I really struggled with this chapter – and am not very happy with the end result, but decided to post anyway. I didn't really like Susan Darcy, although I did feel some sympathy for her in the show. Jane didn't treat her very well – and I can't imagine her guilt after killing Wainright. Anyway … here it is (for what it's worth).

She was the last person he'd expected to see. Not that he'd really expected to see anyone - anyone he knew that was. He'd come as a favor to Cho and he'd hoped to get it over with quickly and then leave.

Cho and his team were busy with an important case in Austin otherwise he would have sent one of them. Teresa – and here he smiled to himself – was still home on maternity leave with their new baby boy. That pretty much left him.

He was semi-retired from the FBI now although he still helped with occasional, hard-to-solve cases. For the most part he was enjoying finishing their house and, of course, spending time with his family.

Still, he owed Cho a lot so he'd reluctantly agreed to come. It was only for a day – he could fly in, do his presentation, and then fly out that evening. He refused to spend even one night away from his family.

The annual FBI National Academy Conference was being held this year in Dallas and he had agreed to give a workshop on some of the more basic techniques he used in solving crimes. He figured it wouldn't do much good – most agents, he'd discovered, were too impatient or too arrogant to actually want to learn the things that could help them. But he'd go – as a favor to Cho – and try to make the presentation as interesting and entertaining as possible.

He'd started out strong – if there was anything he knew how to do, it was play to an audience. It was about 10 minutes in, when everyone was engrossed in what he was saying, that he saw her.

And he had to admit that it threw him. He stopped talking and for a few moments completely lost his train of thought. After taking a drink of water to try and regain his equilibrium he continued. He was pretty sure no one noticed, except possibly her. She always was observant. He just hadn't thought he would ever see her again.

Susan Darcy. The FBI agent who had refused to believe his story that Timothy Carter was – the man he was after. The agent who suspected he was somehow in league with a serial killer – and who had ended up killing a fellow agent because of that belief.

The rumor had been that she had had a nervous breakdown and had quit – or was fired – from the FBI. But seeing her here today gave the lie to that. Oh, she may have had a breakdown, but she was obviously still working for the Feds.

He somehow managed to get through the rest of his presentation, and fortunately the crowd seemed to enjoy it. Only he knew it wasn't one of his best. In fact, it was one of the poorest he'd ever done. He wasn't quite sure why, but seeing her there brought back all sorts of stuff he'd thought he'd dealt with.

Once the session was over a few people came up and spoke to him, wanting more information and asking him if he did any further training sessions. He got a few people's contact information but finally everyone had left for the lunch banquet – everyone but Susan Darcy, who had sat quietly until everyone was gone.

"Jane," she said, moving slowly towards him and sounding exactly as she had all those years ago. "I'm surprised to see you."

"Susan – I can say the same about you," he told her, his voice even and clear. At least he was a master at keeping his feelings hidden. "I didn't know you were still with the FBI."

"I almost wasn't," she answered. "Killing a fellow agent doesn't look good on your record."

He simply nodded, not sure what else to say. He glanced at the door, not wanting to prolong the meeting.

"Mmm. So, what are you doing here?" she asked bluntly.

He glanced around the room and then raised his eyebrow. "Uh – giving a presentation. It must not have been my best if you couldn't figure that out."

"I mean what are you doing with the FBI," she asked him, sounding impatient. "I thought you were on the run after killing Red John."

Jane had to stop himself from flinching. That was a name he refused to think of anymore – and it was never mentioned in his household or at work. It was a different – and fortunately finished – time in his life. He refused to be dragged back down into it.

"No," he said simply. "As for the FBI – they offered me a job. I'm surprised you didn't know that."

"Mmm," she replied, blinking. "No, I hadn't heard. I've been working in Montana for the last few years. And I decided to – concentrate on my work there."

"I see," he nodded. And he did understand. Like him she had decided to move on with her life and let go of a terrible time. She had probably intentionally stayed completely out of touch with anything to do with him or the CBI. He tilted his head and looked at her carefully. "So, what brought you here today?"

"This conference," she replied. She gave a small smile. "I was asked to represent our field office and I thought it was – time."

"Time?" his eyebrows went up.

"Time to stop hiding."

"And I'm sure you didn't expect to see me."

"No," she laughed, although it sounded more bitter than happy. "No I didn't. I couldn't believe it when I saw your name in the program. I thought it must have been a mistake, although I was pretty sure there could only be one Patrick Jane."

He didn't know what to say, which wasn't like him. He didn't feel guilt about what had happened – he had done what he could to protect her, and she had made her own choices – but he did feel badly. And if he were to tell the truth, he also felt some residual anger towards her.

Agent Darcy had chosen not believe his lies and had then decided that if he was lying then he must also have been in league with him. Her obsession and determination that he was working with a serial killer (if he wasn't the killer himself) had led to the death of an innocent Luther Wainright. She had also been responsible for destroying his own plans and had extended the time it took to find and kill Red - him. As a result many others had died.

So it was with real ambivalence that he regarded her now. He chuckled softly – he was pretty sure that what she felt for him went way beyond ambivalence.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked.

"Sorry," he said again. "I'm not really laughing. Just thinking about the ironies of life."

She was silent for a moment and then nodded. "So, you're working for the FBI. That is ironic. How did you manage that after killing a man?"

He could have pointed out that she was doing the same, but decided that would be too cruel. Instead he gave her a shortened version of the truth. "They offered me a pass if I worked for them. I guess they thought I was more valuable with them than on a tropical island somewhere. And frankly, everyone was relieved that - he was dead."

"I see. It figures. You always did get what you wanted."

At that he frowned, suddenly feeling irritated. "What I wanted was justice for my family and all the others he killed," he said. "And I got it – eventually, and certainly no thanks to you. I don't apologize for that."

"I don't call what you did justice," she replied.

He shrugged, showing her how little he cared.

"What happened to Agent Lisbon and her team?" she asked suddenly. "I suppose they all got off too?"

"Got off?" he asked her sharply. "They were – are good people, good agents. They did nothing wrong."

"Nothing except let you do what you wanted."

He laughed at that – a genuine laugh. "You think so? I'm afraid they didn't let me do anything. I chose my path. If anything they worked hard to keep me in line."

"Agent Lisbon was besotted with you," she said. "She would have let you do anything."

He chuckled again. "Well, it's nice that you think she was besotted, although I must say she hid it well. Most of the time she was irritated with me. As for letting me do anything I wanted – you didn't know her very well."

"Maybe I didn't," she agreed. "I heard the CBI was disbanded because of the Blake Association. So what happened to her?"

"She works for the FBI too."

"Really? I'm assuming you had something to do with that as well. Do you still work with her?"

"Yes, although not so much anymore. I'm only working part time and she's -"

"She's -?"

"On leave."

"Really? Why is the great Teresa Lisbon on leave? She didn't cause someone else to shoot an innocent person, did she?"

His eyes narrowed. "Don't take out your own guilt on her," he said. "She had nothing to do with what happened. That was your own choice. She tried to stop you!"

He could see Darcy's jaw clench and the flash of her eyes, but then she relaxed slightly. "You're right," she finally acknowledged. "That wasn't fair of me. So – why is she on leave."

He nodded slightly, acknowledging her admission. "She just had a baby," he told her, unable to quite keep the pride out of his voice.

But she didn't seem to notice. Instead she just blinked in surprise. "A baby? Teresa? Wow, I didn't - I thought – she seemed to be focused on her career."

"She is," he said. "Can't a woman do both?"

"Of course," she nodded. "I mean – she just seemed to be totally focused on it – and you." This time her lips went up in a small grin. "So, she's – with - someone?"

"Yes," he nodded.

"I'm sorry. I expect that was difficult for you," she said, sounding not at all sympathetic.

"Not at all," he told her. He knew he should just tell her, but he couldn't help but string her along a little bit. She kind of deserved it.

"Oh?" Her brows went up. "That's – nice of you. I guess I didn't think you'd – uh – want her to be with someone else."

"I didn't." He paused and then rolled his eyes. "That's why I married her."

"You – married her? And – the baby?"

"Mine of course. A son. He's a month old."

He paused as she regarded him closely – appearing to look at him slightly differently, although he couldn't quite tell what she was thinking. He wondered if the lack of sleep from having a newborn in the house was affecting his ability to read people. Then suddenly Darcy seemed to deflate, the tension leaving her body and her eyes. "And you're happy?" she asked, her voice softer than it had been.

He nodded. "Yes, I am," he said softly, suddenly reading a faint bit of hope in her eyes. Jane didn't really like Susan Darcy – he didn't hate her either – but he certainly hadn't lost a lot of sleep over her. At the same time, he recognized what she must be feeling – the guilt, the anger, the self-hatred, and knew he couldn't let her go on this way. No one deserved to live with that for the rest of his or her life. He knew that from experience.

"You can be happy again," he told her clearly, looking directly at her. If it wasn't clear if he was talking about himself or her it really didn't matter, because she understood what he was saying.

"You can?" she asked, sounding doubtful.

"Mmm hmm. You can go on. You can live again."

"How," she whispered, the pain shining clearly from her eyes.

"It's not easy, especially when you're full of guilt and self-hatred," he said gently, knowledgably. "But when you let that go, life can bring you joy."

She shook her head slowly. "How can you let go of those things? How can you just stop remembering, stop dreaming about what happened, dreaming over and over again?"

"Time," he said. "Time and – it may sound like a cliché – but love. Both of them have tremendous healing power, if you let them."

"And you have let it all go? You don't suffer anymore? You don't grieve or feel guilty?"

He sighed, his hand clenching the back of a chair. Why had he run into her? "Not all of it," he answered honestly. "Of course I still – feel - things," he admitted, although he didn't want to bare his soul to this woman – to anyone in fact. It wasn't the way he dealt with things. The only people he'd ever really opened up to were Dr. Miller, a bit to Danny and, of course, to Teresa. "But that's not my whole life, not anymore," he continued. "I have the love of a beautiful woman and am father to a gorgeous baby boy. Life isn't perfect, but it's good."

She watched him for a few seconds, almost as if she were trying to see whether or not he was telling the truth. He wanted to be gone from here. He wanted to get back to Teresa and their son and not think back to that dark and hopeless time.

"You really are happy, aren't you?" she asked wonderingly. "After everything you've experienced and seen and done. I wish I had your gift," she said at the end, with a sigh.

"My gift?" He was pretty sure she wasn't talking about some kind of supposed psychic gift. At least he hoped not.

"To let things go."

He snorted at that, which had her looking at him with some level of both curiosity and irritation. "I chased – him - for ten years, ten years. That's not exactly letting go."

"No," she sighed. "I guess it's not. But eventually you did and – here you are."

"Yes," he nodded. "Here I am." He regarded her seriously and then decided to do the right and honorable thing, the thing that Teresa would want him to do. "It wasn't your fault Susan. It was a mistake – an honest mistake. You need to let it go and get on with your life. I promise you, you can find happiness again. Instead of spending your time wallowing in guilt – take what you've learned and – do better with your life. It won't make the guilt go away completely, but it will help."

"Is that what you do? Are you trying to be a better person?"

"Yes," he gave her a small, crooked grin. "I have to be or Teresa wouldn't put up with me. And – I'm a father again and this time I want to be a good one. I – can't go through what I went through again. I can't hurt the ones I love so I'm doing everything I can to do better."

"You know, I'd kind of like to be around to see that." At Jane's considering look she snorted. "I said kind of. I think I'll stay in Montana for now."

She slowly turned towards the door, but then stopped and looked back. "I'm – pleased for you Patrick Jane and I'm glad you're happy. Congratulations on your marriage and child."

"Thank you," he smiled and gave her a small, one fingered salute.

"And tell Teresa she has my sympathy." With that she turned and was gone. Jane couldn't help but laugh. She'd gotten in the last word.

Oh well. He could give her that. After all – he had a beautiful wife and child waiting for him. Suddenly, and for the first time, he felt terribly sorry for Susan Darcy. He hoped she would one day forgive herself – and find the happiness he had found.