Okay I think this is my longest chapter yet lol! This chapter is written in part like things, hence the length of it. I didn't want to squeeze all of it together or make three separate exceedingly small chapters so I split it, but its all still one chapter obviously. Well, I hope you enjoy it...I've been writing this in my free time at school so I hope its okay =]

It's now been about a week and a half since the shower CeeCee had thrown for me and I still didn't unpack any of the boxes that contained all of the gifts Paul and I received. I really didn't feel like unpacking any of them but I guess I probably should since tomorrow is my wedding. WHOA WHAT?!!

HOLY SHIT, I thought to myself, everything starting to kick in. My wedding is tomorrow. I'm marrying Paul!!!

After the shock of that abrupt thought went away, I cranked up my stereo and start to slowly unpack all of the gifts. While doing the unpacking, I started to think about tomorrow. I wasn't really nervous about getting married… I know he loves me and that he'll take good care of me, hopefully anyway. But I actually never thought that I'd marry Paul… of all people.

As I continued to think and unpack, the doorbell rang which made me jump at its loudness. I got up from sitting on the floor and realized that I was completely surrounded by boxes and wrappings. Carefully walking over all of the stuff, trying not to trip and fall on my face, I finally got to the door.

After opening it, I was immediately greeted with a kiss. "Hey babe," Paul said entering my house.

"Hi," I said in surprise. "What are you doing here?" He was supposed to be out with his brother picking up their tuxes for tomorrow.

"I just dropped Jack off at my parents and thought I'd come and see my bride- to- be," he flashed me a crooked smile.

I smiled back at him and kissed him again. "Well, since you're here," I said pulling away, "You can do me a huge favor."

Paul got a mischievous look on face and right away I knew what he was thinking. "Well," he said with a very husky voice, "What do you need me to do?"

I took his hand and pulled him into the living room…instantly his shoulders dropped and appeared disappointed. "What the hell is all this? Did you rob a department store or something?"

I swatted him on the head and laughed, "No stupid, its gifts from my shower. If you don't mind, I'd like you to take all those boxes," I said pointing to one end of the living room, "And put them out for the garbage."

He sighed heavily and shook his head. "You only started un-wrapping these NOW?" he said as he started to collect a load of empty boxes.

"Well I was busy with other stuff," I said. "And plus you know I can't stand unpacking stuff. When I first moved into this house, it took me over four months to finally get everything straightened out."

Paul rolled his eyes and kissed my cheek, "And that's one of the many reasons why I love you," whispered as he walked out to relieve the boxes.

While he was outside, I started taking the dishes and other dining things to the kitchen. After coming home from our honeymoon, Paul would move into my house, so I figured I'd get a head start in putting stuff away. I didn't have a China cabinet so even the good dishes and utensils that we'd received were going into cupboards. As I was finishing putting away everything, I jumped at the feel of arms snake around my waist.

"Jesus you scared me!" I said laughing.

Paul's laughter filled my ears. "Sorry about that. So," he started again, "Are you ready for the rehearsal dinner tonight?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I just have to figure out what I'm going to wear and how to do my hair and stuff." Paul smiled and brushed his lips against mine.

"Well I'm sure whatever you do you'll look beautiful…like always." I smiled, cupped his face with my hands, and brought his lips to mine again. Almost instantly, Paul began to deepen the kiss. His arms went around my waist, pulling me closer. His mouth moved rhythmically with mine as I dragged my arms up his chest and around his neck. He rapidly picked me up and set me down on the kitchen counter so he didn't have to bend anymore to reach me. He brought me closer to him as I wrapped my legs around his waist. It was complete bliss….but yet again…..

I pulled away breathing heavily; our foreheads touching.

Paul looked at me with a concerned face, "Are you okay?" He asked still gasping a little.

"Yeah," I whispered. "I just.....I still have some stuff to do before the dinner tonight."

Paul looked at me again and sighed, "Right, me too. Well, I guess I'll leave you to do whatever then. I'll be back at around six okay?"

I swallowed hard and nodded, "Kay," I whispered.

We untangled from each other and I walked him to the door. Before leaving Paul looked deeply into my eyes, "I love you."

I kissed him softly again and gave him a small smile, "Love you, too." With that, Paul got into his car and drove out of my driveway.

After shutting the door behind me, I slowly walked back to the living room and collapsed on the couch. What is wrong with me? I thought to myself. Every time Paul and I get into it, something inside me pulls me back. This hasn't just been happening lately, its all the time. Its almost like my head feels love for Paul...but my heart is still feeling for Jesse. All of this thinking must have been too much for my brain to handle because the next thing I know, the clock on my cable box read four thirty. Paul was supposed to pick me up at six.

"Shit!" I shrieked jumping off the couch.

I quickly rushed upstairs to my bathroom and got into the shower. After, I wrapped myself into my robe and quickly dried my hair. Finally getting through with that, I searched through my closet for a dress that I could wear. Seeing that the time was now five-ten, I started pulling clothes out looking. At last, I find a dress that would be perfect. It was a V-neck, knee-length dress that was black with gray in the middle. It also tied in the back with a silver and black belt.

Once I was dressed, I went into the bathroom to do my hair. I wasn't really sure what to do with it, so I curled loose curls into it first. Then I took the one side and swept it across to the other side and pinned it was a jeweled barrette so it looked like a side ponytail. After a few curl fixes and hair-spray, it looked pretty good. Realizing again that the time was now five forty five, not noticing how long my hair took, I put on my make-up and found my pair or strapy, black heels and put them on, and hurried downstairs. Just as I was getting my purse, the doorbell rang again. I quickly grabbed my coat and opened the door.

When I opened it, I see Paul standing there, mouth gapped open.

"What?" I asked wondering why he was looking at me so oddly.

"You look absolutely....gorgeous," Paul said with a smile growing on his face.

"Thanks, you look good too," I said liking his black dress pants and white button shirt. "So you ready to go?" Paul kissed my cheek, took my hand and nodded. "Yeah, lets go."

---XX---

Finally, after going to the church to go through the procession of the wedding ceremony, we headed down Paul's favorite fancy restaurant in town. We didn't have a big crowd with up (thank god), but it was still a nice group of people. These lovely people included: my parents, Paul's parents, Paul's brother Jack, my three brothers: Jake, Brad, and David, and of course CeeCee who brought (or should I say dragged) Adam. So I guess when you think about it, its a crowd but I didn't find it that big.

Once at the restaurant we asked for two tables of six and were taken back to be seated. After being given our menus, we picked a wine and food and the waitress left.

"So," my mom began, "Why did you pick this place to have the dinner?"

Paul looked at me and smiled, "It was the place I took her the night I proposed." He kissed my cheek and I smiled warmly.

My mom simply grinned and went back to talking to Paul's parents.

A few minutes later, the wine came and was poured into our glasses. When the waitress left, Jack clinked his water glass (his parents refused to let the waitress give him wine since he's only 14) with his spoon. "If you don't mind I'd like to say a few words to Paul and Suze." He smiled as us and I could feel my face as well as Paul's turn bright red.

"Anyway, I thought I'd just say that I'm siked for the both of you. I've obviously known Paul my entire life, but I only met Suze about six years ago. She was my sitter when we were staying here for the summer. She taught me how to swim and helped me through some problems I was having." He looked at me and I knew that he was talking about his mediator stuff. "She's awesome and I'm glad that she's marrying my brother. Uh....yeah that's it." Jack sat down, face for of embarrassment. I gave him a wink and he beamed at me.

After the everyone praised Jack for speaking, Brad cleared his throat. "Well if we're making speeches, I guess I'll do one since I'm the Best Man." Yeah of all people, Paul picks my most annoying brother Brad (or Dopey as I still call him) to be his Best Man. I would have rather him picked his own brother but I'm assuming his mom told him that Jack was still too young.

"Uh...." Brad began, "I don't know what I could possibly say to you guys. I don't know what Paul could possibly see in Suze," Andy, my step-dad, then hit Brad hard in the side making him wince. "Okay, okay... sorry...well then...congrats to Paul and Suze. Don't let her drive you insane." Everyone started laughing and I just glared at him. What an ass Brad is. You'd think that he would have matured after high school right? Well that didn't happen at all!

"Alright, alright," CeeCee started. "Its my turn...and you're lucky because I actually have something prepared." I rolled my eyes as Paul quietly laughed to himself. CeeCee would have a speech already prepared.

"Okay so," she began again. "Suze and I have been friends since our Sophmore year in high school. I've been there through her crazy times and her not so crazy times. I've seen her when she's happy and when she's down. And for a while she was not her bubbly self like everyone including me is used to."

I felt myself wince, knowing exactly what she was talkng about. After Jesse was gone I went through serious depression. I never left the house expect for school and I barely talked to anyone. No one knew what was wrong with me since no one knew about Jesse.

"And then," she continued. "Paul was able to help her during her depression. He brought her out of it." As she spoke my eyes filled with tears. "After the two started dating, I finally started to see the old Suze again...the one that was happy and full of life. She seemed okay again. So, "she continued. "I raise me glass here today to congratulate Paul and Suze. Paul, you gave Suze happiness, and I hope you continue to give her more. To Suze and Paul!"

"To Suze and Paul!," everyone chimed in and clinked glasses. Paul looked over at me and smiled at the tears in my eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked wiping the tears away with his thumb.

Truthfully though, I wasn't at all fine. CeeCee's speech had triggered the part in my heart that missed Jesse. Now, I miss him more than ever. No one knew what I went through after Jesse. Its true, I did go through the worst depression and I lost so much weight because I wasn't eating correctly. It still hurts everyday to think about those times and for a while I was able to block those days out. But, now everything is flooding back like a tidal wave.

"Yeah, "I whispered. "I'm okay. Her speech just....." I couldn't think of the right words. "Moved me. That's all." Paul kissed me lightly wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Okay. Are you sure there's nothing else wrong? You went ridged there for a second."

I shook my head, "No nothing else is wrong." Paul nodded and started talking to his dad.

I turned to CeeCee, "Thanks CeeCee, that was really nice." CeeCee smiled, "You're welcome...I thought you'd like it. And as your Made of Honor its my job to give a tear- jerker of a speech." She then laughed at herself.

I gave her an extremely small smile and we all continued to talk and eat our dinner, but I couldn't even taste the food. The thoughts were implanted in my head and I couldn't think of anything else besides Jesse being gone.

---XX---

After dinner was over, we paid our bill and went out to the parking lot. Once everyone was gone Paul and I said our goodbyes. Since CeeCee's really into the whole 'groom can't see bribe before wedding' deal CeeCee is staying over my house, to make sure Paul doesn't come lurking.

"I Love you," Paul said as he pulled me into a hug and kissed my head.

"Love you, too. Are you ready for tomorrow?" He pulled away from the hug, but still kept hold of my hands and smiled at me.

"More than ever Suze. I can't wait to be married to you." He said as his lips brushed mine.

I pulled away and looked at him. "Promise me one thing though..."

He looked back at me confused. "What's that?"

"Don't leave me hanging at the altar. No matter how nervous you get." He laughed and kissed my forehead.

"I won't I love you too much." I smiled and kissed him once more before letting go and getting into CeeCee's car and driving home.

The drive was quiet, I think both CeeCee and myself were worn from so much wedding planning. Getting a wedding together all in one month is extremely difficult but thankfully we were able to manage.

"So," CeeCee began, "Are you excited for tomorrow?" Was a excited? Yeah I guess. Nervous? HELL YES! But of course if I told CeeCee that she'd ask all kinds of questions on whether I was doubting getting married.

"Yeah...I am. I love Paul and I know he loves me more than anything." I said looking out the car window.

"I still can't believe you're getting married! It still hasn't sunk in yet to me."

I smiled. "Yeah, me neither." We both laughed and talked about tomorrow the rest of the way home.

Once, we pulled into my driveway, I got out of the car and helped her with her things. I unlocked my front door and we went into my house. My house is a two bedroom so CeeCee had her own room to sleep in. Which in my opinion, if I didn't have that spare room and made her sleep on the couch she wouldn't be here right now.

"Well I'm going to bed," CeeCee said starting up the stairs. "Good night Suze! Sleep tight!"

"Good night CeeCee." I hung up my coat and put my purse on the coffee table and went up to my room.

After showering and changing out of my dress and into my PJ's I layed down and turned my light off. But I couldn't fall asleep. I felt exhausted but I just couldn't sleep. CeeCee's speech and old thoughts kept buzzing around in my head. Then I started thinking about the wedding. I never used to think I would marry Paul...I always saw myself with Jesse for the rest of my life. And now that I'm about to marry Paul, I can't help but think how things would be different if Jesse were still here. Now with all those thoughts in my head, I knew there was no way I'd sleep. I took the picture of Jesse out from under my pillow and looked at it. I never realized how much I missed him until I realized that he wasn't the one I was marrying. I started to then picture how our wedding would have looked.

Thinking of those thoughts made we smile and relaxed me and soon I was finally able to fall asleep.

Wow, this chapter was long. Again I'm sorry it is this long but because the way I had it planned in my head I couldn't really separate any of this. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter! Review and let me know what you thought.