seven: but i want you


And I want you to want me too.


It's hard to find courage to fight for the one you love when she's out there having a date with someone that's not you. Just as hard as telling her the truth, Quinn thought. But there's really not much she can do right now. So she eats dinner alone instead, all the while thinking of how Rachel's date is going. She washes her own dishes, wondering if Rachel let that guy hold her hand. She sits on the couch, thinking if he'll try to kiss her, and if she'll kiss him back.

It's exactly 7:12 pm on their apartment's wall clock. She's slumps her body like dead weight and rapidly scans the channels, looking for a getaway from her thoughts. She ends up watching a singing contest that lead her thoughts back to Rachel Berry and how she could beat all those contestants the very instance she opens her mouth and belts a note. She flicks the remote to another channel, which is apparently playing Hairspray, a musical, which lead her to another Rachel-Berry-related thought.

Flick. New Yooork, concrete jungle where dreams are made of.. Flick. This argyle clothe would fit perfectly on your quirky personality, for only ten dollars.. Flick. Barbara Streisand was born on a.. Flick. This little tiger cub was found by our animal helpers five years ago on a .. (Finally!) .. they named her Rachel.

Fuck. My. Life.

She turns the television off with a groan. She lies on the couch facing the ceiling, phone on her hands. She wants to type anything, anything, for the brunette. How aboutask her to go home now because that guy's a douche that'll probably just hurt you in the end? Or maybe a confession of how much she likes her? Or just the plain truth that she still loves her and that she's sorry for leaving her while she's in the hospital because she's too much of a coward?

Quinn's never hated herself as much than she hates herself right now for letting things get so messed up in the first place. She wants to go back to how it used to be, much different from how she felt before where she wanted to go away and escape the reality. So she closes her eyes, wills for the tears to stop from pouring, and lulls herself to sleep.

Minutes of blankness, numbness, and darkness, and she finds herself lost in the memory of that day she so badly wants to do all over if given a chance. It's that day that made everything change.

She hears her melodious laugh – it's contagious, intoxicating, exhilarating. She knows that she won't be able to drive properly with this tiny brunette sitting fondly in her passenger's seat distracting her, her two hands settled on her lap, and her smile shining intensely towards her. And even now, she still can't believe how breathtaking Rachel is at that very moment. How she looks like she could take over the world.

Quinn felt foolish to believe that that moment could possibly last a lifetime.

"Where have you been, just now?" She hears Rachel ask, her tiny hand crawling towards Quinn's sweaty one.

"The same it always goes: To you." She grasps Rachel's hand fully before it even reaches hers, and intertwines it.

"Don't you find it, this, magnificent?" Rachel asks, holding their intertwined hands up in the small gap between their bodies. "How the spaces between your fingers were created so that mine could fit in between them?"

She looks at it through hazy eyes, tears taunting to fall. She tries to laugh it off. "Yeah. It'd be weird if my hands don't have spaces, right?" She smiles playfully, and Rachel gets it. Rachel gets it when Quinn's like this, when she doesn't let her emotions get through that wall she's built around her heart.

Rachel nudges her teasingly, and when she's about to let go of their hands, Quinn pulls her close – closer. Then kisses her softly, like her lips touches an angel's feather. It was heaven, until it was hell.

She wakes up with a familiar voice calling out her name. It sounds so close, so close like that dream haunts her even in her wake. She feels a dip on the couch and another body pressing against hers. She feels two fragile hands holding onto both her shoulders, shaking her to stir. And when she opens her eyes, she sees the same girl in her dreams, but she looks different. In her dreams she's smiling, but the girl she's seeing right now is full of fear, sadness, and worry.

"Rachel.." Quinn says, grasping both of Rachel's hands with hers. Then she realizes that it's the first time for months that she's able to hold these same hands again, forgetting whether another has held it merely minutes ago.

"You we're crying in your sleep," she hears Rachel say in an unsteady voice, "and you were trembling." Hearing her voice makes Quinn tighten her grip. Because she's afraid that this might just be another part of her dream - another nightmare if taken away.

"I'm okay now. You're here." Quinn whispers faintly but still loud enough for Rachel to hear. She lets go of one hand, and with it she cradles the brunette's face in which she leans onto like it's magnetic - her thumb tracing Rachel's cheek, wiping away an astray tear. Her other hand intertwines with Rachel's, just like in her dream.

Quinn props herself up on one elbow, her lips now dangerously close from Rachel's. She doesn't miss the way Rachel's brown eyes dilate. Quinn holds their intertwined hands between them, and then says reminiscently, "Someone once told me how magnificent it is that there are spaces between our fingers so another's could fill them in. And it's only just now that I've truly understood it."

Rachel feels like she can finally see Quinn unravel. But Quinn's not unravelling herself, no; she's shattering and breaking. And these wreckages are falling. It can bury Rachel alive and suffocate her, but Rachel doesn't know that. She's wanted Quinn to disentangle, unknowing of its consequences. "I – I don't know what to say, Quinn." Rachel says as she stares at their clasped hands and then moves to gaze at Quinn's intense eyes.

"Then don't." Quinn says with submission. And with that, she leans slowly, her eyes never leaving Rachel's plump lips. Her mouth opens a tiny fraction to gasp, at the very same time as Rachel does. Their lips are so incredibly close that it physically hurts, and for a fraction of a second Quinn's afraid - much like how she's always been. She's afraid of rejection, of being hurt, of giving this girl the power to completely ruin her – again. She's afraid, but she doesn't want to be anymore. So she leans in fully, finally letting her lips touch Rachel's – it was soft, it was a spark that'll soon start a fire.

Rachel backs away just an inch but Quinn doesn't let go, instead she kisses her harder. "Please, Rachel, I – I need this," she whispers begging. She kisses her again, and again, and again – each kiss more passionate than the last. But Rachel sits still, unmoving. "Please, kiss me back," Quinn begs once more, her voice trembling with her body, "please."

The kisses in between Quinn's begging and words pushed Rachel to the brink of giving in. "Okay," Rachel breathes. And finally, she pushes back with the same pressure given when Quinn's lips met hers again.

Their kisses are hungry, full of unspoken love and desire. Neither wants to let go of their intertwined hands, so Rachel uses her other hand to hold onto Quinn's neck as their kisses gets greedier. A low moan escapes Rachel's throat when Quinn teases her tongue inside Rachel's mouth. And with one swift move, Quinn lays Rachel down on the couch, effectively reversing their position with Quinn now on top.

Rachel moans softly again, kissing back to the best of her ability. Seconds later and she feels Quinn's wet tongue slide back between her lips. She greets it with her own tongue; the feeling of her moist breath in her mouth is overwhelming her. Her heart beats rapidly, and for a second, her mind wonders if Quinn's feeling the same too – the same butterflies in her stomach, the same need, the same want. Tongues rub against each other in few languid strokes where Rachel finds herself responding immediately, surprising even herself. Quinn's mouth is so warm, the caress of her lips softer than she imagined.

Rachel's hiked up shirt taunts Quinn. She so badly wants to touch but everything still feels like new grounds and she's still relearning it all. She creeps her hand to the brunette's waist and caresses skin with her thumb, making Rachel gasp for air and arc her back towards the blonde. Quinn kisses the gap just in between Rachel's ear and the edge of her jaw, down to the point where her neck and shoulder meet. Her hand inching higher and higher – touching, caressing, and scraping every inch of the tiny girl's body. She's everywhere but never really where Rachel wants her the most. And when her thumb brushes the underside of Rachel's breast, they both know that very instant that they've lost all sense of control.

That is, before the doorbell rang, signifying Kurt's arrival.

"Shit," Quinn mumbles as she hurriedly pushes herself off the brunette like she's being burned. "That's – that's Kurt. Good thing I didn't give him a spare key." She's standing awkwardly as she ogles Rachel's appearance, how ravished she looks. "I should - I'll open it."

"Yeah.. you.. do that. I – I'll go to my room." Rachel says hazily, like she's still on high and she's taking her sweet time falling back down.

She won't be touching the ground any time soon tonight, though, and Quinn's making sure of that.


Author's Note: I'm sorry. All the faults you'll see in here are mine. I'm so nervous about this chapter. Are you guys somehow disappointed? Please review. Tell me how you feel about this.

Comment responses: Brody's a necessity. Quinn wouldn't have done something if he hadn't come along. Maybe he's out of the picture for now, but he'll be around. As for Quinn, well, she's starting to be braver. She's starting to pick the pieces she's left along the way, but not all. We'll see how that can affect everything in the future.