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And Had I Made You Queen
30themes featuring L11 (L-Elf) and Lieselotte

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So with my mother spirited away and my father deposed of and dead, you figure the universe would give me a lucky break or two, right? Not a chance, as I was instantly dropped into the Karlstein Agency, a death camp that masqueraded as a military school. Between fighting for my life, trying to curb my temper amongst those filthy commoners, and maintaining my fabulous hair, I figured I would just make friends with the other people who survived.

Surprise, surprise, it turned out they were all assholes who got their kicks off of war.

Except for this one guy that, thinking back, my little sister introduced me to. He was actually clear-headed... though it was to the point of creepy and autistic, at least he was capable of functioning outside of "kill X to survive through Y". My first couple attempts to recruit him were rebuffed, but I persevered. Well, technically, we both persevered, with him graduating at the top of the class. Once he took down that battalion of five thousand men though, I realized: this was who the universe had sent to be my right hand man.

Unfortunately, I didn't have much of a cause outside of "that's my rightful throne and I would make a much better ruler than the current Kaiser" two points which, while true, were not terribly convincing.

So of course the universe would have my right hand man shoot out my right eye.

And even after I had the grace and dignity to forgive him for taking it out, he defected to side with the Module 77 rebels, not even batting an eye when we inevitably met on the field for combat. I was then told by the only kid my age who had a higher rank then me that he wouldn't be my right-hand man anymore because he had found a right-hand man for himself. Oh, the insolence! And then he had the nerve to win that fight.

To add insult to injury, the grand council (usurpers, the lot of them) recalled Cain for a trial and, being his direct subordinate, I was dragged back to the capital too.

And this was how I returned to my little sister: missing one eye. Naturally, she screamed and threw a fit and demanded to know who had taken it out. While I don't doubt she would've marched off to set things straight herself (that stupidly precocious girl...), I didn't want to deal with explaining how her adopted orphan was the culprit, much less explain his still-going rebellion.

Actually, let me think how I would phrase that. Hey Lieselotte, long time no see! Notice anything different about your big brother? Yeah, I lost an eye. Yeah, that boy you rescued seven years ago did it. Oh, and did I mention that he went a little crazy and turned on all of Dorssia while supporting a nation founded and maintained by children? So what's up with you? Still locked in that tower? ...Yeah. Not happening.

Unfortunately, my sister is as pragmatic as she is stubborn, and Cain, that scheming throne-stealing bastard, just can't miss an opportunity to inflict more grief. With his help (and probably the help of my remaining dickhead friends... Q-vier, I'm looking at you), I was knocked out and placed in a temporary stasis while my little sister gave me her left eye. Well, forced it upon me, as no sibling worth his salt would've willingly took it, but you get the picture.

Needless to say, once the situation was explained to me (by a giddy H-neun no less), I was more than ready to throttle Cain. But apparently the rebel forces were planning a treaty with ARUS so we hustled out of the capital before the trial (oh the beauty of beaucracy!). I didn't even get the chance to give Lieselotte a firm reprimand. Or thank her. One or the other. In retrospect, it was probably for the best that we didn't meet up as she would've surely asked (as she's done for a freakin' decade) about her precious little orphan and I wasn't in the mood for especially outlandish lies.

Anyways, the wholehearted throttling that I had mentally sworn to give Cain needed to be set aside for the moment because first: we encountered Module 77 and their fighters/Valvraves faster than expected and second: although the eye took some getting used to, I must admit that it worked like a charm. We weren't relatives for nothing, it seemed.

The battle was proceeding par for the course for a while. Q-vier was eager for first blood, H-neun was paying more attention to the green Valvrave's pilot, and X-eins was hanging on to Cain's every word. On the other side, L-elf no doubt commanded the forces. He knew us but Cain knew him. So the plan was to throw a feint and allow the rebel forces to board the mothership, assuming L-elf would be leading the advance. Cain would take him out and we'd capture the psychologically struck rebel forces then.

Everything was going according to plan, up until the point where I greeted L-elf on the bridge.

I must point out that when I reported L-elf's activities to Cain, our commander was absolutely certain that either ARUS or the inhabitants of Module 77 had somehow brainwashed him. While it was difficult to believe someone of L-elf's caliber being swayed so easily - drugs or no - I was inclining towards that theory. It would certainly make him easier to pardon and perhaps I could have my ideal right-hand man after all.

Except then he saw me and went batshit insane.

I've never seen anyone quite so furious. He froze for a fraction of a second as I lifted my hand in mock-greeting and was greeted in-return by a series of swift punches. As I was kind of occupied with defending myself, I couldn't quite make out his screams, but they were definitely there. Probably curses.

He demanded to know what I had done with her, what on earth possessed me to take her eye, and while it was tempting to defend myself, it was more important to put this traitorous orphan street scum in his place. It was one thing for my sister to have her childish fancies; it was a whole other thing for him to be lusting after her. Evidently, he took offense to this... though it was more the accusation of him doing uncouth things (admittedly a poor insult to make) and I made it out of there with no less than ten new bruises. He was purposely aiming away from my face though - that sentimental orphan boy - and right as I was about to disarm him, Cain intervened.

He didn't even raise a hand or anything... just said that my sister had 'fulfilled her purpose' and L-elf passed out. Just like that.

I distinctively remember thinking: Holy shit, you cannot be serious, this is the guy I wanted as a right-hand man? and then Cain - the second most powerful guy in Dorssia - made some theatrical speech about the power of love triumphing over friendship.

Now, keep in mind that I wasn't blind to their... weird little friendship, whatever they called it. But I figured it didn't extend further than admiration. I had thought Cain was bluffing when he said Lieselotte was L-elf's reason for fighting but now, well, after that scene?

Anyways, with L-elf out of the conflict, the Valvraves were laughably easy to take down. This seemed to be part of Cain's Master Plan too though, because as soon as we secured three pilots and their craft, he ordered all three - along with us Karlstein graduates - to be shipped back to the capital. Being treated like a sack of potatoes didn't bode well for anyone, least of all Q-vier who ended up whining the whole way through. I swear, I was this close to snapping into a stasis to escape the neverending whining. Or snapping him into one, come to think of it.

We took turns guarding L-elf, though it was doubly pointless. First, Cain alone (and unfortunately, only Cain) was enough to prevent his escape, and second, he made no move to escape. It was pitiful, actually. H-neun and X-eins tried talking to him and Q-vier tried to bait him. He didn't so much as look at them, just continued staring at the ceiling. When it was my turn, he finally started talking, except it was just questions, questions, questions. All about my little sister, of course.

Cain had specifically instructed that we keep up the façade and for whatever horrifically romantic reason, it worked. L-elf was quiet... almost docile. He refused to eat at first, and I told him he might as well be in good condition to see the body. He shot me a nasty glare then and I saw a flicker of his old self, but then he actually started eating the porridge. And I was about ready to ask for a nutrient injection to boot!

The One Man Army spent his time on this ship either sleeping or crying. I swear, it was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. This was the guy who beat me in every test possible (outside of basic defense with which he was just... yeah... hopelessly bad), who had evidently defected to the enemy side without any provocation or brainwashing, and who had shot out my goddamn eye. And here he was, sitting in a pitiful little puddle of his own tears because my sister had rammed her eye into my empty socket by conspiring with the bastard who had locked her in the tower in the first place. And I was supposed to sympathize with him?

I swear, the universe just hates me.

And then we were greeted with a heroes welcome for successfully capturing the Valvraves and their pilots. L-elf was taken away for further questioning. I don't remember what he looked like when Lieselotte picked him up off the streets, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't that sad. There were a couple state dinners and other mandatory functions for the triumphant soldiers, and I paid my sister a visit in the meanwhile.

Cain hadn't given any instructions on how to explain the situation to her, so I just went with vague answers once she inevitably started asking about her dear L-elf. To be fair, I doubt she'd be happy hearing the truth. Oh, the orphan you rescued? Well he's lost more than a couple screws after seeing what you did with your eye and now he's probably doing to die of dehydration from crying too fucking much. ...Yeah, that wasn't happening either.

Still, being the chivalrous older brother I was, I insisted that she take her eye back and she insisted just as strongly that she had no use for it. The artificial eye looked quite nice, to be fair. Much more aesthetic than mine. But then, she was still a princess.

After that, the universe flipped on its side. Now I know what you're thinking, but no. We received a transmission from Cain saying that he had activated the older model of Valvraves and proceeded to successfully harness their powers and that he was going on to conquer the whole universe and that Dorssia was a tiny speck on the map and he had no use for us any longer. You can imagine we all just stared in shock at this declaration, especially as the Kaiser was apparently conspiring with him.

Good going universe, I remember angrily thinking as the transmission ended and Cain gave an airy 'ta-ta'. The nobles swarmed around me. I was the last surviving son of the old Tsar. There were three factions: one wanted to rule through me, one wanted my death, and one wanted to wage war against Cain and his upgraded Valvraves. Needless to say, I didn't think I was going to make it out of the councilroom alive.

And then my little sister burst in with her nameless orphan boy in-tow.

I have no idea how she managed to get out of the tower, much less gain access to his holding cell. I have no idea what their reunion was like. And though his eyes were still red around the edges, he had a gun in each hand and effortlessly plowed through the soldiers and nobles in seconds. Lieselotte hugged me, professed some sort of relieved sentiment, and although L-elf shot me another catty glare, it was obvious everything was on the road to being forgiven.

Yeah, there were riots. Yeah, there was one attempted revolution. And yeah, there are still problems. But like I said: it was my rightful throne and I would certainly be a better ruler than the Kaiser. I learned the rules of the court and then went about changing them. I learned that commoners are people too and that they too have good points. I learned that Q-vier can actually exist without killing, that H-neun was a surprisingly devoted father, and that X-eins was more booksmart than we gave him credit for.

Cain went on to conquer the rest of the universe and we didn't hear from him again. Evidently the universe is larger than we first thought.

I eventually managed to convince my sister to take back her eye - in time for her wedding, thank goodness - and L-elf resigned himself to be my right hand man, ha-hah! And so that was how I managed to have my cake and eat it too. It was delicious, mind you, and worth every crumb, the rest of the universe be damned.


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/07. flight of the bumblebee