Chapter 7: Nighttime

Remus left the others puzzled and went to answer the door. He unbolted it and cracked it. It was drizzling outside, and there was a man standing there on the porch, in the dark.

"Can I help you?" Remus asked politely while his hand reached for his wand.

"I-I'm sorry to just drop in like this Lupin, it's just, I didn't know what else to do." The man said shaking slightly. Suddenly Remus realized who it was and snapped out of it.

"Neville! Come in! Its really wet out there. What do you need? Is everything alright?" he said further opening the door so that Neville could get in.

"I don't know. Honestly. You were the only one I could think of to come to."

"What happened? You look like you walked through a ghost."

"Well, I think I saw one, but it wasn't, it was. . . I just don't know."

"Why don't you just start at the beginning and tell me what happened."

Neville hesitated and then started with a sigh, "I went to Memorial Park today, I just go thee to think in peace sometimes. But today I saw other people there. Well at first it was only one, then two others joined him, and I'd swear it was – but its not possible is it? I mean – I thought I saw Harry. And Ron and Sirius were with him. But that isn't possible right? I mean – am I going mad?" he looked helplessly at Remus. Remus looked helplessly back. He couldn't betray Harry, but to deny that they were there and let Neville believe he was losing his marbles like that? After all he'd been through? Almost suffering the same fate as his parents had affected Neville in a way no other in the war had been affected. Except perhaps Harry. . .

Thankfully, he was saved having to answer by Harry who stepped up and said, "you aren't going mad, Neville. I'm back in the Wizarding community, I just really don't want many people to know it yet. I'm sorry if I upset you."

Neville jumped at the sight of Harry at first, but quickly relaxed. He heaved a great sigh, and said, "Welcome home, Harry. You have no idea how much we've missed you." he smiled at Harry, and Harry nodded in return.

"Thanks Neville, I missed you all too."

After a little bit of catching up, Neville flooed home, and the residence of Grimmauld bid good-night to all go to bed, but no one slept for quite a while after that, all of their brains were reeling from the day and its events.

Sirius lay in his dark bedroom wide awake. He had been right, he had known where Harry was and could have found him. He could have helped him. Merlin, the kid needed help. Those scars. He cringed at he memory. How could he have let these things happen to his best friend's son? The boy he promised to protect.

He sighed and turned over onto his side. He just hoped that things could be fixed before anything got out of control. He closed his eyes and fell asleep, dreaming restlessly of the past. Again.

Down the hall, Remus and Tonks lay awake too, whispering quietly in the darkness.

"Do you really think they'll be okay?" Tonks asked her husband.

"I honestly don't know," Remus answered, "They are both so strong, and so fragile at the same time. Sirius will be fine if we can help Harry, but, Merlin, Harry has so much baggage. I think that Jamie is the only thing holding him together, I don't know how he managed before her. That poor kid. It makes my heart break just looking at him. You know his father never made it to his age, but he looks just like him except for his eyes. His eyes always looked like Lily. I miss them both so much. But they don't look like Lily's anymore. He's so sad. I can't imagine how Lily and James would react if they could see their son now. I don't know what to do to help him."

Tonks put her hand on her husband's shoulder, We will help him though. We won't lose any of them. I promise." Remus nodded and rolled over, closing his eyes. Tonks followed suit and both were sleeping, semi-peacefully, in minutes.

Harry checked on his daughter. She was sound asleep. He sat on the edge of his own bed and looked around. He had thought again of leaving, it would be so much easier if he could leave Jamie here and go away. He didn't know how long, maybe just a little while. Maybe a long while. They'd be upset. Disappointed, maybe even mad, but how would things be if he stayed? Uncomfortable, that's how.

However, his reason started to take control. It wouldn't be smart to leave again, it'll get harder every time you come back, it said. And what about Jamie? Would you really just dump her on family's doorstep like they did to you? Of course, this family is better than that family but still. Family? Is that what this is? Harry thought. What a strange word to come up with.

But was it right? Was this his family? Was this where he belonged? If he stayed, would things be more normal than ever for him? But what about the danger? Another nagging voice asked in the back of his mind. What about the death eaters, the reporters, the everyday people dying to get a look at the "Boy-Who-Lived," the "Savior"? At his daughter? Can you risk these things? The voice asked.

All the thoughts running through his head were giving him a headache. He unconsciously traced the lightning bolt scar with his finger. Headaches always scared him. Suddenly the room, with only the street light outside the window lighting it, was way too dark. The darkness poured in on Harry until it nearly suffocated him. He sat there holding his breath. He began to tremble as memories of what the darkness held consumed him. He jumped up and ran to light the lights.

He didn't stop until the room was flooded in nearly blinding light. Then he ast back down and took several deep, calming breaths. He needed help. He couldn't do it alone anymore. He couldn't do this every night anymore. He couldn't afford to panic like that just because it was getting dark, especially not in front of someone.

Sitting there in the blinding light, Harry started to laugh at the thought of someone finding out that the "savior of the wizarding world" was afraid o the dark. He got up and went to the mirror. What everyone didn't know was how much he was covering up. He hadn't stopped using all magic. (Just enough to not be noticeable.) He put glamour type charms on himself every night to hide how little sleep and food he'd been getting. It helped so much too. As the charms faded every night, he could tell he looked awful. Gaunt and pale with dark bags under his eyes.

He sighed as he saw what he really looked like in the mirror. He turned and lay down in the bed to get his three or so hours of nightmares in. But he forgot something as he rolled over and closed his eyes.

He forgot to put silencing charms around his room to make sure no one heard his tortured screams.

At about one o'clock that morning, Harry was trapped in a terrible nightmare of the past. Cold sweat dripped off of him as he tossed and turned in bed. He muttered continuously, "No. No. Please, no! No, no, no!" And then the screams came.

Sirius was brought out of his restless sleep by something. Confused, he opened his eyes and looked around. Something was wrong. He listened intently. Then he heard it, the thing he had been woken by.

"No! Please don't!" Came the pain filled screams from down the hall. Sirius recognized right away, leapt out of bed, and ran down the hall to Harry.

As he entered the room, he had to shield his eyes from the blinding light. He fumbled his way to the bed, grabbed Harry, and tried to shake him awake. Harry flew up in bed, breathing heavily. Tears were falling down his cheeks, sweat was clinging to his forehead. As Sirius's eyes adjusted to the light, he gasped at the sight of his godson. He didn't remember him looking that bad mere hours ago.

"Sirius?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, yeah, it's just me Harry. Are you alright?" He asked realizing he was out of breath as well.

"Yeah, I'm fine. What time is it?"

"One o'clock."

"Really? What-- oh."

"You were having quite a nightmare there kid."

Harry's face went stony and cold, catching Sirius off guard.

"I'm not a kid, Sirius. I haven't been for a long time."

Sirius sighed,"I know, but you're still just a kid tome. Remember, I'm crazy." He said kind of off handedly, realizing he had hit a sore spot and correctly interpreting the weightiness of the comment.

Harry sighed, and shook his head slightly, "Sorry I woke you. I must have forgotten the silencing charms."

Sirius didn't know how to respond, he just looked at Harry sadly, "It'll get better. Trust me. It took me five years before I could leave the lights out, six before I stopped using silencing charms and sleeping droughts, and I still use glamours way to often."

Harry looked at Sirius, shocked. He would have never guessed that. He always thought Sirius was so strong. He never thought– he never thought they had so much in common.

"Do you want to talk? Or would you rather just go back to sleep?" Sirius asked.

"I'll just go to sleep."

"Do you want a potion?"

"No. I'll be fine, thanks."

So Sirius left. He stood outside the door just long enough to hear a whispered, "Silencio" then all was quiet. Sirius sighed and went back to bed.

A/N Alright! My first author's note! Okay, so I'm back on it. I am going for this story! I tried my best to redo everything, the first four chapters are the same, just spread out over different um, pages? Whatever you call them. So, I still have 1.5 more chapters to type up that I have written in my notebook (Goodness, they look longer when they're on wide rule paper in my loopy scrawl, but what can you do?) So I'll get them to you ASAP and hopefully I can keep it up. Now, if you enjoyed this, all you gotta do is review and say so. Just a simple review with two words like "I like" or even "good" or if you're the more pessimistic type, "bad" but I hope not. Any who, this will motivate me to continue faster.

Just wanted to say a great big thanks to my reviewer who jump started me to continue. Thank you so much for your kind words starlit jewel, you have inspired me to keep going and posting.