked the iron out of the fire

Oliver: Thank God! We lived through it! The great war 1914-1917

Thomas, Percy, Oliver, all the soldiers including guest characters excluding Henry, Noramby & James: Hip, hip HURRAY! Hip, hip HURRAY!

James: I am afraid not! The guns have stopped because we are about to attack. Even our generals are not mad enough to shell their own men, they think it is far more sporting to let the Germans to do it!

Thomas: So we are in fact going over. This is as they say. It

James: Yes, unless you can think of something very quickly

(Another command. Billy: Company, one pace forward!)

Percy: There some nasty splinters on there ladder Sir!

(Billy: "Stand ready!")

Percy: I have a plan, sir.

James: Really, Percy? A cunning and subtle one?

Percy: Yes, sir.

James: As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?

Percy: Yes, sir.

(Billy: "On the signal company will advance!")

James: Well, I am afraid it must wait. Whatever it was I think that getting out of here by pretending to be mad would be better than my plan. I mean . . . who would notice another mad man around here? But I'm never thought the day will be like that but we all now must show our courage and face death bravery and even into the abyss!

(Sounds of whistles being blown)

James: Good luck everyone!

(Everyone yells as they go over the top. German guns fire before they are even off the ladders. The scene changes to slow motion, and explosions happen all around them. [An echoed piano slowly plays the Island Song.] The smoke and flying earth begin to obscure vision as the view changes to the battlefield moments later: empty and silent with barbed wire, guns and bodies strewn across it. [A bass drum beats slowly.] That view in turn changes to the same field as it is today: overgrown with grasses and flowers, peaceful, with chirping birds.)

To ye break faith to us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grows

In Flanders fields.

-John Mcrea

THE END

To all Americans whom offended of being ineffective in the First Great War that is a sad grim truth because the tactics easily identical to the 1914 battles which they suffer heavy losses because they refuse to listen let alone learn from those fought in the trenches even that includes Americans fighting under Canadian and French flags before US enter the war. Which numbers only good for relieving British, French, Belgians and it colonials from quiet sectors. Of course one Canadian retort that American victory when their famed Rainbow division was well named which arrive after the storm.

As for the Aussies and Canadian parts it is true 100%; ANZAC did quite well in the Galipole campaign and later battle on the Western Front. What James refer a invicible strong point fortress is Vimy Ridge, British and French troops try and failed take on three occasions which made surprise attack impossible however when Canadains arrive, they rehearse the battle which plan and time advance, introduce improve platoon tactics by intergrated light machine guns and bombardiers, creeping barrage know as Vimy Glide, scale models, improve supply lines which massive build up of supplies, counter battery methods, map updated and issue to every single soldier, using caves and tunnels for moving reserves units in secret and close to the lines, massive build up of artillery pieces, introducing indirect fire by using machine guns and time of the attack before sunrise. At that which give Canada and the Allies a first great victory due to capturing more guns, more prisoners and gaining more ground since of the war. "Canada send an army even greater than Napoleon ever commanded on the field."-New York Tribute.

Preview: Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends and the Holy Grail

Godred: I command you, as King of the Sudrians, to stand aside!

Donald: Fat chance, Sudrians pigwhore! We Scots are the master race!