You would think that it wouldn't be too hard to fight old people, right? You are very wrong. Not when they have knitting needles as lances, guns full of itching powder, and that some were very adept in aiming their purses at your nose. Oh, don't forget the millions of cats that have claws which weren't trimmed for weeks. Not only that, but also consider that half of the Straw Hat Crew weren't even trying to hit them.
"Idiots! Why aren't you kicking old lady ass! You're like, ten times bigger than them!" Nami screamed as she wrangled with a lady over a chest of jewels. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MONEY BITCH!"
Sanji and Chopper were indeed not throwing any punches at the elderly invaders. They almost seemed scared to.
Chopper's voice piped up from a cloud of itching powder. "I don't feel comfortable hitting old people, Nami. I don't want to hurt them."
"I gotta agree with the scratching reindeer." Sanji said as he dodged purse punches from the woman in front of him. "I mean, who would hit an old lady? I wasn't raised to be cruel to the elderly, even if they're trying to kill and rob us." As he was saying this an old lady came up from behind and hit him in the nuts with her purse. "MY GOD-she has quite an arm..."
"Fuck being cruel to the elderly! Look at Luffy, he's doing just fine."
Luffy was indeed picking up old ladies and tossing them back across the railing to their own boat. They landed with shouts of 'Oh, my hip' and 'My back'.
Usopp, who was busy keeping a small army of cats at bay with a chair, called down to Luffy, "What are you doing!? Be gentle with them or you'll kill someone's grandma."
"This is being gentle!" Luffy said as he tossed another old lady. "Also, this is kinda fun. Like discus throwing. There goes another one!"
Seeing that her crew was in trouble, Olga grabbed a knitted scarf and swung herself over to the Merry-Go. She had an extended knitting needle in one hand and was pointing it threateningly at Usopp's face. "Your crew is nothing but a bunch of hooligans and roughians! Especially when you tossed by Flopsy into the ocean when you came by us."
"Flopsy? Flopsy? I don't know any Flopsy! Nope, no memory." Usopp said, panicking as the lance buried itself in the wood at his feet. "Please, don't kill me! I don't know who Flopsy is, or you for that matter!"
Olga hefted her lance and slashed it across Usopp's overalls, leaving him standing in his underwear. Another slash almost took out his nose. He yelped and stumbled onto his back while trying to pull his overalls back up.
"Liam! What did I tell you about lying! I saw you clear as day throw poor Flopsy into the ocean. Throwing a tantrum because I wouldn't let you borrow $20 dollars. What kind of grandson did my daughter raise?!" Olga cried, swinging madly.
Sanji was back on his feet and wobbling away from a barrage of cat claws and purses. "I didn't know your name was Liam. Or that you had such an unappealing grandmother." The comment earned him a fresh scratch across his cheek and a knockout punch from an old lady needle.
While cowering behind the main mast on the ground, Chopper peered around it and studied Olga. Why is she calling Usopp 'Liam'? And she's squinting an awful lot. So much that she can hardly see anything... It dawned on Chopper quickly. "Usopp! She can't see! I think she wears glasses!"
Nami glanced up from her tug-of-war with her old lady. "That's either really stupid or great deductive thinking. Someone better do something quick to get this old whore off my money!"
Suddenly a cat was flung into the lady fighting with Nami.
"Woot! Ten points!" Luffy cheered as he picked up another cat. "If I hit the Captain then I'll get 100 points! Move a little bit, Usopp! Can't see."
"Hold on a minute Luffy!" Usopp was taking Chopper's deduction seriously. If he could just get Olga to stop swinging that damn lance then he may be able to remedy this problem. "Uh, ah, Miss Olga, you look very, um, non-ugly today-WHOA!" He narrowly dodged the lance before it chopped off his nose. Retreating a few more steps he bumped into a cat that hissed menacingly at him.
"Ah, nice kitty. Nice kitty. What's your name?" A glance at the cat's collar spelled the name 'Flopsy'. "OH! Miss Olga, wait! Is this your Flopsy right here?" Usopp asked as he held the bad tempered cat above his head.
Caught off guard, Olga lowered her lance. While she squinted at the cat Usopp took off his goggles and boosted the magnification. He slapped the goggles over Olga's eyes and backed away with his hands above his head.
Olga felt the goggles on her face, then went back to looking at the cat. "Flopsy? It really is mama's PookyPie." She lifted the cat to her shoulders and looked around dazed. "You're not Liam. And this is not my spoiled grandson's ship." The old lady whistled and all of her crew immediately dropped their weapons. "Old Crones, back to the ship! This is not Liam and his crew!"
All the old ladies started to shuffle across their boarding planks back to their own boat, purses and cats in tow. The last of them were Olga and her Flopsy, who apologized profusely for the misunderstanding. Usopp accepted the apology and even let the lady keep his goggles.
"Can't believe I'm saying this, but good job Captain Usopp!" Sanji congratulated Usopp with a slap on the back. "Better than what Luffy was doing, flinging cats and old ladies."
"Hey...This is just a bet you know." Luffy added from behind. "I'm the actual captain here."
"At least you kept them from taking my gold. Now all you have to do is be less annoying. Unlike Luffy." said Nami.
"Captain right behind you! Don't talk like I'm not here!" Luffy started waving his arms and jumping up and down. "Besides, Usopp is the same level of annoying than I am!"
"Three cheers for Usopp's Untouchables!" Shouted Chopper jumping on Usopp's shoulders.
"The name is THE STRAW HAT CREW!" Luffy stomped away into the lower decks, flipping over Zoro's hammock in the process.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Luffy's worried about his Captain post...How would Nami feel about her navigating post?
