Chapter Seven

Sunday on Monday

Monday morning, I was up bright and early. Andrew said he had done his job and delivered all the flyers. I told him he could not tell Mommy when I gave him his prize or I would beat him up later. I did not want her to trace the missing money back to me.

I was gigundo excited. I could not wait to see who showed up to my church. I dressed in a black t-shirt over black leggings. I tied a white neck tie I had pilfered from Andrew around my neck. Now I sort of looked like a real priest. Of course I also looked like Chunkia Kishi but never mind that.

I pranced happily into the kitchen for breakfast. Mommy was already there cooking oatmeal for Andrew who was chugging a glass of orange juice at the table. What a baby brat. He should have poured me a glass of juice too.

"Good morning, Mommy. I love oatmeal," I said cheerfully as I sat down at the table.

Mommy turned away from the stove, "I am not cooking any for you, Karen. You were not up when I started the pot so if you want to eat you will have to get up and find something."

As soon as she turned back to the stove, I stuck my tongue out at her. Amazingly, Andrew did not notice. My mommy is the meanest mommy in the whole world. I am only seven. I should not have to make my own breakfast but they treat me just like Cinderella.

I went over to the cupboard and grabbed a box of toaster pastries. I popped them in the toaster and poured a cup of milk. When my pastries were done, I joined Andrew and Mommy at the table. The oatmeal was done. Really, I was happy that Mommy had not made me any since chocolate filled pastries are much yummier. I do love oatmeal but I had pastries and Andrew did not so I won.

By 8:30 I was back outside in the playhouse. I had done a good job rearranging it to make a church. I had put my table at the front with a box on top for a pulpit with the Bible of Karenity on top of it. It told all the ways to worship me. I had written it all by myself after I had gotten another punishment last night for tossing Andrew's dinosaurs out of the playhouse and into the trash bin. Meanie mo Mommy had made me dig the dinosaurs out and then go to my bedroom. I do not think that was fair of her. I needed those dinosaurs out of my way to build my church.

In front of my pulpit, I had lined up all the playhouse chairs, the playhouse sofa, a bean bag chair and some pillows for my worshippers to sit on. Overall I was pleased with it.

I sat down in front of the playhouse to wait for other kids to show up. It was very boring At 8:45, Natalie Springer wandered into my yard. She was wearing saggy socks, and a saggy dress with what looked like jelly stains on the front of it. I shuddered in disgust at how sloppy she looked but then smiled. After all money is money.

"Welcome to the Church of Karen! That will be one dollar please." I held out my hand.

Natalie placed a dollar into it, "Church? I thought the flyer said circus? Andrew said it was a party and that is a circus not a church. Church is boring and no fun."

I could not believe how illiterate Natalie was. We are in the second grade and I have been reading since preschool but stupid, sloppy Natalie cannot tell the word church from circus. I know it is her stupidity and not my fault because I have perfect handwriting.

"Do not worry, Natalie. It will be a lot of fun." I ushered her inside the playhouse and resumed my post watching for more kids.

Nancy soon arrived with Hannie, "We are here for the circus, As soon as I got your flyer, I called Hannie and invited her over. We love going to the circus."

Circus? What were they talking about? Maybe I was the only smart and literate person in town. I did not want to lose any worshippers though so I smiled and took their money without another word.

A few minutes later, Ricky and Bobby got there with the same story about wanting to see a circus that the other kids had had. I could not believe it. I had the most gigundoly dumb friends in the whole world. I took their money and let them in though because money talks.

At 9:05 I could hear my friends getting impatient with me inside the playhouse. Ricky was shouting, "Circus! Circus! We want the circus!"

I was about to go inside the playhouse and start my sermon when my mortal enemies Pamela, Jannie and Leslie arrived. Pamela had a sneer on her face and a piece of paper in her hand.

Pamela waved the paper in my face, "Having fun Circus-Girl?"

"I am not having a circus, Pamela. It is the Church of Karen," I snapped at her.

"It looks like this flyer says there is a circus to me," Pamela handed me the flyer and her friends laughed at me.

I looked at the paper. Sure enough it was one of the flyers I had made yesterday but instead of 'church' someone had put white out on the paper and written the word 'circus'.

I gasped in horror, "What did you do Pamela?"

Pamela laughed, "It was easy. I saw Andrew carrying the flyers and asked him to show me one. When I saw what it said, I knew I had to ruin it somehow. Andrew is very dopey. I bribed him with money and gave him a bowl of ice cream to eat while I changed the flyers. Andrew was very happy with the twenty dollars I gave him. He said you are a cheapskate who only gave him five for the hard work of going around the neighborhood to deliver the flyers."

I was speechless. Pamela was so evil. She was right that Andrew is a huge dope but only I am allowed to take advantage of him. While I struggled to find a response, rage began to build again and I growled my tiger grown at her.

Pamela surprised me by shoving three dollars into my hand, 'It will be worth the money seeing you fall on your face with your joke of a church."

I followed the three of them inside and made my way to the pulpit. It was very loud in there so I screamed to get my friend's attention, "QUIET! I would like to make an announcement. I am not having a circus. There has been a big mistake. This is my church and I would like to read to you from the Bible of Karenity."

That got their attention so I continued, "The first rule at my church is that everyone worship me. I am Karen the Goddess of the entire world but you can call me Bishop Karen. Second rule is that to show your worship you devote all your money and attention to me."

I could hear the other kids start talking again. They were ignoring me so I raised my voice to be heard over their disrespect, "I have written a prayer. It is called the Karen Prayer. It goes like this: Hail Karen, Goddess supreme, Queen of the world and the universe, we love you forever and ever. We will give you everything and do anything to make you happy. Amen!"

None of the other kids said amen. In fact none of them responded to me at all. They were ignoring me completely. I shrieked and did the tiger growl again and started charging them. That did the trick. They all were finally quiet and were cowering in fear from me.

"This is my church. Why are you all not listening to me? You need to be quiet and be polite when Bishop Karen is talking," I tried not to whine but I could not help it.

"Karen, your church is boring and not fun to us. We came over wanting to play circus. This is not good for us," Ricky looked at the ground while he said this.

Bobby added, "Yea I went to church yesterday. The last thing I need is a Sunday on Monday. Can we play something fun now?"

I frowned, "I need to go in and use the bathroom. I will decide when I get back out."

I ran inside the house. I could not believe that my church was not working. I needed a solution fast.