A/N Okay this is short and it's weird but you know. This is not what I planned for this chapter but somehow it happened. The start was planned...the end was not...so I didn't know where to go so I left it on a cliffie. Sorry. Anyway, thank you everyone who reviewed. I'm so sorry that this chapter is short but I'm tired. Next chapter will hopefully be longer and hopefully I'll have some idea what to write. I am going away tomorrow so I'm sorry if I don't reply to any reviews though I will try. Some of the ideas are good but will feature in the next chapter! Thanks everyone.
ME4427
Chapter 7
I lay there with tears streaming down my face. I tried my hardest not to be vocal as I sobbed. My breathing came raggedly and I felt sick with hurt. Curling up into a ball didn't make me feel any more comforted. I resolved to just cry myself to sleep like I'd done so many times before. My heart ached along with the rest of my beaten body.
It made me jump when I felt a gentle hand touch my shoulder. The hand pulled me around gently until I lay on my back staring into his eyes. They looked concerned.
"Clove?" He whispered, "Are you alright, Cloverfield?"
I nodded but my tears betrayed me as they tumbled from my eyes. The unnatural concern grew on his features as his fingers came to gently brush away my tears for me. He stared into my eyes as if he were looking into my soul and for some reason I didn't want to look away. Cato and I had a connection that I, nor no one, could really describe or explain. I hated him but I sure-as-hell needed him. Sometimes I actually doubted myself about how I felt towards him.
"What happened?" He asked innocently. His eyes were still locked with my watery ones, as he hovered above me with a hand on either side of my head.
"A n-n-nightmare," I choked out, before realising my mistake, "N-no. A m-memory. Truth."
His arms wrapped around me and pulled me up slightly to meet him in a hug. His head bent and buried itself in my shoulder, breathing me in as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him to me. I held on for my sanity.
"Tell me about it." He whispered into me as he pushed his shirt away to reveal my skin. He pressed his mouth into my shoulder and breathed down my back like he does when things are really bad. It soothes me.
"Ok," I said in a small voice, barely recognisable as my own. Confidence was gained when I focused on his heartbeats beating against my chest in our tightly-packed space. I held tightly to his neck and ran my hands through his hair. "It was mum. She was watching father. She watched as he hit me. That's…that's all she ever did; she watched. She never said a word. She never helped me. After a while she didn't cry and she didn't even look like she cared. Sometimes, I hate her even more than him."
It was easy to talk to this Cato. It was nice even, just to be able to let it out and tell someone. He didn't judge like everyone else would. For some bizarre reason, I could speak to him like I could no other. It was also so much easier when I didn't have to look into those blinding blue eyes. When Cato gave me a light squeeze, I knew it was his way of telling me to go on so I did.
"Then, it was when she left. The memory was so vivid, like it bled into my memory." I laughed without humour. "It was just us; I'm sure I've told you before. Bes was out. Father was out. Just us. That's one of the reasons father hates me so much, because I let her go. I was the only one who could have stopped her and I didn't. I didn't."
Sobs wracked my body and Cato pulled back to look at me. I could only imagine how pathetic I looked with my weak little heart. But he didn't say that and he didn't show it either. His thumb came up to gently sweep the tears away, and his fingers brushed my hair back over my shoulders. It was that moment I became slightly self-conscious as to what I was wearing. His shirt had ridden up again in the middle of the night, so I was terribly thankful for the sheets to cover me. However, Cato was beneath the sheets with me, and since he had been practically lying on me a second ago, and the shirt was at my waist, I was blushing bright red. He didn't comment but I was sure he noticed.
"Do you want to tell me the rest?" He asked, sitting next to me and wrapping an arm around me.
I don't know why but I did want to. I nodded.
"I stood in the bedroom doorway and watched her throw clothes into the family suitcase reserved for the vacations we never went on. She didn't even look at what was thrown in there. The things she forgot were mostly burnt by father. I watched that too.
"She didn't notice me standing there because she was running around too fast. In the back of my mind, I knew what she was doing. She was crying. Her pain was painful. I felt the tears running down my face, and sometimes I can still feel them, like they've scarred me. She was running away. Then I realised how much I wanted to run away. I thought she could take me with her; I thought she would take me with her. Back then, I still loved her. She was still her when father wasn't there. I ran to my room and started packing too. I was delusional and naïve enough to think that she actually loved me. She didn't. I packed all my favourite things and I was smiling, actually smiling.
"When I heard her run down the stairs, I grabbed my bag and ran after her. She was looking for her keys but she turned around when she saw me with my bag. She frowned. I said, 'Shouldn't we wait for Bes?', not wanting to leave my big brother; he wouldn't do that to me. She put down the bags and came up to me and held my face in her hands. They were soft. She just looked at me and didn't have the words to break my spirit. The worst thing was, when I looked into her eyes she actually had emotion and she did feel things, so why did she never care for me? She turned around and hunted for the keys again. She found them and started putting her things in the car. She didn't put mine in.
"On the last bag, I grabbed her hand and tried to pull her back in. Why weren't we waiting for Bes? We had to wait for him. We couldn't leave him. But that wasn't the plan. She was going to leave us. There was no 'we'. We were no team. I was hysterical. I was crying. I was pulling her grey cardigan and it tore. I still have that piece of grey. She had to go before dad got back, and she knew that, and I was preventing that. So she got me away from her the only way she knew how. She hit me. Smack, right across my face. I fell back in shock. She left.
"I sat on the stairs with my bags around me and the piece of cardigan in my hand. But I stopped crying because I didn't feel a thing. I didn't care anymore. I felt nothing and it scared me. I was empty. When I caught my reflection in the button sewed into the grey material, I saw a monster not myself. But I felt nothing. I looked to our family portrait where we seemed happy and I wanted to act like that again. Then Bes came back from your house. Then father came back. Then I was hurt. Then there was silence. Then I went to bed and you were there. You were always there."
I didn't think Cato was going to say anything. What do you say to that? But he did. He pulled me closer into him so my head lay on his shoulder, and he wiped away the fresh tears from my face. His breath came close to my ear and he spoke in a sweet voice, "And I always will be."
He removed his arm from around me and lay back down, motioning for me to do the same. I rested my head on his shoulder, my hand on his bare chest and my leg over his leg. I didn't even bother to pull down his shirt. He pulled the blanket up nice and high around us. Before we went to sleep, he turned his head to look at me making our faces so close, and he brushed my cheek with his hand.
"Try not to have any more nightmares, okay?" He joked lightly.
"I'll try. Usually I don't when you're here."
"Good." He smiled, "Tell me one thing though, okay?"
"Okay…" I replied feeling hesitant.
He smirked playfully, "When did you get so damn gorgeous?"
I hit his arm as it rubbed my side under the shirt I was wearing. "Shut up."
He pulled it back and rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Oh no, that's right. You were just born looking like an angel."
I hit him again but not hard. We both laughed before falling into comfortable silence. Slowly I was drifting into sleep but his voice brought me out of it. "Seriously though, I feel unbelievably lucky every night I spend in your bed with you. I mean, how many guys in the world do you trust that much?"
"Not many." I mumbled. We both knew he was the only one.
His fingers tingled as they brushed my neck. "Good. It makes me feel more privileged."
"The only reason I trust you is because you made me." I mumbled sleepily.
"I made you?"
"Yes by showing up at my window every night."
He laughed lightly, "Well I can't deny that. Now get some sleep."
"I'm trying to."
I snuggled my face into his neck and he let out a sigh. The need to be close to him was overpowering, so I continued shuffling trying desperately to push us as close together as possible. In the end, I was on his arm with my head touching his, his leg squeezed between my two, and my hand on his hip keeping him pressed against me. I could tell he liked the position.
When I woke up I found us in a similar position. The difference was that my leg was now bent so it lay over his crotch and his hand held it there. I also found myself lying on top of him slightly. His light snoring signalled to me that he was still fast asleep. I reached my hand up to touch his face. My fingers memorized every inch of the skin on his face before winding down his neck and onto his chest. I moved them over every muscle there, feeling them beneath my fingertips. The distraction was so great that I didn't even notice when his snoring stopped. I gently pulled the sheets down to reveal his entire chest but still kept my bare ass covered. When my fingers brushed the muscles of his abdomen, he shivered.
"Jeez, I'm feeling a bit invaded." I blushed at being caught.
His fingers captured my chin and made me look up into his eyes. They were smiling, quite the contrast to yesterday. My body still ached but I didn't mention that else it would ruin his dazzling smile.
The hand holding my leg started gently running back and forth making me just a little bit turned on since I wasn't even wearing underwear. His expression shifted as if he was just noticed something. His other hand brushed down my back until he reached bare skin and his eyes filled with that common look of his that I was still yet to place.
"Clove?" His voice was low and husky, making my body tingle. I gazed up at him innocently as his fingers gripped my skin. "How covered up are you right now?"
I bit my lip and he just stared at me when I did. "Not very," I admitted. He let out a moan at my answer and his fingers tightened. It was quite the reaction to two simple words.
The hand on my back slipped under the shirt and traced the skin there. I don't know whether it was because he had cold fingers or something else, but I shivered. His eyes darkened and suddenly I found myself on my back with my legs balanced on his hips as he pressed himself between my legs. His hands rested on either side of my body. The lack of clothing made the attention he showed there count. I could barely breathe with the contact. His head dipped and I thought he was going to kiss me but he didn't. Instead his lips grazed my neck. The intimate position reminded me of my dream making my cheeks tinge pink. Seeing his toned chest above me really turned me on. I was ashamed with myself that he had managed to make me hot-and-bothered, but the truth is he did. No wonder the girls couldn't keep themselves away from him. He kept kissing my neck and I had to bite my lip to not moan. It was disgusting the effect he had on me; I hated it. In my mind, I convinced myself that it wasn't about him but about the fact that he was quite simply male and I was inexperienced.
When his hand grabbed my hip, all the pain of yesterday hit me like a brick and I hit his hand away. He pulled back immediately and rolled off me. We just lay side-by-side, breathing heavily. The silence was suffocating but I refused to speak. How could I have let him do that to me? I could still feel the way he'd pressed himself against my most sensitive area. How could I let my brother's man-whore best friend touch me like that?
"I'm sorry." He whispered, "I…err…didn't mean for that to happen. I just-"
I cut him off. "You just haven't gotten any recently and being in bed with a half-naked girl just got to you? Don't worry. I get it. Well I don't but-"
He cut me off by rolling on top of me again, and pinning my arms above my head. "You think that's why that happened?"
"Yes."
"So you don't think it could possibly have anything to do with the fact that you're unbelievably sexy and I have a hard time controlling myself around you especially when I've had you naked in my arms, you're wearing my shirt, you're cuddled up to me all night and the fact that I am not allowed to have you? You don't think those things have anything to do with it?" He stared at me and for a second (if that) I believed him. But then I remembered that he probably used those sorts of lines on everyone.
"No."
He looked away from me, "See I thought you were smart Clove."
He was really pissing me off. I hated when he used his 'pulling lines' on me. That was what daytime-Cato was like and I hated him. "Get off me please."
He huffed but complied. I slowly slipped out the sheets, quickly shoving the shirt down over my ass. I could feel Cato's eyes on me as I walked but I pretended like I didn't. My body ached and cried out as I walked. Before I even reached my wardrobe I had to stop. I was in too much pain. Cato must have seen this since he immediately leapt up and rushed to me.
"You okay?"
I gripped the drawer harder. I gave my reply through gritted teeth, "I'm fine."
I attempted to prove my point by walking away from him but my legs didn't want to move. Walking a few paces was in agony and, after seconds as long as years, Cato put his hands on my hips gently because he remembered I was in pain. The movement stopped me. He bent down to whisper in my ear, "You have nothing to prove."
Realising he was right, I let my body go limp so he supported me entirely. Slowly, he guided me back to sit on the bed. I let him. Then we both turned as we heard Bes shout something. I couldn't make out what he'd said though. Then came a knock on my bedroom door.
"Who is it?" I shouted with nervousness seeping into my voice. It couldn't be father could it? Usually he'd be out on Sundays.
"Lucy."
Cato and I exchanged a confused look but I shrugged and gestured for Cato to unlock it. She already knew so there was no reason why she couldn't come in. Though, I didn't think about the fact that I was naked aside from Cato's shirt and he was in only his underwear; it would have been a good thing to consider.
The door opened timidly and she peered in before bringing her whole body in. Her eyes seemed to go wide at what we were wearing but she didn't comment. Instead, she made her way to sit down next to me on the bed. Another thing that I didn't consider was my many injuries and I wasn't ready to tell her all of the truth just yet. Even Cato didn't know everything yet.
We sat in silence before Cato turned to her and said, "You better not tell anyone."
It sounded like it was to save his pride but he had no problem with telling people; it was me that had the problem. I was far too embarrassed to share that information with people, although we were both agreed that it was for the best that Bes didn't know.
"I won't. I wouldn't know what to tell them anyway."
"We're not dating." I was quick to say. Cato shot me a glare as it was clear that her knowing that was more important than anything else.
"Then why does he sleep in your bed?" She asked, turning to me.
"Err…" I couldn't think of a valuable reason. I couldn't tell her the real reason, could I?
"She pities me, that's why," Cato suddenly spoke. "I mean, I show up at her window every night practically begging to be let in and over the past eight years, I suppose I broke her down."
"Eight years?!" She said, looking to me. "But I thought you hated him?"
I glanced to Cato who was now content in staring awkwardly at the floor.
"Well yes…sort of."
"And you," She continued, pointing accusingly at Cato who looked up, "Why on Earth do you come to her window every night?"
He rubbed his neck uncomfortably, "Who wouldn't? She's fucking gorgeous. And she's the only girl who's never showed an interest; I like that." He made sure to catch my eye when he said, "From the first time we met, it was only ever her."
That got me. "Only ever me?!" I yelled, standing up awkwardly, "Only ever me!? Bullshit! You fuck girls every fucking night, and what? It's only ever been me, has it?!"
"Clove, sit down. You're going to hurt yourself." He replied calmly, pushing me back to sit on the bed.
"Hurt herself? What's wrong, Clove?" She asked with concern, turning to me. I scowled at Cato.
"Nothing. Don't worry about it."
"No. What happened, Clove? You're hurt!"
"I…err…"
"She fell…down the stairs." My scowl changed to a grateful look in Cato's direction. Thank God he'd thought of something. Nothing had come to mind as to why I'd hurt myself so badly.
"Are you ok? Do you need to go to the doctors?"
"God no!" She gave me a doubtful look, "I'm fine, honestly. Don't worry. I'm fine."
"Okay…if you're sure."
"I'm sure."
"Back to the matter at hand then." She looked between Cato and I, "So…do you guys shag or what?"
I flushed crimson. "No! Oh God no. We don't. I mean I'm a…No we don't."
"Okay. I mean honestly, I didn't think you were that easy anyway. The only reason I ask is because…well what you're wearing, and what I…err…heard the other day."
"Like I could ever win Cloverfield over. She's way too good for me." Cato mumbles, but we still catch it, and both Lucy and I raise our eyebrows at the statement. I know it's just a line though. A lie.
"Anyway, I'm gonna go. I still have so much homework for tomorrow."
As she's leaving, I can't help but ask, "You're not going to tell anyone, are you?"
"No Clove. I won't. But you can't tell anyone why I'm always over here."
"What do you mean?"
"Never wondered why I was in Bes' room that early?" And with that statement, she left. I sat there with my brow creased with the million dollar question that I just didn't know the answer to.
"Come on Clove. You need to get dressed." Cato wrapped his arms around me and pulled me up. It was unspoken that I would surely need help getting changed. It was also unspoken that this meant I'd be naked. His fingers wrapped around the top button of the shirt but he stopped, "Do you trust me?"
"Yes." I said, with a quiet voice. He undid the button, and then the next, and then the next. He stopped because I was shaking.
"Clove, are you okay?" I nodded. "You don't look it."
He sighed and closed his eyes. I only had to trust that they really were shut. I guided his fingers back to the buttons though I could have easily undone them myself. When they were all undone, his hands pushed the material over my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. I was naked. He was in only his underwear.
I don't know why I said it but I did. "You know, you're the only person who has ever been allowed to touch me in an intimate way."
"I know. That's why I'm the luckiest guy in the world."
"I don't know why I trust you but I do. I trust you more than anyone. You've fucked thousands of girls and for some reason I think that you don't want sex with me."
"You're right Clove." He said to my surprise.
"I am?"
He leaned in, "I don't want sex with you. I never wanted that. I can get that from plenty girls. But you know what I do want? Since the first time I noticed girls like that, I've wanted to make love to you."
His words took away any other words I had. I didn't believe him. I didn't want to believe him. His eyes were still tightly shut. I didn't believe him. He was lying. He always lied. It was a line.
I found two words from somewhere. They weren't meant to be spoken but they were, they slipped out, "Prove it."
That was all it took. Slowly, his hands reached forwards and pulled me into him. I was sure he was just going to ravish me right there but he didn't because that wouldn't have proved it. His eyes were still shut as our bodies were pulled flush against each other, making him moan. He kissed down my neck and across my shoulder, right down my left arm. The wounds on my skin felt like nothing. He kissed all the way back up until he was kissing and sucking the skin of my neck. Then he found my jaw where he found my cheek. His lips slid across my face until they were inches from my mouth. He was waiting for permission. He wanted to kiss me and all I had to do was tell him yes.
He pulled back but his eyes were still shut.
"Do you believe me?"
A/N DON'T HATE ME! I only ended it there cos I didn't know what to write. Sorry. This was probably a really bad chapter. I might just delete it. Oh well. Reviews are very much appreciated.
Thanks to the Guest who suggested that Clato fic. I've not read it all but it's really good. Thanks.
ME4427
