Chapter 07
Tony felt like his head was going to explode. The headache had been killing him almost the entire afternoon; he'd kept snapping at Ross throughout his time at the Pentagon, and now that he was on his way to the elevator in Avengers Tower, he couldn't even think. Where were the peaceful moments from Wakanda? In T'Challa's peaceful kingdom, he had finally felt at ease. Tony had finally felt like he would be able to face Steve Rogers without the fury still crawling beneath his skin. Back at home, the walls were slowly closing in on him. The air felt stifling and his stomach cramped with anxiety.
"-yes, FRIDAY, go through the plans again and try to find a solution. I'll pop a Tylenol and check the results later. Did I forget anything? God. Of course, I have. Call Pepper, yeah? She wanted to know how things went."
"On it, Boss."
Tony was so distracted he didn't even realize that another person was in the common room until Steve Rogers addressed him.
"You look tired."
Tony's mind, along with his mouth, were suddenly unable to operate. He blinked a few times, squinted his eyes, tried to use words, but they had left him the moment he saw Steve. It really wasn't a good time for conversation.
"Are you alright?"
Concern? The super soldier was concerned for him? Time to stop acting like a statue. "Yeah." He would have gone for something flippant, like, 'of course, I'm always alright', but Tony felt exhausted beyond caring what Rogers thought of him, so to hell with playing the super human. "My head fucking hurts. Do you need something?"
Steve signed. "I wanted to talk to you about what happened right before you left for Wakanda." Steve paused before deliberately looking Tony in the eyes. "It was not my intention to imply I don't trust you with-" Tony tried to hide his surprise. Steve hadn't moved, he was still sitting on the sofa.
This was about Bucky, of course. To Hell with that frozen popsicle. Tony interrupted Steve's speech. "Sure. But you don't and I can understand that. I don't trust you either. Hell, I don't trust myself most of the time." Tony shrugged, hoping to hurry the conversation along. "That's not gonna change anytime soon, if ever. So why exactly are we having this conversation?"
Seriously, this afternoon couldn't have started any worse. "I have work to do, you know. I'll admit that before I left, I was avoiding you, but right now I'm not. I'm behind on my schedule and I still have about three billion things to do, Rogers."
Tony straightened, hoping Steve had gotten the point and would leave. Unfortunately, Tony knew he wouldn't be that lucky when he saw Steve stand up.
"Did you know you tense up every time I'm near you?" Steve asked calmly.
Tony made an effort to relax his shoulders, before replying just as mildly. "You near me hasn't been a good experience in the past." Tony should probably think his words through more, but he just didn't have enough energy.
"Vision stood in my way when I wanted to go to you last time. Every time I come close, you take a step back."
Shit. Steve was more perceptive than Tony had thought. Which meant this time Tony would have to stand his ground and not flinch, even as his mind screamed at him to get as far away from Steve Rogers as possible.
"Anything else I'm doing wrong?" he asked with a heavy sigh. Tony's eyes were steadily tracking the steps Steve took in his directions. "You can give me a list of everything and we can resolve this later, when I'm not so busy."
Tony really hoped FRIDAY wouldn't tell a word about his vital signs. He'd never expected he could sweat this much, or feel such an irrational fear of Steve, of all people. He knew logically that Steve was not going to attack him right here in the common room. Tony's brain knew he was safe in the facility. They were not at war. They lived together. And yet Tony still felt like his heart was about to escape from his chest any minute.
"I'm sorry I hurt you. Not only for before you left with the king. I'm sorry for everything."
Rhodey had been right about the sad face. Captain America was wearing a kicked puppy mask crowned with sorrowful, pleading eyes. He probably meant the words as well. Tony knew what Steve tried to apologize for. "I'm listening."
He really was, but his thoughts weren't processing the words.
"It's not true that I don't trust you," Steve continued.
"Sure." Tony needed to tone down the sarcasm. Steve was apologizing, and Tony knew he should try and forgive him, to move on, at the very least for the sake of the team. He knew he should take this opportunity to try and bridge the gap between them, even as the hurt and jealousy rested bitter in his mouth. After all, it wasn't Steve's fault who Tony loved. Steve had probably fallen in love with Bucky seventy years ago, long before Tony was even born.
"By the way, your boy's fine," Tony went on, continuing with the conversation. "Still frozen, but the doctors told me he's fine. I didn't touch him at all. Well, I looked at him. Hope you don't mind."
"I want to talk to you."
"You're doing it." Tony didn't understand what it was the super soldier actually wanted.
"I don't think so. You're listening to me, but you're not-"
Why the hell did Steve feel the need to point out Tony's every fault? "Oh, another thing's wrong with me. What is it I'm not doing now?"
"You're hearing, but not listening," Steve replied carefully in a level tone.
Maybe that was the problem. Steve analyzed Tony's every response. "So, are you trying to say you've ever listened to me, Captain?"
"No."
Tony blinked a few times. He hadn't expected Steve to admit it. He tried to find something to say, some insult or sarcastic comment, but Tony's head was pounding, and he couldn't think.
Steve turned his face to the side, and Tony didn't know if it was out of shame, or if Steve was remembering the war. "I never listened when you tried to talk to me about the Accords. I didn't want to listen to your side, and you never listened to mine. It was about our egos once again, just like at the beginning, both of us seeing only our side of the story and never considering someone else's." Steve faced Tony again, eyes serious. "I would like to listen now."
"Now now? Because now is really shitty time to talk, Steve! It's a little late. Rhodey can't walk. The only friend I have and he can't feel his legs, thanks to our stupid peacock fight. And you-" Tony's jaw snapped shut on the furious words that threatened to spill from his mouth, and his fists clenched in helpless anger. This was really not the right time to have that conversation with Steve.
Apparently, Captain America disagreed, because he met Tony's irate gaze and said, "Go on."
I guess it's time to be a grown up. Tony took a moment to arrange his thoughts, then spoke through gritted teeth, "I can't look at your perfect face without wanting to punch you. I can't-" He broke off as the pain in his head suddenly increased, and he lifted a hand to massage his right temple. The throbbing in his skull was making it impossible to think. "My head hurts," he groaned.
"Boss, you didn't take any painkillers, and the discomfort levels of your-"
"Mute. I'm fine, Sweetie." FRIDAY had surprised Tony by not saying anything sooner. Good girl.
Finally, the captain seemed to understand that Tony was in no shape to have a heart-to-heart, because his voice was quieter when he said, "You should go, you need some rest, Tony."
Any other time Tony probably would have stayed just to spite Rogers, but right now he was tired, and all he wanted was to sleep. So, he gave Rogers a small nod. "We'll talk later."
"Sure. Get some sleep."
"Your fake concern is touching," Tony mumbled on the way to the elevator.
Steve Rogers couldn't do anything other than let Tony go. It didn't matter how much he wanted to go after Tony and yell at him to stop being so stubborn and blind, that Steve wasn't pretending to be concerned. He genuinely wanted for them to be friends again. Steve wanted Tony to stop being afraid of him. It killed him to know he was the reason for the fear and panic in Tony's eyes.
Steve turned back towards the common room, intending to spend some time on the sofa drawing some more, but froze when he saw Vision near the window. Of course, he was Tony Stark's faithful watchdog. FRIDAY had probably informed him as soon as Tony arrived.
"Thank you, Captain Rogers," Vision said gravely.
Vision's words didn't make sense to Steve. "For what?"
"You could have disrespected his wishes and gone after him, pressured him." Vision's voice was almost monotone, with only the barest inflection of emotion.
Steve wondered if this was the way people saw him, as someone who would demand that Tony speak to him when Tony was clearly too exhausted for conversation. "Vision, I'm not your enemy. I'm not his enemy. We may have our differences, but I'm not trying to make his life more difficult."
"You have already done that." Vision stood unnervingly still and focused his eyes on Steve's face.
Steve felt defeated. The calm demeanor from the android hurt more than heated words. "Yes, I know."
"May I ask you something, Captain Rogers?"
"Sure." Steve might as well let Vision ask whatever he wanted, although Steve thought he would probably give a wrong answer and simply disappoint Vision again.
"You lied to him about his parents for years; for Mr. Stark that was the ultimate betrayal of your friendship. You fought against him in close combat. You almost killed-"
"I wasn't going to kill him!" Steve didn't know what he would have done in Siberia if he hadn't been able to disable Tony's suit, but he was sure he would never go that far. Yes, he had attacked Tony, but Steve had only been trying to save Bucky. He would never kill Tony. They were- friends.
"Please, Captain Rogers," Vision replied. "I am not accusing you. I am merely stating a fact. You almost killed him." Vision closed his eyes briefly, as if in pain, then fixed his eyes on Steve. "He has nightmares of you killing him with your shield. I don't know what exactly you did, I wasn't there and he refuses to tell anyone what happened, but I have seen his night terrors." His gaze flicked to the side of Steve's face, remembering. "I have seen him terrified and shaking in his bed, drenched in cold sweat as he was reliving Colonel Rhodes' fall or your last fight."
Why had Vision been in Tony's bedroom? He made it sound as if it had happened multiple times. Steve knew his anger was irrational, but he couldn't control it, or the need for an answer.
"You left him in Siberia and ensured that he lost half of his family."
Steve had a fleeting sarcastic thought about Vision not accusing him of anything, but truth was that Vision was right; these were facts.
So Steve replied, "Yes." What else could he say?
"Do you think Mr. Stark will ever be able to trust you again, after you kept the truth about his parents' death from him, after he knelt by the broken body of his best friend, scared out of his mind Colonel Rhodes would die in his arms?"
No. That should be Steve's answer. "I have to try, Vision," Steve said in a small voice. "He's my friend."
The conversation might have ended up with Vision asking him why it was so important for Steve to repair his damaged friendship with Tony when Steve clearly hadn't cared before, but they were interrupted by the distressed voice of Tony's artificial intelligence.
"Vision, please, you are needed," FRIDAY stated urgently.
"On my way," he replied, before giving Steve a cool nod. "If you will excuse me, Captain Rogers."
It was obviously not a question, but a statement, because in the next second, Steve was standing in the common room by himself and Vision was nowhere in sight. Steve's head swiveled, eyes searching the room. Where had Vision gone? Did Tony need him in the workshop? Steve paused in his movement, thinking. No, Tony had gone in search of Tylenol. He was probably in his bedroom. But why had he sent for Vision? Had something happened to him?
Steve quickly crossed the room and hurried down the long corridor to Tony's bedroom. He knew he wouldn't be able to enter. Nobody had permission to enter Tony's quarters. Steve's enhanced hearing registered a quiet murmur from behind the door but he couldn't make out the words. Steve recognized the voices as belonging to Tony and Vision, but could determinate nothing more.
So, Tony had invited Vision into his bedroom. Again, Steve felt a stabbing pain in his chest.
"FRIDAY, is Tony alright?" he asked quietly.
"Boss is currently sleeping, Captain Rogers."
She was lying. Another of Tony's creations was slowly slipping the leash and soon they would have to face another Ultron, they would have to save the world again. Steve didn't want to face the same threat, once was enough. They all deserved to have some peace. Steve didn't hesitate. He pounded on the door of Tony's bedroom.
"Please, don't, Captain Rogers," FRIDAY pleaded.
But Steve was deaf to the clever creature's lilting voice. He had to inform Tony. The minute Tony opened the door with a sleepy expression and bed hair, Steve could only stare.
"What is it? Did something happen?"
He saw Tony rubbing his eye. He looked distressed, tired and most of all confused by sleep. Tony could probably pretend all of these signs, but the slurred speech with fatigue, not so much.
"What time is it?"
Tony couldn't have been asleep longer than a couple of minutes. No matter how bad Steve felt for disturbing Tony's sleep, the situation with FRIDAY was more important. "Vision was in your room and your AI is lying to me."
Tony looked at him like he had sprouted two heads. "She can't lie." The automatic response surprised Steve. Like Tony really believed what he'd said.
"It's true. FRIDAY lied to me, and she called Vision to your room." Steve saw a frown crease Tony's forehead before it smoothed out as Tony came fully awake, as if his brilliance had suddenly switched on.
"FRIDAY, care to explain?"
"I did not lie, Boss. I always tell the truth. I can't override that protocol."
Steve almost expected to see frost spreading from the speaker above their heads. How was it possible for the AI to show such emotion in her voice? Steve looked at Tony expectantly. They had to shut her down. They had to stop her before she became another Ultron.
"I know that, sweets," Tony said gently. "Ok. Let's try this again. Did you call Vision?" As he spoke, Tony kept eye contact with Steve.
"Yes."
Ha. Steve restrained himself from saying anything, only raised his eyebrow. He had been right.
"To my bedroom?" Tony mirrored Steve, raising an eyebrow, while their gazes remained locked.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I needed another opinion in case I have to call a doctor, Boss."
Doctor? That didn't make sense, at least not to Steve, but Tony obviously knew what she was talking about. He stood frozen with his mouth open, eyes tired and his posture slumped. Then, he visibly pulled himself together.
"She's fine. She's doing what she's programmed to do, Rogers. Thanks. I will take it from here. FRIDAY, tell Vision to come to my room immediately. We need to talk."
"As you wish, boss."
Steve wanted answers. "What's happening?"
"Nothing of your concern. I'll deal with it. Good evening."
Now it was Steve's turn to stand with mouth open, because Tony Stark closed the door in his face as if nothing had happened.
