Can You Feel the Love Tonight?
I may be one of the better representatives of my species, but that doesn't mean I'm above playing tricks on others. I got to thinking of a great one the other day, so I spread word among the other clan members that Banzai was to be married to Shenzi, "but don't let them know I said that; it's supposed to be a surprise. Just me at the waterhole at dusk."
My next step was visiting with Shenzi. "Great leader, would it not be wonderful to play a trick on the clan, a harmless prank just for a laugh?"
She smiled. "It's been a while since I've done something like that! You've got my attention!"
"I happen to know that the clan will be meeting for some reason or the other at the waterhole at dusk. What if you and Banzai were to pretend to get married? It would sure surprise everyone, and then you could laugh at how gullible they are!"
Shenzi cackled. "That's just wrong! I love it!"
So far, so good. Now all I had to do was talk to Banzai. He wasn't as easy to convince.
"Pretend to marry Shenzi as a joke? You're kidding, right?"
"Exactly!" I answered. "Look, if a meerkat can fake a proposal to her, you can fake a wedding. It's not like this will really be happening."
He nodded. "I suppose you have a point. I'll do it."
Now came the trickiest part of the plan. I had to speak with Zazu, and he lived in the Pride Lands, an area off limits to hyenas. As luck would have it, he was near the border of his land and ours.
"Zazu, may I speak with you, please?" I requested.
"What do you want?" he demanded.
"I wish to offer myself as the object of Princess Kiara's pouncing lessons for a week," I replied.
"And in return?"
"Perform a wedding ceremony. I know that as the king's majordomo, you have the authority to do so by the laws of the animal kingdom. I wish for two of my clan members to be married."
"Do they wish this?" he asked.
"Not entirely. It's sort of a lowdown trick."
"Now, see here, madame! I know you hyenas enjoy your jokes, but I have no intention of taking any part in a hyena wedding, especially not when the couple is entirely unaware that they have become affianced."
"It's Shenzi and Banzai," I explained.
"Well, those two certainly deserve each other! I should be honored to assist you, but it will cost you a fortnight of pouncing lessons rather than a week!"
"Done."
At dusk, everyone met as planned.
"Let's get this over with before King Simba finds out where I've been!" Zazu exclaimed. "Do you, Shenzi, take this hyena, Banzai, to be your lifelong mate?"
"Oh sure!" she replied sarcastically.
"And do you, Banzai, take this hyena, Shenzi, to be your lifelong mate?"
Banzai laughed. "Yeah!"
"Then by the power invested in me by the Circle of Life as the king's majordomo, I hereby pronounce you two legally married." With that, Zazu flew off.
Ed started laughing hysterically, rolling on the ground and pounding the dirt with his paws. He gasped for breath as tears poured from his eyes.
"What's so funny?" Shenzi demanded.
Another hyena explained, "Boss, what Zazu says is true. He is the king's majordomo, so he does have the authority to pronounce someone to be legally married. This was a real wedding."
Shenzi's jaw dropped. Banzai looked like he was about to have a heart attack. Ed continued to laugh. I almost pitied them. Banzai and Shenzi have been close friends for years, but I don't think either of them had ever contemplated matrimony.
They probably would have mangled me if the other clan members hadn't thought the entire ordeal was hilarious. We've all been teasing the two "lovebirds" about their wedding. Zazu's right. The two of them do deserve each other.
My niece keeps asking me when my wedding will be. I don't have the heart to tell her that as I am a low-ranking member of the clan and a bit unusual for a hyena, no one will ever marry me. It's not as bad as it seems. I've shown King Simba that not all hyenas are evil, and some of the cubs I trained under Scar's rule are now royal advisors. I have good health and my own sweet niece, and my clan leaders have finally gotten what they deserve. What more could I want?
