Hey guys, been a while, I know. I've been really busy with [insert long and educational explanation]. Anyways, thanks for the reviews! This chapter, and probably a couple others will be more fillers because I feel like I need to further Naruto's character, or whatever. Also I'm not the best at fight scenes, so yea. More details at the end of this chapter. Story go!


It was the day after the bell test and Naruto was on his way to the Hokage Tower to report for his first mission. It seemed he had forgotten the fact that a Genin team usually only takes on D-rank and the occasional C-rank missions, the poor, naive bastard.

As he walked down the market streets, ignoring the glares that the few early morning villagers sent his way, he heard a shrill scream of a dying whale, and the clatter of pans and other various metallic objects, briefly followed up by a brown cat hauling ass like a bat out of hell. The whole event lasted but a few moments, before all was back to normal with only a trail of dust to indicate the passage of the frantic animal.

'How strange,' thought Naruto, 'Oh well, not my problem!' Oh, the poor, poor bastard.


We find the blond menace stood before the Hokage Towers doors. Taking a deep breath, he readied himself for what was to come.

'Alright! My first day as a shinobi, don't be nervous, Naruto, this is what you've trained for!' he pumped himself up, before kicking open the doors and boisterously exclaiming, "Good morning, Jiji! Naruto Uzumaki, reporting for duty!"

All eyes turned to the walking eardrum torturer that is Naruto as he noticed his dumbfounded sensei and teammates. They were currently in front of the Hokage, obviously waiting for him to get their mission. Completely oblivious to the scores of stares send his way, he waved at his team and made his way towards them.

"Good morning, everyone!" he greeted, and was met with silence. Finally noticing the looks that both the people around him and his own team were sending him, he checked himself for any discrepancies, thinking that maybe his fly was undone.

"Is there something on my face?" he asked. The stares just intensified.

'What a...'

'Fucking...'

'Moron,' was the general thought shared by everyone present.

Kakashi coughed, trying valiantly to disperse the awkward tension.

"Well, now that everyone's here, how about we get started on today's mission? You guys must be excited, it's not everyday that you have your first mission!" he said, clapping his hands together and quickly turning to the Hokage, who'd been patiently watching the whole scene unfold.

The Hokage was seated at a table at the far end of the room alongside Iruka. Clad in his Hokage robes and matching hat, he made an imposing and venerable impression on all who saw him. It was all a ploy to get more business. A respectable business needed a respectable leader, and the Hokage needed to fill in that role. The hustle and bustle of the coming and goings of numerous ninja teams put up the front that Konohagakure was an efficient and battle ready village. It attracted costumers and scared away potential enemy spies. The presence of the Hokage just furthered those effects.

"Yes, well," said the Hokage, "Everyone but you on your team has registered as official ninjas. So if you would kindly hand over your Shinobi Registration form?"

"Sure thing, Hokage-jiji!" replied Naruto, digging into his numerous pockets for the papers.

"Respect your elders and leaders, Naruto you idiot!" said Iruka, smacking the blond's head with the mission scroll, "Now hand over your papers."

"Yeah, yeah, here. And there's no need to be so rough, that scroll is heavy!" Naruto grumbled.

"I hope to Kami that you took the registration seriously..."

The Hokage was hoping so too. After all, those papers, along with the disclosed information and photos, would be the source for any and all data until the boy made Chunin. That meant from the moment Naruto handed his scroll, to the time he gets promoted, that information would be used for the Shinobi Archives, future registrations, and if he so happened to gain a place in them, bingo books. Surely, despite his childish nature, Naruto would take this one thing seriously.

"Urk!" was the sound made by Iruka after briefly checking the contents of the scroll.

Apparently, the Hokage was mistaken, judging by the sound of Iruka chocking on his saliva.

"What is it, Iruka-san? Something wrong with Naruto's papers?" asked the Hokage.

"You'll see..." mumbled the poor man, handing over the scroll with trembling hands. After passing the document, Iruka closed his eyes and took a deep breath, obviously trying to not break down and throttle a certain prankster.


Curious as to what would have the young man in such a condition, the Hokage unfurled the scroll, and when his eyes landed on what it held, he had to stop himself from howling with laughter. It seemed that the word 'subtlety' didn't exist in Naruto's vocabulary, as he went with the most flamboyant way of taking his Shinobi registration form photograph. The eldest Sarutobi had expected that in a way, maybe some war paint, but as always, Naruto took things a step further.

He had indeed gone for the war paint look, with red and black markings swirling and weaving an intricate dance of colours on his face, neck and hands. It made him look slightly more menacing, well as menacing as a 4'7" boy could be, the Hokage would freely admit to that. What had him stifling his laughter were the added 'effects' the boy made. Directly behind the boy was a giant fireball of flames and smoke, with him being the probable cause if one was to deduce what with the explosive tags and maniacal face the boy donned. In the corner of the photo, the terrified and pleading face of the photographer could be seen, clearly screaming in abject horror. It would've made for an intimidating image if it wasn't for Naruto being in the classic 'Good Guy' pose, legs akimbo and hand extended in a thumbs up.


"You have a rather... Unique photography style, Naruto..." said the Hokage.

"Thanks, Hokage-jiji! I spent a lot of time deciding what to do! It was a really hard decision!" replied Naruto.

"Was it now?" chuckled the old man.

"Yep, it was either that, or sacrificing a goat. I couldn't decide what would exude a more dangerous vibe," continued the boy.

"Is that so?" deadpanned the Hokage.

As he continued to read the form, it was becoming increasingly harder for the esteemed leader to control his mirth. Finally finishing, he schooled his features and looked up to the hopeful boy.

"Naruto, there are some parts of the form that are... Questionable. Are you certain you're alright with this final version?" asked the leader.

"What do you mean?" replied the blond.

"Well, for hobbies, you put "blowing shit sky high, setting fire to tall grass and pranking assholes". For aspirations, you put "becoming the best damn Hokage there ever was, and shitting on all my opponents"..." here the Hokage glanced up again, "That's some pretty foul language, Naruto..."

"It's not stipulated that you had to keep it PG. I'm a ninja, goddamnit!" was his ever so smart reply.

"I supposed you're right... Continuing on, for skills, you put "making things go boom, fucking some 'serious shit up', traps, fuinjutsu, and knitting". Wait. Knitting?"

"Well, I need something to keep me occupied when I can't train!"

"Yes, well... Anyways, are you certain you want this version of your form?" the Hokage asked.

"Hell yea! I can only look so badass so many times!" was the idiot's reply.

"I see... Very well..." Even if he wanted to say otherwise, there wasn't much the Hokage could do. The registration forms were free for the graduate to interpret and fill. Naruto had filled every section correctly, albeit in a more crass way than is usual. Besides, it might make Naruto's opponents underestimate him.

"Now that that's cleared, how about we get to your mission for today?" said the Hokage.

"Hell yeah!" exclaimed the boy.

He was joined in by the enthusiastic "Hnn" of a dark haired boy, and muffle squeal of excitement from a pinkette. Kakashi merely smiled, or rather, eye smiled, knowing what was to come for his team of cute little genin.

"Hokage-sama? If I may assign the mission for this team?" asked the recently recovered Iruka. He saw the perfect opportunity to take revenge on Naruto for all the times they boy pranked him.

"Of course, Iruka-san, be my guest," replied the elder, who obviously knew what he was planning.

At the downright malicious smile that Iruka sent his way, Naruto couldn't help but feel nervous.

'Why does it feel like I might die today?' wondered the boy.


"This is Golden boy, calling Fuckboy McGee and Chalk-On-A-Blackboard, do you copy?" a certain blond said into his radio. He was seated on a tree limb, trying to discern if his target was nearby. Damn thing snuck up on him and nearly killed him twice.

"Naruto! Stop insulting Sasuke-kun! And use our proper code names!" shrieked Chalk-On-A-Blackboard into her microphone, nearly rupturing Naruto's eardrum on the other side.

"But they're stupid!" he replied.

"Now, now, Naruto. I spent long nights trying to come up with those names," Kakashi radioed in and intterupted.

"Fine," Naruto grumbled, "This is... Goldilocks... Calling in for Avenger and Bubblegum... Kami, these suck pure ass... Do you have eyes on the target?"

"See? Isn't that better?" Naruto could practically feel the annoying smile that was adorning his sensei's face.

"One day, I swear, I'm going to burn all of his precious books..." the boy muttered.

"Bubblegum here, I have eyes on the target. Located approximately 50 feet away from your current position, Goldilocks. Target is 80 feet away from Avenger," Sakura informed the team.

"Alright, Goldilocks, you're closest to the target, engage when the chance arises," Kakashi said.

"Roger that, Cyclops..." Naruto sighed back.

Their target had eluded them for the better part of the day, somehow managing to escape Naruto's clutches on three separate occasions. They were small, fast, and incredibly lethal. Naruto would need to be ready for this encounter. The team had tracked them into the woods that surrounded the village and were on the verge of capturing them.

"Explosive tags, check, kunai, check, net, check, napalm, check, coat hanger, check," Naruto listed, "This is Goldilocks, about to engage the target in...Three... Two...One!"

"I got you now!" he exclaimed jumping out of his hiding place and barraging the target with rigged kunai.

The rest of the team could only sweatdrop at the excessive amounts of explosions that soon followed.


"Target acquired!" said an exuberant Naruto, restraining a small bundle of smoking brown fur. Said target was currently hissing, scratching and biting anything in close vicinity. Naruto was covered in scratch marks and bleeding profusely, but he was happy to have finally captured the little fucker.

It had taken Team Seven nigh on 6 hours to capture the feline, and even then, it had been an uphill battle.

"Good work, you guys! Alright, time to report back to the Hokage!" Kakashi said to his scratched and dirtied team. He, of course, didn't have a speck of dust on his person.

"Fire...Books..." Naruto muttered.

"Here, Sasuke, you hold him... If I get scratched one more time, I swear I'll be wearing a cat fur scarf," Naruto declared, passing over Tora to the avenger.

"Hnn..." said the boy, followed by a more pained "Hnn!" after the cat proceeded to scratch the living shit out of his face.


"So, the mission was a success, was it?" rhetorically asked the Hokage.

"Hai, Hokage-sama, Team Seven has successfully captured and returned Tora the cat to its owner, madam Shijimi, wife of the Fire Daimyo," replied Kakashi, keeping a close eye on his team, fearing that they might snap and kill the feline.

Said feline was currently in the hands of its owner, having the life squeezed out of it as the woman enthusiastically hugged her poor pet. The duo were being looked upon by Team Seven with vindictive gazes.

Kakashi could hear their mutterings from across the room, "Yes, suffer, suffer!"

It was quite worrisome really.

"Well, good job!" said the Hokage, handing over a scroll, "This scroll contains the mission's pay."

"Arigato, Hokage-sama," Kakashi bowed.


As the team was exiting the building, a familiar screech reached the ears of Naruto, "Tora!", followed by said cat hauling ass out of the tower.

'Aw, fuck me," thought Naruto, 'Iruka, I'm going to make your life a living hell for this...'


Back a Training Ground Three, the silver haired man was having a team meeting. They were sat in a circle in the middle of a clearing, looking more like an odd family than a group of trained killers.

"You guys did great today!" he exclaimed, "You guys worked well together, to a certain extent, and you accomplished the mission fairly quick."

"Damn right we did. After all, the next Hokage is on this team!" yelled Naruto.

"In your dreams," was the whispered comment of a certain onyx-eyed boy.

"The fuck you say? You want to start something, Sasuke-teme?" growled Naruto.

Kakashi decided to defuse the situation before it degraded to a fistfight, or worse, "Alright, settle down. I'm not done giving my report."

Naruto backed away from Sasuke, but not before giving him a threatening glare.

"As I was saying, you guys did well, but there are a few things that need improvement. Sasuke, you need to learn to work more as a team. You're not a lone wolf anymore, you have people who depend on you for their well being. Sakura, you need to raise your chakra reserves and stamina. I notice that you were winded within the first hour, and that won't do when we're on long missions. Thankfully, today's training should help that a bit. And Naruto, you need to tone down the explosions, you could seriously hurt someone. That's why I'm limiting you to using only D-rank explosive tags unless you're in a life threatening situation. In addition, you need to refine your chakra control because honestly, it's crap right now," Kakashi informed them, "Now, let's get to training shall we?"

"Oh, piss right off," muttered Naruto, not expecting to be heard.

"What's that, Naruto? You're volunteering to do 100 pushups? How diligent of you!" exclaimed a too-happy Kakashi.

"What, no! I didn't-" sputtered the boy.

"An extra 200! Wow, you really are dedicated to your dream!"

"Shit..." groaned the blond.

"Now, everyone, on the ground! Let's get started!"


Kakashi had his team work on their physical strength and endurance. He was confident on the boys abilities and it was more for Sakura's benefit that he did so. He'd go into the basics of chakra control and manipulation on a later date, when he felt that they were ready. He'd stick with pushups, situps and the like for a while, if only to prepare them for what was to come.

Kakashi called over the young teens, interrupting them from their tor- training, "That was good! You all did surprisingly well for your first day as genin! We'll have a meeting here tomorrow, at 7 AM sharp. Don't be late!" dismissed Kakashi before blurring away.

"That's rich coming from him," commented Naruto, "Well, I'm beat. I'm going to go grab a bite to eat at Ichiraku's Ramen stand, you guys wanna join me?"

"Hnn," said the rock.

"Hell no, Naruto-baka!" screeched the rusty brakes.

"Alright... No need to be so harsh..."


After going to get a late supper, Naruto retired to his apartment, exhausted from the day's activities.

"God, I hope I never have to deal with that again..." thought Naruto aloud, "If only there was a way to restrain the thing..."

"Wait... That's it! Ohohoho, what an idea!" Naruto, it seemed, just had a brilliant idea. Whipping his bedsheets off of him, he quickly grabbed his ink and paper and started to conjure up a new seal.

"Next time we meet, you little fucker, I'll be ready!"

And done! Yea, sorry if that chapter didn't really have a plot, I just felt like I was going too quickly and giving Naruto too many powers in too little time. And so, the next few chapters will be more training then anything. Also, sorry about the long update times, I just didn't feel inspired to write. I'll try to keep updates consistent, maybe once every 2 weeks, but no promises. If the fight scenes seem a bit rushed, well, it's because I'm not the best at those. On a more happy note, we just passed 20k words! Yay. 30 follows, and 20 favourites. I'd like to thank every single one of you who took the time out of their day to leave a review. Even if it was just a "Good Job" or a "I hope you burn in hell, motherfucker" The fact that you went out of your way to do so fills me with joy. Anyways, longest Author's note to date, so leave a review don't, etc, etc... Author out!