FYI, I don't think you can 'catch' the gay, it's just the kind of stupid thing I can imagine Puck saying. Okay? Okay!


Going for dinner with somebody else.


When Santana asked about the whole affair three days later, both Puck and Blaine had sworn blind it wasn't a date.

That said, their meal at Breadstix had felt very much like one. It was meant to be a nice meal for eight – Santana, Brittany, Mike, Artie and Tina were all coming to mark Puck's Birthday.

But then Santana and Brittany had dropped out, and Mike, Tina and Artie had flaked almost immediately after. Suspicious, but Blaine would let it slide. It didn't matter too much – there was still going to be a house party the next weekend, and Blaine knew the football boys were doing something special for him too, so Puck's Birthday wouldn't go uncelebrated – but Puck had looked like the world's scariest sad puppy when Blaine had told him they weren't going to Breadstix, so Blaine took pity and dragged Puck there anyway.

Between the two of them, they'd taken great pleasure in flirting their way to a free basket of onion rings. Conversation was flowing easily, and everything was going swimmingly right until halfway through the main course.

Blaine spotted the group the second they walked through the door. Chris Davies, Michael Wallis and Fred Truman; three of the most vicious and malicious bullies Hayes High had to offer, and the prime reason he'd transferred to Dalton. The three were with some girls, and Blaine hoped that would prevent anything from happening; nonetheless, he lowered his head slightly, shifting so that he was partially obscured by Puck's back. It was too late, though, Chris immediately nudging his friends and approaching. His hand, thick, with unclean nails and rough, calloused fingertips, clamped down on Blaine's shoulder in a faux friendly manner, and he squeezed far too hard.

"Hey Blaine." His voice was light, smile insincere. "How you doing, buddy? Long time no see."

"Chris, Michael, Fred." Blaine paused, lowering his cutlery and looking up at the newcomer. "It's been a while."

"Some things never change though, huh, Blanderson? Still playing for the wrong team, all these years later." His tone was still so casual, none of the other diners batted an eyelid, and Blaine's insides clenched nervously. "Where did you pick this one up, the trailer park?"

"Please leave." Blaine stated politely. Puck was frowning, brow low as he shifted his gaze between Chris and Blaine, muscles tense.

"I think you should be the one leaving, you greasy little rat." Chris switched to a hiss, voice low and grating, and Puck tensed. "We don't want any of your kind poisoning our Breadstix." Puck stood, sliding between Blaine and Chris so that he was practically nose-to-nose with the intruder. Puck rolled his shoulders back, stretching to full height, and he matched the intruder in both height and width. Chris stepped back slightly, removing his hand from Blaine's shoulder, and gave Puck a once over, sizing him up aggressively.

"Care to repeat that, asshole?" Puck rumbled. Chris glared over Puck's shoulder at Blaine, practically ignoring the man before him.

"I said, we don't want any fags in our Breadstix." The word was spat at Blaine with malice, and he winced slightly, moving to wince fully as he watched the angry, contorted face of the uninvited guest meet cold, hard fist.

Blaine didn't even have time to blink between Puck throwing the first punch and the chaos that descended around them. Chris was on the floor, clutching at his nose, and it was probably for the best, because Puck was only just managing to hold his own against the two goons standing. As Chris fought to stand upright again, Blaine squeezed out of the booth, clocking Michael with a swift uppercut to the face as soon as he was free. Chris joined in against Puck once more, but his moves were laboured, messy, and between the two of them, Blaine and Puck managed to avoid getting any serious hits.

It took far too long, in Blaine's opinion, but eventually the manager ran out, accompanied by two burly men, who managed to break up the fight. Chris, Michael and Fred snarled at the pair, but backed off almost immediately, grabbing their girls and heading straight for the car park. Blaine smiled, only frowning when he realised the manager was yelling at Puck.

"Witness reports say you threw the first punch." The burly men flanked the small manager, arms crossed at her waist angrily. "You're banned from this Breadstix for causing a disturbance." She stated, and Puck rolled his eyes. "Now leave, before I call the police!"

"No, this isn't fair, he was just reacting to their slurs!" Blaine pushed his way towards the quartet, trying to argue his point. "Call the police, tell them we want to report homophobic abuse!"

"Dude, shut the fuck up. I have a record." Puck hissed, shaking his head at the manager and pulling Blaine aside. "My word means shit to the Police, it would be your word against three, and your word sides with a Juvenile Delinquent. We need to leave." Puck grabbed Blaine by the scruff of his neck, steering him out of the restaurant and into the truck rapidly.

Puck reversed the truck out of the car park, skidding in and out of the three-point turn aggressively. He wasn't that mad, though, Blaine reasoned, because when he got to the Dairy Queen, he skidded through the Drive-Through and ordered two big Blizzards, and even Puck couldn't manage two of those.

Puck kept driving, remaining silent, and Blaine frowned as he hit the highway, heading in the opposite direction of either of their houses. It was gone 8pm, getting dark, and Blaine knew he was meant to be meeting up with Brittany and Mike at 9. Nonetheless, he stayed silent, reading the road-signs diligently for some indication as to where they were going.

When they finally pulled up beside a lake 5 minutes later, Blaine was surprised. He followed Puck's lead and slid out of the truck, eyes spotting Puck's name carved into one of the trees nearby. He turned to face the truck again, brows raised as he spotted Puck on the roof with the Blizzards, legs dangling over the windscreen as he reclined on his elbows. He rolled over, offering Blaine a hand up, and Blaine took it, climbing onto the roof using the window as a makeshift step.

"So, is this where you take your conquests?" Blaine asked lightly, taking one of the Blizzards and tucking in.

"No. I come here alone when I want to think." Puck replied, lying on his back and haphazardly spooning the ice cream into his mouth.

"Then why am I here?"

"Because I drove you here." Puck replied curtly, virtually chugging his ice cream before chucking the container aside. "Jesus, Anderson, for someone so smart you've got a shit memory." Puck commented, leaning back on the roof of his truck once more and closing his eyes. Blaine, however, remained sat upright, unable to keep quiet when so much was happening.

"I'm sorry you got banned from Breadstix." He eventually blurted out.

Puck opened his eyes, an annoyed glare gracing his features. "Dude." He rolled his eyes, propping himself up and looking at Blaine. "It doesn't matter anyway, there's another one ten minutes away." He continued, before lying back down and closing his eyes once more.

Blaine sighed, trying again. "I'm sorry you got banned from your local Breadstix because you were called a fag for being there with me."

"Blaine." Puck hissed, eyes popping open once more to glare at his companion. "You weren't the problem, the fucktards throwing 'round slurs were." Puck retorted, giving Blaine a very light shove. "How did you know the fuckers?"

"We went to the same school, back in the day." Blaine laughed nervously at the memory, dragging a hand over his hair. "They beat the crap out of my friend and I after a Sadie Hawkins dance, so I transferred to Dalton, and the rest is history."

"Shit." Puck muttered, reaching across to grab Blaine's bicep and rub it somewhat reassuringly. "Should have punched them harder." He stated lightly. "Dude, we need to work out like a signal that you can throw at me when you hate someone. I could have got rid of them much sooner but you were being all polite and shit so I thought they might've been your friends, thought maybe homophobic banter was how the posh kids at Dalton talked."

"I haven't got any other enemies, not really." Blaine shrugged. They sat in silence for a few minutes more, but Blaine couldn't manage to keep the words from eventually spilling from his mouth. "I'm still sorry, Puck. We should have just got takeout or something, I shouldn't have tried to bring you to a restaurant. Even if it hadn't have been them, someone might have caused an issue. With just the two of us there, it looked… homosexual." He treaded around the word nervously, everything that had happened bringing back all his old insecurities about what he was.

"Yeah, well, I've only got myself to blame for that." Puck shrugged, eyes closing once more. "I told Santana to make everyone else bail."

Blaine froze, staring down at Puck. "Why would you do that?"

"I didn't want them there."

"You're going to have to elaborate somewhat, Puckerman." Blaine ordered, frowning at Puck. Puck sighed, opening his eyes and looking at Blaine intently.

"I just wanted it to be me and you." He started, Blaine's raised eyebrows prompting him to continue. "So we could, y'know, get to know each other. Over dinner."

"You wanted to get to know me. Over dinner."

"Yeah, like Rachel and Finn do, or Santana and Brittany, or something." Puck muttered, sitting up and burying his face in his blizzard cup. "It was a stupid idea, I don't know why I tried it."

"Like a couple." Blaine stated, heart swelling when Puck nodded. The question hung on the tip of his tongue, and Blaine struggled to not trip over his words. "So, was this a date?"

"No." Puck answered, and Blaine's heart dropped for a second. "Another experiment." Puck affirmed, glancing at Blaine somewhat nervously. "When I take you on a date, Anderson, you won't need to ask."

"When?" Blaine smiled at him, and Puck looked up, the old Puckerman confidence sweeping back over him.

"Yeah, when." Puck leaned in, breath ghosting across Blaine's lips. He held himself there for a moment, leaning back slightly when Blaine tried to close the gap with a smirk. "I know you're desperate for some Puck-Pie, Anderson, but you'll have to buy me a drink first."

"So you're…gay?"

"Probably bisexual." Puck amended with a shrug. "Unfussy, let's say. Any hole's a goal."

"Puck, that's disgusting." Blaine wrinkled his nose, but smiling nonetheless.

"Welcome to my world, sweet cheeks."

"As charming as this conversation is, I'm meant to be meeting up with Mike and Brittany in 40 minutes at my house, we're practicing a number for the vintage part of Nationals." Blaine smiled. "We're doing disco."

"Dude, disco sucks." Puck replied, rolling his eyes. "Tell Brittany to bring Santana, me and my girl can bitch together." Puck began sliding towards the edge of the car, but Blaine's hand wrapped around his wrist, stopping him.

"Can I ask…" Blaine started, smiling at Puck. "What brought this about?"

"There's this guy I know." Puck stated, smirking. "I don't know, maybe you've met him too. He is very good at pointing, and this one day, he pointed at me and yelled you need to stop dancing around my brother and go out with him because he's crazy about you, and I thought, well, I'll be damned, I'm kinda crazy about him too."

"But Scandals…"

"I meant every word of what I said that night, Anderson. I'm not turning you into a whore like me." Puck affirmed, climbing off the roof of the car and sliding into the driving seat. "I'll date the shit out of you first."

"Really?" Blaine asked, sliding into the passenger seat with equal ease.

"Why do you think I was questioning my sexuality in the first place, Anderson?" Puck quirked an eyebrow, revving the engine. "There's only so many times a straight dude can share a bed with a gay as hot as you before you catch the gay."

"You can't catch homosexuality, Puck."

"Sure you can't." Puck winked, fiddling with the radio. "Hey, I'm pretty sure I still have a disco sucks shirt somewhere from the last time Mr Schue tried to force disco on us, I'll have to dig that out."

"Hey, I love Disco." Blaine tried to sound affronted, but the mirth in his voice hid everything, and Puck reached across, draping an arm across Blaine's shoulder.

"And that's why you need me." Puck replied, squeezing Blaine's shoulder loosely. "It's not too late to fix you, Anderson, I promise."


As a pairing, I feel Plaine are very much lacking in fics. This upsets me, as they are clearly awesome. I'm working on another oneshot (a few years after moving to Cali, Puck bumps into Cooper, and Cooper proceeds to harass Puck constantly in an attempt set him up with Blaine) but would L-O-V-E some requests thrown my way!