It was the first week of August and Harry felt like he was going mad. His relatives were forcing him outside all day to do chores in the garden. Not only was the sweltering heat giving him sunburn and making him exhausted, he wasn't able to go to the shop to refill his stock. Not that it was particularly urgent, his aunt was constantly watching him from the kitchen window so he could never sneak in a smoke break, and by the time he was able to get into his room in the evenings he would always fall straight onto his bed in exhaustion. Harry hated being sober, but at least the work could keep most of his tormenting thoughts away.
Meanwhile Snape was making his way through the derelict halls of Hogwarts to talk to the Headmaster before Potter's occlumency lesson the next day. Dumbledore was waiting for him when Snape pushed the oak door open.
'Severus, what a pleasure to see you! Would you like a lemon drop? Or tea?' He smiled warmly at Severus.
Snape looked down and shuddered as the man tried to push the lemon drops towards him. 'No, but thank you. I've come to talk to you about Potter.'
Dumbledore's facial expression immediately changed. 'Ah yes of course, how are the lessons going?'
'Headmaster, he is even more abysmal than he was a few months ago. I have tried everything yet he is utterly useless' Snape growled.
'Come now Severus; let us not be too harsh. Remember Harry is struggling with the events of the last two years.' Concern showing through on the older man's face.
Severus snapped. 'Perhaps it would help if you didn't send him to live with useless relatives Albus.'
Dumbledore smiled serenely, his eyes glittering. 'That sounded heart-warmingly caring Severus, are you growing to like the boy?'
Snape gave him a condescending look. 'Of course not, I cannot stand the boy. But being forced into spending time there has been….enlightening.'
Dumbledore frowned. 'What do you mean?'
Snape sneered at the old man's concern. 'The boy is always exhausted, he has dark circles under his eyes permanently and looks as if he's aged about 5 years. All his bones show, he's clearly not eating anything. He also seems to be constantly ill, last week I arrived to find him collapsed on the floor.'
The older man was silent for a moment, thinking. 'He must be struggling with his Godfather's death more than I realised. He'll be back at Hogwarts in less than a month however, then we can make sure his health is improving and put the right procedures in place. For now Severus I only ask you to ensure he does not deteriorate further until that time.'
Severus gave him a look that suggested that was the last thing he wanted to do, but said nothing. 'Will the boy not be shortly moved to the Weasley's?'
'Ah yes, unfortunately I have not told him yet that he will have to stay at the Dursleys all summer. The risk is too great to move him to the Burrow, Voldemort would be able to locate him and it's too dangerous. In fact Severus, to save an owl the trouble can you deliver the letter explaining the situation to him tomorrow?' Albus replied, giving Severus another smile.
'Fantastic, now I'm going to have to deal with his arrogant, selfish behaviour when he discovers he won't be getting his own way.' Snape growled at the man.
'I'm sure Harry will have complete understanding Severus, the boy is mature and wouldn't want to impose danger on his friends.'
'We'll see Albus. Anyway I've got work to get on with, I'll see you later.' Dumbledore merely inclined his head in return, his eyes twinkling.
Snape grabbed the letter and made for the door, cursing the Headmaster in his head for making him deal with Potter yet again. Even though he knew Dumbledore thought the boy was fine at the Dursleys, Snape couldn't help but be slightly worried. If something did happen he knew Potter wouldn't ask for help, and he only saw him twice a week. If an issue arose it could be days before Snape saw him, as his relatives clearly didn't care.
Back at Privet Drive the next morning, Harry was busy shoving his belongings off the floor and into his lopsided cupboard. He had been in a terrible mood for the last few days due to not being able to rely on his alcohol, and he didn't need Snape to yell at him for something else or he would probably end up punching the man. Harry was determined to not cause any arguments with him; he had even tried to practise clearing his mind before he had fallen asleep the last few nights so Snape would see some improvement. As soon as he heard the knock on the door Harry ran down the stairs to open the door, where he found his professor in his usual dark robes, with a typical dour look on his face. Snape eyed him beadily, and Harry felt himself fidget uncomfortably under his intense gaze.
'Come along then Potter, let's get on with it' Snape gave him a push towards the stairs, making him stumble slightly.
Harry gritted his teeth but didn't say anything, determined to not start an argument straight away. They made it up to his room in silence and started the lesson. Harry found being sober not to that much of a help; in fact the only difference was that Snape's insults bothered him more. He could keep Snape out for only a few seconds, and it terrified Harry that Voldemort would easily be able to attack him if he wished.
'There has been some minor improvement Potter, however you are still atrocious. You need to be practicing more otherwise we will be having these lessons all year, and I don't doubt that Voldemort would launch another attack before then. You have to understand the urgency of learning occlumency Potter; you are being lazy and selfish as per usual by putting no effort in.'
Harry jumped up indignantly. 'I am trying, but we've only been learning for a few weeks! I'm going to improve; I just need more time-'
'Time is exactly what we don't have Potter. How many more people have to die for you to realise that.' He snarled at Harry.
Harry's jaw tightened but he forced his emotions down. 'I'll see you on Thursday Sir.'
'Not so fast Potter. The headmaster wanted me to give you this letter regarding your summer arrangements.'
Harry grabbed the letter and ripped it open, praying he would be able to leave the Dursleys as soon as possible.
'Dear Harry,
In order to ensure your safety and protection it has been decided that you will not be going to the Burrow this summer. The protections there are inadequate and the order feels it would be too dangerous for the Weasley's and yourself. I'm sure you'll understand the precarious situation; and anyhow it will give you a chance to dedicate yourself to occlumency. Furthermore it is felt it would be too much of a risk for you to buy your books in Diagon Alley, therefore I will be personally collecting them myself for you. Enjoy the rest of your holiday Harry.
Albus Dumbledore'
Snape had been watching the facial expressions that had been flickering through the boy's face. It had started with hope, then desperation, and finally pure anger and fury.
'What danger?' Potter demanded. Snape groaned inwardly, he should have left before the boy started asking questions.
'We are on the fringes of a war Potter; the Headmaster is making the necessary precautions to keep you safe'
'Can't I even go to Diagon Alley with someone else? I have things I need to get!'
'What are you rambling on about now Potter?'
'Dumbledore said I'm not allowed to go to Diagon Alley! Voldemort is hardly going to attack me there in the middle of broad daylight, these 'safety measures' are ridiculous! I'm basically being locked in all summer!'
'Stop your whining Potter, your books are being picked up for you. Your antics are tiring Potter, if you want to be treated as an adult start behaving like one and get used to not having your own way all the time.'
Harry clenched his fists. If Snape thought any of his life had gone the way he wanted he was seriously deluded.
Snape gave him a disgusted look. 'Get over yourself Potter; you're behaving like a toddler.' He stomped out the house and apparated back to Hogwarts, irritated with the Headmaster for not telling him the boy would not be allowed to go Diagon Alley and making him deal with Potter's tantrum.
Harry was fuming. Once again his future had been decided for him. He went to grab his cigarettes and the weed he had stored in his dresser, needing to get outside the house and get fucked up. His plans were soon halted when his aunt paraded in.
'Don't you even dare attempt to try and sneak out again. Get downstairs now, you have chores to get on with and if you don't finish them you won't be having any dinner!'
Harry felt his anger increase, and took some deep breaths to stop it from erupting. He had desperately needed a release, hating Dumbledore more than ever at that point. But his aunt wasn't moving from his doorway, so he stomped down the stairs and into the already perfectly mown garden, mentally cursing every single person in his life as he pulled out the lawnmower and started his endless list of chores. As soon as he was able to escape up to his room that evening, he had decided what he was going to do. He wasn't going to listen to what Dumbledore told him, if he wanted to go out then he would. By letting the old man take control of him would only lead to him being taken advantage of, and ultimately hurt again. If Harry was going to have to fight, he should be allowed to have some say in how it was done, and the more Dumbledore tried to shield him from that the angrier he got, pushing him towards risk taking and rule breaking.
Harry waited until he heard his relatives go to bed. He slowly eased open his window and dropped onto the ledge, then onto the conservatory roof, which he was able to climb down from easily. He then slipped through the side gate and quickly made his way down the street. He allowed himself a small smile as he ambled to the park. He loved feeling rebellious. He had spent his whole life having decisions made for him, always following the rules. He had to deal with his parents dying and living with relatives that hated him, being considered an outcast at school for being the 'boy who lived', and worst of all a maniac who was trying to kill him. He felt like he deserved a release, a vice, even if it wasn't exactly the healthiest.
Harry set down under his usual tree. The mild summer night meant he was only in a t-shirt, and the park was deserted. He pulled out the eighth from his pocket and the rizla papers. He broke off some of the weed into small pieces like Malcolm had told him, then clumsily rolled it up. He had put in a lot of weed as he wasn't sure how much he needed to get high. He sparked the end of the joint and inhaled into his lungs. Malcolm had told him to hold it in his lungs as long as possible, but it was a lot stronger than tobacco and he was soon coughing and spluttering. After he calmed down he took another pull, and managed to hold it in his throat longer, exhaling the smoke from his mouth and nose slowly. He repeated the action until the joint was almost burnt down, grinding the end into the dirt. Harry wasn't exactly sure what was supposed to happen, he felt slightly more relaxed but still very much sober. He suddenly felt his heartbeat increase and his vision shift, and his hands and legs started to shake slightly. A wave of calmness and tranquillity washed over him, and he felt all his anger slip away. 'Fuck me, I feel amazing' He laughed out loud to himself. Harry had never felt this happy, Malcolm was right when he said it was a better high. Everything around him suddenly seemed fascinating, he found himself staring a leaf for almost half an hour. Harry didn't want to go back to the Dursleys as he was loving being spaced out from reality, but when the sun started to rise he wandered back towards the house, not paying attention to what was going on around him, just focused purely on how numb and chilled he felt. When he stumbled in to his room at 5:30, he fell straight into a relaxed sleep, and was fortunate enough to not have one of his usual nightmares.
A/N: Here's the next chapter for you all! Thank you to everyone that has reviewed, the next chapter is going to have some action in and be a lot more exciting, I can't wait for you guys to read it
