Requested by: Booksmartblonde333 who is my favourite lady

Disclaimer: Yeah I don't own Glee. Which is a crying shame :)


In Which Puck Teaches Rachel To Be A Badass

Friday Night

"Can you explain to me the purpose of this night out?"

Puck groaned at Rachel's incessant demands. When he didn't respond straight away Rachel poked him in the ribs and he nearly laughed. Luckily she didn't know he was ticklish or he would never hear the end of it. Rachel folded her arms under her chest as she reminded him impertinently, "We could be watching West Side Story right now."

"The purpose of tonight Rach, is to teach you to be a badass," Puck replied digging through his backpack and Rachel sighed with resignation

"But I do not wish to be a bad..." Rachel broke off, unable to say the curse and Puck looked up at her grinning expectantly.

"Say it, go on," he urged her wickedly and Rachel sighed again, this time with exasperation.

"Fine," she snapped, then added a little more softly, "A badass."

"I love it when you talk dirty," Puck drawled leaning over to kiss her lips.

Rachel rolled her eyes but accepted the kiss. Innuendo number one for tonight.

"I knew I should never have let you plan our activities this weekend," Rachel commented shaking her head. Truly she should have known.

"This weekend is a crash course in making you as badass as I am, sit down and enjoy the ride," Puck's voice became teasing as innuendo number two reared its head.

Puck handed her something and Rachel looked down at what she held and dropped onto the grass, appalled.

"I am not doing this, it's juvenile," she huffed standing up but Puck grabbed her arm and dragged her back down into the bushes with him. Rachel fell haphazardly into his lap.

"Newsflash Hun, we are juveniles," Puck reminded her grinning as he handed her the toilet paper again and Rachel raised her eyes to the sky. The things she did for him and his cute smile.

"Whose house is this anyway?" Rachel asked not recognising the house and Puck grin widened mischievously.

"That's for me to know," Puck wiggled his eyebrows at her, handing her another couple of rolls of toilet paper. Rachel looked out of place with the armful of toilet rolls, her eyes looking around like she was sure they would be caught at any moment.

"So we just, throw the toilet paper all over the trees and bushes," Rachel clarified what he had explained to her three times already and Puck grabbed his own rolls of toilet paper, leaning out of the bush a little to make sure that the lights were turned off inside the house. They were. It was go time.

"It's called TPing, it's fun," Puck assured her then he stood up and jerked his head towards the front yard, "Come on babe."

When they had created their masterpiece they ran back to Puck's truck which he had parked around the corner and Rachel's eyes were shining with excitement. As soon as they reached his truck she grabbed Puck by the collar of his shirt and smashed her lips to his, swirling her tongue into his mouth. Puck quickly manoeuvred her so that her back was pressed up against his truck, pressing their bodies together, loving the feel of her boobs against his chest. He wasn't sure what his favourite part of her body was yet, but boobs and ass were pretty much equal right now. Rachel pulled away from him, looking suddenly shy and embarrassed about her lack of restraint. Rachel wasn't into PDA's. She nervously looked around to see if anyone saw them, but of course it was nearly midnight so no one was around.

"I should let you vandalise more often," Puck mused thoughtfully, dipping his head to kiss her again and Rachel giggled against his lips.


Saturday Morning

"I do not have a gun license," Rachel stated staring at the large contraption that Puck was offering her and Puck rolled his eyes.

"You don't need one, it's a potato gun," he explained simply and Rachel eyes it curiously.

"What does it shoot?" she queried and Puck rolled his eyes. Sometimes he had to wonder how his girlfriend could be so smart in school stuff, but so naive when it came to real life.

"Potatoes."

"Oh."

Rachel frowned but held her hands out accepting the gun. Puck moved behind her and helped her aim, his arms wrapped around her. His head swam as he inhaled her strawberry shampoo; Rachel always smelt delicious. Puck explained how the gun worked, where the trigger was and when he felt she was ready he stepped back, wanting her to do this by herself.

"So hold here and pull the trigger when I say, I'm just going to light this," Puck readied the gun that Rachel held then stepped back folding his arms across his chest and nodded at her, "Ok go."

Rachel aimed ready to shoot but felt decidedly ridiculous aiming for the empty soft drink can in the distance. She half turned her body to look back at Puck.

"Noah, I really don't think..." Rachel didn't realise her finger was still in the trigger as she fumbled the heavy gun, and there was a loud bang as potato exploded all over Puck's car. Puck's eyes widened in disbelief.

"You shot my baby!" Puck stated in disbelief running over to his truck and inspecting the damage.

It wasn't too bad apart from the dint in the passenger side door. He turned back to Rachel who had the good grace to look apologetic as she dropped the gun into the soft mud. It had rained the night before so the ground was slightly muddy. She knew that he loved his vehicle, in spite of it being old and a gas guzzler. He had driven them out to this empty field and there was no one in sight for miles. He had even brought a picnic with him for their lunch so Rachel had to admit he had made quite an effort today.

"I'm sorry Noah," Rachel apologised softly, then gave an innocent smile moving to sit on the blanket that he had laid out for them on a dry piece of ground, "Would it make you feel better if I let you get to second base?"

Puck stared at her not knowing whether to be delight or appalled that she thought the best way to make him smile again after she shot his truck with a potato was to let him get to second base. He figured he wasn't going to waste free access.

"Yes, yes it would," he replied crawling down on top of her and Puck's hands found their way up Rachel's shirt.

Puck decided that spud gun lessons could wait, second base was way more important.


A couple of hours later after they had lunch, Puck pulled her into the driver's seat of his truck while he sat in the passenger's seat. Puck wanted her to take them 'mudding' whatever that was. Rachel was having a hard enough time trying to work out how to drive his manual truck. Her car was automatic.

"Ok babe, now grab the stick," Puck coached her, and when she took the shaft in her hands Puck gave a groan and hissed, "Oh yeah."

Innuendo number fourteen today.

"Your sexual innuendos are losing their amusement the more you repeat them," Rachel told him briskly and Puck grinned at her.

"I'd love to get in your endo babe," he whispered huskily and Rachel gasped with indignation reaching over to slap his arm and she lifted a foot off the clutch stalling the car for the eighth time. Puck sighed.

"Alright, that's it, you are banned from driving my baby," Puck declared then gestured to her to crawl over him, "Move aside."

Rachel wiggled over him in her exceptionally short skirt and Puck made sure to cop a feel as she went, which she was expecting, until they had swapped places and he was in the driver's seat and she was in the passenger's seat.

"Hold on tight darlin'," Puck drawled throwing the truck into gear before he sped through the mud and Rachel squealed with excitement throwing her arms around his neck, clinging to him.

Puck couldn't think of anything better than spending his Saturday afternoon with his girl in his arms driving around in the mud.


Saturday Night

"Ok, this is the worst of your 'prank' ideas so far," Rachel stated shaking her head at him, almost like she felt sorry for him and Puck was shocked.

"What do you mean? 'Forking' is a classic prank, we did it to Finn one year and he seriously thought that his garden was growing plastic forks, it was hilarious," Puck chuckled at the memory and Rachel had to smile knowing that poor gullible Finn would have fallen for that. Puck leaned across and straightened the baseball cap that he had given her for the escapade, tucking her hair back behind her ear and kissing her before explaining importantly, "Forking is like a rite of passage to becoming a badass, it's the final step."

Rachel didn't care much for forking, she would much rather be at home watching a movie and making out with him. Rachel decided to convey how she felt to him by moving to straddle him and deepen the kiss but Puck held back, holding up the forks. Making out could wait, they had a forking to take care of. Rachel knew this was going to happen and so forced herself to focus on the task at hand so that they could get home and spend some 'quality' time together.

"So we just stick these forks in someone's garden?" she reiterated and Puck nodded.

"Yup."

"Then can we go home and watch West Side Story?" Rachel pleaded, her brown eyes fluttering up at him and Puck rolled his eyes.

"Fine."


Monday Morning

Rachel strolled into the cafeteria at lunchtime on Monday and placed her tray down on the table with a flourish. Mercedes and Kurt barely even looked up.

"I have news," Rachel informed them and Kurt looked over at her haughtily taking in her outfit with distaste. Artie and Tina joined the table.

"You've decided to take my advice and stop dressing like a two year old grandma?" Kurt guessed airily and Rachel did a double take at him and then down at her clothes.

"What? No," Rachel shook her head. Kurt was ridiculous, Rachel knew she looked adorable. Noah had said so this morning when he picked her up for school. Rachel took a deep breath and then announced, "I am officially a badass."

Artie chocked on his drink spitting it across the table. Tina laughed at him. Mercedes was about to go into a rant about all the ways that Rachel was definitely not a badass when Sue Sylvester stormed into the cafeteria yelling for the students to shut up.

"Listen up you brats, when I find out who threw toilet paper in my front yard you will wish you were never born!" Sue Sylvester threatened the student population, then she stalked out of the cafeteria knocking one student's lunch tray to the ground as she went.

Mercedes, Kurt, Artie and Tina turned to Rachel opened mouthed and Rachel grinned at them nodding. Being a badass was kind of cool, now she could see why Puck liked it so much. Speaking of, she hadn't seen her boyfriend since this morning when he dropped her at her locker. She swivelled around in her chair and saw Puck and Finn walking towards their table, she greeted them with a wave before turning her attention back to her lunch.

"Dude did you see? Mr Smidt's yard was growing forks the way mine did last year," Finn exclaimed earnestly to Puck as the two came to sit at the Glee table either side of Rachel. Rachel looked over at Puck who winked at her and rolled his eyes in Finn's direction. Rachel erupted into giggles.

"What are you laughing at RuPaul?" a voice interrupted snidely and a flash of hurt crossed Rachel's face but she hid it quickly. Her laughter faded abruptly.

"Hello Quinn," Rachel greeted the pregnant ex-head cheerleader without even turning away from the table. Mercedes and Kurt glanced at Quinn with disapproval but Quinn ignored them. Puck turned and glared at Quinn.

"Lay off her Quinn," he snapped angrily placing an arm around Rachel's shoulders and Rachel smiled at him thankfully.

"Oh I'm sorry Puck did I hurt your man friend's feelings?" Quinn apologised mockingly placing her hands on her hips, purposely jutting her enlarged stomach towards him, as though challenging him.

"Why do you always have to be such a mega bitch?" Puck retorted turning back to the table, effectively dismissing her.

Quinn gaped at him. How dare he talk that way to her when she was pregnant with his kid? How dare he sit there laughing with Rachel looking so free and happy while she was forced to carry this memory of the worst mistake of her life?

"Quinn what's wrong with you? We are all supposed to be friends, Rachel didn't do anything to you," Finn protested his girlfriend's uncalled for behaviour and Rachel turned her head to smile at Finn, grateful for his defence.

"It's always about her isn't it?" Quinn spat at him bitterly and everyone at the table froze.

The true reason for Quinn's unexplained bitchiness towards Rachel came out. Quinn was jealous, and it was incredibly obvious. It probably didn't help that Rachel was comfortably wedged between the two boys Quinn felt she had a claim on; and Rachel was dating the father of Quinn's baby, while rubbing shoulders with the fake father of her baby.

"Quinn; Rachel and I are just friends, she's dating Puck," Finn said slowly looking over at Rachel and Puck then back at Quinn. It had taken Finn a couple of weeks to get used to the idea that Puck was with Rachel, but he had accepted it.

"Well she shouldn't if she knows what's good for her," Quinn responded darkly, her eyes narrowing at Puck in a way that no one missed. Puck, to his credit, just glared right back at her.

"Why do you even care who Puck dates Quinn?" Kurt asked offhandedly, finding her interest and comments about Rachel and Puck's relationship a tad out of line.

Quinn was sick of them ganging up on her. She didn't think it was selfish to want the father of her baby to only focus on her even though she had chosen Finn. She did not want Puck getting off scot free for doing this to her.

"Because I'm carrying his baby and he needs to suffer with me," Quinn growled in frustration and all conversation at the Glee table ceased as they looked up at Quinn.

Quinn clasped her hands over her mouth, unable to believe what she had just admitted. Finn had a smile on his face that faded somewhere slowly as it all sunk in. Puck was the father of Quinn's baby. Quinn turned and bolted. All eyes turned to Puck.

"Noah, come on," Rachel stood up and tugged on his arm, not wanting to cause a scene. Puck stood up wordlessly to follow her and Finn stood up as well staring daggers at Puck over Rachel's head.

"You bastard," Finn hissed furiously and Puck barely had time to push Rachel out of the way before Finn dove at him and tackled him to the ground.

Rachel fell back and hit her head on a table as she went down. Her senses swam as bright stars flashed before her eyes and then her world went black.


AN: Damn it, these were supposed to be one shots and now it's turned into some half assed chapter fic. Arrrggghhh!!!! Why brain why? Anyway hoped you like Rachel being a badass (and getting knocked unconscious at the end...Lord knows where I'm going with that.)

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