Disclaimer: They aren't mine ... wish they were.
Back at the house, Olivia hid out in the yard playing with the envelope Melinda had given her twenty minutes ago before she darted off to a crime scene. Melinda had given no indication as to the results which had terrified Olivia and as someone came out to the yard she shoved the envelope into her pocket.
"It's only me, Liv," Don said, sitting down on the ledge beside her.
"Hi," she sighed and tried to pull herself together.
"How are you doing?" he asked, slipping his arm around her and holding her as she fought to stop the tears.
"Got an easier question?" she muttered, resting her head on his.
"Yeah, I do," he replied. "Do you love him?" She nodded. "He love you?" She nodded again. "Good, I'm glad."
Even when the rain began to drizzle yet again, Don and Olivia sat there; little was said.
"Hey, boss," Fin said coming out the door. "Oh, sorry, didn't mean to disturb…"
"It's okay, Fin," Olivia said, sitting up and beckoning him over.
"What's up?" asked Don, as Fin moved to stand in front of them.
"Just wondering when you wanted to go…" he said, the men had all come together.
"How long have we been here?" Olivia asked, having lost all sense of time.
"Two hours … give or take," he replied. "What are your plans?"
She shook her head. "I want to do the best thing for everyone … but…"
"I'd say El's about ready to go … he was searching everywhere for you about five minutes ago…" Fin offered.
Slowly, Olivia pulled the envelope from her pocket and looked between the two men.
"You think he's ready for whatever this holds?"
"Melinda?" Don questioned and Olivia nodded. "Did she say?" Olivia shook her head.
"I thought you'd abandoned me," John said appearing on the back steps. "Liv, you… um… I think you need to …"
"Where?" Olivia asked, standing up and putting the envelope into her pocket.
"Maureen's room," he answered.
"Is it Elliot or Mo?" she asked, climbing the steps.
"It's…" he began.
"Oh, Liv, there you are," said Michael opening the back door. "Can you go to…"
"Maureen's room?" she supplied.
"Yeah, how did you know?" he asked, looking at the men.
"I'm a detective," she smiled. She stopped at the back door to look back at Don. "Thanks," she mouthed.
.
The number of people in the house had dwindled by the time Olivia made her way up to Maureen's bedroom, Michael trailing behind her.
"You think you can get her to stop crying?" he asked as Olivia went to open the door.
"Yeah … or make it worse," she whispered. "I have the results in my pocket."
"Oh god," he groaned. He wanted this to be over but he wasn't ready for what might come if things went bad. "You going to do this here?"
"No, I think we get as much distance between them and this place, just in case," she said.
"We?" he echoed.
"Yeah, you ready to go?" she asked and he nodded. "We won't tell them I have the results just yet. You take Mo, I'll take El and we'll meet at my place, okay?"
"Yeah, sounds like a plan, Stan … Olivia… sorry, it's just a thing Mo says all the time…" Michael apologised, he didn't know what his problem was. Usually he was confident and self assured but around Olivia and Elliot he was a wreck.
Opening the door, Olivia found Maureen laying face down on her bed, crying into her pillow whilst Elliot sat on the floor beside her, his hand holding hers. His head resting on the dresser behind him, his eyes closed.
"Hey," Olivia said quietly. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," he smiled wearily, opening his eyes.
"How are you guys doing?" she asked as she sat on the bed and rubbed Maureen's back. Maureen muttered something into the pillow and Elliot shrugged.
"I think…" she began slowly, "that I'm going to go home and I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me."
"Yes, please," Elliot answered quietly, it was enough to get Maureen to roll over and face them.
"You're not leaving me here alone are you?" she asked, sitting up staring at her dad.
"Course not, Mo," Olivia answered for him. "Mike's here and you're more than welcome to come over too. Maybe we can just hang out … maybe order pizza or Chinese. I know none of us has eaten much today. How does that sound?"
Maureen nodded gratefully. She'd had enough of this day, this house and the people milling around below.
.
It took Elliot twenty minutes to get to the front door of the house as his twins were reluctant to let him go but he promised them they would spend the following day together and that consoled them. After saying goodbye to various friends, relatives and their colleagues, Elliot and Olivia made it to the door before Kathy stopped them.
"I'll be in the car," Olivia said, not even looking at Kathy.
"Elliot, I'm sorry for what I said this morning…I never …" she began.
"Save it, Kathy. I'm not interested in your apologies … your excuses or you…" he hissed.
"Please, Elliot, you have to know…" she protested grabbing his arm.
Quickly he broke her grip. "The only thing I have to know at this point is whether Maureen's mine or not … got an answer for me?" he spat.
"She's yours," Kathy whimpered. "I know she's yours."
"And is that like Eli was or not? I mean is there any chance and I mean any chance she's not mine either?" he said, pointing to his eldest daughter.
Kathy sobbed. "I'm so sorry, El…there's a chance… only a tiny one …"
"You fucking bitch…" he seethed, his ability to think beyond his own anger and to conduct himself in a more suitable manner, given the occasion, gone.
"El, please believe me when I…" she began.
"Believe you," he scoffed. "You want me to believe you? You have a fucking nerve," he yelled, not caring they were now the centre of attention. "First, I find out that my youngest child is not mine and now you agree there's a chance the eldest one's not either," he continued yelling. "What about the other three? Are they mine or have you been fucking around the whole time we've been together?"
Her choking sobs took her voice and it was her brother, Walt, who came to intervene. "Look, Elliot, I think you should go before this gets out of hand," he said wrapping an arm around Kathy.
"Before it gets out of hand?" Elliot retorted. "Think that happened a long time ago."
"I know you're upset…" he soothed.
"I don't give a fuck about what you know…" he spat, grabbing the door knob.
"Dad," called Dickie from the kitchen doorway. Elliot stopped and turned to him, as angry as he was with Kathy he couldn't take it out on his kids.
"Yes, son," he said pointedly. "I can call him that, can't I, Kathy?" he hissed, she just sobbed.
"We can still see you tomorrow, can't we?" he asked, his chin quivering.
"Course you can," he said, moving from the door and hugging him tightly. "I love you, Dickie," he whispered, kissing the boy's head.
"Love you too, dad," he replied, holding onto him for a little longer.
After kissing and hugging Liz and Kathleen, Elliot spoke quietly to Maureen who was just stunned by the whole exchange. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Olivia standing there in tears. She had heard everything.
"Get me out of here," he spat, grabbing her hand and dragging her towards the car.
"El," she protested as she lost her footing.
"What?" he hissed wheeling around.
"Hey! It's me you're talking to," she reminded him.
"Sorry," he said, shaking his head.
"I know you're wound up but, if you don't loosen your hold on me, you'll break a bone," she said, looking down at the vice like grip he had on her hand.
"Oh god, Liv, I'm so sorry," he said, pulling her hand up to his chest and rubbing it. "Did I hurt you?"
"It's okay …at least I can still manage to drive," she smiled but he saw no humour in it.
Olivia moved into him, draping her arms around his shoulders. "I am going to take you home and hold you forever, that alright with you?"
"More than alright," he said kissing her head. "I'm so sorry about…"
"Don't apologise, baby," she whispered. "I understand."
.
Olivia had barely managed to close her apartment door behind her when Elliot embraced her tightly. He dropped his head, nuzzling into the crook of her neck, and just held her. There were no tears, no words, no caresses; he just held her and breathed a little easier when she held him back.
"Can I get you something?" she whispered to him. "Coffee? Beer? Whiskey?"
"Got everything I need right here," he mumbled, his breath tickling her neck.
"You want to move to the sofa or…" she trailed as she felt him shake his head. "Okay," she whispered and just continued to hold him as closely and as tightly as he was holding her.
Minutes past … two… five….ten, before he finally pulled back.
"God, I'm glad today's over," he whispered, leaning his forehead on hers, his fingers lacing through hers.
"You hanging in there?" she replied in hushed tones, gently swinging their arms.
"Yeah …" he sighed, his breath moving her hair. "Glad it's just you and me now."
The words were barely out of his mouth when the buzzer sounded.
"That'll be Maureen and Michael," she said, a new edge to her voice before pulling away to let them up.
"Was there another reason you asked them here?" he questioned, moving with her to the door before leaning on it wearily.
"Mike and I chatted before we went into Mo's room, agreed to bring you both back here," she admitted, chewing on her bottom lip.
"Why?" he asked, pulling her closer to him.
"Mel gave me an envelope with the results when she got called to the job … thought you two would rather do this here, away from everyone…" she acknowledged, caressing his face tenderly noting just how much he'd aged in one week.
"Did she … I mean, was there any indication … you know…when she…" he stumbled.
"No, baby," she said gently, "she didn't."
"Do they know you have the results?" he asked, knocking his head on the door.
"Mike does but not Mo … and I doubt he would have told her," Olivia said leaning on him.
Elliot closed his eyes as tears burned his eyelids. He was not going to cry, not now, not again. Right at this point he didn't know if there was anything to cry about … well, he knew there was but he didn't know if they would be happy tears or not … and at this very moment, as his heart clenched and his stomach churned, he wasn't sure if he was ready to find out.
His eyes fluttered opened as Olivia's soft, full lips brushed against his, delicately trying to extract his pain. "You ready for this?" she asked, her hand snaking behind his neck and cradling his head.
"Can you ever be ready?" he croaked, the nervous thumping in his chest resounding in his ears.
"We don't have to do this tonight," she continued. "Mo doesn't know, so we can wait … until you're up to it." Her fingers played through his hair.
"Don't know if that day will ever come, Livia," he sighed, kissing her ear.
Any further discussion was curtailed by the knocking on the door behind him. Olivia gently tugged him forward as her other hand found the doorknob. A raised eyebrow and a certain tilt of her head and he nodded, he was as ready as he ever would be.
"Hey Maureen, Michael, come on in," Olivia said, sliding her arm around Elliot's waist as she pulled the door open.
"Thanks for asking us over, Liv," Maureen replied. "Really didn't want to be anywhere else."
"Well, you're always welcome here, both of you," she said with a smile, gesturing towards the sofa. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Something stronger?"
Maureen caught the look exchanged between Michael and Olivia before the subtle look she gave Elliot.
"Something tells me I'm going to need something stronger," she sighed, slumping onto the sofa.
"I'll get them," offered Elliot, letting go of Olivia and heading to the kitchen, glad for this slight reprieve from the inevitability of the results.
"So, you know?" Maureen asked, as Olivia sat on the arm of the nearby chair.
"Not yet, honey, but we will in a minute," she replied, pulling the folded envelope from her pocket.
"Did…did Melinda say anything?" she stammered, as Michael settled on the sofa next to her.
"No, Maureen, she just gave it to me when she had to go," she said, smiling at Elliot as he came in with the first two glasses. He handed one to Maureen and one to Michael before getting the other two.
Handing Olivia hers, he smiled nervously, before sitting down on the other side of his daughter. Closing his eyes he breathed in deeply, two, three, four times, taking in what could well be his last few moments as the father of the young woman sitting next to him.
"Whatever they say, you'll always be my dad," Maureen whispered, kissing his cheek, bringing him out of his contemplation.
"You ready for this?" he asked her, his deep blue, tear filled eyes looking back at him.
"Nope," she shrugged, "but let's do it anyway."
Olivia moved over and sat on the coffee table in front of them, offering them the much anticipated envelope. Elliot and Maureen glanced at each other before looking back at Olivia.
"Want me to do it?" she offered, as she watched Elliot take hold of his daughter's hand. They nodded in unison. She couldn't help but smile at the matching blue eyes reflecting the same emotions. It may not be as conclusive as DNA but she knew Elliot's eyes as well as she knew her own, and they were the ones she saw on Maureen's face.
Slowly, she tore the end from the envelope and carefully pulled out the folded sheet of paper it contained. As she unfolded it, she glanced up at the three members of her captive audience, and took a deep breath.
"Okay," she breathed. "It says …"
Elliot could hear her talking, he could see her lips move and could follow her eyes as they scanned the words which could change his life. What he couldn't do was mesh all three things to figure out what she was saying. Intently, he studied her face, trying to see if any semblance of emotion was registering; was she happy? Sad? Disappointed? Relieved?
But nothing was happening.
"Oh, thank god, daddy!" He heard his daughter exclaim excitedly before she dropped her glass and flung her arms around her father … daddy… daddy ...thank god … excited … it was beginning to register. "Breathe, daddy," she giggled. "It's all good. I'm yours."
"You're mine," he mumbled trying to take it in. "I know you're mine, honey," he recovered, "I know. I love you so much, Maureen." He kissed her head repeatedly. "I love you, honey."
"Love you too, dad," she whispered, hugging him tightly.
The stress of the day and the relief of the outcome had drained Maureen completely as she slumped exhaustedly onto his chest. Elliot gently caressed her face before brushing her hair back.
"I'll just clean up this," Olivia said quietly, moving to pick up Maureen's discarded glass.
"Sorry, Liv," she muttered, moving to help.
"No, stay there with your father," she grinned, merely at the knowledge she could use that term accurately. "Mike will help, won't you?" she added, as he stood up.
"Sure will." Michael kissed his girlfriend's head before offering his hand to Elliot.
"I'm glad it turned out this way, Mr Stabler," he said, shaking Elliot's hand.
"Me too," Elliot replied, kissing his daughter's head again.
Olivia returned from the kitchen with paper towel to soak up the pooled liquid.
"I'll get it, Liv," Michael offered, taking the towel from her and dabbing the whiskey.
"I'm so happy," Olivia grinned, leaning in to kiss the tired and weary heads of father and daughter. Neither of them spoke but the smiles she got in return spoke volumes.
The next hour drifted by with idle chatter from tired voices. Olivia checked the time and sighed deeply, it was only 4:00 PM, still a long time before bed.
"I don't know about anybody else," she started, "but I'm exhausted."
"Mmm, me too," Maureen moaned, still leaning on her father.
"Well, given no one has had much sleep in the last few days, what's say we grab a couple of hours sleep and then sort out dinner later?"
"Sounds good to me," yawned Michael, stretching in the arm chair.
"Yeah," nodded Elliot, kissing his daughter's head as she extracted herself from the sofa.
Maureen got to her feet and embraced Olivia warmly.
"Thank you Livvy," she whispered. "For looking after my dad."
"My pleasure," she whispered in response, watching the man in question stand up and yawn.
"We'll go so you can get some sleep," Maureen said, rubbing a hand across her heavy eyes.
"Don't be silly," she replied, slipping her arm around the younger woman's back and leading her towards the guestroom. "You and Mike can sleep in here."
"What about dad?" she asked as Olivia opened the door.
"He … um … he can sleep in my bed," she replied, not sure if Maureen was ready for the change in her father's relationship with his partner.
"No, not that …I mean, he and mom were really strict about not having boys in our rooms or sleeping over," Maureen whispered, stealing a look back to her father.
"Well, this is my home and you're an adult. Anyway, if you're as exhausted as me nothing is going to happen," she smiled, ushering her into the room.
"It's beautiful, Liv," she said, taking in the bright and floral room in front of her.
"Go sleep," she said, kissing Maureen's head. "Mike," she called, turning back. "This is your room too."
Michael's eyes darted between the room and Elliot. He had dated Maureen for long enough to know the rules enforced in the house in Queens. It didn't matter that Maureen was twenty four and responsible, her parents had firm ideas of what went on under their roof and lying in bed with one of their daughters was a definite no.
"Come on," Olivia encouraged. "It's not a problem."
"You sure? I mean I can take the sofa … oh no, of course, that's where you'll be, Mr Stabler. I can stay in the armchair…" he stumbled.
"It's okay, Mike, go," Elliot finally said, knowing his daughter needed Michael as much as he needed Olivia. "And call me Elliot."
"Yes, sir, thank you, Mr … Elliot," he said, shaking Elliot's hand and heading towards the guest room.
When Olivia had made sure they had everything they needed, she closed the door and looked towards Elliot who hadn't moved.
"So," she grinned. "You gonna take the sofa or want to go in there with me?" she asked tilting her head in the direction of her bedroom.
"Do you even have to ask?" he smiled wearily, moving towards her.
"Well, you seem to have strong ideas about who can share rooms," she smiled, taking his arm as he approached her.
"Only when it comes to my daughters," he whispered, walking to her room.
"Your daughters… must feel good to say that," she said, opening her door. He grinned widely as she closed the door. "So how are you really feeling, right now?"
"Good…sorta."
Elliot headed towards the bed. He toed off his shoes before undoing his tie and throwing it on her chair. He untucked his shirt before unbuttoning it and tossing it as well. Unbuckling his belt, he shed his trousers, draping them over the back of the chair. It was only then he turned back to find Olivia still standing in the same place, watching him.
"You wanna explain 'good…sorta'?" she questioned as he stood before her in black silk boxers and a white beater.
"You wanna get undressed and I'll tell you in bed?" he yawned, his head and body screaming for sleep.
As he climbed into bed, Olivia stripped out of her outfit before pulling on a lilac nightie over her bra and panties. Slowly, almost painfully, he opened his eyes.
"A nightie?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow, having missed the unveiling of her body. "You could have stayed in your underwear, like me."
"One thing at a time," she whispered, climbing in and nestling into him. He wrapped one arm around her as she settled her head on his chest; the fingers of his free hand, entwining with hers. He lifted their joined hands and kissed hers before placing them on his heart. "Good…sorta," she prompted when nothing came.
"You know how I think the whole multiple personalities thing is a load of crap?" he began quietly, resting his chin on top of her head.
"Aha," she murmured, squeezing his hand reassuringly.
"Might have to rethink it," he continued his voice heavy with fatigue.
"Why's that?" she asked, willing herself to stay awake for the conversation.
"'Cause at the moment I feel like there are four of me and I'm finding it really hard to keep them all in line," he admitted.
"Four?" Olivia questioned, she could account for two.
"Aha," he sighed, "four."
"Tell me," she replied. She tried to sit up but he held her tighter so she just settled in his arms once more.
"Well," he began slowly. "I'm Maureen's father and I'm ecstatic about that … I want to go to the roof and yell it to the city and celebrate it…"
"You can do that," Olivia cooed, pulling gently on his beater.
"But then there's being Eli's father, or not being, and that kills me. It's hard enough knowing I wasn't his real dad but I had to bury him today… DNA aside, I had to bury my son, Liv … my baby … he was so beautiful… I'd look at him and think this was God saying to me I had a second chance … that He was giving me Eli so I could do for him what I couldn't with the others … you know … be there for him … not spend countless hours at the precinct … And now he's gone and there's this huge hole …not only in my heart but in my soul … in my life … and I want to curl into a ball and just cry," he admitted, surprising himself that he was being so open with Olivia.
"You can do that too, baby," she soothed, her hand rubbing his chest.
Olivia fought back her tears, she had known he was torn between the two… celebrating the relationship with one child, mourning another and trying to do it in unison. What she didn't know was the other two 'personalities' to which he had referred.
"Then," he continued of his own accord. "Then there's this whole thing with Kathy…and I hate her so much right now … I didn't realise it was possible to hate someone you once loved so much. She knew … and that's what kills me … she knew there was a strong chance he wasn't mine and not only does she not tell me, she names the goddamned kid after me. It makes a fucking joke of his whole life … lie after lie - his conception, his name, his life … and mine."
This time, Olivia did move and reposition herself onto his chest, holding his face in her hands.
"I'm so sorry," she soothed as he gave into the tears he was battling.
"And then…then… then…" he stuttered, needing to get it all out, needing to clear his head of the convoluted mess which had been swirling for days.
"Then what, honey?" she encouraged as he shook his head from side to side. "What?"
"The fourth one … is you…" he trailed, finally bringing his eyes to meet with hers.
"Me?" she asked breathlessly.
"I love you …" he whispered.
"Me too," she replied, now scared as hell.
"No," he shook his head, his brow furrowing.
"I don't love you?" she asked, pulling his face back to hers.
"No…no… you do … I meant … oh, shit…" He rolled his head back and shut his eyes, trying to remember he had to breathe.
Olivia massaged his temples and waited for his eyes to open once more.
"Start again," she encouraged when he finally looked at her.
"With Mo, I feel like I'm going to explode with happiness…with Eli, I want to …well, you know," he began slowly. Olivia nodded. "With Kathy I feel so much hate and disappointment and with you … I'm consumed with this aching need … this love … and …um…and regret…"
"Regret?" she echoed, her heart constricting.
"Yeah, regret … that I ever stayed with her that night, that any of this happened," he whispered.
"You regret me for that?" she asked, her brow furrowing.
"I regret that I have wasted so much time when it comes to you. I've been in love with you for a long time, Livia," he admitted, swiping his thumb across her cheek to remove her tears. "A long time … and through the separation I let myself think that maybe, just maybe, you thought the same way … and then I fucked it all up that night …and…"
"I can't do anything about the past, El," she whispered, gently kissing away his tears. "But I'm here now … I'm with you … I'm in love with you … please don't regret me…"
"It's not you I regret, I could never regret you … I regret not being with you … sooner …" his voice was lost as her lips claimed his.
"Then let's not waste any more time," she muttered into his mouth.
Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review!
This is the end of the first instalment, there'll be a second part which picks up 12 months later. I'll start posting that in a couple of weeks. As a thank you to those who have reviewed each chapter, i'll include a preview in my review reply.
