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I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?

My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation

Tourniquet - Evanescence

Chapter 7

Return To Me Salvation

Cloud felt that there was something wrong the moment he got inside the apartment building. He shifted uncomfortably as he dug for his keys, glancing around the hallway as he slipped the key in the slot.

Something was horribly wrong.

The door opened to a dimly lit apartment, and complete silence. Cloud didn't expect there to be any noise; it was still early in the morning, and Roxas was no doubt sleeping, as was their redheaded guest. As he shut the door, however, there was a noise from behind him, a rather watery sounding whimper.

The blond turned around, his eyes scanning, and then his face grew shocked. Roxas was crumpled on the floor in front of him, one hand barely extended towards a silver chain and ring that lay in front of him. His eyes were wide, red-rimmed, and dull, staring at the ring in front of him.

Cloud went to his knees next to his brother, reaching out to him. He didn't seem hurt, and so the blond carefully gathered the younger into his arms. "Oh, Rox, what's happened? What's wrong?"

Part of Cloud was terrified; he hadn't seen Roxas cry like this since he was 6 when their mother had passed away. Whatever had happened had hurt Roxas deeply, the teen didn't respond to his touches and whispers and merely lay limply in his grasp.

Cloud smoothed Roxas' tear damp hair away from his forehead, trying to coax a response out of him. "Roxas, please little one, tell me what's wrong…"

Roxas whimpered again, and then slowly pulled his knees up, curling into Cloud's embrace and going into a ball on the older's lap. Cloud held him closer as he clenched a hand in the white coat that Cloud was wearing, pressing his face against Cloud's shoulder. The older blond lay his cheek against Roxas' hair as his small body began to shake with renewed sobs, clutching him close and rocking back and forth slightly.

"It's okay… I'm here; I'm not going to leave you… I'm here…"


Some part of Sora was a little worried as he found the front door unlocked. They almost always locked the door, being in the neighborhood they were and merely habit made them lock it almost 24/7. So it being open was a little… disconcerting.

The brunette pushed the door open cautiously, putting his bag down by the doorway as he headed into the apartment, looking for some form of life.

That's weird… Roxas is almost always out here watching TV… Where is everyone?

He found Cloud in the kitchen, sitting silently at the table with a cup of coffee cradled in his hands. He wasn't drinking, and it was obvious that he hadn't; the mug was still full and no longer steaming. The elder Strife merely stared at the brown liquid, his body completely still.

Sora crept closer, cautious. "Cloud?"

Cloud blinked as though coming out of a trance, glancing up at his younger brother. "Oh, hey Sora. How was Riku?"

"He's okay." Sora said slowly, going to sit next to Cloud. "What happened while I was gone? Where's Roxas?"

At that Cloud sighed, running a hand through his bangs. "He's sleeping. I finally got him to sleep about an hour ago."

"Huh?"

"I really don't know, Sora." Cloud said softly. "I have no idea. I came in here around 5 this morning and found Roxas just lying on the floor by the front door. He'd cried so hard he'd run out of tears…"

Sora blinked in shock. "What? He hasn't cried since… well, since Mom died."

"Yea, I know." Cloud murmured. "It's also the first time he's ever really let me hold him like that. He's not a cuddly person, but he wouldn't let me go for the longest time. It was only when he finally fell asleep that I was able to get his hand out of my coat."

"Wow… Do you have any clue as to what happened?" Sora asked, tilting his head.

Cloud shrugged. "Not really. All I know is that Axel's gone, and there was this lying in front of Roxas."

He deposited a silver ring on the table, the chain trailing from his fingers. Sora examined it silently, but shook his head. "I've never seen it. Do you think it's from Axel?"

"Most likely. I don't know what happened, and it's starting to worry me. What did Axel do that's got Roxas this broken up?" Cloud murmured, going back to studying his long since cold coffee.

Sora sighed, and then pushed himself to his feet. "I'll go sit in his room until he wakes. It wouldn't be a good idea to have him wake up alone."

Cloud nodded absently, still watching his coffee.

"Cloud…" Sora murmured, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Go get some sleep. You look exhausted. I can take care of him, okay?"

"Yea. I'll do that." Cloud muttered. "Let me know when he wakes up, okay?"

Sora nodded. "Yea, will do."


Two hours later Sora watched as Roxas rolled towards him and his eyes slowly opened, identical shades of blue meeting. The older boy sighed, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair.

"Well?"

Roxas was quiet for a long moment, and then he looked towards the ceiling, breaking their locked gaze. "He's gone."

Sora snorted softly. "I got that much."

"I told him to get out." Roxas murmured, lifting a hand and putting it over his eyes. "I told him to leave, and he just left."

There was soft knock at the door, and then Cloud poked his head in. "Oh, you are awake."

Sora looked to his older brother. "Did you sleep at all, Cloud?"

Cloud shook his head slightly, but took a seat on the edge of the bed, his eyes on Roxas. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." Roxas answered softly. "Drained."

Sora broke the silence, as was his usual job. "So what happened?"

"I caught him."

Cloud tilted his head. "Huh?"

Roxas ran a hand through his hair, and then put his face in the palm of his hand. "I caught him going out and getting the drugs. So I kicked him out. And he actually left. I… I was so sure that he would tell me no. But he… he really left."

"Roxas…" Sora murmured, putting a hand over his brother's. "You did what was best."

The blond shook his head. "No… No, I made things worse."

Cloud frowned, and then his eyes widened. "Roxas, you don't…"

Tears filled Roxas' eyes again as he looked down at the blankets that covered his legs. "I care for him, Cloud. I don't know why. I don't even know how it happened. I just know that I care for him. More than I should." He clenched his hand in the sheets. "I didn't want him to leave. Part of me wanted him to tell me no. But… he just left. Left me with this."

He held up his hand, showing the silver chain that dangled from his fingers. Sora stared at the ring for a moment. "What is it?"

"It was his mother's. He said that he wanted me to have it." Roxas murmured, feeling over the smooth metal. "He said it was the last thing that she gave him when she still loved him. It's got to be the only thing he has left of her, and he gave it to me…"

He clutched the ring to his chest. "But he said… he said he wouldn't hurt me anymore."

Sora nodded. "That's true."

Roxas' eyes suddenly widened, his heart stopping. "No… He said he wouldn't hurt anyone anymore." He raised his head. "Axel…"

He threw himself to his feet, darting around Sora and Cloud and out of the room. He nearly tripped over his own feet as he ran, his eyes wide and his heart racing.

"AXEL!"


The broken glass glinted in the moonlight, shining faintly in Axel's gloved hand. He stared at it silently, and then clenched his hand around the piece.

I hurt him. I lied to him, I betrayed his trust. He'll never take me back now.

I can't live like this anymore, especially if I can't be with him. He gave me… purpose. And I betrayed that.

He barely flinched at the pain as the glass cut through his skin, trailing a line of blood along the veins that led from his elbow to his wrist. The blood welled up over the cut skin, flowing over his arm and dripping to the ground.

He would not be found this time.

Again he cut, and again he barely flinched. It was nothing, this pain. Nothing compared to what he must have done to Roxas.

His hands were shaking by the time he removed the shard from his torn arms, holding it up towards his throat. The final cut, the final way to make sure that even if he was found, there would be no coming back from it this time.

A hand clapped on his wrist a second later, just above the bleeding gash. A soft whisper made its way to his ears. "Don't you dare."

Axel turned his head, his eyes meeting Roxas' teary blue gaze. "But…"

"No." Roxas said fiercely. "Don't you dare give up now. Not after what's happened. We can get through this. I can help you. I will help you."

"No one can help me." Axel whispered. "I'll just hurt you again."

Roxas smiled softly. "No. You won't, I know it. Just please, don't give up on me. On yourself. Because you can do this. I believe in you."

The redhead dropped his head, silent tears beginning to stream from his eyes, as the darkness from blood loss began to take him over. "I'm so sorry, Hero…so sor—"

"Axel? AXEL!.? Don't you give up on me! Don't you leave me!"

The red lashes closed and Axel could no longer respond.


We don't own "Tourniquet" by Evanescence