Chapter 7: Subtext and Hydras
Disclaimer: Not own TBBT or anyone in it other than Mells. Not even the cameos are mine. They just crashed in to party.
Early Morning
"Mellissa L. Ericson. Age Twenty four."
Tap. Tap. Tap.
"Short-formed as Mells. Hates her full name."
He typed it into the phone, words filling the screen with ease. Whenever his fingers end up on the wrong letter he winced, the error like a pain whipping his face. The living room in their apartment was static, with noise from outside flitting in through the openings.
"Has high hopes for her internship. Will only respond to the name Mells. Very efficient, has bouts of delusions during off-work hours-"
Sound of a door opening. Soft footsteps.
"What are you writing?" Leonard walked pass Sheldon as he went to sit in the other seat, his eyes still half-closed and ready to fall back to sleep.
"Feedback."
"Product feedback?"
"People."
"You're giving feedback to people?" Sheldon swiped the virtual keyboard silently, concentrating on his task.
"Fine, don't answer me." Leonard rose and walked to the kitchen counter, planning to eat his breakfast. "You're like one of those computer that goes, 'Does not compute.' when I type in a command."
"I'm not a scripted event. I think I would notice if I was one." Sheldon replied.
"Yeah, and I hate Penny."
Sheldon sent him another incredulous look. It was closer to breakfast time, thus he closed his text document and encrypted it.
"You were joking too, I just joined right in." Leonard said between sips of his coffee.
"Hahahaha." Sheldon said tonelessly, reaching for a box of cereal. A few had been finished, and needs restocking soon. He sat next to Leonard, pouring the last of the milk into his bowl.
"We're going to get grocery later, right?" Sheldon reminded, flattening the carton and throwing it into the recycle basket.
"Well, yeah. We're out of a lot of stuff."
"Stuff."
"Not that look again." He drank the last of his coffee and gave a relaxed sigh. Nothing better than morning coffee. "Fine, we'll compile a list so we don't miss anything. I thought you kept track."
"I can't possibly be shadowing you all day and mark down what you've been finishing."
"That imagery. Ugh. I'm thankful you're not that neurotic."
"Not to that extent, yes."
"You need some coffee." Leonard said, pouring him a fresh cup from the coffee pot and placing it in front of him. Sheldon picked it up and gulped the drink in one go. He shuddered as it went down.
"You awake yet?"
"Very."
They washed up, putting things back in their places and went to get dressed in casual. The clock hit an eight when he was done.
"Sometimes I think I did something wrong in my past life." Leonard said as he rinsed the plates.
"Why?"
"You know, getting dumped. Having you as a room-mate at the age of 35. Eternally short?" Sheldon imagined Leonard hanging on to Penny.
"I don't see why the second was brought up. It's obvious we're living here to save money."
"Yeah. I agree. It's just that I have enough money to buy my own place and I haven't."
Sheldon did his best to not wince at that. Life would be comparably boring without Leonard. He had brought both Raj and Howard as a package. They had somewhat similar tastes in comics, movies, and food. It was hard to find people like them without spending some time finding and interacting with them and explaining his difficulties to converse without inadvertently insulting them in their face when he wasn't aware of it. Also, they had not run away as soon as he opened his mouth to say anything but a good day.
"You told me that you'd only do so when you've found the right one for you."
"I thought Penny was."
"You thought she was- haven't you seen the way people stare at the two of you when you go out for your dates?"
"That's our problem, not theirs. If they think I'm paying her to be there, fine. It's not really affecting how I am around her."
"Right. And you don't sneak your hand around her shoulder and stand somewhere behind her on tiptoes?"
Leonard counted to three and answered defiantly, "I do not."
"Forget it." Sheldon said as Leonard was fuming. "Eat a jelly."
He stood and went to his laptop.
"Apparently our local performing troupe is having a play by someone named Gee the mow-peasant."
"You're saying it wrong."
"She said it wrong too."
Sheldon, disappointed by Penny's and Leonard's knowledge of the French literature, have to elaborate on his background. "He's a prolific writer. One of the legends."
"I didn't know you read French."
"I had lots of time."
"And you spent it by reading classic literature?"
"No, I spent it contemplating life and death."
"Huh, didn't see the philosophy books anywhere." he examined the titles of the books on their shelf.
Most of them were physics, some of them were hardcover art-books of comics, and a smaller amount of literature. Sheldon's portion of the shelves were lined alphabetically, or based on a system only he understood. Leonard's weren't as organized, but were well-kept and neat, which was enough for him.
"I was joking."
"Oh, right. Your sarcasm," Leonard dragged it, knowing how irritating it was."...they never did sound sarcastic."
Weekdays at Caltech were slow. The four of them were seated in the corner of the canteen with prodding from Howard.
"So, Sheldon, I just saw a post about you on Reddit. You don't seem the type to sacrifice yourself as bait, so... did you make a student hate you or something?"
"Howard, all of his students hate him-" It took a few seconds for his word to register, "Sheldon's mentioned on Reddit?" Raj gasped.
"Why would I be there?" Sheldon frowned. "I'm not a frequent visitor of sites like 4chan, chan, 9gag, Yelp or Reddit."
"Someone posted a thread on how hot you are."
The sound of chairs being pushed back and spoons clattering were loud as people in the room were suddenly quiet.
"What-! Don't I have any say in that?" Sheldon was the one who had shoved his chair and dropping his spoon. "This is a gross intrusion of my privacy. Talking about me when I wasn't there."
"We do it all the time." Leonard said.
"Not online, you don't."
"We do." he insists.
"Not on a public forum, I hope? Not the one who posted on a site called... Reddit." he said the word as if it was difficult for it to slip through.
"Naw, why would we? We're not gay for you." Raj answered him.
"I can't believe you can even utter those words." Howard, ashen faced, took in the looks sent their way. "Sit down, you're causing a scene."
Just as he said that, the devil came in.
"Hello, boys. What's got you all so riled up?"
"Oh, good day, Prof. Gablehauser."
Howard whispered, "Great timing."
"Oh, a physicist forum." Leonard replied easily with a strained smile. "We're thinking of either joining or skipping."
"Why wouldn't you go for it?"
"It's quite far..."he trailed. Stalling for a better idea.
"It's your choice. Though, you know that we do subsidize trips for education purposes." He smiled and left them.
Howard picked at his food, Leonard stared at his drink and Sheldon looked like he needed to go to the loo.
"Do you know of any science events I can retreat to?" Sheldon asked Leonard.
"You are not retreating. This is your chance to be the top dog." Raj crowed, "Go, make us proud."
"If I was the type who wants to be one I would."
"Howard, you, talk to him."
"I don't know what to say. If I was him I'd be making a harem."
"Harems are overrated." Sheldon stood, tray in hand. "In reality, they either collapse in days or are filled with dysfunctional people."
"They can't be more dysfunctional than you."
"They can."
"They can't!"
"I insist."
"They both can and can't." Raj butted in.
"Whose side are you on?"
"The chocolate." He pushed his fork into the dessert and bit into it.
Sheldon breathed in and held it. "Forget it. You check who is starting these posting on Reddit and whether it's on other forums. We'll stop the posts somehow."
"It's out there. There's no stopping the wave." Raj posed, imaginary waves flipping behind him.
"We're not talking about the Hallyu wave, Raj. Even if that does happen on the internet quite often. I saw some naked photos I deleted on a different website recently."
"Your naked photos?!"
"No. Some stuff floating on the net."
"Thank god. Wouldn't want to end our friendship because of a grand mistake."
"I'd kill the people who posts pictures of me without permission," Howard said, adding, "Unless if I'm not the focus of it."
"I understand how you feel..." Raj nodded.
Leonard said in stage whisper."What era does he live in?"
"Howard, there's two hundred and sixty eight people you need to kill." Sheldon tilted his phone, facebook showing plenty of people posting on their timeline, Howard seemed to be photo-bombing them.
"Nah, I knew they were going to post them. That's the point of photo-bombing!"
"Well," Sheldon said as he pocketed his phone, "I'm going to complain to the President. Someone on the inside has to be on it."
Sheldon went to put the trays away and left the canteen.
As soon as he was gone, his three friends huddled and started snapping off their speculations.
"Speaking of an inside job, do you think... the pink intern might have done it?" Howard sniped, eying the intern sitting by herself at the side of the room.
"The one with fancy hair and anime themed backpack? Her?" Leonard asked, as he wasn't facing her direction.
"Yeah! She's highly suspicious, passed Sheldon's test, and isn't committing suicide." Howards avoided looking back at her, in case she looked back.
"Yet."Leonard tacked on.
"I think she's crazy." Raj eyed her, one hand on his face to block her from his sight.
"No...I think it's someone who failed Sheldon's exam." Leonard said.
"You'd think they'll trash his reputation instead of boosting it." Raj argued.
"The writer of the post was being sarcastic!" Leonard hissed. "Didn't you see the words they use? Gentle? Him?"
"And then the rest?" Howard turned to look at Raj.
"It could be sarcasm that turn into simple admiration?" Raj mumbled hesitantly.
"Those guys have never met him, or never spoke to him" Leonard grumbled. "They would see that looks aren't enough to offset the unpleasantness of his demeanour."
"I think he's the quirky dude. Every group has one, right?"
"I thought I was the quirky dude." Howard said. "He's the one everyone loves to hate."
"Oh. That makes sense."Raj agreed. "So I'm the quiet dude, and Leonard is the..."
Howard stared at them both, thinking. "The one with the glasses."
"Oh, right! The glasses dude." Raj agreed quickly. "Yeah. You're the only one with glasses."
"Why do I have the feeling you two just skipped something?"
They shared that look. Because we both don't want to tell you that you were the short one.
"No, nothing. Hahahaha."
"You think the president will help Sheldon to fix his dilemma?"
"Unlikely. He's been nothing but an ass to everyone in the faculty."
At the apartment
"So, what did President Siebert say?"
"He congratulated me. I don't understand. Why did he suggest a pay raise?" Sheldon asked.
"You are boosting the image of Caltech's Physics department, so he offered you a raise."
"They're user generated content! They're not even made by professionals."
"...and you know that because?"
"They're blurry and some of them looked crudely edited. I think they even cut you out of the frames."
"Okay, perhaps I should check that forum out." Leonard scowled. "Cutting me out of pictures."
"I sent them warnings to take it down. It's really invasive to post my pictures without informing me. They haven't replied me."
Leonard was scrolling through the pictures, his scowl deepening." You're right. They cut me out of these frames. You can still see a small part of my glasses." he pointed at a specific picture. "Didn't I take this picture? How did they get their hands on it?"
"I see you have realized the ignominy of these crazed mobs. Let's track them down and show them who they're messing with."
"Fine, I'm in."
Sheldon gave a triumphant cheer in his mind. He had finished talking to Leonard's mom earlier, and was able to get some idea on how to bring him into the plot. The big plot, being that the problem is solved. Authority have no ideas how to fix these issues, so he had to deal with it, and anyone he can recruit is fair game.
"First, we need to track the source of all these photos."
"Facebook?"
"No, we need to dig even further. They must have an initial source. We have to defeat the hydra."
Suspect list
Coworkers in CalTech
Meddlesome Relatives
Friends and enemies
Those guys around the cooler
"Your list of suspects is surprisingly short."
"Yeah, it's not complete yet. These are the ones I can think of as soon as I found out that people had been posting about me."
"And we have to expand on it, I suppose."
"And afterwards we have to narrow it down."
"This is getting troublesome." Leonard watched as Sheldon started compiling his list on the laptop, the list expanding at an exponential speed. In a minute, the list had included 400 people, ranging from neighbours to some cab drivers.
"Remember, they cut half of your head out of the picture of us in ComicCon."
"How dare they!"
"And they made you disappear by cutting off the top half of that image of us at that forum." Sheldon continued, which caused Leonard to glare at him. The unspoken lines of, "Because you're short," remained subtext.
A/N: Hope I get more inspiration soon.
