Disclaimer: You know what? NO. That's what.
A/N: This chapter was probably the hardest chapter to write in this whole story, and not because it's the most serious one either. Please let me know how I did, and be kind :-D And, of course, RnR!
Oh, and he03, you just MAY get your wish…Heh, heh…
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Chapter Seven
Vincent Takes A Stand
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"I can't believe I lost a race!" Bradley stared at the screen for quite some time. "I never lose races!"
"It's all right, Bradley…" Shera patted him on the back. "We've just been having an off day. Let's go and get some dinner, all right? It's getting late anyway…"
"But…But Shera…!" the dark haired man turned to her, clasping her hand in his. "I…I really wanted to do something for you. I'm grateful for you coming with me…"
"It's all right," she offered him another of her treasured smiles. "I'm already happy being with you."
The man smiled back and was just about to speak when a shorter man with glasses and a receding hairline poked him from behind. "Mr. Bradley Richton?"
Bradley and Shera both turned to look at him. "Yes?" he answered.
"Your order has arrived. Will you come to pick it up?"
Bradley's eyes widened and Shera seemed concerned.
"What's he talking about, Bradley?" she asked.
The rich man glanced back to her with a big smile, and put his hands on her shoulders. "I have the perfect gift for you, Shera! I know you'll like it!" He made a sudden move to follow the man, but shook a finger and said, "Wait right here, all right? I'll be back."
There was another one of those blasted smiles on her face. Another one as she watched Bradley hurriedly climb the stairs and disappear from her watching view. Another one as he was going to get her a ring and tear her from him for good.
Cid Highwind stood in the shadows, hands clenched, and he could feel Ester's stare from behind. He didn't care. All he wanted to do was march over there, grab Shera, and tell her what a terrible mistake she was making. He wanted to yell at her, and scream at her, and cry out that she was such a terrible and selfish person for carrying on a relationship with the man, and hadn't given a second thought to it! She hadn't given a second thought to the fact that maybe he wanted to apologize and that maybe he wanted to discuss things and that maybe…
"Well…do you mind if she moves out?"
"Hell no! What? Do I hafta repeat myself?"
"Okay, and if she found another guy?"
"Good riddance! Maybe I can get things done sooner then!"
To hell with maybe.
"Shut up," he whispered harshly to himself. "Just shut the hell up. This ain't my fault. She was carrying on long before I said any of that."
"That must be the 'ring' he's talking about." Cid turned his head and saw Yuffie and Red standing in the entranceway of the racing hall. They, too, were watching Shera. The pilot wasn't sure how much they had overheard, but from the sound of it, it was enough.
Something must've caught the ninja girl's eye because she looked to meet the Captain's stare and gave a half smile to him. She quickly moved to his side, the red beast following beside her. "Hey, Old Man," she greeted.
He grunted.
"Cid," Red began, "why aren't you over there talking to her? Bradley's gone now."
"I…I…" Cid looked to her, mouth twitching. He wasn't sure why.
"Yeah, Cid!" Yuffie encouraged. "You came here to talk to her, didn't you? Now's your chance!"
"Shut up!" he hissed at them. "I'm not over there right now because…" he was fidgeting, "…because…"
"Because you have no idea what you're going to say to her," Red finished. "Do you, Cid? You have no clue."
"Jus' shut up!" he shouted. "Both of ya! That ain't it at all! I don't care if he's gonna buy her an engagement present or anything! I'm just standin' here and they happened to be here and—"
"Captain?"
No one moved.
The gig was up and Cid had been found out. Shera's curious gaze was upon him and he didn't know how to react to it—mainly because he was already having trouble dealing with the duo of dumbbells. He had no idea what he was going to say to Shera or what lame excuse he could offer. Cid didn't own a villa in Gold Saucer (nor had he in Costa Del Sol, anyway), and he certainly couldn't pass off that he owned any part of the amusement park. He forced himself to turn away, but Red seemed as though he wasn't about to let up.
"Talk to her, Cid. Tell her why you're here."
"I…"
"C'mon Old Man!" Yuffie slapped him on the back, receiving a grunt in return. "Show her the side of big, buff ol' Highwind!"
He threw a dark glare at her, but Red's face was much more serious and intimidating. Cid thrust his hands into the pockets of his pants and sluggishly walked over to Shera.
What the hell are ya doin' Highwind!? You came here fer a reason! You gonna let these little feelings get ta ya? She should be the one feeling nervous, not you! You didn't do nuthin' wrong! She's the one who ran off with some rich guy and has been seeing him for God knows how long while you were out saving the bloody world! Is that any way to repay you? You'd be stupid to let her keep running this show! Put her in her damn place already!
The thought made him angrier than he had been that entire day and he replaced his sluggish walks with a ferocious march that suddenly made Shera look frightened. His eyes were no longer droopy with anxiety, but fierce and lined with thick eyebrows that shot daggers and formed heavy shadows. His shoulders tensed, his hands balled, and he walked with the heels of his feet hitting the ground first, making a loud and powerful thud with each movement. Cid had forgotten everything he realized earlier in the Chocobo stables, and became the dark, dreaded Captain that Shera had come to know since the rocket disaster.
"Shera!" When he was only a few feet away from her, an angry scowl on his face, he let into her, "What the hell are ya doin' hanging 'round him like this!? Hugging on him and falling all over him! Are ya too damn blind ta see what a player he is!?"
Shera took a step backwards, mouth gaping. From behind, Cid could hear Yuffie and Red hissing at him. He ignored it.
"Ya think I wouldn't find out about this little relationship you got going on!?"
Shera looked sincerely confused. Don't give into her! She's obviously planned this all out with a whole twenty-page dialogue scene to cover up for it! Her mousey little eyes and her trembling lips…I won't fall for it!
"What? No, Captain, that's not…"
No…He wasn't about to let her use any of her innocent placating on him.
"Don't lie to me, woman! I heard the two of ya talking on the Gondola 'bout how you thought I wouldn't find out! How you were gonna tell me when ya got back that you two were gonna run off together and expect it to be all right!" His face got right into hers, "Well it ain't! I save the damn world and this is how you repay me! He's going right now to buy ya an engagement ring and you sure as hell had better say 'no' to him or else I'll—"
"A what?" Shera blinked, his words evidently becoming too much for her to bear.
She can't keep up this charade forever. I'm gonna push her until she slips and finally tells the truth. And if she thinks that I'll just back away from this, she's got another thing comin'!
"Ya heard me right!" he barked. "The little bastard is going to buy you an engagement ring! Propose to ya! Do I hafta repeat myself again!?"
"Captain, I don't think you know what you're talking abou—"
"Dammit, Shera!" he pounded his fist against his thigh, causing her to jump back. "This lying has got to stop! If you don't want to see me get more pissed off than I already am, you'd better tell me—"
"She doesn't need to tell you anything, Cid."
The shouting stopped.
Cid's flaring anger left.
And now, everyone was staring, including Cloud and the whole gang of AVALANCHE. When they had gotten there, he hadn't quite known. Nor had he the slightest inclination about what had drawn the rest of the crowd there. All he knew was that he and Shera were at one end, but they certainly were not the cynosure of everyone's attention.
The Captain turned to see Vincent Valentine standing in the center of the huge circle that had gathered and formed.
"She doesn't have to say a word." The other man stepped forward, looking Shera in the face. There was a look about him, something that made him seem more dangerous than ever, even though his face was as nonchalant as it usually was. Perhaps it was in the way he had spoken to Cid. Or perhaps it was in the way he was gazing at the female engineer now. Or, even worse, perhaps it was the guilt of a lie told to a friend from some days before. But whatever it was, all of those possibilities and more made Vincent Valentine appear just as intimidating and dangerous than Meteor or Jenova had ever been.
The former Turk opened his mouth to speak, "Shera, a short time ago, before the defeat of Sephiroth, Cloud gave us a day off to find out what we were fighting for—what gave us a purpose in our lives." He took a deep breath, and Cid wasn't prepared for what came next, "Barret went to see his daughter, Marlene, in Kalm. Red XII went to his hometown of Cosmo Canyon to see all of the people he loved so much there. Yuffie did the same in Wutai. Tifa and Cloud spent the evening together, talking about the days that had meant the most to them and how much the two of them meant to each other. I went to a place to pray for the woman I loved." Vincent turned to the pilot.
Cid winced.
"There were those who had once been against us, but realized what a beautiful world it was we lived in during that day off." Reeve cleared his throat in the background. "Everyone had found a reason worth fighting for—worth dying for—and worth living for. There would be no point to pick up a sword or a spear to fight against the evils that threatened the very planet unless that individual found a purpose in his or her life. There was someone or something that they loved. There was their family and friends that they wanted to protect and give their lives for." The dark haired man paused, "Shera, that purpose for fighting…it's nice to be that purpose for fighting, isn't it? To be the daughter of a man who is loved and feels safe, or to be an entire village where one warrior feels the need to pick up arms and fight to protect it. I think a love that strong is very important."
Then Vincent turned, his eyes on a very uncomfortable Captain. It wasn't long after that that the pilot could feel every stare upon him. "But what did Cid Highwind do?" The former Turk's eyes were dark and unpredictable, but there was an unmistaken glint of loathing in them. "Shera…did you see Cid Highwind on that day?"
Shera, who was just as perplexed as everyone else, said nothing.
"I didn't think so," Vincent continued. "That's because Cid Highwind found his purpose for living at the bar at the other end of town. He found his purpose in every shot he took and every ounce of reality he chose to forsake. His purpose was to not have a purpose." Vincent frowned. "And then he lied for it." Now the former Turk was pacing, "I guess that's understandable. Cid doesn't have a daughter or a son that he has to worry about. He doesn't have a wife, and, apparently, doesn't have any close friends. Those who worry about him, he's oblivious of their feelings. Those people aren't important. His home isn't important. The town in which he lives in isn't important." When he stopped pacing, his eyes were on Shera, "You aren't important."
Cid wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to stop Vincent from saying anything more—from letting everyone else know that something he had denied being his fault…
…really was his fault.
The pilot turned to gaze at everyone in the room, faces he didn't recognize and faces he did. His friends looked disappointed. He spun back around to stare at Shera, who seemed as though she were about to cry, but was trying her hardest to hold back. Those words spoken by Vincent must've seemed like Cid himself, judging from the look on her face, had spoken them. He had just been painted as the town's monster—the next archenemy of the world.
He hadn't stopped by to talk with any of his friends or those who looked up to him in Rocket Town. Cid had never cared that anyone called him "Captain," and he certainly didn't give a damn about any of the people in the town. He had always wanted to just take his plane and leave without ever coming back after the entire rocket scenario. Yes, that had been true, to some extent. He didn't even care about leaving Shera behind.
That day that Cloud had given him off, he hadn't even wanted to come back to Rocket Town. Finding a purpose for fighting and all of that goody-goody crap was done just to please their poetic and imaginative leader. The only thing Cid had cared about was kicking Sephiroth to kingdom come. That way, he could pull his beloved airship out from the hellhole that was the crater, and take off to sail the skies with it once more. That sounded so promising…He had thought that maybe that was his reason for fighting.
But when everyone else started to leave, itinerary route in mind, some of them, like Cloud and Vincent, stayed behind to make sure that he had planned on going somewhere. He had lied, saying that he already knew what it was that he wanted to fight for, but that damned Vincent was so high strung on making the lives of other people miserable, he had forced Cid off the airship with the aim of his Death Penalty.
It had been a bummer, really, and Cid had nowhere else to go but Rocket Town. He hadn't been sure if the reason he came was because it was such a natural thing within his subconscious or if it was because he had nowhere else to go. But when he realized where he was, he became bitter and took to the bar, hoping to be seen by less people as possible. He hadn't wanted to come back. Really, he hadn't. And he definitely didn't want to go home because then he would have to see Shera, and she would be crying, and begging him to be careful, and to take better care of himself…
Cid just really didn't want to deal with it. And what she didn't know wouldn't kill her. So he figured, just out of pure boredom, that he would stay at the bar…and maybe have a few drinks while he was at it. The Captain hadn't really expected to have so many, and the bar was empty anyway, so he didn't have much of a problem with ruining his reputation in front of the bartender. And besides, it wasn't like it was that much of a big deal. Like he had said to himself before, he had found his reason for fighting.
Rocket Town, Shera, and the people of the like just weren't a part of that equation.
"Shera…I know how worried you've must've been for his safety. It's been months since you've seen or heard from him, is that not true?" She lowered her head, and Cid could see a lone tear voyage across her cheek. She didn't bother to wipe it away. "From your silence, I suppose it is."
He inwardly cursed. Why was Vincent making all of this into such a big deal? What was the problem? Shera should've understood, at least. They had known each other for years! She knew that he wasn't the kind of person to keep in touch or to make it seem like he cared about anything. Besides, she shoulda had ol' Bradley to fall back on. Why his going out to have a few drinks was of anyone's concern was beyond him.
But…damn…he hated to see Shera cry.
And the hypocrisy! So Cid hadn't come home that night. Big deal. She was busy carrying on with some rich fellow on the side! The Captain wanted to know why he hadn't been privileged to know about the relationship.
But…somehow…none of that seemed to matter. Everyone in the room was going to take Shera's side anyway. He would be the one who looked bad in their eyes and the one at fault. No one would even bother to hear his side of the story.
Worried 'bout me…Vincent, you're not only deranged, you're a dead man. Yer pulling all this shit just to force some tears and make everyone feel sorry fer her!
Though…it was strange, really. Cid knew that Shera wasn't an actress. She couldn't just summon up tears whenever her little heart desired. These tears were true…genuine…and by gods, her tiny shoulders were quaking now. What do you expect from me, Shera? Why is this a huge issue now?
Cid could feel the burning gazes solely on him, the heat grazing his neck. He had never felt like such a cold and uncaring human being as he did now. Even the treatment toward her for the past five years laughed scornfully at this. It made Sephiroth look almost like another Aeris Gainsborough.
"I suppose you were hoping that maybe he would've come back to see you, maybe show some consideration for your worry…and perhaps find a reason for wanting to fight at home. It's hard to imagine that someone you care about would just want to…forget about you."
"That's enough, Vincent!" Cid snapped, hard eyes meeting Vincent's cold ones. "Can't you see what you're doing!?"
"What I'm doing?" Vincent repeated. "Don't you mean what you already did?"
What's he talking 'bout? He'd better not be tryin' to turn the tables on me! Cid wasn't thinking straight. After all, all the blame was being charged to him. More than anything, he wanted the other man to shut up long enough for the pilot to comprehend everything being said and, maybe, think of an excuse in the process. Either way, it wasn't Vincent's place to involve himself. As if things couldn't already be any worse…
"You had no right to tell her! That's my job and I'll do it if I damn well please!"
Damn, Highwind…real bad choice of words to use there. If you didn't look insensitive before, you sure as hell do now.
"…If you please?" Vincent repeated.
Suddenly, Cid felt less sure of himself. "Uh…that's right."
"I see. And when exactly did you plan on telling her, Cid?" Vincent asked, just as calm and unruffled as ever.
Before Cid could reply, Shera spoke up first, "Is that true…Captain?" Tears were freely spilling down her face, but there was a tiny glimpse of hope the pilot caught that prayed that the things Vincent was saying were false. "Is it?"
Why's she giving me that look? Why she's crying like that? I'm not the bad guy here! The hell would she care if I came home or not? It's my house anyway. I do what I want and she should know that.
"Don't lie to her, Cid…" Vincent warned. "I think we've all heard enough of your lies."
My lies!? How have I lied!? What the hell is up with everybody!? Jus' because I didn't go out searching like the rest of the lot don't mean that I'm a bad guy!
But Shera was crying. And she wasn't faking it. There wasn't even a hint of deceitfulness. She had honestly expected him to be home on that day for some reason. She had honestly expected him to find a reason for fighting by sitting at his damn table, drinking his damn tea, and carrying on a damn conversation with her. Dammit, Shera…
Cid couldn't find the strength to argue. Between Shera's tears, Vincent's persistency, and the glares from all his friends, he could only manage a weak, "…Yes…It's true."
He didn't know why he suddenly felt so ashamed. He didn't know why he cared, really. He didn't even know why Shera's knowledge of where he had been that night was any of her business at all! But that didn't change how he felt. That didn't change the fact that he instantly regretted blowing her off and lying to Vincent about it as well. But, most of all, he regretted telling the truth. He wasn't sure which was better: lying or telling the truth.
It didn't matter now, though. Nothing would ever make him forget the look on Vincent's face or on the faces of his friends and those around him. And, above all else, he would never forget that look from Shera.
His chest wrenched in such pain that he had to turn away at the sight of Shera's cry and the hurt on her face as she held her hands to her mouth. Other gasps ran around the room, but Cid could only focus on Shera's reaction, and he forced himself to look back at her. The tears that streamed down her face and her trembling hands…What had seemed like a harmless decision before had come back to bite him tenfold.
"I see…" Vincent nodded and gazed at Shera. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way."
"Damn you, Vincent!" Cid shouted, his voice hoarse and cracking, although he wasn't sure why it was. He hated how he was being forced into revealing something he didn't want to. Something that seemed so damn trivial. Why couldn't everyone else see that?
"Why do I see this look on your face, Cid?" the red cloaked man asked. "Are you angry?"
"Don't ask me such a stupid question! 'Course I'm angry! You come here and cause this huge scene, not even knowing what the hell yer talking 'bout, and do nothin' but upset everyone! Shera don't need to hear all of this!"
"Doesn't need to hear it?" Vincent repeated, blinking. "Doesn't need to hear it? She lives with you, waits on you hand and foot, and takes all the abuse you give her. What makes you think she doesn't deserve to hear it?" Cid frowned. The other man continued, "Wasn't it you who told me that you could care less if she moved out or if she found a man? It doesn't really sound at all like you should care about her need to hear this, Cid. But, for her sake, I think she deserves to know."
This prompted another cry from Shera, who gave Cid such a look that he found himself feeling only three inches tall. She whirled around and saw Bradley at the base of the stairs. By the glare on his face, he had heard the entire thing. She broke past the crowd and fled to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He held her as she cried and tried to sooth her with a patting hand on her back.
The Captain was numb, and, yet, felt himself experiencing several emotions all at once.
There was guilt…anger…sadness…fear…and betrayal.
"Bradley," he could hear her whimper. "Please…take me back home." When she turned back to Cid, her eyes were no longer filled with hurt, but with the same anger the pilot had shown her earlier. "Can I use your carriage when we get there? I have some things to do."
Cid was shaking. He didn't know why he was, but he was shaking. He knew what she was going to do. She was going to leave. She was going to leave and it was going to be with Bradley and she would never think twice about coming back.
"Of course," he replied and led her up the stairs, away from everyone.
Cid couldn't move.
There was much talk amongst the people there after she had left, but Cloud and the others said nothing. Cid didn't say anything either. He didn't know what to say. What would it make any difference now? She was gone. She was gone and it was Vincent's fault.
When all the feelings had subsided and only the feeling of absolute hatred was left, the Captain sent out in a blind rage towards Vincent. He grabbed him by the collar of his cloak and slammed him up against the wall, earning another intake of breath from the audience.
"Damn you, Vincent!" His hands were shaking. His whole body was shaking. His eyes were stinging. He threw the former Turk against the wall again. "Damn you to hell and damn it all if I don't send you there myself!"
Vincent was not fazed and it infuriated Cid further. He wanted to see the man quiver with fear or nervousness.
But Cid knew better. He could never spark that kind of emotion with Vincent Valentine.
"Why did you do that!?" It was the pilot who was shaking with fear, and hatred, and betrayal. But why the hell could it have not been Vincent? "Why the hell did you do that!?" He wanted to punch the man before him. He wanted to punch him over and over and beat him to a bloody, fucking pulp. He wanted to strangle him and rip him apart and…
"Because you deserve it."
What? What had he just said?
"What?"Cid barked, not quite in a rational mind to understand anything. His world had just crumbled beneath him.
"I said that you deserve it, Cid." The pilot's hands were still wrapped in the collar of Vincent's cloak, and they tightened with the raven haired man's every word. "What? You don't think so?"
Cid turned his head and offered the other man his profile. "I'm not even gonna comment on the fact that you publicly humiliated me, but the fact that you involved Shera—"
"You think I did this to humiliate you?" The Captain was taken aback. He pulled his gaze back to Vincent, mouth twitching.
"Of course, stupid! Why the hell would you do it in the first place!?"
Vincent stared at him for a moment, face unreadable, but soon made his thoughts clear once he said, "I can't believe you don't know."
"Then enlighten me, dammit!"
"Very well. Let me go." Cid was hesitant, but he wanted answers more than anything. Forcing himself to calm down, he slowly unraveled his fingers.
Once the pilot removed his clutches on Vincent and had stepped back, the other man pushed himself away from the wall and stood up straight. He inhaled. "Once upon a time I was in love with a woman named Lucrecia. I think you already know that. I worked with her, and wanted to help her. I wanted her to love me. However, as you may have found out, I didn't approve of the experiments.
"When I tried to talk her about it, she ran from me, and I was lost in despair. My despair only grew when I found her in the arms of another man. It didn't matter as much to me, so long as she was happy. But when I lost Lucrecia to the madness of that man, I realized how weak and indecisive I was. I couldn't even save the woman I truly loved. Everything that meant anything to me at all was in ruin…Lost."
Cid stared at him, not much understanding, but the tone of Vincent's voice didn't make him want to object. Vincent didn't speak much of his past, but after they had visited Lucrecia in her little hideaway, things became a little clearer.
"Current day, I see a woman in love with a man who doesn't notice her for anything other than a whipping post. She gives her heart and soul for that man, but is rejected by him." Vincent cocked his head to the side. "I suppose I see myself in her—the rejected."
"What the hell does this have to do with anything!?" Cid finally flared once he had safely assumed Vincent was done telling his pointless story.
"You still don't know?" Vincent asked.
"Dammit, Vincent! I'm not in the mood to play your fuckin' guessing games!" Cid's face was pale, oddly, and his heart was beating rapidly. I'm gonna have a heart attack. I know it.
"All right, Cid." Vincent looked away for a moment to stare at Cloud and the others, who had been silent the entire time. "I'm talking about you."
"Say what?"
"I'm talking about a stubborn, foolish man who can't realize his feelings aside from his hefty ego. A man who preaches but denies himself— a man who acts like the woman who rejected me. We, the rejected, have forgiven those that we love, but the ones as stubborn as you and Lucrecia…you can't forgive yourselves."
"Stop talking in riddles!"
"Stop interrupting me, Cid," Vincent said harshly. His eyes were dark and fierce, like a wild beast's. His voice was colder than that of the temperature of the Gaia Cliffs. There was no hesitance and Vincent seemed to certainly know what he was talking about. And for the first time in a long time, Cid Highwind shut up.
"You lied to me about where you were that night, Cid. You lied about something important, regardless if you think so or not. And you lied to her. But most of all you lied to yourself. Despite what you think of me, my only aim for coming here was to help you." The pilot opened his mouth to speak, but the other man cut him off, "I took something away from you that you told me yourself you didn't want. I did it because I didn't want you to make the same mistake as me. By me taking this from you, you at least still have a chance to fix it. I don't."
Cid straightened his back.
"What if something had happened to her after that, Cid? What if something had happened to you? What then? She would have never had the chance to say goodbye to you. You would be dead or she would be dead. Do you think that's fair? Do you see why she's so angry now? It's because you would have rather taken the chance that you two would never see each other again than face her and let her know what you had to do. Your reason for fighting was found in the bottom of a bottle rather than in the comfort of protecting something." Then something unusual happened. Vincent blew up, "That's why I'm so angry at you! I already made that mistake! I already lost Lucrecia! She's gone, Cid! But Shera…" His tone settled a bit after a moment, "Shera is still right there."
Vincent lightly tapped his thigh and the Captain could hear him exhale. "Remember Aeris, Cid. Who got to say goodbye to Aeris? Think of the lives that will forever be changed by her death. Would your life change if Shera had died? Would her life change if you had died? Think about it." Cid wasn't given the chance before the other man started again, "You said that Shera didn't need to hear that you had spent the night at the bar instead of at home. Do you still feel that way? Do you still believe it was better she not know? And suppose that she hadn't found out, just like you intended. Would anything change?"
The former Turk shook his head. "You tell me that you don't love her. You don't even have feelings for her, but do you honestly think that I would've done what I just did if I believed that? Besides, you not only betrayed your friends, you betrayed yourself—your feelings. A normal person would not have followed a woman and her companion out here just for their health, Cid. Like I told you before, my only aim was to help you."
It was then that Vincent gestured to Cloud and their friends.
"I was not the only one who tried to help you, Cid. Why do you think we're all here now? To humiliate you? Certainly not. I followed you out of curiosity. Why are you here right now? Why did you follow Shera and her companion out this far? To stop them? Stop them from what? Getting married? That's just foolish."
The Captain wasn't sure what Vincent was getting at, but it certainly made him think. Why did he care? It was the question he had kept asking himself from the moment he saw Shera on the phone until the moment that Vincent told her everything and she left. And he wasn't sure. He just knew that…
"I don't want to lose Shera." It was the same thing he had assured himself when talking to Joe. It seemed like an acceptable answer.
Not to Vincent. "You didn't want to lose her? Perhaps that's what you may have thought. But I know better." Cid looked at him quizzically. "You came out here to reclaim a piece of property to you. Like if someone takes your chair from your home, are you going to just let that person steal it? What it if had been something of more value? A Chocobo? A diamond necklace? No. You wouldn't let that person get away with it."
Chairs? Property? What the…?
"You look confused, Cid." Vincent nodded, "All right, allow me to explain. To a chair, the only feelings you have are those of attachment because it's yours. Not because you love the chair, mind you, but because it's yours. It's the same with Shera."
The pilot straightened his back, tension feeding down his body.
"You came here because you couldn't stand the thought of her becoming someone else's property, could you? Just the very thought of losing her to someone else—even if it wasn't a man—killed you. Because she's your property."
Cid looked away. Is that…really how I feel about her? She's just my property and my only aim was to reclaim her because of that sole purpose? He shook his head. No. NO. I ain't that heartless! I didn't bust my butt coming out here 'cuz I wanted my property back! It has to be something else!
"Well, you're wrong, Cid. Shera's not a pillow that you can just sit on. She's a human being and she's got feelings too. Her choice now is not yours to make. If you lose her, you've only got yourself to blame." Vincent was silent a moment longer, allowing the Captain to imbibe his words. "You have no right to dictate to her. You have no right to tell her what she can or can't do when she wants to know why you chose to spend your night—a night you were supposed to be finding what you were fighting for—at the bar. It's a slap to her because she cares about you. Don't you understand? If you didn't have a reason worth fighting for, then why did you join the battle against Sephiroth? Did you do it because you cared about her or about anything else? Did you do it because she cares about you?"
Cares? What? That can't be true. She's been carrying on with this guy forever! But why do I care? Why does it bother me so damn much that I'd be willing to follow her out here? Why is it that I haven't been able to sleep for the last three damn nights? Why do I feel like I've been struck with my own lance every time I see her holding his hand or hugging him or offering him a smile she would never show me? Dammit! This is so confusing…
"Can you tell me now why you came out here? Can you tell me now why you think I followed you out here?"
I don't wanna lose her. I don't wanna lose her to some other man because of my mistakes. I don't wanna see her kissing another man or loving another man when I wish that I was that man instead. I don't want her to leave me. And I just now realized that.
Cid couldn't understand it. He couldn't understand how arrogant, buff ol' man Highwind had ever let himself fall in love and not know about it for God's sakes! He couldn't even recall when it had happened. All he knew was that right now he cared. And, dammit, he cared a lot.
"She could never forgive me," Cid whispered, feeling his own tears form at the base of his throat. He didn't want to cry. Men didn't cry—especially Cid Highwind! But at that moment, being manly and all of that other shit didn't matter. Nothing mattered at that moment.
Because it would never make Shera forgive him.
He wanted to cry. He wanted to break down and put his head in his hands and cry. He wanted to confess what a hardheaded, insensitive asshole he was and how he wanted to be forgiven. He wanted her back.
"Cid…" Vincent's voice was strangely softer now. The pilot wasn't sure if the man was still staring at him because he was looking at the floor now, trying so hard not to show that he was on the verge of crying. "I can't tell you what she wants or doesn't want. All I can tell you now is that she's on her way back to Rocket Town. And she's going to leave, Cid. She's leaving for good."
How ironic it was that both things that Vincent had predicted in the very beginning were coming true. Not only was Shera leaving, but also she was leaving with another man.
And strangely enough, Cid didn't blame Vincent anymore. He blamed himself. He blamed himself and knew that Vincent hadn't betrayed him at all. Cid had already betrayed himself and his feelings. He couldn't believe how long it had taken for him to realize that inattentively he had been following Shera because he was jealous. Cid Highwind…Jealous! It was absurd. And he would've laughed at it if he hadn't been so bent on crying now.
But it was true. He was jealous and everyone else knew it but him. He was jealous that Bradley could be the one to take her tears away and make her give him one of her precious smiles that he wanted only for himself. He was jealous of how Bradley could make her do things like ride in a Gondola or go to parties when he couldn't.
The only thing Vincent had tried to do was warn him before it was too late. And it took the former Turk to take everything away from him for Cid to realize how much he truly loved Shera.
"Is that what you want?" Vincent asked. "If your answer is 'yes,' then that's all I have to say, Cid. But if not, then you have a choice to make. Are you going to take her back, and how so? What is the real motivation that drives you, Cid Highwind?"
Everyone waited for the pilot's response. The Captain, on the other hand, was lost in thought. He had never felt so tied down by any of these emotions before. He hated it. He didn't want to be committed. But if he lost Shera, he wasn't sure if that would be any better. I don't want to lose her. I don't. But could she forgive me after all of this? Would she laugh if I broke down and told her that Cid Highwind was in love with…with…
"Shera…" he whispered, his heart aching as though it were about to break right inside of his chest. "I…I don't want her to leave," he said, a little louder. "I don't want her to go. I wanna talk to her."
"Then get on yer damn plane and fly to Rocket Town, bitch!" Barret called from the back. There was a roaring crowd after that, all insisting that the pilot leave that moment and follow his woman back to town.
Cid looked up, his face slightly red from trying to choke back his tears, and saw the encouragement of his friends. His friends—who knew who the hell Cid Highwind was and what he stood for. His friends—who knew Cid better than anyone else, and had come to his aid even when he hadn't asked them to. His friends—who stood there now, without judgment, telling him to do what his heart thought was right.
Cid said in a whisper, "Dammit, Shera, you'd better wait for me." With a smile he added, "Else you'll make me search the whole damn world for ya. 'Cuz I ain't gonna give up 'til you listen to what I have to say." He waved to his friends, "Wish me luck ya numbskulls! Cid Highwind is gonna get his woman whether she knows it or not!" There was another round of whistles. The pilot turned to Vincent, who said nothing, but gave a simple nod in the Captain's direction. Jerking a thumb toward the former Turk, Cid smiled and turned to jog up the stairs.
\/\/\/
Like I said, this chapter was probably the hardest to write. Please let me know how I did. It's a little corny…ya…but…well…at least it's filled with feeling! …Not 'filling.' XD (High-fives Vincent)
ML
