Old school tricks are old school for a reason: they work!

Hence the reason Zoicyte pulled all of them while Ami and he watched Lord of the Rings. Plus, watching a four hour movie gave his enough time to 'move slowly' (for him) into proper cuddling. So far Ami had only let him cuddle in public.

Moving through the fake stretch, the arm-around-shoulder, and the restlessness, he'd finally gotten Ami into a full hug. He was feeling pretty smug about that.

Until the door slammed open and she leapt up like a shot.

Zoicyte looked up with murder quite clear in his green eyes, to see the startling image of his best friend Kunzite looking like he'd been chased into the apartment.

Even that anger couldn't stand in the face of a frazzled Kunzite.

Zoicyte wasn't the only one to find it amusing. The shaking of Ami's shoulders betrayed her own entertainment due to the scene in front of them.

"What happened, Kunz?" The only outward sign of his amusement was a slight quiver in his voice. Zoicyte was well aware that later Kunzite would be even angrier at being seen in this state than Zoicyte was at him for the interruption.

He ignored Zoicyte entirely, instead focusing on Ami. "I was doing reconnaissance. Why didn't you tell us your friends are crazy?!?! She just… and then… creepier than Jad… airheaded…" At this point he lost the rest of his power of speech, as his eyes revealed a certain horror for the remains of his well ordered world.

Zoicyte collapsed laughing. Some things are worth a pummeling.

Ami just looked at Kunzite with a raised eyebrow. "I take it you met Minako?"

"Minako? If you mean that blonde whirlwind of disorder, then yes!"

Ami's lip curled up, so her grin matched her eyebrow. "I think it was probably Minako, though Usagi could be described the same way."

Pale blue-silver eyes met hers, looking for a trace of exaggeration. His wild expression, somehow, grew more frantic, as he held her shoulders for support. "You mean there're two of them?"


'Know thy enemy.' It was a good mantra. Others pigeonholed their opponents, but Kunzite always did his best to understand his foes. That was the best way to avoid misjudging them.

However, if he had to sneakily follow Ami's friends into another girly store, he was going to give up. There were limits any guy with a pair had to stick to.

For once he wished for Zoicyte and Jadeite's abilities to blend in with the crowd. No one ever mistook him for someone else, so he had to make sure he wasn't noticed at all. That only made it more embarrassing when he failed. He was seriously surprised that saleslady hadn't called the cops when she noticed him hiding in the rack of bathrobes.

However, since his choice had been that or under a table of panties, he figured he'd take the lesser of two evils.

He had wished for some of Zoicytes more high tech toys a couple of times. It would be incredibly helpful to be able to hear the whole of their conversation, instead of just parts of it.

At least, he'd thought it would be until he realized the in-depth, moral based conversation was over the preferable actions of a manga character. They were all eagerly awaiting the next issue to see who was correct.

Then there were the few snatches of the colour discussion. That was promising too, until it segued into what colour of lipstick was best for attracting guys.

That was when Kunzite decided that catching parts was probably better for his sanity than listening to the whole of their conversations.

He'd thought the addition of the black-haired man to the group would mean an end to the shallow girly-ness he'd been witnessing.

Nope, wedding plans were definitely still girly.

Apparently the guy agreed, since he was only there for a minute or so before stealing one of the blondes, the one with the weird ponytails, away. Apparently, from the catcalls, it was their wedding.

Well, either way, he still had three targets. And they were ducking into another store.

Kunzite paused for a minute, debating. It didn't look that bad, but the waterfall on the outside gave him pause. There was no name on the store either, to give him a clue as to what was in there. The only thing he could see was the Ome character, which made no sense to him. Why would anyone name a store resistance?

Shrugging, he ducked in. After all he'd endured, surely this couldn't be that bad…

Past the entrance, all he could see was the type of store guys could appreciate. Plenty of lithe young women in spandex greeted his eyes, much to his delight. Though maybe not all could quite be described as lithe… or even young…

He shuddered, dying a bit inside. Spandex should be a privilege, not a right.

Then he noticed the guys section. There are some parts of a male body that Kunzite did not agree should be displayed that blatantly.

He was so busy being disgusted, that he made the worst tactical blunder of his life. He let those girls see him, in this place of tight clothing.

A low wolf whistle was the first sign that he'd failed in the undercover part of his mission.

"Take a look at that, girls. Hun-ky! Can you imagine those pecs in spandex? And that ass…"

"He looks like my ex-boyfriend." …The hell? No one looked like him.

"I didn't know you'd broken the seven and a half rule, Mako. On the high side too, from the hair." That was the sharp-spoken raven-haired one. Knowing her, that undecipherable comment wasn't a compliment.

"Psh, you're just jealous that I saw him first."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, obviously, that makes him mine." Hers? Just how did that make him hers? He hadn't even met the chick.

"What if he's already taken?'

"I'd know it that was the case, Rei. I'm the goddess of love, remember? Besides, how could any man resist my charms?"

Oh, previous exposure to her insanity could be a reason. He wasn't sure he wanted anything to do with a girl that unstable. He'd had a crazy ex before, and was not interested in repeating that experience.

"Whatever. Let's finish up here and go for ice cream, 'kay Mako?"

"So… hot…"

"Yoo hoo, Mako! Wakeup Mako! And quit drooling." Ew. That black haired girl wasn't exaggerating much either. The look on the brunette's face promised as much trouble as the blonde, even if it was less scary.

"Don't worry! I'm on the case! By the end of the day, he'll never be able to forget me!"

Uh oh. That sounded ominous. He was starting to get a little nervous.

"Whatever. But if you get another restraining order put on you, I'm not picking you up from the police department again."

Scratch little. He was now a lot nervous.

Ice cream first. Then she could stalk that hunk from the Lulu Lemon. Maybe see what could be done later involving the spandex she could still picture him in…

Later, girl. Focus.

"I'll have a scoop of cheesecake and another of black forest, with strawberries and caramel on top."

Ice cream first. She needed to plan.

Once is an accident. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a conspiracy. This had become a conspiracy a long time ago. Frankly, Kunzite was getting sick of seeing that flash of blonde every time he looked around.

The first time she'd actually approached had been worse, though. He'd been browsing through biographies in the bookstore when she'd sidled up to him. There had been a fleeting moment where he'd been shocked that she'd managed to change outfits, but that had been quickly driven out of his mind.

Kunzite was in no way innocent, but what the blonde had whispered in his ear had had him blushing like a schoolgirl.

He didn't even know if half of that was possible!

Only the fact that she was crazy stopped him from taking her up on her offer. Plus she was Ami's friend. Just crazy he might have accepted. However, there was no way he could fool around with an insane, sexually experimental, possessive friend of his best friend's girlfriend. Ami's civilizing influence on Zoi was more important than what promised to be an unforgettable lay.

Right?

Apparently the blonde figured she'd scared him off, since the second time he saw her she was in an entirely different persona.

Changing outfits, including shoes, in two minutes was an amazing feat. How she managed to get her hair curled was beyond him.

However, after just being introduced to her Kama Sutra side, he didn't believe in the schoolgirl innocence she was affecting.

But damn she was a good actress! Even knowing it was her, he couldn't imagine how she managed to get entirely different reactions from him. He was still half convinced he should have taken her under his wing, escorting and protecting her. Her seeming vulnerability was as enticing as her suggestions earlier.

But still no. She was still Ami's crazy friend. It was still a no-no.

The same went for her as the sassy young woman, the punk challenger, the friendly girl-next-door, and the sports star. He thought she must have been quite frustrated by the time the last one made an appearance.

Despite what she said, he knew she'd spiked that volleyball at his head purposely. He had to admit he'd been really impressed with her strength. He'd damn near gotten concussed from that thing, and that was saying a lot. It took real effort to hurt Kunzite.

Still, by this time he could almost feel nervous ticks developing as he went. She always seemed to somehow show up in his path. It was unnerving how much practice she seemed to have at this whole setting-up-'random'-encounters game. Even with his own sneaking ability he was unable to avoid her.

From the look on her face after the volleyball incident, she was giving up. In a way that saddened him. Even after noticing them all afternoon he was still impressed at her quick demeanor and façade changes. Clothes, hair, even makeup was swapped out with ruthless efficiency. Including set up time, like joining the volleyball game, she was never more than ten minutes between attacks.

Quickly coming to his senses, Kunzite dove quickly into a convenient alley. Maybe he was too quick to judge her as having given up…

Yet it appeared she had, as she stormed by the alley he was hiding in without a backwards glance.

"Stupid beefcake stud. Thick as a brick and twice as dumb. Arrogant, annoying little smirk. Oh, he thinks he's sooooo smart. Well he's not! Why…" Her sputtering faded away as she left his hiding spot in the dust. He heaved a sigh of relief. Now he could abandon his newfound mantra of 'must not sleep with Ami's friend'.

Yet it appeared he wasn't out of the woods yet. There was a lurker in the next alley too, and this man didn't seem interested at all in avoiding the pissed off blonde. In fact, he reached out to grab her arm as she passed by.

"Hey honey. Forget the jerk you're whining about and give a real man a try. I can make you forget him. For a pretty armful like you, I can make you forget him all night long. Whadda ya say?" He was even larger than Kunzite, with a build that suggested that he'd done sports sometime in his youth. This itself didn't worry Kunzite. He could take this man, he knew. Now, to do it without letting the girl get hurt…

"You picked the wrong day to mess with me, asshole! This is your only warning to let go of my arm!" The angry comment from the petite girl just made the large man grin. Kunzite was almost there, and was frantically considering how to remove that paw from her forearm easily.

"Fine. You asked for it." Before Kunzite could blink the blonde dug her perfectly manicured thumb into a pressure point at the man's elbow, causing his hand to loosen on her arm as his nerves went numb. Then she pivoted, kicking his foot out from under him. She managed to get enough of her under him to send him flying, instead of just collapsing to the ground as he would have.

This had the rather unexpected result of flattening Kunzite, who had not expected any of her actions, least of all the throw. It also drew her angry notice to his presence.

"You!"

At this point, Kunzite was seriously considering emitting an unmanly 'meep' and cowering. From a girl a foot shorter than him.

"Isn't it enough that I waste my day on you? Isn't it enough that I get rejected by you again and again and again!?!?!? Just so you can waltz in now and show me just how little you think of me? So you can come in, save the day, and walk off a hero? I don't think so! You have some nerve buster! Then, after totally humiliating me, you try to swoop in, being all masculine, all heroic, to show how you don't even think I can defend myself! You" she jabbed her finger into his chest "jerk!"

"You creep!" Smack! That was gonna leave a mark, even open handed, she packed a punch.

"You asshole!" Pow! Now both cheeks matched, at least. He backed up as fast as he could.

"You moron! You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel!" wham!

What does she pack in that purse? That thing's heavy!

With that he took to his heels, closely chased by a beautiful blonde harpy.

She managed to keep up with him until shortly before he reached Zoi's building. He burst in; using the spare keys Zoi had given him. (Zoi had justified having the keys out of the building with "Hey, if I need them, I'm not gonna be home at the time.")

He dove into the apartment without even stopping to worry about what might be going on inside. In fact, he was so frazzled he didn't even notice Ami's blush as she jumped to her feet. None of their behaviors registered on him at that moment. His whole being was suffused with panic at the thought of the girl he'd narrowly escaped not being the only one of her kind.

It was a very scary thought.


Mamoru and Kunzite are just so similar at times. So I do wonder how those two uptight guys ended up with some of the craziest girls. Well, this is my attempt to explain that.

Most of how the guys intereact with each other will be shown within other stories, unlike the girls. They got the second chapter all to themselves, while Kunz and Zoi's friendship is explored by being a keyholder. That is for a very specific reason. I am a girl. My experience with guys hanging out together comes from my gay friends, gamers, and rugby players. As these boys are not drunk, compulsively fantastical, or gay, they're a bit of a shot in the dark. Let me know if I portray the guys ever as too gruff or too girly or whatever. Fanfiction for me is an experiment in how people think and react to each other. Hence I welcome all insights.