CHAPTER 7 Some Explanations

Talana sat by R'gar's bed, her nimble fingers weaving basket straws from a basketful beside her. Sagarra had asked her what she was making, but all the girl would say was

"Wait and see."

Sagarra was long asleep, lying on Mirrith's makeshift couch. Mirrith slept too. Talana wondered idly how long it would be before she did little more than eat and sleep – and grow. R'gar was muttering again, calling for Sagarra and Sagally. Talana had no wish to wake the sleeping child unless it became necessary, so she did her best to mimic the child's voice.

"I'm here R'gar."

Then he was quiet for a while before the muttering started again. Suddenly she picked out her own name.

"T'lan…T'lan.. no, I'm going crazy." He swung his head to and fro and she caught it between her hands, cushioning it, stopping his wild movements.

"I'm here too R'gar. Don't worry, everyone wants you to get better. T'sellan, K'len, S'gell. M'kel – all the others we're all thinking of you." Desperate, T'lan pushed forward her mind, extending the province of her inner ear as she had learned to do with Mirrith.

"R'gar!" she called to the ego below the dark confusion. "R'gar, come back to me –us!"

For a moment she thought she had succeeded. His eye opened, lucid and aware. Talana's face lit up with a joyous smile.

"T'lan?" he asked, seeming pleased to see her. Then, "NO – no!" he cried, wrenching his head away from her restraint. His tossing became more pronounced. Talana felt alarmed enough to waken Calla.

"He is approaching a crisis." Said the healer. "The fever will break soon – one way or the other."

Talana quickly woke Mirrith and called for Laranth, to find him still wakeful.

"We must stay with him" she told them. "We must not let him go."

The fever increased, and Talana decided to wake Sagarra. Gently she explained that R'gar would get really ill before he showed any signs of recovery, and she, Sagarra would have to talk to him. Sagarra did her best, but she could hardly keep her little eyes open, and fell asleep against her father. Talana left her be. She and Calla continuously changed the cold cloths on R'gar's head and the muttering fell to a low murmur. Talana felt sleep claiming her weary body and could no longer resist it. There was nothing she could do anyway now.

oOoOo

Talana woke with a start.. there was no sound from the bed. R'gar lay very still.

"NO!" she cried, springing to her feet and reaching out to touch him.

R'gar opened his eyes.

"What time is it?" he asked. Talana gazed at him, open mouthed, then pulled an expression of mock disgust and laughed a trifle hysterically, unaware that tears were streaming down her face.

"He asks what time it is." She said. "He asks what time it is as though he's just been to bed for the night! R'gar, with any luck it's breakfast time because NOW I'm hungry." Absently she dashed the back of her hand over her wet face and sat down beside him looking at him. He asked,

"How long is it since I got that knock on the head?"

Talana screwed up her face and calculated.

"I think it's about a sevenday, but I slept the sun round at one point and time got a little hazy." She said. "You know, sleeping at peculiar times." She grinned at him exuberantly. "But who cares – you're ALIVE!" she added practically, "Do you want a drink?" and passed him a mug of water anyway. R'gar took it gratefully and she helped him sit to sip it.

Sagarra yawned and stretched and sat up.

"Hullo T'lan." She said. "You're being AWFULLY noisy."

"Sagarra?" R'gar's weak voice was incredulous. "I thought I dreamed you were here – is it really you?"

"'Course it's really me." Sagarra squirmed up the bed and hugged him. "And I think T'lan's right about it being breakfast time, because I'm hungry too."

Talana reflected that the child showed no surprise; she had just trusted dragonfolk when they said that her father would get well; and accepted that now, he was. It was very moving.

oOoOo

R'gar slept a lot of the time for several days, able to do little more than acknowledge the presence of visitors, whom Calla regulated fiercely. Small doses of a happy T'lan went a very long way. Sagarra too, whom R'gar was always happy to see, tired him quickly. The visits could grow in length as the weyrlingmaster recovered his strength.

oOoOo

Sagarra bounced in to see her father astride a pole with a wickerwork dragon's head fixed atop it. The basket reeds shone a soft golden colour, with painted eyes and mouth and cloth flashes sewn securely into the open mouth.

"That's lovely, Sagarra. Where did you get it?" he asked.

"I went to a hatching." Said the child gravely. "Everyone took me, and Laydith came out of an egg." She added "It was two buckets really, but it made a beautiful egg."

"Who's everybody?" asked R'gar, touched by the care given to his daughter.

"Oh, T'lan and the other weyrlings. I don't know everybody's name yet 'cept Corvath and Sharath. Laydith has to share a couch with Mirrith but I've got a bed of my own in a real weyr with the others. T'lan said I ought really to share with a girl but the only girl weyrling is as much use as a watchwher with night blindness T'lan says, and I don't like other children much so I'm fostered by the weyrlings." R'gar held out his arms to her and she snuggled up to him.

"I see you've picked up the habit of getting to know the dragons' names first." He teased. "Do you know all the points of a dragon yet?"

"Nooo" she wrinkled her nose. "Not yet.. but I'm learning – and we're making wings for Laydith with cloth and canes. T'lan says it's good practice for learning all the wing parts, so I'm learning them as we go along."

Excellent practice for the weyrlings too, thought R'gar.

"it was my idea" interposed Laranth proudly. "Mirrith agreed."

"Silly – Mirrith would agree to anything you say. She's flattered you take notice of her." He had noticed Mirrith's name being quite prominent in Laranth's conversation lately.

"I like Mirrith." Protested Laranth. "And she likes me. She thinks I'm wonderful." He added smugly. Sagarra asked,

"Are you talking to Laranth?" R'gar nodded. She said, "Shall I tell you a secret?" He smiled and nodded again. Scrambling onto his pillows she cupped her hand and whispered in his ear, "Sometimes Laranth and Mirrith talk to me. Mostly Mirrith though. Laranth only really likes to talk to T'lan besides you so Mirrith tells me what he says. He says T'lan an' me have got to make sure you rest enough." She sat back on her heels and said out loud "Are you tired, father? Calla says I'm not to chatter too much but I do like being with you."

He hugged her.

"I'm a little tired, but please stay a while. I shan't get to see much of you when you go back to your mother."

Her face closed.

"I'm not going back. Didn't T'lan tell you?"

"Don't you want to go home then?"

She stuck out her lower lip and scowled.

"It's not my home. Home is where people love you, T'lan says. My home is the weyr."

Shells, thought R'gar, whatever's happened?

"Is Sagally all right?" he asked.

"I don't know. Don't care either. I'm staying here for ever an'ever. T'lan Witnessed. That's important isn't it?" She added, pleading, "You do want me don't you?"

He hugged her to him, reassuring her that he loved her, telling her how pleased he was that she was there.

"Laranth! Bespeak Mirrith. I'll see T'lan right away!" He sent the thought as, cheered up, his daughter went in search of her new friends.

oOoOo

Talana wondered just what it was that R'gar wanted to see her about. Had he found out about her riding Laranth and wanted to scorch her about it? She fully intended confessing but not until she thought he was well enough to get angry. As she entered, T'lan saw that R'gar's eye was shut, his face tired and strained. She sat down quietly to wait.

"T'lan" he said suddenly, and she jumped.

"Sir?"

"I've been talking to Sagarra. What did you witness?"

Talana fidgeted with the edge of his sleeping fur as she gazed at him, biting her lip in dismay, loath to upset him with the truth.

"Well?"

Impatient man!

"They – Sagally and her husband or whatever he is, er, thought that Sagarra would be better off being weyrbred." It sounded lame in her own ears as she spoke; then she gasped as his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. He pulled her to face him and his one blue eye bored into her, reading her expression.

"Boy, once I told you never to lie to me. You're not very good at it. I want the truth – this is my daughter." Talana dropped her eyes.

"I guess you'll only worry more and get iller if I don't tell you." She sighed. "He – forget his name – was very happy to let her go because – because he would not provide a dowry for a-a dragonman's b-brat." She spoke in a low tone, almost inaudible.

"I see." R'gar was silent for a moment, and realising that he was gripping her wrist quite brutally let go with a muttered apology. T'lan scorned to rub it. He asked,

"What about Sagally? What did she have to say about this?"

Talana gulped and raised her eyes to his, horror and anger burning in their depths though tears stood in the corners, and fear lurked.

"Come lad, I shan't be angry with you. By the first egg, I don't know I ever bothered you before – I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry!"

"It's not that! It – it's that I've nothing prepared to say – you loved her – I don't know how to…"

"….soften the blow?" asked R'gar. She nodded. "I presume Sagally was not averse to her going."

"She was so – INDIFFERENT!" burst out Talana indignantly.

"I see." The sadness in his face overwhelmed T'lan and she threw her arms impulsively round him. He added, more to himself than to her, "I hoped she'd learn to love the child for her own sake."

"We can take care of her right here." Declared Talana. "It's right that a dragonman's child should be weyrbred!"

"Quite right. T'lan, would you oblige me by not suffocating me? Thank you" as she drew back, embarrassed. He shut his eye, resting; and T'lan stood still, uncertain whether to go or stay. He had not dismissed her; but he was not himself. Then he spoke again.

"T'lan?"

"Sir?"

He opened his eye again.

"Sit down" he said testily. "Don't hover. Calla hovers. I can't stand it." T'lan grinned at a burst of his accustomed bad temper and sat down. "How did you know about Sagarra?" He asked suddenly "And how did they know where to find her?"

Talana looked at him.

"Can't this wait for another day?" she asked. Her tone showed she had no great hope of putting it off; so she was not surprised at his uncompromising and monosyllabic answer,

"No".

She sighed.

"Didn't think so. Well, you were delirious and you talked a lot about Sagally and Sagarra. You were visualising very clearly and Laranth could pick it up."

"So he passed it on then? Who went for her?"

Talana wriggled guiltily.

"Laranth wasn't feeling very co-operative with anyone else, so I had to make the visualisation into winter – you were dreaming summer you see – and well, off we went."

"YOU flew Laranth? Between? Alone?" he was incredulous

"Well – I-I know it was risky, but – you were so ill. We had to do it. I did tie myself on, and Sagarra too on the way back" she told him hastily. She braced her shoulders stoically and waited for his wrath to fall upon her. It did not come; in fact he was looking at her with something akin to respect.

"I expect T'bor has already had a few words to say." He said. She nodded.

"He wants you to get better quickly to keep me firmly under your thumb" she told him. R'gar smiled wryly.

"I should be furious but you've already had plenty of that – and it would be intensely ungrateful in any case. I can only thank you – on Sagarra's behalf as much as mine. She must have been having a pretty miserable time." He reached out a hand; but T'lan did not grasp it; she hung her head. "What is it?" he asked.

"Sir, it was my fault sir that you were injured."

"Why, did you suggest to Koreb's father that he should fight me? As I recall you alerted me to his attack. Or are you feeling guilty that he bullied you?"

"It's not that – though I did know that Koreb thought I was your favourite, which can't be helped, - but I can't help thinking if I hadn't thought of building that fardling slide…"

She was interrupted.

"If you hadn't thought of it, someone else would have. It happens every year." It was his 'this is my final word on the subject' tone. Talana nodded her head in acquiescence and accepted the proffered hand.

"Sir." She said raising her face to meet his eye. He frowned suddenly, puzzled as he looked at her high boned face, worry fading now from her brown eyes. If they were a lighter shade, the lad's hair dark, his face shape would explain why T'lan reminded him so strongly of someone else….

"Who is your father?" he asked, certain that he already knew the answer, especially with the child wearing that expression of worried responsibility.

"Sir?" Talana was surprised. "My father is Sarel, a holder in Nabol." She began; then added, as certain little things suddenly rose in her memory. "At least – I-I don't really know. When I was little I remember mother saying something about me being brave like my father – but Sarel is not very brave. And another time, Sarel said something about me being like his own –er, child." She frowned. "I know I was born not long after my mother came back and married Sarel. I suppose if she was pregnant it would be politic to get married, wouldn't it?"

R'gar smiled his half-smile.

"For a hold bred girl, I suppose it would. Where had she been?"

"She went to Benden on the rumour of a Queen egg. There wasn't one, not for ages. Ramoth didn't hatch until my er third birthday." A sudden thought struck her. "R'gar – you're not my father, are you?"

R'gar's smile became almost full

"Is that cause for such an expression of horror?"

"Oh no sir – but, well, it'd take a lot of getting used to."

"Tact isn't your strong point, is it young T'lan? No I'm not your father though I'd not be displeased to be able to claim it. You are the image of F'lar of Benden."

T'lan's jaw dropped.

"F'lar? You mean the WEYRLEADER?" and when R'gar nodded, "Well, give me firestone to chew and fly me to the red star! Can't I do anything by halves?" she laughed. It was funny; F'lar was hardly a real person; he was too mythical to actually think of seriously as any kind of relative.

"Evidently not." Said R'gar. His voice was thin and his face pale.

"Including outstaying my welcome." She said contritely. "I'm sorry to be thoughtless; I'll leave you to sleep. You look terrible."

"Thanks."

She touched his shoulder and left, ignoring his sarcasm. Only after T'lan had gone did R'gar remember that he had not asked the weyrling about talking to Laranth. As he drifted off to sleep he determined to tackle the boy about it on his next visit.

oOoOo

Confronted later with her mention of having spoken to Laranth, Talana shuffled.

"Well, it was necessary." She started explaining, scuffing the toe of her boot on the floor. Then she squared her shoulders and said, "Well, actually that's not strictly true. You see, I-I've always been able to hear Laranth, and – only they don't seem to say much about it so I haven't either."

"Always? They?" R'gar asked. "Are you saying you can hear other dragons?"

Talana squirmed. The dragons were reticent about it – but R'gar was different. And she hated lying.

"I could hear Vorth when M'kel came on search – he told me I should be a candidate – and then I found I could hear all of them. At first I thought it was normal, but when I found out that it isn't I kept my mouth shut in case it was an intrusion. Mostly I don't listen" she added hastily. "I don't mean to eavesdrop you know. I'm sorry, but I can't help it."

"Don't be sorry child!" Said R'gar. "It's a rare and wonderful gift. The only other people I know of who can do it are Lessa and Brekke, and they're worth their weight in marks as co-ordinators. I must say I'd always assumed that only women could do it, but there! You'll be invaluable. Don't get a swelled head." He added gruffly.

"Please, sir, will you keep it to yourself? At least until you want me to co-ordinate when we fly Thread?" She asked. He smiled at her.

"That's an excess of modesty over a rare talent. But you don't want to be teased by the immature, is that it?" Talana nodded. He said, "I'll tell T'bor and Pilgra: but I'll ask them to keep it to themselves. But they should know – in case a situation arises when you can save lives that they as Weyrleaders know about and you and I do not." She nodded agreement and said thoughtfully,

"It explains something mother said."

"What's that?"

"She told me she could not stay at Benden for the continual chatter. Could she have meant dragons? I can filter it out, but it's something I'm always aware of." She did not tell him that she had long ago learned to filter out the permanent noise of human thought. R'gar said,

"It seems likely enough. What a shame!" of course, he reflected, it had worked out well enough for Pern that F'lar had needed to Search and found Lessa; but it was a shame that there had not been more queen eggs and that T'lan's mother had not been able to cope. After all, had she been at Benden Weyr, Kylara might then never have Impressed and a whole lot of tragedy might have been averted….. still, what was, was. And F'lar's child was a good addition to the roster. One no doubt of a number if one might only track them down; though Lessa would discourage her weyrmate from doing so.

oOoOo

Pilgra watched the weyrlings playing with Sagarra, seeing the child run to T'lan after bumping her knee. The boy hugged the little girl and sat her, legs a–dangle on his hip… Pilgra watched as T'lan's hips swung as – he – carried the child. Later she asked T'bor,

"Do you think we should let girls try to Impress green dragons if they fail with queens or there's no queen egg?"

T'bor was not convinced.

"Never been done before. Could be a bad idea. No way most girls could have the sense of responsibility to let their dragons chew firestone." He added, "Boys are bad enough. The only two out of this batch that observe all the safety procedures in all they do are T'sellan and – I have to admit it – T'lan. Girls on greens? No way."

Pilgra forbore to mention that flamethrowers were quite as dangerous as fiery breath and said nothing of her suspicions concerning T'lan to the Weyrleader. She did say,

"But there may be exceptions. And this gift of T'lan's – it's more common in women. Might there not be girls who couldn't cope with the responsibility of being a Weyrwoman who were capable of the less demanding job of green rider, especially if there were any more with this gift? T'lan's mother may have had it, and - he- has mentioned female cousins."

"Let me think about it, and suggest it to F'lar before going off half-cock on it" Said T'bor.

oOoOo

Pilgra said no more on the subject having sown her seeds; instead she sought out the smallest dragonrider at High Reaches as T'lan oiled Mirrith. Talana stopped and bowed.

"A fine morning to you, Weyrwoman." She said brightly. "Can I help you?"

"I think" said Pilgra slowly "that you should move Mirrith into a junior queen's weyr. She'll be too big for communal living soon." She looked Talana in the eye. "And I don't think you'll be able to hide your own – ah, development - much longer if you stay in a dormitory."

Talana gasped.

"I – I beg your pardon?" She tried.

"Don't act the innocent." Said Pilgra briskly. "I've been watching you play with that child of R'gar's. You make a sweet young mother my dear."

"Oh dear." Talana did not know what to say. "They – you – can't take Mirrith away from me now can they?" She asked.

"Of course not silly child. You're Impressed. Obviously you were the person Mirrith wanted. You're both – different." Pilgra hid a smile. Talana nodded, the senior Weyrwoman's matter of fact acceptance of the state of affairs was encouraging.

"Thank you Pilgra, I'll do as you suggest. I'm sorry if I'm causing problems."

"There are no problems, child, but I suggest you keep your true nature a secret until you've proved yourself against Thread. It is rather unprecedented" she added candidly " and there's a lot of resistance to that." Pilgra smiled. She wondered why T'lan had been dressed as a boy in the first place; but realised that forced confidences would only lead to resentment. If the child wanted to tell her she would do so in her own time.

oOoOo

"Pilgra is very clever." Said Mirrith.

"She certainly sees things" agreed Talana. "Well, fatso, I guess we'd better do as she told us."

"I am not fat" complained Mirrith, and spoiled the effect of wounded dignity by burping suddenly. Talana laughed.

"You need to sleep off all those wherries you ate" she said. "Your belly is so distended it wobbles when you walk."

Mirrith huffed in an offhanded way and waddled towards her new quarters, trying to give the impression of high dudgeon. Talana hugged her neck.

"Eat well and grow happy." She murmured by way of apology, and ran to collect her personal belongings. She met K'len as she wrestled with an armful of clothing; Keerana had been generous in finding outgrown things. K'len asked,

"Where are you off to?"

"Pilgra says Mirrith is getting too big." T'lan told him "So she's ordered us to that vacant junior queen's weyr that's too small for a regular queen of this age."

"'Bout time." K'len nodded agreement. "She's always spilling into Sharath's couch. Here, let me help." And he grabbed some of the clothes from her. Talana gratefully accepted his aid though she kept her precious book hidden. K'len was not famed for his discretion; and whilst she welcomed him spreading the official reason for her move – with his own embellishments on it being about time – she preferred to keep her book a secret, at least until she had extracted all the learning from it. She might have time to resume her studies now R'gar was getting better, though she would miss being so much with Laranth and the long cosy chats with his rider.

"This is nice and roomy" Mirrith informed her as she entered. "I was sorry we had to leave when we stopped sleeping with R'gar. I can invite Laranth in here."

"So we could" smiled Talana. Yes, this was a nice apartment with sufficient privacy. She thanked K'len and started settling in.