The next day, early in the morning. The main room. Tifa, a.k.a Tiffany, is making breakfast. A few people are sitting around the table, eagerly awaiting Tifa's famous omelette. Irvine enters.
Irvine: Hey, all…
Barret: I CAN' BELIEVE DAT FOO' CALLED ME HAMISH!
Cid *smoking cigarette, drinking tea*: I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT %#@^*!#@~$ CALLED ME CEDRIC!
Fujin: FREDERICA?! RAGE!
Yuffie: *drinking another Materia Martini* Ninety-five shiny materia on the wall, ninety-five shiny materia… Look the other way for a second, there'll be no more shiny materia on the wall…
Irvine: All rightie then… *looks at Quistis, whose hair is sticking up all over the place* You all right?
Quistis:…muffle… *head crashes onto table top*
Rinoa: She's not a morning person.
Quistis: …coffee…
Rinoa: Sure… *get up, leaves*
Irvine: I feel the same way… I don't know how Elena does it. It should be illegal to look that good this early in the morning.
Quistis: *raises head*
Squall: *raises eyebrow* And you'd know…because…?
Yuffie: *raises glass* Here's to Irvine! *hic*
Irvine: Umm… *goes really red*
Squall: …whatever. *grins*
The main door opens. That Guy Nobody Knows walks in.
Guy: *to Squall* There's a problem. Is Frost here?
Squall: I don't think he's up yet. Why?
Guy: Shinra wants to see him.
Squall: ……
Yuffie: Who's Frost?
Guy: *looks at her strangely* The guy with the cape… and the claw.
Yuffie: Oh, you mean Vmmphmmph…
Quistis: *whose hand has mysteriously found its way to Yuffie's mouth* Heh…
At the worst possible moment, Vincent walks out of his room, looking immaculate as usual.
Guy: Mr Frost. President Shinra wants to see you. It's a matter of some importance.
Vincent: ……
Guy: That's what the other guy said. *shrugs*
Vincent: *looks at Irvine speculatively for a moment*
Guy: I haven't got all day. Let's go!
Vincent: If Shinra's got something to say to me, he can say it to my second-in-command too. *indicates Irvine*
Irvine: ??
In Shinra's office again.
Rufus: *flicks hair* Mr Frost. And Mr… Pete.
Turks enter.
Rufus: I've received some rather interesting news, Mr Frost.
Vincent: ……
Rufus: According to Elena, you have prior experience in… this area. Tseng himself recommended you to me, in fact.
Vincent: …I appreciate it.
Rufus: *flicks hair again* I'll see your whole unit here at 10am sharp, but first there's someone I'd like you to meet.
The door opens again. In walks none other than… Zell!
Irvine: *hides behind Vincent's cape*
Rufus: Mr Dincht is financing our spork retrieval operation in return for a payment of… well, of hot dogs. Steps have already been taken to ensure that all obtainable hot dogs were made available solely for Mr Dincht's… use.
Zell: Mweedleheeheedleheeheedle! *munches another hot dog*
Vincent: All obtainable hot dogs?
Rufus: Mr Dincht discovered a portal which gave us full access to a place where hot dogs could be found in plentiful supply. In return for the successful recovery of the hot dogs, Mr Dincht gave us sufficient funds to commence both Operation Spork and Operation Shiny. I'm sure Reno's filled you in on the details of both these action plans. I'll see your unit here at ten, Mr Frost. Dismissed, all of you.
Turks, Vincent and Irvine leave.
Vincent: So… have you found out where the sporks are?
Rakin: Give it up. We had a little chat with Reeve last night. It seems he hasn't been selling us out after all.
Vincent: *looks at Rakin, seemingly curious* It seems like you'd make more of a profit by "discovering" us as your enemies than keeping this up. Why didn't you?
Irvine :*quietly* Oh, that's right, give them ideas… @$^&*!#… (Vincent doesn't hear this, fortunately for Irvine)
Rude: *shrugs* It's fun tricking Shinra.
Vincent: That's the only reason why you didn't blow our cover- because you wanted to keep a secret?
Elena: *serenely* No. It's not.
Elena takes Irvine's hat off his head, smiles and puts it on.
Irvine: *smiles back*
Back in the main room.
Squall: We know about Operation Spork- but what's Operation Shiny?
Vincent: We couldn't find that out, but Shinra wants us all to report in at ten. He'll probably mention it then.
Rinoa: So let me get this straight- Zell hired the Turks to steal the hot dogs?
Irvine: That's what it looks like.
Seifer: So who hired the Turks to steal the sporks?
Cid: *loudly* I guess only that %^!@$%# Shinra knows that.
Barret: Shut up, foo'! *indicates That Guy who is still there, chatting up Quistis*
Selphie: Who is That Guy, anyway?
Fujin: IF INTERESTED- ASK.
Selphie: What a brilliant idea! Thanks Fuj! *hugs Fujin*
Fujin: RAGE! *Kick*
Cloud: *walks out of the bathroom, hair spiked to perfection*
Yuffie: *to the tune of "Banana Boat"* Banana-Hair! (doo doo doo-doo-doo) Banana-Hair! (doo doo-doo doo!)
Tifa: STOP DISSING CLOUD'S HAIR YOU &^!#$! *flies at Yuffie, nails bared*
Cloud: ……?
Selphie: Grrrr… That's Vincent's line!
Barret: *holding a struggling Tifa at arms' length* Don't we gotta go?
Tifa: *#%^!^&*(#$%!#&^!$@*#(&!!!!!!!!!
Cid: Hey! I've got *#%$ing patent pending on that word!
Cloud: Tifa… I appreciate you standing up for me, but that's not really necessary…
Yuffie: Heh! Bring it on, silicon princess!
Cloud: WHY YOU LITTLE… *runs at Yuffie, swinging sword*
Aeris: *trying to hold Cloud back* Yes, I think we should go now.
Yuffie throws shiruken at Tifa, but since she's drunk she misses and hits Seifer.
Fujin: OUR LEADER… NEEEGGAATTIIVVE!! (i.e., as opposed to NOOOO!!!!) *draws her own shiruken*
Reno: Excuse me… but… WHAT THE $%!# IS GOING ON HERE?!
Rinoa: Umm… training?
Once everyone has been Cured, Phoenix Downed or (in Yuffie's case) sedated, they all meet in Shinra's office (again.)
Rufus: *flick* Ah. Turks, Strike Force, our Head Of Weapons wishes to speak with you.
Scarlet comes in, wearing a really tight red plastic dress and stilettos.
Scarlet: As I'm sure you all know, Operation Shiny has been running for quite some time, but did not get fully underway until Mr Dincht gave us enough funding to kick-start the project. *glances at Reno and winks* I'm pleased to announce that we finished the last stages of Operation Shiny last night!
Everyone claps politely except Reno, who is unsuccessfully trying to hide behind Rakin.
Rufus: Perhaps you'd like to explain Operation Shiny to the Strike Force, Scarlet?
Scarlet: Sure. Scarlet puts her hand on her hip. Without warning, the heel of one of her stilettos extends until it is about a metre long and tipped with a sharp blade.
Scarlet: *standing on one leg and wobbling* Kyahahahah… *presses concealed button on her belt and the blade retracts* …guess I put on the wrong shoes this morning… *flashes her lashes at Reeve*
Reeve: *sweat drop*
Palmer: Hey-hey already! *takes another bite out of Mr Lardy bar, sniffs* I thought I was your one and only, Scarlet!
Scarlet: In your dreams, you fat bald hic. Accuse me of what you will, but I do have some taste. (Another quote.) *smiles at Tseng*
Tseng: Scarlet, can't you find someone else to annoy?
(Sephiroth_4000/Jien: As long as it's not me! *gulps*)
Scarlet: Sure. Umm… where's that cutie with the blonde spikes?
Tifa: YOU $%!#ING- hey, where is he? *looks around room*
Suddenly the floor rumbles.
Scarlet: *loses her footing in stilettos, falls off platform and lands on Seifer* What the $%!# is that?
Rufus: *flicks hair worriedly* Everyone stay calm… please…
Palmer: *bursts into tears* OH GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEE… AGAIN…
Reno: Let's get out of here!
Everyone runs out of Rufus' office to the front of the Shinra building. To their horror they discover people are running screaming through the streets of Costa Del Sol as in the distance, a huge black shape is coming slowly towards them.
Scarlet: How could this happen…
The black shape is becoming clearer and clearer as it approaches. Soon it is obvious that it is a huge machine. Its surface is oddly glossy, as if it's been very highly polished, and at the controls sits a mysterious figure who appears to be sitting in a stereotypical evil chair with a high, pointed back.
Rinoa: How could what happen?
Scarlet: Someone stole it… Someone's stolen Shiny WEAPON…
All: ……?
Scarlet: That's what Operation Shiny was all about. We were supposed to construct one of these WEAPONs and use it to keep control over the planet so Shinra would be great again… but now it's been stolen…
Mystery Man: MWOOGINHOOGINHOOGINHOOGIN!
Reeve: … Mwooginhooginhoogin? That's even worse than "Kyahahahah". What a pathetic evil laugh.
Selphie: Oh, well. He's got a pretty good evil chair though. Who designed it?
Scarlet: Who designed what?
Selphie: The evil chair.
Scarlet: Shiny WEAPON doesn't come with an evil chair.
A shaft of light falls across the Mysterious Figure's face, revealing him as…
Cloud Strife!
End of Chapter Seven
