June 30th: Happy Birthday, my little man

Dear Diary,

Today is Xiao Dan's Birthday. I wonder what that little goof ball is up to now? Is he safe? Well fed? Clothed properly? In a dry shelter with a bed? I wish I was home to go see him. I just want to brush my paw across his face once more. To feel his strong little paws grip my tail as if I will vanish forever. I really miss him. He seemed so wise for such a little boy.

Diary my baby is not a baby anymore. He is turning 12 as soon as the sun reaches its peak. I am making him a crochet blanket for his birthday. My captors don't understand why I am doing this except my friends. They understand that I am always going to do something for my loved ones on their birthdays. Xiao Dan's blanket is a blue blanket because that is his favorite color with bits of my fur entwined in it. i will send it to him when we reach the next town. That should be Shanghai. So many memories. That is where we celebrated Bingwen's first birthday with Naomi and me together. I really want to go home. I want to be with my babies again. To be where my daughter was laid to rest. Why can't they just let me go home? I need to celebrate Xiao Dan's birthday with him. He already lost one mama, he doesn't' need to lose another.

My dear little friend, I was reading the little note he wrote in you before he went to live with Master Bear and Delan, I was so touched by his little words. Oh, how they made my heart ache. I want to hold him just like I did those many nights on the road and sing the sweet lullabies I learned from the other tigers from my past. It doesn't help the fact that I'm still hurting over Chun Hua's death. Naoko said that it took him two years for the pain of his siblings' deaths to fade some. I don't know if it'll be the same for me. After all, isn't time supposed to heal wounds. So why aren't mine healing? Happy Birthday, my little man. I love you and I miss you.