Stephenie Meyer owns the copyright to Twilight and all its characters
The original characters, plots, and storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Brits23 and Lazykate
(Translation: if you steal it, we will send Bitey after your ass…and not in a good way)
Just as a reminder—Lazykate writes the girls and Brits23 writes the boys.
Chapter Seven -
BPOV
What an unbelievably weird-ass day.
I sat staring at the Blackberry in my hand, half-expecting Jackass to call me next and tell me that he wanted me back. That would just be par for the course. Of course I had Alice to thank for giving Edward my phone number - Jasper would probably have been too terrified of my reaction if it were his doing - but that didn't minimize the weird-ass factor.
Edward had literally called just as I was picking up the phone to call Alice and ask her to get his phone number from Jasper so I could call and cancel on our date for Tuesday night. To say I almost peed my pants when I answered an incoming call and realized it was him was the understatement of the century. Things had been odd for the past three days and that was just another example.
Saturday morning, by contrast, could have been one of the most mortifyingly-awkward experiences of my life. Instead, being with Carlisle had been so comfortable, so reassuring, so right, that I'd realized once again that no man had ever treated me with the sweet thoughtfulness and care that he had. After he'd pulled me back into bed we hadn't spoken, but he'd held me tight in his strong arms as I slowly calmed down from my self-induced freak-out, caressing me gently and occasionally placing a soft kiss on the back of my head. There hadn't been any hint of sexual expectation or demand in his actions, something I'd almost come to expect from Jacob. He'd just held me as though he understood I needed some time to wrap my brain around what we'd done.
And then after we'd climbed out of bed, he found a thick terrycloth robe to wrap around me, and tugged me in to sit in the kitchen while he made me breakfast. Even when I'd moved to get dressed and go home, he'd struck the perfect balance between a respectful distance and reassuring comfort. It wasn't until I'd hesitated at the front door, looking up at him and wondering if things would be weird between us, that he let the veneer crack a little bit.
When Carlisle pulled me against him for a hot hard goodbye kiss, it had been perfect. There were so many reasons why I shouldn't be feeling that way: he was obviously older than me; he had at least one kid I'd yet to meet; I didn't know as much about him as I probably should; and I was coming off a bad breakup…but none of that seemed to matter. When he was holding me close and his tongue was exploring my mouth with that insistent sweetness I'd already come to recognize…it all just seemed right.
Part of me, that crazy part that would probably only ever end up getting me into trouble, told me not to leave. But I had work to do, and I knew he was busy and would be for the next week or two, so I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him again. The wistful look in his blue eyes had almost swayed me, but I made myself leave.
No regrets, right?
That mantra was getting a lot harder to stick to, now that my emotions were apparently coming into play.
Emotions were not part of the plan. Emotions with regards to relationships were something I left behind in Seattle with Jacob…I was here in Miami to have fun, to live a little, to make up for the time I'd wasted being monogamous and boring and sexually-deprived. Miami was supposed to be my chance to go a little wild, to get intimately acquainted with hot guys if I wanted to and not feel a moment's regret.
So how had I ended up here?
I managed to block all the guilt and turmoil out on Saturday as I uploaded Carlisle's website to the web, paid bills, did laundry, and even cleaned my bathroom. When it came to avoidance tactics, I was apparently already a pro.
Sunday wasn't as easy…I thought about Carlisle a lot, and guilt started seeping in. Did I really owe him anything? I'd been honest and told him that a committed relationship wasn't in the cards for me right now…so why was I feeling guilty about my upcoming date with Edward?
Was it the sex? Did that take us to a higher level of commitment? I'd had sex with Edward weeks before and hadn't felt this…obligation. What made this different? Was it the fact that Carlisle obviously felt more for me than I was allowing myself to feel for him? Or was it because I'd finally met a man who seemed to be the ultimate "total package" and yet I still felt I should do the whole other-fish-in-the-sea-thing?
Especially since Edward, despite the ridiculous chemistry we'd had together in and out of bed, was the definitive playboy. Did I really need that? Our one night stand had been perfect as-is, but our chance meeting in the park and subsequent arrangement for an actual date had changed the picture entirely. Why was I wasting more time on someone who had most likely slept with a slew of women since our encounter, and probably had a black book thicker than the Yellow Pages?
By Monday morning, my guilt and confusion were literally making me nauseous, and I'd resolved to cancel with Edward. It wasn't so much out of loyalty to Carlisle and whatever budding relationship we had, I reasoned, as it was a chance for me to get my head on straight and figure out if dating anyone was in my best interest. Dating was supposed to be fun and playful, not angsty and bewildering. Carlisle was going to be busy all week and then I was leaving for Jacksonville on Thursday, that would give me plenty of time to figure out what the hell I was doing, and if I needed to take a step back from them both.
But then Edward called me, and damn him, he'd been so sweet and earnest that despite my intentions, I couldn't tell him our date was off. I just couldn't do it. He was obviously nervous and very much looking forward to it, so I took the wimpy route and confirmed that we were still on. It would have been so much easier if he'd still been that cocky self-assured bastard that I remembered, but I wasn't that lucky. And speaking of luck…halfway through our conversation I had to hang up due to an incoming call, and it was Carlisle.
I wanted to just punch myself in the face for not being able to get a better grasp on my feelings and motivations for seeing both of these men. How many women would kill to be in my place right now? Two gorgeous, successful, charming, sexy men vying for my attention, and I was having anxiety over it? But for as much as they were similar, they were also very different, and appealed to very different parts of me.
Carlisle was more confident and comfortable with himself, with me, with us, and connected with me on a level that craved straightforward passion and normalcy. Edward and I, however, had a playful chemistry that was as thrilling as it was unexpected. And I was supposed to choose between the two?
Carlisle had been just as sweet on the phone as I remembered, apologizing for interrupting my work but obviously eager to hear from me again. His voice, let alone his words, made me melt a little. I told him that I'd be busy all the next day but promised to call him before I left for Jacksonville, and tried to squash down the mysterious guilt that was still boiling in my stomach. None of that made any sense…yet here I found myself, sitting with Blackberry in hand, wondering what I'd done to be so lucky and so conflicted at the very same time.
Alice arrived home just after six that night with margarita mix in hand, as we'd already planned to spend the evening together. Jasper had some important paper due the next day, so my best friend had detached herself from him long enough for a much-needed girls' night. I'd given her the bare details of what had happened Friday night, and she knew I had a date scheduled with Edward for the next evening, but I hadn't mentioned how conflicted I was feeling about the whole situation.
"So I'm guessing it was you that gave him my phone number?" I queried before taking a long pull off my margarita.
She had the grace to at least look guilty. "I meant to tell you, but I didn't think he'd call so soon…"
"No, it's okay," I sighed. "I was going to have you ask Jasper for his number anyway, I was going to cancel on him."
Alice blinked rapidly. "Oh, and did you…"
"No. He called me and was just so sweet and…I don't know…excited about it, I couldn't do it."
She pursed her lips. "But you're not doing it out of guilt, are you?"
"Funny you should mention that," I groaned, leaning back into the couch and putting my arm over my eyes. "I have no fucking clue how I feel right now."
"Do you want to go out with him tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I mean, I guess I do. I should go out with him. Enjoy myself while I'm young and all that."
Alice frowned a little. "Is that how you really feel, or are you trying to convince yourself to feel that way?"
God, it was moments like this that I really loved my best friend so much. She knew me better than I knew myself. "I don't know…maybe both?"
Her frown deepened as she curled up on the couch next to me. "This is me you're talking to, Bella. What's going on in that head of yours?"
I thought for a long moment. "I'm really confused. I like Carlisle a lot. Someone like Carlisle would be good for me. But I'm scared to commit to one guy again so soon, even if 'committing' just means not going on dates with other guys. And so I feel like I should go out with Edward on principle, if nothing else."
"But there's more to it…"
"Well, yeah, considering I had sex with Edward on our first date, if you can even call it a date, then dated and had sex with another guy, and now I'm going out with the first guy again. God, I feel like such a slut." I groaned and let my head drop back as I realized I'd finally been able to spit out the other thing that was really bugging me.
"Um, care to explain why?" Alice's voice was calm, but I recognized the no-bullshit tone and figured I might as well get it over with.
"Jesus Christ, Alice, I fucked Edward two hours after meeting him. Okay fine, one night stand, scratched the itch, whatever. Then I fuck Carlisle three weeks later. On the day I agreed to another date with Edward, no less. And here I am going out with Edward again. Seriously, look at it objectively!"
"I am looking at it objectively." Alice looked downright pissed now. "And I fail to understand why you've convinced yourself that having safe, enjoyable, consensual, adult sex makes you a slut. You're doing a lot of this because you've convinced yourself that you should, but you're beating yourself up for it at the same time. I shouldn't have to spell this out for you, but I will. Fine, classify Edward as a one night stand. But you can't say that about Carlisle, can you?"
"No," I admitted.
"And are you telling me you didn't enjoy having sex with those two gorgeous sexy men?"
I flushed. "Of course I enjoyed it."
"So what's your problem? You're not breaking promises to either of them, it's not like you're engaged or anything. And dating doesn't necessarily mean sex, right? Unless the whole casual-dating thing is making you feel worse rather than better, in which case you should probably take a step back."
"Funny, I was thinking the same thing." I stared into my margarita. "I'm going out with Edward tomorrow because he's obviously looking forward to it, and maybe I'll get to know him a little bit better. I mean, Jasper is his best friend, so he can't be all bad."
She beamed at me. "Right, and plus you'll see him again at our eventual wedding, so let's keep it from being awkward. But you can't tell me that you're going out with him just to get to know him better."
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, he's cute. Okay, gorgeous and sexy. And he's pretty funny and charming when he stops thinking with his dick. I can't even say that he was a rude jerk for not calling, considering I guess I could have called him."
"I was wondering when you were going to admit that."
"You could have suggested it." I scowled at her and she gave me an angelic look back.
"Had I known that he was occupying your mind so much, I would have."
"He was occupying it quite a bit until I met Carlisle, yeah."
"Hold the thoughts about Carlisle for a minute, back to the other sexy guy you're dating. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I suppose it's a chicks-before-dicks thing."
I giggled. "Explain, please?"
"So I actually had a mini-conversation with Edward when he called to get your number. And he was…" She paused and a thoughtful look came over her face. "Surprisingly emo. I mean, it's not like I know him at all, but Jasper talks about him all the time, so I almost feel like I do. And the guy I talked to yesterday was not the same guy I've heard all about from either of you."
"Okay…" I said slowly.
"Granted I get a lot through Jasper's best friend filter, so my perception might have been skewed a little. But he seemed so…nervous, so desperate to see you again."
My eyebrows shot up. "Desperate?"
"Poor choice of words," Alice amended hastily. "Not desperate. Just a lot more anxious than I would have expected."
"Umm…normally I would demand to know every word he said. But somehow I don't think that would be a good idea."
"Probably not." Alice swirled her drink. "And I'm not sure it would be a good idea to tell you. Get to know him for yourself and see what you think after tomorrow night. And stop over-thinking things, you're dating again and I know it's been awhile, but you're not doing anything wrong. Enjoy yourself instead of acting like you're facing a firing squad."
"And then I'll be out of town for four days, so it'll give me time to think. Although thinking isn't always fun either. I mean, what if I'm just not cut out for casual dating? What if I can only do serious relationships? That's kinda fucked up, isn't it?"
I expected another snappy reply, but to my surprise, Alice had a serious look on her face. "I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer to that. Look at Jasper and I, we hit it off immediately and I'm already thinking about having his babies." She laughed when I choked on my tequila and rolled her eyes. "Not literally, silly. But it's more a matter of meeting someone and it's just that connection that makes the decision for you. There's no thought or question to it, it just is. Do you feel that way about either of them right now?"
I thought about her question for a long time before answering. "Honestly, Alice, I don't know. I really don't know."
"In that case, think of it as narrowing down the playing field. You have two ridiculously-sexy men after you, don't make them any promises you can't keep and use the time to figure out what's best for you."
"Huh." I squinted at her suspiciously. "Alice, tell me the truth. Are you Team Edward or Team Carlisle here?"
"Neither," she replied promptly. "I'm Team Bella all the way, hon. No Regrets, remember?" She lifted her half-empty glass and clinked it against mine, and I managed a weak grin back.
"No Regrets."
xoxoxoxoxo
Intentions were all well and good, but it didn't change the fact that I was a nervous wreck an hour before Edward was due to arrive. Carlisle had sent me another bouquet of flowers that afternoon, a cheerful display of sunflowers this time, along with a funny e-mail about the inevitable last-minute problems that were cropping up at his new office. Something about LAN cables, and I promised to drop by to see if I could help as soon as I got back from Jacksonville.
I had replied to his e-mail and was indulging myself in a few favorite memories of our night together, when I looked at the time and realized that I needed to start getting ready for my date with Edward. And that was when the major butterflies started.
Rationalizing with myself didn't help. Neither did the glass of wine that Alice brought me before perching on the edge of the bathtub, watching me with curious eyes.
"Okay, so you're nervous. I get that. But you look fabulous, and I can guarantee without giving away my sources that Edward is looking forward to tonight just as much as I think you are."
"Ugh," I grunted, trying to apply mascara without jabbing myself in the eye.
"God, Bella, if I didn't love you so much, I'd slap you right now. You have yet another date with a gorgeous guy. Just a date. What's so wrong with that?"
"Nothing," I moaned, capping the mascara and dropping it onto the vanity. "I just can't shake this feeling that I'm cheating or something. I told Carlisle I was busy all day today and couldn't talk to him, and yet here I am ready to go out with another guy…"
Alice cocked an eyebrow at me. "I'm starting to think you're right. Maybe you aren't cut out for the casual dating thing."
"Not helpful," I snapped, running through the waves of my hair with trembling fingers. "I feel like I'm going to throw up."
She sighed and stood as the doorbell rang. "That'll be Jasper. Just remember, it's not like you're sneaking out to cheat on your husband or something, and just because you guys bumped uglies once doesn't mean you have to do it again. Try to enjoy yourself, order something expensive off the menu, and think of it as a sociological experiment…like you're trying to see past Edward's playboy image. If you need a reason to bail, sneak off to the bathroom and call me. Okay?"
"Okay," I whispered as she practically skipped out of the room. Easy for her to say…I was only half-convinced that she'd been kidding when she'd said she was ready to have Jasper's babies.
What the hell was wrong with me? Maybe Alice was right…maybe the casual dating thing just wasn't in my genetic makeup. Although give me mind-blowing sex and I was fine with it…
I scowled at myself in the mirror. I hadn't done anything wrong. I wasn't hurting anyone. I wasn't cheating. I was just doing the same thing that young single people everywhere were doing…exploring their options and living their lives. Somehow I felt like the equation was lopsided, though…I was trying to explore my options, but the men in question seemed to be quite a bit more serious about me.
My jaw dropped as that thought hit me, and I realized that was the whole imbalance that was throwing me off-kilter.
I was dating because I should. I was dating because it was what people my age did before they found their soul mate and fell in love. I was dating more than one guy because, at the moment, committing to any one guy again so quickly would probably be hazardous to my health, to say the least. The fact that the two guys in question were both unbelievably sexy wasn't bad for my ego or libido either.
Carlisle had made it fairly clear, even without spelling it out, that he was already in a more serious place than I could allow myself to be. It was obvious in the way his blue eyes followed me, the gentle touches that were more like a lover's caress, even his concern for my well-being that he put before anything else. I'd have to be blind to have not seen the disappointment in his eyes when I'd told him that I couldn't promise something that I couldn't give.
Even Edward, for our lack of more meaningful interaction, was evidently taking our date more seriously than I ever would have believed. Gone was the cocksure playboy, even on the phone, and in his place was a slightly unsure and maybe even nervous man. I would have laughed a few weeks ago if anyone had told me that Edward Masen could sound so sweet and earnest about anything that didn't lead directly into his date's panties…but now I wasn't sure.
Jesus, no wonder I felt like I was cheating on my husband. This would have been a thousand times easier if Carlisle and Edward were on the same page as I was when it came to expectations.
And what page are you on, exactly? I asked myself silently, staring into the mirror.
I didn't know.
A slight wave of nausea churned my stomach. If someone had demanded that I explain my feelings for Carlisle, and for Edward, and for myself, and for the whole complicated situation I'd put myself in, I'd be screwed. Why couldn't they have made it a little easier for me? Why couldn't Carlisle have been slightly less perfect, or Edward more of an asshole?
Are you actually complaining about these two guys being too perfect to choose between? God, you suck.
I heard the doorbell ring faintly and I shut my eyes for a moment, pulling in a long deep breath through my nose. A date, it was just a date. A date that might bring a lot of clarity to the situation. Maybe Edward would show up with that cocky smirk and a pocketful of condoms, and make the whole thing a lot more clear for me.
Please don't let him be an asshole.
I squelched that voice deep inside of me and carefully pulled the brown waves of hair over my shoulder, giving myself a last once-over. Don't talk yourself into regretting this, I thought fiercely as I pulled open the bathroom door. This is not the Paris Peace Conference, this is not a matter of life or death. Go out, have fun, then go to Jacksonville and get your head screwed on straight.
I grimaced and looked down at myself as I grabbed the clutch off my dresser. I'd protested the dress that Alice had picked out for me, a slinky emerald-green cocktail dress that clung like wet paint and covered about as much, but I couldn't deny that it looked good. Hopefully Edward hadn't planned on something low-key, like a Marlins game or something.
The low rumble of male voices and Alice's piping tones hit my ears as I took another deep breath and stepped out of my bedroom, carefully shutting the door behind me. I could hear Edward and Jasper talking in the living room, so I tugged on my dress and licked my lips as I stepped around the corner. They were sitting on the couch with their backs to me, but Edward's face was slightly in profile and…
Oh my God…
He looked good. Better than good. Sex on legs. Sex with ruffled bronze hair and a bouquet of flowers crumpled almost in half by a grip that looked like it could bend steel. Edward Masen would probably look good no matter the situation, but at the moment, he looked like a movie star. Holy shit.
I swallowed dryly, feeling like my throat was closing up. "Hi…"
He jumped up immediately and those piercing green eyes locked with mine. I looked down almost as a nervous reflex, and then peeked at him again; he was still staring at me with his full lips slightly parted. Lips that I'd…oh God. I dropped my gaze back to the carpet.
I could feel him approaching more than I saw or heard it, sensed the heat from his body as he came to a stop in front of me, so close that I could feel the soft puff of air against my skin as he let out a long breath. "Bella?"
Oh my God, Swan, get a grip! He's going to think you're crazy!
"Bella, look at me," he urged nervously, and I finally lifted my eyes to meet his. A relieved grin immediately broke across his face, and he hesitantly lifted a hand to touch my cheek. "You look so beautiful. Thank you for agreeing to see me, I promise I'll try not to screw up."
Guilt hit me hard and fast. Maybe I really had been too hard on him. "I just want you to be yourself, Edward. And if I've given you any other impression, I'm truly sorry."
His fingers lightly skimmed my arm. "I'm trying to be myself, Bella. I just get so paranoid that you won't like the real me, that I do anything I can think of to impress you."
For a moment I was unable to think of a suitable response to such an honest statement, so I buried my nose in the flowers he'd brought me. Alice whisked them away before pulling me into a tight hug and whispering in my ear.
"Have fun, and stop worrying. Dates are supposed to be fun, try to focus on enjoying yourself, okay?"
I gave her a weak grin and she smiled back encouragingly before tugging me over to Edward and putting my hand in his. He squeezed it carefully. "Is this okay?"
Déjà vu, carried on a sudden wave of arousal, surprised me for a moment. Hearing his voice ask that question…three simple words he'd uttered more than once in our one night together…my knees almost buckled. It brought that night of ecstasy roaring back to me in excruciating detail, and I barely trusted myself to nod in response to his question.
We made our way to the door, stopped only when Alice muttered something that appeared to be a death threat into Edward's ear, based on the way his hand drifted involuntarily to cover his crotch. Alice could be pretty scary when she chose to be, and a little bubble of amusement made the corner of my mouth quirk up.
We didn't say anything else as we approached his Mercedes, and it wasn't until he slammed shut the door he'd just started to open for me that I jumped, startled, meeting his green eyes again.
"Shit, I'm sorry." He looked absolutely freaked-out, and I wondered briefly what in the world Alice had actually threatened him with. "Bella, I need to know what you're thinking."
I gaped at him in surprise for a moment before responding. I certainly couldn't tell him yet that I'd been having flashbacks to our night of passion together, so I went with a safer explanation. "I'm thinking that…even though I'm a little peeved at you for not calling me and assuming I'd be the kind of girl to have no strings sex with you, I also realize that I did have no strings sex with you, and I shouldn't be so judgmental when you couldn't possibly know what kind of girl I really am."
Relief flickered across his worried features before he grabbed my hand and placed it gently against his chest. "But Bella I do know, I was an idiot for suggesting that open invitation bullshit. It's just…I don't develop feelings, okay? You have completely turned my world upside down and I've spent the past three weeks denying every lingering thought I've had about you. In the park…I acted like an arrogant asshole because I was too freaked out to tell you the truth."
Whoa…this had gone from zero to sixty in about three seconds flat. My fingers curled reflexively and crushed the expensive material of his dress shirt in my fist. "What's the truth?" I asked hesitantly.
His emerald eyes took on a look of fierce determination. "The truth is that I have no idea what I'm doing, but I've ached since the moment I woke up and you weren't there. The truth is that I've never had the urge to pursue a girl the way I need to pursue you. It's not about sex, Bella…it's about you."
Dear God, had every man in the world gone completely batshit crazy overnight? Or had I accidentally sprayed myself with pheromones instead of perfume? I wasn't conceited enough to think I was such hot stuff that my dates were practically declaring their undying devotion to me…but once again, here I was. I was the luckiest bitch in the entire world to find herself in such an awkward situation.
Edward was still nervously babbling about something, and I nodded automatically to whatever he said, desperately trying to think of a safe topic that would make him lighten up a little before I had a full-on freak-out. "Our hands fit perfectly together," I blurted out suddenly, and Edward appeared puzzled before his face lit up in a genuine smile.
The mood between us lightened considerably after that, and Edward drove us to a swanky new restaurant downtown, coming around the car to immediately capture my hand in his after the valet opened my door. He had relaxed into an almost completely different person since we'd steered away from any mention of past mistakes, and for the first time I was getting to see the real Edward Masen, not the cocky playboy. And as charming as the playboy had been, Edward's real personality was much more so.
We were immediately whisked over to a small private table in the corner of the dining room, next to a window that overlooked the twinkling lights of the city below us and Biscayne Bay beyond. It was a breathtaking view.
Edward grinned at me from across the table, the muted ambient lighting and flickering candle on our table making him look even sexier. It reminded me of the last time I'd seen him with the lights out…NO Bella, no no no! I quickly tried to squelch the thoughts of Edward's face in the dark with the list of questions I'd thought up earlier.
"So tell me about Taylor."
Edward chuckled a little. "She's my baby girl. I got her at the shelter I work at, some asshole had left a cardboard box of puppies on the front doorstep and the office staff found them there first thing in the morning. They were all really sick, only two of them ended up making it, and Taylor was one of them. I was examining her when she just kinda looked up at me with those big brown eyes, and I fell in love. I brought her home as soon as she was well enough."
I cocked my head in confusion. "Examining her?"
"Yeah, I'm a volunteer vet for the Miami Humane Society."
"DVM…" I murmured, remembering the nametag I'd seen in his apartment.
"Doctor of Veterinary Medicine, yep. I guess you could say I found my calling pretty early on."
"So is it your full-time job?" I was genuinely fascinated now, I would never in a million years have guessed that he was a vet by day, playboy by night.
"Yeah, when my dad, well, my stepdad died, he left me with a pile of money. After I finished the veterinary medicine program, I did a year internship with the Humane Society. And when I saw how strapped for cash they always are, and how hard it is to keep a good qualified staff, I figured they needed the money more than I did, so I signed on as a full-time volunteer vet. I mean, they pay me a dollar a month or something like that for legal reasons, but that's it."
"Wow, Edward, that's amazing," I commented quietly. He shrugged.
"Nah, it's just my job. And hey, it brought me Taylor, so I was obviously meant to be there."
"I've never had a pet," I mused. "My ex was allergic to dogs and he hated cats."
"If you decide to adopt one, come down to the shelter. Or if you want to do a trial-run, we always need foster homes."
"I might do that," I replied. "But start me off with something small like a hamster, okay?"
Edward laughed and just then we were interrupted by the waiter, who took our orders and then melted back into the dimness surrounding our table.
"So…tell me about this ex of yours."
I froze. "Um, why?"
"Curiosity. You're such a mystery to me, Bella, and I can't stop wondering about you. Tell me everything."
"There's nothing really to tell." I dropped my hand to play with the black napkin on my lap. "I was born in Washington, then my parents divorced not long afterwards and my mom moved to Jacksonville with me. I went back to live with my dad in the middle of my junior year of high school."
"Whoa, that had to be rough." I looked up and met his sympathetic gaze.
"It could have been worse, I suppose. My dad is a good guy, and I met Alice when I moved back there."
"So why did you move in the first place?"
"My stepdad was a minor-league baseball player, so he did a lot of traveling around. My mom had to stay home with me, of course, and I knew she'd rather be with him, so I offered to go stay with Charlie."
"Wait, what?" He shook his head slowly. "Your mom was unhappy because she had to stay home with her daughter instead of following her husband around?"
"Um, yeah?"
"Didn't it cross her mind that part of being a parent is putting aside her own happiness for the well-being of her kid? That she should have sucked it up until you went off to college? That it shouldn't have been your responsibility to make things easier for her?"
My jaw dropped. "Edward, I…"
He raked his hand back through his hair. "I'm sorry, Bella, I shouldn't have gone off like that…it's just kinda personal to me. My mom was one of those self-absorbed types, she was always too busy spending my stepdad's money to even notice me, unless she was showing me off as her trophy son or driving me back to prep school. It was always about her, about her life, about what was convenient for her. When it comes to dodging responsibility, she's a pro."
"I'm sorry," I said softly. "Do you have any contact with her now?"
His gaze swung to stare out the window into the rapidly-darkening night. "I get a birthday and Christmas card each year, sometimes a phone call when she has that once-a-year pang of guilt. Screw her, I don't need her. I've got my friends and my dog. Oh, and my real dad, he lives here in Miami and we're pretty tight."
Edward's jaw was still tense as he fell silent, and I quickly tried to think of a more neutral topic. "My dad was the chief of police," I offered. "That pretty much killed any social life I might have had in high school."
The tension melted away from him a little and he cracked a small smile. "Yeah, I bet. You probably didn't get invited to many keg parties, huh?"
"None," I admitted. "And forget dating, the two guys that actually managed to work up the nerve to take me out on a first date never asked for a second. Charlie had a bad habit of always cleaning his guns when they came to pick me up."
"So who was this ex that was allergic to dogs and hated cats?"
I scowled, wishing that he'd forgotten his earlier question. "I moved in with him right after I graduated from college. Things didn't work out, he cheated, I moved here. End of story."
"Oh, so this isn't the guy you had a date with last Friday?"
"No," I snipped back, picking up my drink. "But that is none of your business."
"Aww, come on Bella." He leaned across the table and gave me the panty-dropping smile. "Throw me a bone here. Tell me that you had a lousy time on Friday and that you were thinking of me the whole time, and that you're having more fun with me than you did with him."
I choked on my martini and then gave him a filthy glare as I pressed my napkin to my mouth. This was exactly why I hadn't wanted Edward to know that I was dating anyone else, it was none of his business and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of prying into my budding relationship with Carlisle. "You're approaching asshole territory, Edward. First warning."
"I'm right though, aren't I?" That smug grin was back, and in my irritation I blurted out the first thing that came into my head.
"No, as a matter of fact I had a great time with him. And I'll probably see him again."
The grin disappeared off his face as quickly as if I'd slapped him and his forehead wrinkled in consternation. "What? Why?"
I dropped my napkin back on my lap and sighed. "Look, Edward, I'm sorry I said that. Yes, I'm having a great time with you…or I was until just a minute ago. No, I am not going to discuss any other guys I may or may not be seeing right now, just as I wouldn't discuss you with them. I'm not grilling you about any other women you've dated or had sex with in the last month, am I?"
He looked guilty and I knew immediately I'd hit a nerve. "Well, no…"
"My point exactly. Look, this isn't exactly the kind of conversation I'd planned on having with you on our date."
"Me neither," he murmured, before taking a deep breath. "Let's talk about something else."
"Tell me more about Taylor," I said quickly, seizing back upon the one topic that obviously made him so happy.
"She can speak English."
I looked at him skeptically. "Ooookay…"
"No, seriously. She's so damn smart it's almost scary. She figured out early on what 'walk' and 'ball' meant, so I started spelling them out instead. Then she figured out what w-a-l-k and b-a-l-l meant, so I've started saying them in French, but I think she's on to me."
A giggle bubbled up and I automatically put my hand over my mouth to smother it before trusting myself to respond. "You're kidding, right?"
"Nope, and next time she sees you, I'll prove it to you." Edward reached across the table, capturing my hand and winding my fingers around his. "She's a really good judge of character too. She loves Jazz and Emmett, but she can't stand my skeezy-ass neighbor. She growls every time she sees him."
"What did she think about me?" I teased.
Edward gave me a lazy half-grin. "She liked you a lot."
"I'll have to remember to bring her a squeaky toy or something," I murmured, noticing the waiter approaching with our entrées from the corner of my eye.
"Oh, she'll love you forever then. Toys are her crack."
I gave him a quick smile before dropping my eyes to my plate and digging immediately into my meal. I'd been too nervous earlier to eat lunch, and the whitefish I'd ordered tasted absolutely divine. I'd devoured half of it before I looked up and caught Edward's intense green eyes on me.
"Sorry," I set down my fork and grabbed my napkin, dabbing lightly at my lips. "I didn't eat much today, I guess I didn't realize how hungry I was until just now."
He huffed out a small laugh. "Don't apologize for having an appetite, Bella. To the contrary, it's nice to see a woman enjoy something other than just a martini."
"Umm…yeah." I wasn't sure how else to respond to that, so I picked my fork up again. "How is your dinner?"
He'd ordered duck breast in Grand Marnier sauce, and instead of answering he speared a bite on his fork and offered it to me across the table. "Try it and tell me what you think."
"I've never had duck," I confessed, but his fork didn't waver before my lips as he gave me a little nod.
"Try it."
I opened my mouth and he gently slipped the fork between my lips, resting the morsel of meat on my tongue, waiting until I'd pressed it against the roof of my mouth before he withdrew. "Do you like it?"
Shutting my eyes for a moment, I let the unfamiliar flavors flood my mouth. The sauce was sweet, the duck was moist but crispy. I chewed slowly, savoring the new tastes before I swallowed and smiled at him. "It's delicious."
"It's one of my favorites." His green eyes dropped from my gaze to my lips. "Duck is hard to do well, and unfortunately I'm not much of a chef. My pop…my biological father…he's a great cook, but unfortunately I didn't inherit any of those genes."
I shook my head a little. "I like to think I can cook, but I wouldn't have the first idea about what to do with a duck."
"Well, first you have to pull out the feathers…" he drawled, and I rolled my eyes at him. Our playful banter continued through dinner, and I would have been a complete liar if I'd said that the chemistry between us wasn't palpable as well. I'd relaxed completely, my earlier anxiety completely forgotten by the time the waiter approached us and inquired if we'd like dessert.
Edward declined for both of us, asked for the bill, and then turned to me. "I was thinking we could go for a walk through Bayfront Park since it's such a nice night. There's a great little ice cream shop there that we could stop at."
"The ice cream sounds great," I said immediately. "I don't know about the walk, though."
"Why not?"
I quirked an eyebrow at him and stuck my foot in its stiletto out to the side of the table where he could see it. "I didn't wear my walking shoes."
Edward's face fell. "Damn, I didn't even think of that."
"Can we still get ice cream?"
He nodded and accepted the black leather folder from the waiter, gave it a quick glance, and then slipped a few bills inside, setting it down on the table. "You bet, the ice cream shop has a nice view of the bay, we can just sit and talk if you want."
I smiled as he stood gracefully and held out a hand to help me up. We retrieved his car from the valet and drove the short distance to the park that sat directly on the bay. The little ice cream shop was a fair distance from the parking lot, and my feet were already aching by the time we got there, but I didn't breathe a word of complaint. Edward had obviously put a lot of thought into the evening, and it was nice to see him relaxing without the playboy front that he seemed to otherwise project almost automatically.
Now it was easier to understand why a guy as sweet and unassuming as Jasper could be best friends with this Edward. He really was charming: funny, thoughtful, and definitely sexy as hell. He rested his hand gently on my lower back as we stepped up to the order window and I asked the employee if their ice cream was safe for people with peanut allergies. She confirmed that it was and promised to use a separate scoop for mine. Edward looked at me curiously.
"You're allergic to peanuts?"
"Yeah, long boring story, but I can go into anaphylactic shock if I'm exposed to them in a large enough amount."
"Do you carry an Epi-Pen?"
I flushed guiltily. I still hadn't replaced my expired one, despite Carlisle's firm insistence that I do so. I'd have to remember to do it before Alice found out and had my head. "Yeah, I do. Or I can just take Benadryl if it's not too severe of a reaction." I accepted my cup of strawberry ice cream as Edward took his black cherry and paid for both of us.
He reached down and grabbed my hand, tugging me over towards a picnic table that overlooked the water. Smiling impishly, he stepped on the bench and sat down on the table top, then patted the space next to him. "Come on, you'll have a better view from up here."
I looked down at my tight dress. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah, come on, grab my hand and you'll be fine."
I somehow managed it, grasping my ice cream, maneuvering in my stilettos, and trying to clamber up without flashing Edward a view of my lace thong. Once I'd settled, I reached down and pulled the shoes off, wincing as the leather rubbed over a budding blister.
"I'm sorry about the walk," Edward apologized again. "I really should have told you to bring more comfortable shoes, but I obviously suck at the thoughtfulness thing."
"No, it's okay, really," I disputed. "It's not something that you would automatically think of, if you're not in the habit of taking moonlit strolls with girls in heels."
"Yeah, I guess I'm not." He stared down into his cup of ice cream for a long moment. "How am I doing, by the way?"
"What?"
"I meant what I said earlier…that I was afraid you wouldn't like the real me. I've been trying to be the real me all night, trying not to be the douche that I obviously come across as."
I blinked, taken aback by the vulnerability in his voice. "I like the real you a lot, Edward."
He gave me a weak grin. "I've just…I've never done the dating thing. I'm paranoid that I'm going to say or do the wrong thing to fuck all this up, and you're too special to lose just because I'm a moron."
My brow wrinkled. "Why do you always talk about yourself that way? Even before last Friday, I didn't think you were a douche, or a moron, or a fuck-up. You were cocky and kinda full of yourself, but I never thought that you were a bad guy. Even when I was pissed at you for not calling…which is just as much my fault as yours, by the way."
"I don't know…" He rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. "I mean, I love my friends and my family, but when it comes to women…well, I don't have to spell it out for you, Bella."
"No," I agreed quietly.
"I don't know how to date. I don't know how to treat a woman past a one-night-stand. I don't know what I'm allowed to do or not allowed to do, and this is a whole new ballgame for me."
I set down my half-empty cup and reached over to squeeze his hand. "I'd say you're doing pretty well so far. Don't feel like you have to try so hard. I've had a great time tonight."
"Yeah, me too." He squeezed my hand in return and then laced his fingers between mine. "Listen, I really want to ask something that will probably make me a jerk, but just remember I'm new at this and cut me some slack, okay?"
I bumped his knee with mine. "As long as it's not too obnoxious or blatantly offensive, I'll let you slide."
"Okay…what you said earlier, about that guy you went out with on Friday…are you really going to see him again?"
Oh boy…and here it was again, the awkward conversation I'd already had with Carlisle and should have known would come up with Edward too. I sighed. "It's okay, Edward, I don't mind you asking. Let me make this long story short, okay? My ex, the one I left in Seattle…it was a five year relationship that ended with him cheating on me and then throwing me out of what I thought was our condo. It hurt, a lot. It's not something that I'm completely over…not because I want him back, but because I don't want to be exclusively committed to anyone for a while. It has nothing to do with you, or how much I like you. It has everything to do with me."
"I guess I can understand that," he replied slowly. "Although it sucks that your asshole ex is making you feel that way."
"I'm trying to think of it as a good thing…I've been a people-pleaser my whole life. I've always had other people to think of, to be accountable to. Now for the first time, I'm only accountable to myself. I want to enjoy that for a little while, to do what I want with no regrets."
"Are you enjoying it?"
I laughed and leaned against him, grateful for his body heat as a cooler breeze blew off the water. He smelled sinfully delicious too. "Let me put it this way, Edward. The old Bella wouldn't have gone to bed with you that first night we met."
"Huh," he said, and then grinned widely. "I guess that's a yes."
"It's a yes. And I mean it when I say I'm having a great night with you. But don't expect me to make any promises I can't keep, okay?"
He shook his head, pouting a little. "Well ain't this a bitch? The playboy is trying to settle down, and the commitment-junkie is determined to date around. Talk about a weird turn of affairs."
We both laughed again and then sat quietly for a while, watching people stroll past. I shivered slightly as another cool breeze puffed off the water, and Edward put his arm around me. "I could sit here all night with you, but I don't want you to freeze. Want me to take you home?"
"Yeah, that would probably be a good idea." I slipped my feet back into the stilettos, grimacing as I started pulling the straps back into place.
"Hey, leave those off," Edward objected, putting a warm hand over my foot. "I'm responsible for beating them up, I'll carry you back to the car."
I rolled my eyes. "In case you haven't noticed, this dress is a little tight for a piggyback ride."
"Who said anything about carrying you on my back?" He grinned and, before I realized what he was doing, pulled me towards him and scooped me into his arms. "See? Problem solved. Now hold onto your shoes, princess."
"Edward, put me down!" I shrieked, clutching my stilettos as he started back through the park, holding me securely to his hard chest. "People are staring!"
"They probably think it's romantic. Since you're not screaming bloody murder or beating me with your little purse or anything, I'm obviously not kidnapping you. And you weigh next to nothing, so pipe down and enjoy the free ride."
"I could walk barefoot…"
"You will not walk barefoot through a Miami public park," he countered, still striding easily along. "Especially not in the dark."
I huffed but didn't argue any further, and we were back at the parking lot surprisingly fast. Edward quickly inspected the asphalt beside his Mercedes before gently setting me down and fumbling in his pocket for his keys, then opened the door and settled me inside. After getting in on his side, he started the car and then reached over to grab my hand, then held it the entire way back to my house.
The lights were all off and Alice's car wasn't in the driveway, so I guessed out loud that she was probably over at Jasper's place. I climbed out of the Mercedes and wiggled my toes against the concrete, still carrying my shoes and clutch. Edward came around the front of the car and reached out to take my arm.
"If I walk you to the door, would you consider our date a success?"
"Our date was definitely a success, you silly man. You're not being graded on it or anything."
"Aren't I?" he queried as I fished my house key out of the clutch and stuck it in the lock.
"Of course not."
"So it's a pass or fail kind of thing?"
I shook my head. "Give it up, Edward, and stop trying so hard, remember? Now give me a kiss goodnight and I'll give you a gold star for effort."
His eyebrows drew together. "Oh…I thought maybe I could come in?"
"I'm sure you did," I said pertly. "But this was our first real date. You get a kiss on the doorstep and an invitation to call me again sometime."
His eyelids drooped a little and he peeked at me through his thick eyelashes. "I'll take that."
Suppressing a giggle, I shut my eyes and pursed my lips up into a tight pucker for him to peck. When he didn't kiss me after a moment, I opened one eye and looked at him. He was staring intently at me, lips slightly parted, his green eyes dark.
"Bella…" he murmured, and in the next moment his hands were on my face, his fingers threading into my hair, and he was pulling me against his hot body for a kiss that was the culmination of all the sexual chemistry that had been building between us all night.
I moaned softly as he pushed me back against the door, his lips insistently parting mine, his hot tongue swiping across my lips before dipping into my mouth. He still tasted like cinnamon, just as I remembered from weeks before, and I willingly tilted my head back as he deepened the kiss. I was pinned between the door at my back and his hot hard body in front, and I couldn't help but moan again, louder this time, as his right hand left my face and swept down my body, settling against my hip.
"You didn't think I would leave without kissing you properly, did you?" he whispered against my wet lips, not giving me a chance to reply before he was devouring me again. I shuddered and then released my shoes and clutch, dropping them to the porch floor and raking my fingers into his hair.
"Edward…" I gasped when his lips left mine and began nibbling along my jawline.
"Are you sure you don't want to invite me in?" he asked silkily before licking my earlobe, and I whimpered. My body remembered his, responded to it, and for a moment the memory of the searing pleasure we'd experienced together almost crumbled my resolve. But I couldn't, not tonight, not again so soon.
My body stiffened a little as the thought went through my mind and Edward felt it, pulling back slightly to study my face. "Guess not, huh?"
"It's not because I don't want to," I said quietly. "It just wouldn't be a good idea this time."
He took a deep breath and then smiled, leaned forward, and placed the gentlest of kisses on my lips before stooping down to pick up my clutch and shoes, handing them over as I unlocked the front door. I flicked on the front hall light and turned to face him. "Goodnight, Edward."
"Goodnight, Bella."
I shut the door carefully behind him, locked it, and then leaned back up against it.
I was so screwed…again.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
A/N:
Brits: Hey Kate, do you like porn?
Kate: Why yes, Brits, I do like porn. Why do you ask?
Brits: Well I'm not talking fake moan/money shot/ cheeseball-music porn. I'm talking lemony porn...starring our favorite Twilight crew?
Kate: Wait, is there any other kind? Anyway, lemony porn starring our favorite Twilight crew is right up my alley. Does that have something to do with that wonderfully-evil look on your face?
Brits: Actually I just had some bad seafood for lunch. But I think that since you like porn…and I like porn...and I KNOW our readers like porn, we should get together and start a new project....involving porn.
Kate: You know, I think people might like that, considering you KNOW they're reading this twisted little tale for the porn first, plot second. Maybe we should just abandon the plot altogether?
Brits: UMMM, how about we keep writing DLS with equal amounts of plot and porn, and leave the abandoned story lines for our new project....our project entitled.....
Kate: MASTERPERV THEATRE! *cues pretentious music with French horns blaring*
Brits: That's right ladies. Our newest collaboration--Masterperv Theatre--will be a series of one-shots written by none other than my twin LazyKate and I. Any couple, anywhere, anyTHING will go, and believe me when I say that Kate and I will be putting our corrupted minds to the test.
Kate: Details will be cumming, er, coming soon. Along with the o/s stories that will make Larry Flynt blush. And hey, you know what else we should mention?!? That holiday we invented?
Brits: OMG yes!! Porn Friday!!
Kate: Of course, if you are following us on Twitter, you'd already know about Pornday. We're Brits23 and Lazykatevamp on Twitter, y'all, and we looooooove corrupting new followers.
Brits: This is true. And make sure you put lazykate and brits23 on author alert, so you know when Masterperv Theatre is cumming...CRAP...coming! Jeez...
Kate: S'okay bb. So anyway, also somewhat on the topic of porn...WHERE IS MAH DR. MCYUMMY?!?
Brits: Who? I don't know who you are speaking of. All I can see is Playboyward, carrying Bella in his big strong arms to save her aching feet. *swoooooon*
Kate: (aside) Oh good, she forgot all about him...he's mine, mine, MINE!!!!!!!!!!!
Brits: Wait wait wait, back the truck up, I remember now. STEP OFF BIOTCH! Dr. FuckMeNow will be back in full operation in the next chapter, along with a little snippet from Edward, cuz one is just not enough for me...
Kate: Yeah yeah, we all know you're a multiple-gratification kind of gal. So come on everyone, leave us some sweet sweet love in your reviews, and we'll be back soon!!!!
Brits: Stop by our Twilighted thread (www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=44&t=8305) so you can catch up on all the yummy PFach, RPatz pics....they're awful um, inspiring
Kate: And by inspiring, she means "fodder for the ladies' spank-bank"
Brits: Good Lord, twin...you see right through me. Ladies, leave us some lovin! It will encourage me to write really, really fast...just sayin'
Kate: Believe me, it does. Ta-ta!
