* downrating to T for all the things Twilight (implicit adult themes/situations), might go back to M if needed.


Chapter 7

It wasn't a peaceful night for her. For the first time in weeks, she was twisting and turning in my arms, trapped in a nightmare, murmuring her father's name every few moments. I tried to shake her awake a few times, but she was well-out of it, and wouldn't stir. So I sat there and held her each time a nightmare came and went until her whimpering ceased, and waited for the next time it would hit her.

I was amazed by the way she held herself when Charlie was here. I feared their encounter, considering the way she walked in after meeting Jacob earlier in the day. I anticipated her breakdown, I kept on-guard throughout Charlie's visit, and I was relieved it came only after he left. Although it shattered me, I let her cry. She needed to let it out before it hit her at some later point, and be worse. I knew my family was worried about her as well. They all heard her cry, and I could hear them through the night, passing our door, hesitating. Their thoughts were given to her that night, even Rosalie's.

It was only natural that she would feel that way, but I hoped she realized how lucky she was. If immortality was her choice, at least she was given a chance to say goodbye for her loved ones. This was an indulgence, something none of us had. None of us was given a choice. She was lucky to get a chance to mourn.

There was also a small part of me that wished it would bring her back to her senses. If she saw what she was missing, how painful it was to lose everything and everyone she had cared for, perhaps she would change her mind about immortality. As the deal went, we were to complete a full year in Dartmouth. Hopefully she'd like it so much that one year would turn into three, but that didn't seem likely. Not with someone as stubborn as Bella.

Dawn was breaking, and she finally became still. Her breathing was less strained now, the rhythm of her heart slowing. Nonetheless, I was afraid to leave the room. It wasn't like yesterday, when she came back from the reservation. Saying goodbye to her father left a deep wound I knew wouldn't heal in the near future. From the glimpse I got into Charlie's mind the other night, I knew her departure would affect him as well, even if he hadn't quite realized it yet. He came to life when she came to live with him here. A bitter smile crawled on my lips when I realized I had one thing in common with Chief Swan. She brought us both back to life.

She sighed, then stirred in my arms. She was waking up slowly, and I remained silent, letting her take in her surroundings. Then, after a moment, she groaned. "I really did it, didn't I?" she asked, looking up at me with sleep in her eyes. I wasn't sure to which part of the evening she was referring, or if she was addressing me or herself, so I kept silent. "I'm so sorry… about last night."

I held a finger to her lips. "Don't be. I told you. I understand."

"It was tougher than I thought."

"You can always change your mind."

She shook her head. "No, I can't. I won't. It's one of those decisions you make that you can never take back." I smiled. She sounded so much older than her 19 years. Not that I expected any less of her. "Will you do something for me?"

"Of course. Anything."

"Don't leave me today," she looked at me earnestly, as if she was terrified I would. "Distract me, so I won't think about it."

I wondered if it was because she feared she'd change her mind, but I didn't question her. I held her against me. "If this is what you want, of course I will."

And I did. Once we were ready for the day I took her downstairs and made breakfast for her. Then we spent a few hours in our meadow until the rain sent us back into the house. She spent the afternoon with Emmett, who showed her all the different functions her new laptop had. I went back to my piano. I told myself it was so that the music would calm her down, but I was actually keeping tabs on my brother. I knew he wouldn't bother her with rude comments after last night, but I wasn't sure, and I didn't mean to risk it. But all seemed to be going well. He was sweet to her, softer than I'd ever seen him with anyone, even with Rose.

The rest of them came and went, and always asked her if there was something she needed. I could see she was feeling uncomfortable to be in the center of everyone's attention, but she'd never given them the cold shoulder, as if she knew they were worried. And as the day drew towards a close, she looked better. Her eyes were more alert and there was more color in her cheeks. She laughed from something Alice said, and asked Carlisle more questions about the first edition he had gotten her as a birthday gift. Most importantly, there were no nightmares that night. She slept soundly until the next morning. If I doubted it before, I was becoming more certain of it now. She would heal. It was only a matter of time.

xoxox

We spent the next few days packing. We were to take my car, and Emmett and Jasper had gone ahead of us with everything that didn't fit in it. Like I had told Charlie, it was a three days' drive, possibly less, with my driving. We had to literally cross the country in order to get there, but I preferred driving to flying. We needed the car there, anyway.

Bella was in a good mood on the day we left Forks, to which I was grateful. It was as if she felt safer, bolder, now that Emmett was gone. She teased me endlessly about how we were going to get our alone time in New Hampshire, in our own house, where there were no vampires with super hearing to lurk in every corner.

I didn't mean to contradict her. I didn't dare to spoil her good mood. But I wondered if it was possible. My hesitations remained, even after discussing things with Carlisle. It was different when it was just us on the island, with no hint of civilization whatsoever. But it wouldn't be just us in New Hampshire, so close to campus grounds. I was yearning to be alone with her just as much as she did, but would it be safe there? I guessed I had to wait and see.

It was strange, saying goodbye to my family. It was always in times like that when I realized how attached we'd all become through the years. The expression on Esme's face was heart-wrenching. I promised her we'd come to visit the moment we had the chance. Alice said they'd do a road trip to see us, once we settled in, and I was sure she and Emmett would send us dozens of emails even before that. Even Rosalie seemed sorry to see us go. Carlisle just hugged Bella and shook my hand, but his eyes spoke volumes. His thoughts were a strange mixture of joy and fear. As much as I was thrilled to go to college again, to introduce college life to Bella, I was extremely sorry to leave all of them behind.

Bella was contemplative when we got into the car after another round of hugs and kisses as they all walked us to the garage. There was something on her mind; I knew by the way her forehead wrinkled. Something was clearly bothering her. "Is it okay that we stop at my dad's work?"

The question, quiet and hesitant, caught me off-guard nonetheless. I wasn't expecting her to ask that, but then again, she had never done anything I expected her to. I looked at her seriously. "I'm not sure it's a good idea," I said gently. The memory of her restless night was still painful.

"Please?" her eyes were urgent, intent on mine. "I promise I won't break down. I just need to see him one last time."

I considered it. I understood her need to see him, but what if she broke down again? She was merely recovered from saying goodbye to him a few days ago; who was to say she wouldn't react the same way if she saw him again? But then again, how could I possibly refuse her, when she was pleading with me that way? What right did I have to deny her from seeing her own father? So I nodded, and threw the car into reverse. I looked at them in the rearview mirror one last time, and their thoughts led our way through the forest into the main road. We were by the police station in no time. She told me to wait for her in the car, but for a moment I hesitated again. What if she would break down? But when she went out of the car, I saw the difference. It was there in the way she carried herself. She had made the choice; now she was accepting it.

It didn't take her long. When she stepped out, Charlie was with her, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder. She leaned into him, as if she wished to hold on to him for a moment longer. He opened the passenger door for her and waited until she fastened her seatbelt before he slowly shut the door and walked over to my side, bending towards the window.

"Chief Swan," I greeted him with a nod.

"Edward. Have a good journey east."

"Thank you, sir."

"Whenever you feel tired, just pull over. And make sure you get enough sleep."

I couldn't decide if that half-request, half-warning came from Charlie the father, or Chief Swan the cop, but I nodded seriously nonetheless. "Of course."

"Take care, kids. And good luck."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you," said Bella. There was strained emotion in her voice, but she didn't cry. I started the engine. "I'll give you a call when we make our first stop."

"Okay, kid. I love you, too."

Like my family earlier, he stood there and watched us as I drove away, his thoughts quiet and barely inaudible to me as always. I glanced at Bella, and then took her hand and gave it a small, encouraging squeeze.

"I'm fine. Really," she said, and for once, I actually believed her. She needed to see him before we left. Now she was alright, more reassured about this journey we were about to take.

We were both silent as we passed the sign that marked the town's boarder. And then we were on our way.


A/N: okay, so the chapters up until now were a sort of an introduction, so if you got the feeling this story was going kind of slowly, that's why. I hope it's gonna pick up from the next chapter on. If you like what you read please drop me a review! If you think of something that can be changed or has to be changed let me know. I'm doing my best to update this story backwards if I find errors and such, so whatever you guys have to say means a lot.